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The Importance of Self Love

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Published: Jun 13, 2024

Words: 501 | Page: 1 | 3 min read

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Essay on Self Love – Examples, 10 Lines to 1200 Words

Essay on Self Love: Self-love is a concept that is often overlooked in today’s society, yet it is crucial for our mental and emotional well-being. In this essay, we will explore the importance of self-love and how it can positively impact our lives. By learning to love and accept ourselves for who we are, we can cultivate a sense of inner peace and confidence that will empower us to navigate life’s challenges with grace and resilience. Join me as we delve into the transformative power of self-love.

Table of Contents

Self Love Essay Writing Tips

1. Start by defining self-love: Begin your essay by explaining what self-love means to you. Define self-love as the practice of caring for and valuing oneself, accepting one’s flaws and imperfections, and prioritizing one’s own well-being and happiness.

2. Share personal experiences: To make your essay more engaging and relatable, share personal anecdotes or experiences that demonstrate the importance of self-love in your life. Reflect on times when you struggled with self-esteem or self-worth, and how practicing self-love helped you overcome these challenges.

3. Discuss the benefits of self-love: Explore the positive impact that self-love can have on one’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Discuss how self-love can improve self-confidence, reduce stress and anxiety, and foster healthier relationships with others.

4. Address common misconceptions: Address common misconceptions about self-love, such as the idea that it is selfish or narcissistic. Explain how self-love is not about putting oneself above others, but rather about recognizing and honoring one’s own needs and boundaries.

5. Offer practical tips for practicing self-love: Provide readers with actionable tips and strategies for cultivating self-love in their own lives. This could include practicing self-care, setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment.

6. Discuss the importance of self-acceptance: Emphasize the importance of accepting oneself as you are, flaws and all. Encourage readers to embrace their imperfections and celebrate their unique qualities, rather than striving for an unattainable standard of perfection.

7. Address the role of self-love in relationships: Explore how practicing self-love can improve one’s relationships with others. Discuss how self-love can help individuals set healthy boundaries, communicate effectively, and attract positive and supportive people into their lives.

8. Conclude with a call to action: End your essay by encouraging readers to prioritize self-love in their own lives. Encourage them to make self-care a priority, practice self-compassion, and treat themselves with the same kindness and respect they would offer to others.

By following these tips, you can write a compelling and insightful essay on the importance of self-love and inspire others to cultivate a deeper sense of self-acceptance and self-worth.

Essay on Self Love in 10 Lines – Examples

1. Self love is the practice of caring for and valuing oneself. 2. It involves accepting and embracing all aspects of oneself, including flaws and imperfections. 3. Self love is essential for mental and emotional well-being. 4. It helps build self-confidence and self-esteem. 5. Self love allows individuals to set healthy boundaries and prioritize their own needs. 6. It involves practicing self-care and self-compassion. 7. Self love is not selfish, but rather necessary for a fulfilling and balanced life. 8. It involves treating oneself with kindness and respect. 9. Self love can help individuals overcome negative self-talk and self-doubt. 10. Ultimately, self love is a journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance.

Sample Essay on Self Love in 100-180 Words

Self-love is the foundation of a healthy and fulfilling life. It is the practice of valuing and caring for oneself, both physically and emotionally. When we love ourselves, we are better able to set boundaries, prioritize our needs, and make choices that align with our values.

Self-love is not about being selfish or narcissistic, but rather about recognizing our own worth and treating ourselves with kindness and compassion. It is about accepting ourselves as we are, flaws and all, and embracing our unique qualities.

When we practice self-love, we are better equipped to handle life’s challenges and setbacks. We are more resilient, confident, and able to bounce back from difficult situations. Self-love also allows us to form healthier relationships with others, as we are able to give and receive love more freely.

In conclusion, self-love is essential for our overall well-being and happiness. It is a lifelong journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance that requires practice and dedication. But the rewards of self-love are immeasurable, leading to a more fulfilling and authentic life.

Short Essay on Self Love in 200-500 Words

Self-love is a concept that has gained increasing importance in today’s society. It is the act of valuing and caring for oneself, both physically and emotionally. In a world that often emphasizes the importance of external validation and approval, self-love is a radical act of self-acceptance and self-compassion.

One of the key aspects of self-love is self-acceptance. This involves recognizing and embracing all aspects of oneself, including both strengths and weaknesses. It means acknowledging that nobody is perfect and that it is okay to have flaws. Self-acceptance is about understanding that we are all human and that we are all deserving of love and respect, including ourselves.

Self-love also involves self-care. This means taking care of oneself physically, emotionally, and mentally. It involves setting boundaries, prioritizing self-care activities, and practicing self-compassion. Self-care can take many forms, such as getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising regularly, and engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment.

Another important aspect of self-love is self-compassion. This involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding, especially in times of struggle or failure. It means being gentle with oneself and not being too hard on oneself when things don’t go as planned. Self-compassion involves recognizing that everyone makes mistakes and that it is okay to be imperfect.

Self-love is also about setting healthy boundaries. This means knowing when to say no and when to prioritize one’s own needs and well-being. It involves recognizing that it is okay to put oneself first and that it is important to take care of oneself before taking care of others. Setting boundaries is a form of self-respect and self-empowerment.

In a world that often tells us that we are not good enough, self-love is a radical act of rebellion. It is a way of reclaiming our worth and recognizing our inherent value as human beings. Self-love is about recognizing that we are deserving of love, respect, and care, both from ourselves and from others.

In conclusion, self-love is a powerful and transformative concept that has the potential to change our lives for the better. It is about valuing and caring for ourselves, setting healthy boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and prioritizing self-care. Self-love is a radical act of self-acceptance and self-empowerment that can help us live more fulfilling and authentic lives. By practicing self-love, we can cultivate a deep sense of self-worth and learn to treat ourselves with the love and respect that we deserve.

Essay on Self Love in 1000-1500 Words

Self-love is a concept that has gained increasing attention in recent years, as people have become more aware of the importance of caring for themselves and their well-being. It is the practice of valuing and respecting oneself, and treating oneself with kindness and compassion. Self-love is essential for mental, emotional, and physical health, and is a key component of overall well-being.

One of the main reasons why self-love is so important is because it affects every aspect of our lives. When we love ourselves, we are more likely to make healthy choices, set boundaries, and prioritize our own needs. This can lead to improved relationships, increased happiness, and a greater sense of fulfillment. On the other hand, when we lack self-love, we may struggle with low self-esteem, negative self-talk, and feelings of unworthiness. This can lead to a range of issues, including anxiety, depression, and even physical health problems.

Self-love is not about being selfish or narcissistic. It is about recognizing our own worth and treating ourselves with the same kindness and compassion that we would offer to others. It is about taking care of ourselves and prioritizing our own needs, without feeling guilty or ashamed. Self-love is about accepting ourselves as we are, flaws and all, and recognizing that we are deserving of love and respect.

There are many ways to practice self-love, and different strategies work for different people. Some common practices include:

1. Self-care: Taking care of our physical, emotional, and mental well-being is an important part of self-love. This can include things like getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising regularly, and engaging in activities that bring us joy and relaxation.

2. Setting boundaries: Learning to say no to things that do not serve us, and setting boundaries with others, is an important aspect of self-love. This can help us protect our time and energy, and ensure that we are not being taken advantage of.

3. Positive self-talk: Paying attention to the way we talk to ourselves is crucial for cultivating self-love. Instead of criticizing ourselves or focusing on our flaws, we can practice self-compassion and speak to ourselves with kindness and encouragement.

4. Practicing gratitude: Taking time to appreciate the good things in our lives can help us cultivate a sense of self-love. By focusing on the positive aspects of ourselves and our lives, we can build a stronger sense of self-worth and confidence.

5. Seeking support: Sometimes, practicing self-love can be challenging, especially if we have experienced trauma or have deep-seated insecurities. In these cases, seeking support from a therapist or counselor can be helpful in developing self-love and healing past wounds.

Self-love is a lifelong journey, and it is something that requires practice and dedication. It is not always easy, especially in a society that often promotes self-criticism and comparison. However, by making a commitment to ourselves and prioritizing our own well-being, we can cultivate a deep sense of self-love that will benefit us in all areas of our lives.

In conclusion, self-love is a fundamental aspect of well-being that is essential for mental, emotional, and physical health. By valuing and respecting ourselves, and treating ourselves with kindness and compassion, we can improve our relationships, increase our happiness, and live more fulfilling lives. Self-love is not about being selfish or narcissistic, but about recognizing our own worth and prioritizing our own needs. By practicing self-care, setting boundaries, engaging in positive self-talk, practicing gratitude, and seeking support when needed, we can cultivate a deep sense of self-love that will benefit us in all areas of our lives.

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What Is Self-Compassion and What Is Self-Love?

happy girl - What is Self-Compassion and Self-Love? (Definition, Quotes + Books)

But is it really that vital? Can’t you get along just fine without all that mushy, touchy-feely self-love stuff?

As it turns out, you can get along just fine—but you will likely never thrive!

Read on to learn more about self-compassion, self-love, and the huge impact both of these concepts can have on our lives.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Self-Compassion Exercises for free . These detailed, science-based exercises will not only help you increase the compassion and kindness you show yourself, but also give you the tools to help your clients, students, or employees show more compassion to themselves.

This Article Contains:

What is the meaning of self-compassion and self-love (a definition).

Self-Compassion According to Kristin Neff – A Leading Expert

Self-Compassion and Positive Psychology

Self-Love & Psychology: Understanding Its Importance

Self-Love is the Best Love: 7 Quotes and Affirmations

Examples of Healthy Self-Love and Self-Compassion
How to Love Yourself: Acceptance Is Key
Practicing Self-Compassion With Meditation

A Take-Home Message

Self-compassion and self-love are two related, but distinct, concepts.

Self-compassion is being “kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings” (Neff, n.d.). It means that you act the same way toward yourself when you are going through a tough time that you would act towards a dear friend: noticing the suffering, empathizing or “suffering with” yourself, and offering kindness and understanding.

On the other hand, self-love is “a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth” (Khoshaba, 2012). It is about valuing yourself as a human being who is worthy of love and respect.

Self-love is a more stable construct than self-compassion; while you can choose to be compassionate towards yourself in any moment, self-love is probably something that you will need to build up.

Self-compassion vs. self-esteem and confidence

If you’re wondering how self-compassion is different from other similar constructs like self-esteem , or self-confidence , wonder no more! Renowned expert and leading self-compassion researcher Dr. Kristin Neff explains how they differ.

“Although self-compassion may seem similar to self-esteem, they are different in many ways. Self-esteem refers to our sense of self-worth, perceived value, or how much we like ourselves… In contrast to self-esteem, self-compassion is not based on self-evaluations. People feel compassion for themselves because all human beings deserve compassion and understanding, not because they possess some particular set of traits.”

Regarding self-confidence, it is missing a key component that self-compassion includes:

“While self-confidence makes you feel better about your abilities, it can also lead you to vastly overestimate those abilities. Self-compassion, on the other hand, encourages you to acknowledge your flaws and limitations, allowing you to look at yourself from a more objective and realistic point of view.”

Self-love vs. narcissism

Although we can easily imagine self-love translating into narcissism if taken to the extreme, in reality, they are two vastly different concepts.

Self-love is about loving yourself without needing to make downward social comparisons, taking pride in your performance and your achievements, giving yourself the validation you need and recognizing that it’s okay to feel uncertain and doubt yourself now and then.

Narcissism is the opposite: Narcissists compare themselves to others to feel better, obsess over looking like the real deal instead of becoming it, crave constant validation from others, and see things in black and white (Well, 2017).

Self-love is an honest and authentic appreciation for the self , while narcissism is all about proving that you’re better than everyone else and making sure others see you as you want to be seen. Self-love is self-focused, while narcissism is other-focused.

Self-Compassion According to Kristin Neff – A Leading Expert

The Self-Compassion Scale (SCS) is made up of 26 items rated on a scale from 1 (almost never) to 5 (almost always). Respondents are instructed to rate the items based on how they typically act towards themselves during difficult times.

There are six components to the SCS:

Self-kindness a. Example: “When I’m going through a very hard time, I give myself the caring and tenderness I need.”
Self-judgment a. Example: “I’m intolerant and impatient towards those aspects of my personality I don’t like.”
Common humanity a. Example: “When I feel inadequate in some way, I try to remind myself that feelings of inadequacy are shared by most people.”
Isolation a. Example: “When I think about my inadequacies, it tends to make me feel more separate and cut off from the rest of the world.”
Mindfulness a. Example item: “When I’m feeling down I try to approach my feelings with curiosity and openness.”
Overidentification a. Example: “When I fail at something important to me I become consumed by feelings of inadequacy.”

To create a score for each subscale, simply add up all the items for self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness, but reverse-score the items for the other three subscales before adding them together to create a sub-score (i.e., 1 = 5, 2 = 4, 3 = 3, 4 = 2, 5 = 1). For an overall score, calculate the mean of all items. Higher scores represent higher self-compassion.

Dr. Neff allows free use of her scale to researchers or other interested parties. You can find the scale and the citation of the article in which it was originally developed here .

Self-Compassion Step by Step: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself – Audiobook

Kristin Neff is a brilliant and passionate researcher who has taught us a ton about self-compassion; she’s a great author and self-compassion trainer as well!

Her six-session training on boosting your self-compassion is called Self-Compassion Step by Step: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself , and you can find the audiobook here .

This course will help you build a foundation in self-acceptance , self-love, and self-compassion through guided meditations, experiential practices, and on-the-spot techniques.

Follow the path laid down by this book, and you will open yourself up to a transformative experience and give yourself the opportunity to lead a healthier life full of more love, joy, happiness, and fulfillment than ever before.

For even more from this self-compassion expert, check out these TED Talks from Kristin Neff.

The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff

The Components of Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff

Mindfulness and Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff

Research on the topic of self-compassion has discovered that there are three main components to self-compassion:

Self-kindness

Common humanity.

Mindfulness (Neff & Dahm, 2015)

Self-kindness involves refraining from criticizing and castigating yourself for a mistake or a flaw and being understanding and supportive of yourself.

When we’re in pain, we can recognize the harm of self-judgment and treat ourselves warmly and patiently instead (Gilbert & Irons, 2005).

Self-kindness means recognizing our unconditional worth, even when we fall short of our own expectations (Barnard & Curry, 2011).

Our need to connect is part of what makes us human (Maslow, 1943). Having common humanity means recognizing the broader human experience, rather than seeing ourselves as isolated or separate from others (Neff, 2003).

Common humanity also means remembering that we’re not alone when we feel imperfect, hurt, or lonely; rather than withdrawing or isolating ourselves, when we focus on common humanity, we appreciate that others feel just like we do (Gilbert & Irons, 2005).

Mindfulness

Although mindfulness is mentioned in the three components of self-compassion, some researchers feel it should be at the forefront of self-compassion work, rather than one of its components.

Germer (2009) noticed that mindfulness is often the first step toward self-compassion and that mindfulness and self-compassion combined can take the benefits far beyond what simple mindfulness or self-compassion alone can bring.

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Updated monthly. 100% Science-based.

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Self-Love & Psychology – Understanding Its Importance

Beyond the fact that it simply feels good and makes us happier when we love and forgive ourselves, there are a host of other benefits that we bring about by loving ourselves.

Self-compassion and depression

Those with low self-compassion are at risk for greater avoidance of their problems, more rumination over their negative thoughts and feelings, and worse functioning (Krieger et al., 2013).

In addition, self-compassion can act as a buffer between us and self-judgment, isolation, and over-identification—common issues in depression. Those with higher self-compassion are not only generally less troubled by these symptoms, but they are also better able to cope with them than those who do not show themselves as much compassion (Kӧrner et al., 2015).

8 Benefits of having self-compassion

self-compassion and self-love theory examples

Greater happiness
Higher optimism
More positive affect (good mood)
A greater sense of wisdom
More motivation and willingness to take initiative
Increased curiosity, learning, and exploration
Higher agreeableness
More conscientiousness

Download 3 Free Self-Compassion Exercises (PDF)

These detailed, science-based exercises will equip you to help others create a kinder and more nurturing relationship with themselves.

Download 3 Free Self-Compassion Tools Pack (PDF)

By filling out your name and email address below.

Everyone loves a good quote! Refer back to these self-acceptance quotes when you need a quick boost of inspiration to love yourself.

“To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.”

Robert Morely

“Love yourself unconditionally, just as you love those closest to you despite their faults.”

“To love yourself right now, just as you are, is to give yourself heaven. Don’t wait until you die. If you wait, you die now. If you love, you live now.”

“Be gentle with yourself, learn to love yourself, to forgive yourself, for only as we have the right attitude toward ourselves can we have the right attitude toward others.”

Wilfred Peterson

If these quotes don’t give you a jolt of self-love and self-compassion, try adopting one of the following affirmations instead.

“I approve of myself. I love myself deeply and fully.”
“I am worthy of love and joy.”
“My life is a gift. I will use this gift with confidence, joy, and exuberance.”

Read about these and discover more sample affirmations .

5 Examples of Healthy Self-Love and Self-Compassion

How do we go about loving and showing compassion for ourselves?

There are tons of examples all around us, including the following:

A generally high-achieving student who fails a test but tells herself, “It’s alright, we all fail sometimes. You’re still a pretty good student overall.”
A father who loses his temper and raises his voice to his child might tell himself, “You’re not a bad father. You just lost your temper. Everyone loses their temper once in a while. I’ll apologize to my child, forgive myself, and commit to doing better in the future.”
A wife who lets slip something insulting about her mother-in-law to her husband shows self-compassion by thinking, “Everyone makes mistakes. I made a mistake and I feel bad about it, but it doesn’t make me a bad person.”
A person who forgets about meeting up with a friend and feels terrible about it might show herself love by saying, “I can be forgetful sometimes, but I’m always forgiving when a friend forgets something, so I’m going to be forgiving to myself as well. I am still a good friend and I will plan to make it up to her.”
An employee who does not receive the promotion he was hoping for would show himself compassion by telling himself, “Getting this promotion does not define you. You are still a great person and a good worker. You just need to put some effort into improving your skills in a few areas. You’ll get it next time!”

These individuals are certainly not narcissists or cold-hearted, unfeeling people; they are simply treating themselves like they would treat a friend in a difficult time.

How to Love Yourself – Acceptance Is Key

The first step to working on your acceptance and self-love is to determine where you are on those fronts. You can use Neff’s (2003) scale above to assess your level of compassion toward yourself, but simply sitting and thinking about how you tend to feel about, think about, and talk to yourself can give you a pretty good idea.

Once you know where you are, you can figure out where you want to go and determine how best to get there. Use these tips to get to your desired level of self-compassion/self-love).

Learn more by reading: How to Practice Self-Compassion: 8 Techniques and Tips.

6 Tips for practicing self-compassion and self-love

Self-love expert Margaret Paul (2014) has outlined six vital steps you can take to enhance your love for yourself.

Paul calls this process “inner bonding” and notes its powerful healing abilities. All you need to do is practice these six steps regularly to gradually enhance your ability to love yourself.

17 Exercises To Foster Self-Acceptance and Compassion

Help your clients develop a kinder, more accepting relationship with themselves using these 17 Self-Compassion Exercises [PDF] that promote self-care and self-compassion.

Created by Experts. 100% Science-based.

Practicing Self-Compassion and Meditation

Self-compassion and meditation go hand in hand. One of the best ways to build up your compassion for yourself is to understand yourself better, enhance your awareness of what’s going on in your own head, and cultivate a sense of love and a feeling of goodwill to all—it just so happens that mindfulness meditation does exactly that!

Guided meditations for self-love and compassion

Check out the guided meditations if you’re interested in developing a self-compassion meditation practice.

10-Minute Guided Meditation for Self-Compassion from Live Sonima

Guided Meditation for Confidence, Self-Love, and a Better Self-Image from Joe T at Hypnotic Labs

Self-Love: Guided Meditation on Unconditionally Love You from Positive Magazine Meditation

Guided Meditation for Self-Compassion from Green Mountain at Fox Run

If you’ve stuck with me for this entire piece—thank you! I’m so glad you took this winding journey through the information, resources, and techniques for improving your self-love and self-compassion with me.

I hope you found the journey helpful and learned at least a few new things. If you did, I’d love to hear what helped. If you didn’t, I’d love to hear about that too! Leave us a comment about your experience practicing self-love and boosting your self-compassion.

Thanks for reading!

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Self Compassion Exercises for free .

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Firestone, L. (2016). The many benefits of self-compassion . Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201610/the-many-benefits-self-compassion
Germer, C. (2009). The mindful path to self-compassion: Freeing yourself from destructive thoughts and emotions. Guilford Press.
Gilbert, P., & Procter, S. (2006). Compassionate mind training for people with high shame and self-criticism: Overview and pilot study of a group therapy approach. Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy, 13, 353-379.
Khoshaba, D. (2012). A seven-step prescription for self-love . Psychology Today . Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/get-hardy/201203/seven-step-prescription-self-love
Kӧrner, A., Coroiu, A., Copeland, L., Gomez-Garibello, C., Albani, C., Zenger, M., & Brӓhler, E. (2015). The role of self-compassion in buffering symptoms of depression in the general population. PLoS One, 10.
Krieger, T., Altenstein, D., Baettig, I., Doerig, N., & Holtforth, M. G. (2013). Self-compassion in depression: Associations with depressive symptoms, rumination, and avoidance in depressed outpatients. Behavior Therapy, 44 , 501-513.
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Neff, K. (n.d.). Definition of self-compassion . Self-Compassion.org . Retrieved from http://self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2/
Neff, K. D. (2003). Development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and Identity , 2, 223-250.
Neff, K., & Dahm, K. A. (2015). Self-compassion: What it is, what it does, and how it relates to mindfulness. In B. D. Ostafin (Ed.), Handbook of mindfulness and self-regulation (pp. 121-137). Springer.
Paul, M. (2014, September 18). How do you actually learn to love yourself? Mind Body Green . Retrieved from https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-15295/how-do-you-actually-learn-to-love-yourself.html.
Well, T. (2017). Is self-love healthy or narcissistic? Psychology Today . Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-clarity/201702/is-self-love-healthy-or-narcissistic
Wong, K. (2017). Why self-compassion beats self-confidence . The New York Times . Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/28/smarter-living/why-self-compassion-beats-self-confidence.html

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Love the work and appreciate the time and effort you put into this. Thank you!

hello i wanted a clarity, compassion itself is an action word, it means to feel for the other and willing to do something to relieve the sufferings. In such a definition, self- compassion should mean, not just acknowledging with my own negative feelings but also doing something in order to relieve myself from it and move towards higher energy state. Actions are in the form of self-love just because there is a word, otherwise self-compassion itself give the entire meaning. Would you agree?

I would suggest that self-compassion may not always require that you take action. For instance, I might find myself feeling lethargic and unmotivated to act in any way at all. This might be due to any number of circumstances — I could be grieving, suffering from physical pain, or experiencing depression. If I’m to view myself with self-compassion, I would view myself with kindness and understanding, regardless of whether I ultimately took action, rather than beating myself, calling myself ‘bad’ for not doing all the things I should do, etc. That is, I would still know that I am worthy and deserving of love and kindness regardless by virtue of just ‘being’ rather than as a result of anything I am ‘doing’.

And yes, self-love is about the specific actions that we take to show ourselves kindness. So, I’d say self-compassion can exist before or in the absence of action.

Hopefully this is makes sense!

– Nicole | Community Manager

Wow this article is going to change my life. It was so informative with information for ALL different learners. It was not your typical article filled of words, words and more words. I love that there are great handouts, worksheets, tips, references quotes and much more.

Very much informative information thank you

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I did a search for “self compassion” and found your excellent article. Thank you. I am struggling. I am an adult child of emotionally immature parents. Father narcissist (physician). Mother controlling. I’ve recently turned 80 and retired from doing psychotherapy (MFT) and am working on a book. I’ve done two already. “Requiem for a Dying World.” I am dealing with depression. Sadness. Grief. My poor Little Johnny needs compassion and hopefully as I digest your article I can learn to give it to him.

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What self-love truly means and ways to cultivate it

self-love-person-makes-heart-with-hands-in-mirror

There is a multi- billion dollar industry dedicated to self care — around $450 billion , to be precise. And while self-care practices are an important part of cultivating self-love, it's not everything. To put it another way, while bath bombs and massages are ways of expressing your love for yourself, they’re not necessarily how you build it.

Many of us have been subject to a variety of messages around self-love and how to cultivate it. We may have been told that we “can't expect anyone to love us until we learn to love ourselves.” But for those of us who've experienced childhood trauma , difficult relationships, or any number of other painful experiences, learning to love ourselves may not be as easy as it sounds.

The good news is that self-love is actually a skill you can develop — much like self-confidence or self-trust. And it's an important one. Learn what is means to love yourself, how to go about building self-love, and whether or not you really need the bath bomb in this article.

What does self-love mean?

Self-love means that you have an appreciation, affinity, and positive regard for yourself. It’s closely related to self-esteem and self-compassion. When you have a strong sense of self-love, you understand your own value and treat yourself in a loving way.

Unlike narcissism, which is excessive self-absorption and self-interest, self-love is a positive trait . Loving yourself means having a good understanding of both your strengths and weaknesses. Narcissism is generally associated with poor mental health. But high self-love has a positive effect on your well-being, mental fitness , and your relationships.

Why is self-love important?

Self-love is critical to our overall well-being. And despite what the perfectionists think , loving yourself doesn’t mean that you don’t hold yourself to a high standard. Without feeling positively towards ourselves, we may find it hard to be motivated. Many studies suggest that we need self-love in order to take action, take chances, and take on new opportunities.

The importance of loving yourself

Self-love is important because it motivates much of our positive behavior while reducing harmful behavior. It both empowers us to take risks and to say no to things that don’t work for us. It’s a key component of building self-compassion .

Self-love helps us take care of ourselves, lower stress, and strive for success. But it also protects us from negative thoughts, self-sabotage , and pushing ourselves too far. It’s important to recognize that knowing what to say “no” to is just as important as learning when to say “yes.”

5 benefits of self-love

Self-love isn’t all touchy-feely. Well — okay, it is kinda touchy-feely, but its benefits are rooted in science.

1. Lower stress, higher resilience

When we feel stressed, it’s generally because we don’t feel capable of living up to the challenges in front of us. When you have a strong sense of self-love, you’re better able to tackle challenges. Negative feelings and self-critical thoughts compound stress. When we feel good, though, it’s usually easier for us to problem-solve .

Self-love and self-compassion are directly linked. When we have a high sense of self-love, we’re able to look at challenges as temporary setbacks — or even as opportunities for growth. This attitude helps us become more resilient.

BetterUp’s research has found that coaching can help improve self-compassion by over 60%. And self-compassion has a marked impact on developing resilience.

Not only does self-compassion — and by extension, self-love — help us bounce back better, it keeps us mentally fit. More than 1,000 research studies have linked self-compassion to reduced psychopathy and improved well-being .

self-love-person-dabs-because-they-are-happy

2. Willingness to take risks (the good kind)

When we’re willing to take risks, we do so because we have faith in ourselves. We know that we’ll be able to handle the outcome — whether we get what we want or not. A big part of that is self-trust, but it’s also a belief that you are worth the investment.

Imagine this scenario — a loved one, like a child or best friend, wanted to try something new. If they shared their insecurities with you, would you tell them that they’re probably right and most likely going to fail? Or would you encourage them to take a chance anyway because you believe in all the reasons why it would work out?

When you love yourself, you’re able to identify both opportunities for growth and chances for you to shine. Risk-taking isn’t just about doing something that seems fun. It’s also about giving yourself the best possible chance to succeed. We won’t get far in life staying in our comfort zones.

When we are able to see ourselves — and accept our strengths and weaknesses — with compassion and appreciation, we can also have compassion for others. This ability to hold space for other people’s struggles helps us to become more empathetic. In turn, empathy creates a stronger connection and a sense of belonging .

BetterUp found that one-on-one coaching improves empathy by over 40%. Improving empathy also improves your cognitive and psychological flexibility . You become better able to “step into someone else’s shoes.” In turn, this can also have a positive effect on your communication skills .

4. Self-efficacy

There are four components to self-efficacy. These include seeing other people succeed, having your own mastery experiences, and being affirmed by others.

The last is feeling good about ourselves and our capabilities. When our self-love is high, we’re better able to take on new things. Developing trust in our own capabilities, plus a desire to be the best, are key building blocks of self-efficacy. In turn, this self-trust and faith in our own abilities helps us achieve our goals, challenge ourselves, and live our best lives .

5. Setting boundaries

There’s a saying that a dishonest “yes” to something you don’t really want to do is an honest “no” to yourself. We often think that saying yes to everything and always willing to help is a virtue. However, a key part of self-love is knowing what to give your energy to — and what doesn’t serve you.

self-love-person-hugs-themselves-and-smiles

10 signs of a lack of self-love

Since a healthy amount of self-love has such beneficial qualities, you can probably guess that a lack of self-love can be detrimental. Here are some potential signs of low self-love:

Perfectionism and fear of failure
Avoidance of self-care and neglect of personal needs
Tolerating toxic or abusive relationships
Difficulty saying "no" and over-committing
Comparing oneself unfavorably to others
Negative self-talk and constant self-criticism
Difficulty setting and maintaining healthy boundaries
Seeking external validation and approval excessively
Engaging in self-sabotaging behaviors
Chronic feelings of inadequacy or low self-esteem

8 ways to practice self-love

Practicing self-love goes beyond the surface. It takes both outer and Inner Work ® to understand our value and feel good about ourselves . Here are eight ways to develop and practice self-love in your own life and learn how to love yourself:

1. Know thyself

In truth, there’s nothing wrong with the bath bombs, scented candles, and “me time” that get marketed to us as the “highest form or self-care.” The challenge is that we might start thinking it’s the most important kind of self-care. True self-care — and self-love — is about making investments in yourself that have nothing to do with your shopping cart.

Personally, I love a good massage, but I have friends who hate the idea of getting one. I could spend hours reading, while others might find that to be the most boring thing they could do. No one has the answer to the “right way” to take care of yourself (well, except you, of course).

Think of getting to know yourself like starting a new relationship. Whether you were making a friend, dating, or even taking care of a new houseplant, there would be a learning curve. You might ask questions, make notes on what works and what doesn’t, and try new things. You would be curious and engaged in learning to nurture this new relationship.

That sense of curious engagement is a great foundation for learning to love yourself. Start a journal , take up a new hobby , or take yourself on a date. When you start spending time learning about yourself and what you love to do , you’ll likely find yourself pretty darn lovable.

2. Fish for compliments

Contrary to what you might’ve heard growing up, fishing for compliments isn’t a bad thing. Most of us have the tendency to toss away compliments instead of embracing and internalizing them. Get into the habit of embracing compliments, acknowledgments, and any other positive regard people wanna throw your way.

This might seem uncomfortable at first, and you may even have to practice it. One wonderful habit I got from a course with Regena Thomashauer was to respond with “Thank you, it’s true.” It’s surprisingly difficult to affirm and embrace a compliment instead of brushing it off.

3. Build self-care routines

Learning how to take care of yourself means building habits that support your well-being . Try a mini-reset (like the one above) when you feel like you need to recharge. You can also create a self-care plan for yourself.

Building self-care routines is an essential and proactive approach to nurturing your overall well-being. It involves the intentional cultivation of habits and practices that contribute to your physical, emotional, and mental health.

No two self-care plans are identical. Begin by identifying activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and a sense of fulfillment. These could range from simple daily rituals, such as quick morning stretches or meditation, to larger commitments like regular exercise or creative pursuits.

Consider creating a self-care calendar or planner to help structure and prioritize your self-care routines. Schedule dedicated time for activities that rejuvenate your mind and body, ensuring that self-care becomes a non-negotiable part of your routine. Experiment with different approaches and be open to adjusting your plan as needed, as flexibility is key in adapting to life's changing demands.

Whether it's a daily mindfulness practice , a weekly nature walk, or a monthly self-reflection session, the cumulative impact of these routines contributes significantly to a sustainable and fulfilling self-care journey.

4. Prioritize self-compassion

Cultivating self-love involves developing a compassionate and understanding relationship with yourself. Embrace the concept of self-compassion , which entails treating yourself with the same kindness and empathy you would offer to a friend facing challenges. This practice is particularly vital during moments of self-doubt, failure, or adversity.

Start by acknowledging that everyone makes mistakes and encounters setbacks—it's a natural part of being human. When faced with difficulties, resist the urge to criticize or blame yourself. Instead, offer words of encouragement and comfort, recognizing that you deserve support and understanding. Practice self-compassionate self-talk by challenging negative thoughts and replacing them with affirming and nurturing statements.

Remember, self-compassion is not a sign of weakness but a powerful tool for building resilience and fortifying your emotional well-being. By treating yourself with kindness and understanding, you deepen the roots of self-love and create a foundation for enduring self-acceptance.

5. Nurture positive self-talk and affirmations

The way you speak to yourself significantly influences your self-perception and overall well-being. Incorporating positive self-talk and affirmations into your daily routine is a powerful strategy for enhancing self-love. By consciously choosing uplifting and empowering language, you can reshape your internal dialogue and foster a more positive self-image.

Start by identifying areas of self-criticism or negative self-talk. Notice when you are being overly harsh or critical of yourself, and actively challenge these thoughts. Replace negative statements with positive affirmations that emphasize your strengths, capabilities, and inherent worth. For example, if you catch yourself thinking, "I can't do this," counter it with, "I am capable, and I can learn and grow through this experience."

Create a list of personalized affirmations that resonate with you and align with your goals. Repeat these affirmations regularly, incorporating them into your morning routine or moments of reflection throughout the day. Consistent practice will help rewire your brain to embrace a more positive and self-affirming mindset.

Additionally, surround yourself with positive influences, whether through supportive friends, motivational literature, or affirming podcasts . Building a positive external environment complements the internal work of nurturing positive self-talk, reinforcing a culture of self-love in both your thoughts and surroundings.

6. Embrace your uniqueness

Celebrating your individuality is a powerful way to practice self-love. In a world that often emphasizes conformity, embracing what makes you unique can be a radical act of self-affirmation. Take the time to identify and appreciate your strengths, quirks, and idiosyncrasies.

Start by making a list of the qualities that set you apart from others. These could be your talents, interests, or even your unconventional perspectives. Instead of comparing yourself to others, recognize that your uniqueness adds depth and richness to the tapestry of human experience. Affirm your individuality by expressing yourself authentically , whether through your style, creative pursuits, or the way you communicate.

Engaging in activities that align with your passions and values is another way to celebrate your uniqueness. If you love art, dedicate time to creating. If you're passionate about a particular cause, get involved in relevant activities. By living authentically, you not only honor yourself but also contribute to a more diverse and vibrant world.

7. Practice gratitude for your body

Cultivating self-love involves fostering a positive and appreciative relationship with your body. Instead of fixating on perceived flaws or societal ideals, focus on expressing gratitude for the incredible capabilities and functions of your body.

Start by creating a gratitude journal specifically dedicated to your body. Each day, write down three things you appreciate about your physical self. These could range from the ability to move freely to the senses that allow you to experience the world. Acknowledge the resilience and strength your body demonstrates daily, even in small actions.

Engage in activities that promote body positivity and self-acceptance. Surround yourself with affirming messages, whether through body-positive media or supportive social circles. Challenge negative thoughts about your body by consciously redirecting your focus toward gratitude and appreciation.

8. Set and enforce healthy boundaries

Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries is a crucial aspect of self-love. Boundaries serve as a protective barrier, safeguarding your well-being and preserving your energy. By clearly defining and communicating your limits to others, you create a space where self-respect and self-care can thrive.

Reflect on your personal and emotional boundaries. Identify situations, relationships, or activities that drain your energy or compromise your mental health. Once recognized, take intentional steps to set boundaries in those areas. This may involve communicating your needs assertively, saying no when necessary, or creating physical and emotional space when required.

Enforcing boundaries requires consistency and self-advocacy. Be firm in upholding the limits you've set, even if it feels uncomfortable initially. Recognize that prioritizing your well-being is an essential act of self-love, and establishing boundaries is a tangible way to demonstrate this commitment.

Surround yourself with individuals who respect and support your boundaries. Healthy relationships are built on mutual understanding and consideration for each other's needs. As you reinforce your boundaries, you cultivate an environment that fosters self-love and allows you to thrive emotionally and mentally.

Are self-love and self-compassion the same thing?

Self-love and self-compassion aren’t quite the same thing, but they are strongly related to one another.

Self-love has to do with whether or not you like yourself. It's your ability to find yourself worthy of trust, admiration, and care. Self-compassion, on the other hand, is our ability to forgive ourselves and be gentle with our mistakes. I would venture to say that although you can't have one without the other, it takes something different to develop each.

Put simply, we develop self-love by getting to know ourselves, while we develop self-compassion by being gentle with ourselves. This process of self-knowledge and self-discovery is a large part of what it takes to fall in love with ourselves.

We build self-compassion by forgiving ourselves for our mistakes and turning them into opportunities to learn. Once we develop self-love, self-compassion comes much more easily.

Lean into loving yourself and change your life

Loving yourself is different from being self-absorbed or narcissistic. And doing so has mental and physical health benefits. So whether you’re embracing a new self-care routine or practicing building boundaries, find what self-love looks like for you. It’ll take time, but you might just learn to appreciate a whole new side of yourself.

Understand Yourself Better:

Big 5 Personality Test

Allaya Cooks-Campbell

With over 15 years of content experience, Allaya Cooks Campbell has written for outlets such as ScaryMommy, HRzone, and HuffPost. She holds a B.A. in Psychology and is a certified yoga instructor as well as a certified Integrative Wellness & Life Coach. Allaya is passionate about whole-person wellness, yoga, and mental health.

What is determination? Develop traits you need to succeed

4 ways to overcome your quarter-life crisis (and redefining success), why you need a self-care plan (and 5 ways to get started), what is subjective well-being and how can you improve yours, leveraging humanistic psychology to achieve self-actualization, 10 self-discovery techniques to help you find yourself, how to to get over embarrassment show yourself grace and compassion, work addiction: signs and strategies to overcome it, empty nest syndrome: how to cope when kids fly the coop, how to feel better about yourself and improve your self-esteem, overcome self-doubt (once and for all): 8 tips to move forward, how to do what you love and love what you do, how to stop being jealous by cultivating self-love, 30 personal values examples & how to live by yours, build real self-confidence: these tips get beneath the surface, how to build the discipline of self-discipline, 80 affirmations for confidence: combatting self-doubt with self-love, 33 self-esteem journal prompts for confidence & self-compassion, stay connected with betterup, get our newsletter, event invites, plus product insights and research..

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The science of self-love: the evidence-based benefits of loving yourself

Dr. Andleeb Asghar

Self-love is seen by many as a futile, even narcissistic pursuit. With influencers urging you to love yourself without much substance to their advice, the concept of self-love may seem like an empty one. However, there is lots of scientific evidence suggesting that self-love can have a positive impact on your mental health, self-esteem, and overall life satisfaction.

Modern society creates so much pressure on people — whether it’s pressure to achieve status, wealth, or beauty — that it can sometimes feel easier to focus on our failures and ignore the areas where we have grown. This strive for perfection can make us forget to take care of our basic needs, such as psychological safety, companionship, and personal creativity.

Self-love is not selfish. Self-love is about acknowledging the need to take care of our needs, not our wants, and to work towards self-betterment instead of sacrificing our needs to prioritize the happiness of others.

The self-positivity bias

Nowadays, the definition of self-love has moved away from its traditional negative connotations such as narcissism and selfishness. It is seen as a positive psychology practice which can help people better manage their emotions and their mental health.

As Jeffrey Borenstein, President of the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation, puts it : “Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.”

The scientific term for self-love is self-positivity bias, which is defined as the way people rate themselves as possessing more positive personality traits and displaying more positive behaviors than the average population.

Cultivating this self-positivity bias has many evidence-based benefits. Eric Fields and Gina R. Kuperberg, both researchers from the Department of Psychology at Tufts University, explain that: “Positively biased self-views are argued to be a key component of healthy psychological functioning, influencing self-esteem, motivation, and determination. Indeed, a lack of a self-positivity bias (or even a self-negativity bias) may contribute to mood and anxiety disorder.”

Here are some of the evidence-based benefits of self-love, or self-positivity bias:

Better mental health
More self-acceptance
Higher self-esteem
More motivation
Stronger determination
Increased self-awareness
Less anxiety
Better sleep

The great news is that, even though it may be more difficult for some people compared to others, anyone can learn how to practice self-love.

Five ways to practice self-love

Fundamentally, self-love is mostly about managing our inner critic so we can develop a more nuanced view of our failures, and appreciate all our effort and personal growth in a kind, loving, and respectful way towards ourselves.

Avoid negative self-talk. In her book , Dr. Kristin Neff asks: “What type of language do you use with yourself when you notice a flaw or make a mistake? Do you insult yourself or do you take a more kind and understanding tone? If you are highly self-critical, how does that make you feel inside?” Paying attention to how you internally talk to yourself is the most important step in learning how to cultivate self-love.
Create personal rituals. The main difference between habits and rituals is how aware and intentional you are. Rituals are meaningful practices with a deep sense of purpose. Take time out of your busy day for self-care rituals, whether it’s giving love to your body by exercising, or giving love to your mind by meditating .
Set healthy boundaries. It can be hard to love yourself when people around you are not respecting your time or acknowledging your value, whether at work or in your daily life. Getting out of the yes autopilot and learning to say no to protect your time and energy is a powerful way to practice self-love.
Be compassionate towards yourself. Self-compassion is very similar to being compassionate towards other people. It consists in noticing that you are suffering and offering yourself understanding and kindness. As Dr. Kristin Neff puts it: “You may try to change in ways that allow you to be more healthy and happy, but this is done because you care about yourself, not because you are worthless or unacceptable as you are.”
Make space for self-reflection. Sometimes, things don’t go to plan. Instead of blaming yourself, fail like a scientist so you can learn from these failures and use them as an opportunity for personal growth. Self-reflection can take the form of a journaling practice, a weekly review, or a regular meeting with a trusted friend to reflect on your recent experiences and challenges.

As you can see, just a few changes can nurture more self-love. These changes can be as simple as appreciating our hard work and efforts without being overly or harshly critical, adopting healthy rituals, and setting healthy boundaries.

Self-love can lead to better mental health, higher self-esteem, more motivation, and many other evidence-based benefits. It doesn’t need to be cheesy. Give it a try, and don’t forget about the power of self-reflection. Failure is not the end of the world, it’s an opportunity for learning and personal growth.

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Relationships

Using Writing to Cultivate Self-Love

An author shares tips on how writing can be a catalyst for mental wellness.

Posted February 3, 2022 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch

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The concept of self-love is not novel; however, it has gained popularity in recent years. We are in an era in which people are finally realizing that cultivating love within us is key in being able to love and be loved by others. While it can certainly be challenging, it is an empowering and worthwhile practice, especially as it relates to improvements in mental health. I have utilized the Self-Love Workbook in my private practice for years and have seen how this investment often serves as a cornerstone for transitioning from struggling with mental illness to thriving with mental wellness. Individuals who hone their self-love often experience benefits such as improved confidence , motivation , and happiness as well as decreased anxiety , depression , and suicidality .

One of the many tricky aspects of self-love is inherent to the term: It pertains to the self. What self-love looks like for me may not be what it looks like for you. The increasing popularity of self-love has been helpful in highlighting the concept, but the trend is that we often explore self-love as it relates to mental health, and therefore, suggested strategies parallel common methods within the scope of counseling and psychology (e.g., meditation , gratitude , reframing). In this series of posts, I am exploring creative methods of fostering self-love through interviews with experts in their respective fields including a deeper reflection on how to draw on their creative strategies to cultivate self-love.

Photo used with permission from Elizabeth Jaikaran

Elizabeth Jaikaran , an author and lawyer, began writing at the age 8, and since then, has published fiction, non-fiction, legal commentary, poetry, and comedy. She is the proud child of Guyanese immigrants, born in Brooklyn, New York, and raised in Queens. Her writing has appeared in the Huffington Post, Playboy, The Higgs Weldon, Brown Girl Magazine, Drunk Magazine, SILENT Magazine, Defunkt Magazine, The Muslim Observer, Bruk Out Media, PREE Lit, Human/Kind Journal, The Jurist, and the New York Law Journal. She is the author of Trauma: A Collection of Short Stories and Nothing You Could Do . Her upcoming poetry collection, Waiting for a Name, will be released later this year.

Can you share a little about your mental wellness journey?

I think it's still a very new journey. For much of my life, I've operated from the vantage point of delayed happiness. I've always looked at happiness and self-care as a transactional thing, like, what have I done to deserve this? Once I get this degree, I can be happy and I can do something for myself; once I lose 5 pounds, I can do something for myself. That's not to say I never felt happiness between those goalposts, but just that I felt like I didn't deserve it, and I didn't deserve to do things to take care of myself. Now I realize just how important it is to experience everyday wellness and joy.

I have learned that it is important to engage with negative emotions in a healthy way because that's self-care as well. After finishing law school, I realized I was going to need something to help me feel balanced, especially in this career , so I decided to start writing. Writing has done wonders for me because it offers a whole other use of my brain. It exercises a set of mental muscles that I don’t necessarily get to use in my career as an attorney. When it comes to professional writing, I enjoy the excitement of receiving a new task followed by the reward and gratification when someone values what I have written.

What does self-love mean to you?

Honoring your desires and your boundaries . It has been a push and pull in my journey. Today, I see it as pursuing the things that light a fire inside me, and setting the parameters to make that possible. Self-love is when I design a life that I love, and the continued pursuit gives me peace.

How does this show up in your work?

In many work systems, such as my own, boundaries are premade for you. Finding an outlet that allows me to create my own boundaries has been important for my mental health. When I am writing, I set and manage my own parameters. This gives me a sense of balance.

Self-love encompasses honesty with myself and others. At work, it is important to be honest with my needs. Not only does this allow me to be authentic, but it also lessens my stress . Last year for Ramadan, for example, I decided to be transparent with my colleagues about my decision to observe this religious month. Being forthcoming allowed me to manage expectations for myself and others for how I would be showing up in that time. Allowing others to help can be an important part of self-love, and this is only made possible by creating transparency and setting healthy boundaries that are supportive of your needs.

What can people use from your field of work to improve their self-love and well-being?

1. Allow yourself variety. As a writer, you may have a style that you gravitate toward, but that does not mean that you have to pigeonhole yourself. You can be true to yourself while exploring other realms. Don’t be afraid to engage with different crafts. This can allow you to flex untouched creative muscles and unlock ideas and emotions that were otherwise hidden. Variety really does bring about a balance to daily life, and that balance is critical to self-love. With respect to personal writing, just the act of writing itself can provide variety in your life if your career and other hobbies are focused on other crafts or skillsets. If you work in highly technical or diagnostic fields, engaging with any kind of writing can bring some balance into your life by allowing you to flex creative muscles and utilize your voice in a way to which you are unaccustomed. Allowing yourself to engage with entirely new skills and crafts will aid in achieving balance and fulfillment.

2. Speak your truth. As morbid as this sounds, consider writing as though everyone you care about is dead. No one will read it; you have nothing to worry about. Now, what’s your honest truth? Just go ahead and say it. Unrepressed expression is an important step in self-love, as it requires you to honor your own thoughts without the filters of expectations and third-party judgments.

3. Free-write to process and plan. Even if you are not a professional writer, I think there are huge benefits to personal writing that can be helpful in any self-love pursuit. Before I began writing professionally, personal writing was part of my daily life. There is a misunderstanding that you need to write at a certain level to write at all, or that you need an arsenal of clever metaphors and multi-syllabic words. This is incorrect. When you write for yourself, your own voice is the only tool you need. Simply free-writing for a few minutes about a topic, about a problem, or about your day can allow you to process your feelings on complicated matters and neatly organize thoughts that were more or less tangled in your mind. Free-writing can help you develop ideas still in their infancy and, when it comes to emotionally charged subjects, is especially valuable as a tool for release. After all, when you write, no one can interrupt you or misquote you. This can be such a freeing and clarifying experience, and one that can contribute so much to the exercise of self-love.

Shainna Ali, Ph.D. , is a practitioner, educator, and advocate who is passionate about highlighting the essentiality of mental health in fostering happiness and fulfillment.

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Self-Love: The Most Important Love of your Life

Embracing You Therapy
February 16, 2021

there's a hanging chair surrounded by plants, and the words "self-love" are inscribed on the wall, creating a serene and nurturing atmosphere.

We hear it all the time: “Love yourself!” We hear how loving ourselves is the most important, most beneficial thing we can do. But what we sometimes don’t hear, or fail to understand, is how . What is self-love? What does it mean to practice it? How do we begin to do so?

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Self-love is having a relationship with yourself that has compassion, kindness, patience, tolerance, and curiosity. It does not mean that you are so nice to yourself that you never take accountability or responsibility for mistakes you made – “Oh, well, I really love myself and think I’m great, so that couldn’t possibly be my fault!” Self-love is about giving yourself grace and forgiveness when you inevitably make mistakes. It doesn’t mean that you are arrogant, or even worse – a narcissist; “I am better than everyone else, and everyone should work to satisfy my needs.” It is about believing in yourself and trusting yourself and your intentions.

Because the relationship you have with yourself is the only truly life-long relationship, self-love is the most important love of your life.

Why is it important?

Because you can’t share healthy love with others until you love yourself. You may feel love for others, but you may not be able to express it without fear. You may love others and want to relate to them but struggle to receive healthy love if you don’t love yourself first. The exchange of love in a healthy relationship requires concrete self-love.

Because you can’t pour from an empty cup. Think of the effort it takes to give love and affection, be emotionally available, or be thoughtful. If you don’t have reserves of self-love inside, your ability to give love will be diminished.

Because self-love heals past trauma and wounds. Many of us have been through trials in our lives that impacted our mental health, our sense of self, our outlook, and our world view. Often, traumas leave us feeling as though we are worth less than we were before the incident. Cultivating our sense of self-love to come from internal and not external sources allows us to move beyond negative past experiences.

Because once you have self-love, you can set better, healthier, more authentic goals for yourself. How many times have you set a goal for yourself that was rooted in negativity: hating the way your body looked, or feeling powerless at work, or feeling like a “failure” in a hobby or passion? When we love ourselves, we no longer seek to “fix” ourselves with unreasonable standards but instead seek to nourish ourselves. We have more accurate knowledge of our worth and our skills and can adjudicate what would be most beneficial to strive toward.

Most importantly, because you are deserving of the love you give so freely to others. This statement needs no explanation. You are worthy, just as you are, of love.

A woman wearing a blue sweater appears joyful.

Self-love involves having the respect and consideration for yourself that you have for (and expect to receive from) others. It should be simple and straightforward, the idea that we treat ourselves at least as well as we treat the people in our lives, but sometimes, it is not. Occasionally, we get hung up or stuck on the idea of how self-love should look or our sense of worth. We want to self-love, but we struggle to do so.

There are three widespread barriers to self-love.

What gets in the way of self-love?

1) When the inner critic disapproves of your every move :

Your inner critic is the voice in your head that judges, criticizes, and mocks your every move. When the inner critic is loud and powerful, you are your own worst enemy. It hits you where it hurts: the mistake you made when parenting, or when you were leading the meeting at work, and it won’t let it go. It can be challenging to put the inner critic away, as it tends to feed itself: you make a mistake, the inner critic talks to you about it, you’re flustered and unable to let it go, your outlook changes, your mood drops, you say something unkind or thoughtless because you’re in a bad mood, the inner critic gets louder, you’re stressed out, the inner critic gets even louder… It has a snowball effect.

When you are unable to silence your inner critic, you carry your inner critic with you from place to place, event to event.

2) When you have high expectations of yourself:

There is a difference between having standards and having expectations that are too high. Standards can be a tool of self-love; “I will not tolerate being spoken to disrespectfully,” or “I expect the people in my life to respect my boundaries.” Putting pressure on yourself to meet impossible standards is the opposite.

Side view portrait of a woman drinking coffee and looking outdoors through a window of an hotel room or home with the sea in the background.

When you have unrealistic expectations, you ultimately can not attain them or sustain them. You then feel like a failure or inadequate. When our expectations are too high, we set ourselves up to “fail” and begin to punish ourselves for not measuring up. It is hard to feel grace towards ourselves when we feel like we are just not enough. It is hard to be patient with ourselves when we feel like we should have already achieved a goal. It is hard to allow ourselves rest and relaxation when we don’t think we have excelled at a task or project. When we de-value ourselves over our perceived shortcomings, we then struggle to show ourselves kindness and care.

3) When it was not modeled for you:

As with everything in life, self-love is a skill you can learn. Our early life experiences have a great impact on the way we experience and practice self-love. I once read a great quote online that said, “Be careful with the way you speak to your child; it becomes their inner voice.”

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If you were spoken with love and compassion as a child, you have a much easier time internalizing love and self-love. If you did not grow up in an environment with kind voices or a self-destructive parent raised you, it can be difficult to navigate loving yourself as an adult, but it is not impossible! The beauty of self-love is that you already have tons of kindness inside you because you give it to the people around you. There is nothing wrong with you if you are struggling with self-love. As adults, for us to have self-love and compassion, we need to be taught. From there, as with all skills, we need to practice.

The great thing about putting self-love into practice is that understanding why we may struggle with self-love and where those struggles may have originated is already an act of self-love. By reflecting on our experiences and habits, we are doing the kind of work that allows us to have compassion for ourselves, and compassion is an essential ingredient for honest love.

Once we are aware that we need more love for ourselves, we can begin to overcome the obstacles that stand in our way with tools that can be used at any time, in any place. When we put these tools to use, we not only treat ourselves with love and care on the inside but begin to express that self-love to the world. Our thoughts become our actions, which become our behavior. Our behavior dictates our standards, and we (and others) are compelled to meet them.

How do you engage in self-love? 3 Tools to practice and strengthen your self-love!

1) Talk to yourself the way you talk to someone you love:

Think of the things you say to yourself when you are frustrated, upset, or embarrassed. Now imagine saying those things to a loved one like a friend, partner, or family member. Would you? Now imagine that friend, partner, or family member is sitting opposite you, saying those negative things about him/her/themself. How would you respond?

Dr. David Burns has a tool called “the double standard” in his book “The Feeling Good Handbook.” He suggests that you can pretend someone you love is having the same negative self-talk you are having right now. Pretend they were saying those thoughts to you and write down how you would respond to them.

This is a great tool because it works on more than one level: the first thing it does is stop the thoughts in their tracks when you imagine these angry or unfair words about a loved one. Would I speak to a friend this way? No. Would I be comfortable hearing a friend talk about him/her/themself this way? No. As we discussed above, negative self-talk can begin to spiral and become unmanageable. Nipping it in the bud can help to rein it in a little. Whether or not you have a lot of time to address the talk and analyze what you might say to a friend in a similar situation, you have successfully paused the narrative. This is when the next level of this tool sets in unpacking what was said and responding with kindness. Even if you don’t have the time to debrief the incident right at that moment fully, you can return to it later when you are in a safe space to do so.

2) Self-care:

You might think that you will be unable to provide yourself with self-care until you are a professional at self-live, but this is not the case. Acts of self-care inform your mindset, the way actions that lead to behaviors always do.

You may think that self-care is “a spa day” or involves being selfish, but that is not true. Self-care is simply any action that is taken with the intent of meeting your needs, whether they’re physical or emotional. It is not selfish to practice self-care because it brings the best version of you to the world. You cannot pour from an empty cup. You need to learn to fill up your cup; if you are not well, nothing and no one around you will be well.

While it is true that, for some, a trip to the spa is their ultimate act of self-care, there are many more acts of self-care that can be taken. You can phone a friend or loved one to chat or do a quick meditation. You can go for a walk or watch a YouTube video about unlikely animal friendships. You can set a sleep schedule for yourself. You can learn to cook your favorite dish. You can write a list of self-care acts that you would enjoy and work on checking off every item on your list! Watch a movie. Drink more water. Make a list of the things in your life that you are grateful for. Pour yourself a bubble bath, light a bunch of candles, and put on your favorite podcast. The possibilities are endless, and they’re all correct, as long as they work for you.

3) Boundaries:

One of the best ways to grow our self-love is to be able to self-advocate. In standing firm in and expressing our needs, we provide ourselves with care and respect. Setting boundaries with ourselves and others is a great way to communicate and strive for our needs.

Boundaries start with identifying what they are and then asserting them. The process of identification affirms our worth of having them in the first place; it is through knowledge of our worth that we nurture the support and compassion we deserve to give to ourselves. Taking the time and making an effort to stick to our boundaries is ongoing self-care. When we set boundaries, we define our values and clarify our goals; we know what is important, and we know ourselves well enough to be realistic about our purpose.

When our boundaries are expressed to others, the end result is that we find ourselves surrounded by people who respect us, fostering an environment of respect that we have the emotional support to uphold. A boundary is a protection of sorts; when we establish and enforce a boundary, we protect ourselves. Think of the people in your life about whom you feel protective. You know that part of the reason you work to protect them is that you love them. Protecting ourselves in healthy ways, through selected boundaries, is showing ourselves, love.

Personal space and Relationship. Being individual , Psychology concept drawn by young girl

When we are working at utilizing our self-love engagement tools, it is important to keep in mind that sometimes it might be harder to express our self-love than others. When this happens, we can remind ourselves that “love” and “like” are two separate things: you probably always love your best friend, even if sometimes you don’t like their behavior, or you feel frustrated that they’re not making as much time for you right now. Self-love is the same: expressing and practicing it might sometimes feel like more of a challenge or more of a struggle to find the love at all. But as is the case with your friendship, you know that there is always love there. Remind yourself of the same thing: even at times when you struggle to utilize the tools at hand, or you feel like it’s dwindled, that love does live inside of you. Be kind to and patient with yourself; nurture your self-love gently.

A year ago, we might not have been able to foresee spending so much time with ourselves. Whether you have been alone in lockdown or sharing space with only one other person or working within a much smaller bubble, the fact is that we have been less “busy” socially. As a result of this, we have had far fewer emotional distractions; external validation and stimulation have dropped significantly for most of us. This time has probably brought to light some introspection and self-analysis.

Self-love doesn’t mean that you are perfectly content to be alone; self-love allows your inner peace with your thoughts. If the past twelve months have taught us anything, it is that the only guaranteed company we keep throughout our lives is ourselves. Our thoughts and feelings about ourselves won’t always be glowing and joyful, but the work we do to have kindness and compassion for ourselves is immeasurably beneficial.

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Here at Embracing You Therapy, we invite you to explore with us how life would be different if you had more control over your thoughts and emotions, and we invite you to consider that it is possible to accept things just as they are, embracing imperfections to create a gentler place for calm in your life.

Let’s learn what drives your unique perspective on anxiety and stress. Then, let’s find the tools-your unique tools-that help you respond to life in a healthy, calm way. Contact us today for your complimentary 15-minute phone consultation with one of our Client Care Coordinators.

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7 Ways to Practice Self-Love

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What Is Self-Love?

How to practice self-love.

Having self-love involves having an appreciation and respect for yourself. That includes taking care of your physical and mental health. Although most people are busy, it's important to take time to nourish yourself and treat yourself with the love and kindness you deserve.

Self-love is having regard for our own well-being and contentment according to the American Psychological Association.

While self-care proponents suggest taking baths and getting massages, loving yourself goes much deeper than splurging once in a while on pleasures like these.

Self-love should be a daily activity in which you check in with yourself and treat yourself the way we treat loved ones.

The Brain and Behavior Research Foundation says that self-love comes from actions that support physical, psychological, and spiritual growth.

What Self-Love Is Not

Some critics think self-love is a modern concept and is merely self-indulgence. They view self-love as excessively focusing on yourself and akin to narcissism . But self-love is not about having a grandiose sense of self or being puffed up with self-importance. Self-love means taking care of your needs and recognizing that you have value.

The Importance of Self-Love

Your first relationship is with yourself and it’s the foundation of relationships with others. Loving yourself enables you to live in alignment with your values and to make healthy choices in your everyday decisions. Confidence , self-respect, self-worth, and self-love are all interconnected. As we deepen in love for ourselves, we can deepen the love we share with others.

Sometimes it’s hard to assert yourself and think about your own needs. While it might be considerate to practice self-love here and there, it's important to make it a daily practice .

Here’s how to incorporate self-love into your lifestyle.

Prioritize Your Well-Being and Mental Health

Your physical and mental health are directly correlated and how you feel physically can influence how you feel mentally and emotionally. When you begin loving and caring for your body, you’re directly and positively influencing your mental health, too. Eating and sleeping well is important in maintaining well-being and warding off illness. That means choosing healthy foods and getting adequate sleep every night.

Exercising regularly has a positive impact on your overall health as exercise decreases cortisol, the stress hormone, in your body.

Remember to give yourself time to take care of and value yourself. Struggling with mental health issues might require visiting a therapist, choosing online therapy , or turning to an app .

Embrace Self-Compassion

When you acknowledge your mistakes and accept your imperfections with kindness and without judgment, you exhibit self-compassion . Dr. Kristin Neff’s widely accepted definition of self-compassion has three components:

Self-kindness : feeling kindness toward ourselves rather than judgment, criticism, or shame
Common humanity : recognizing we are part of a common humanity as everyone makes mistakes rather than viewing ourselves as isolated beings unworthy of love and belonging
Mindfulness : viewing mistakes mindfully by having a perspective and not over-identifying with our failings

In a pilot study on self-compassion, scientists empirically tested the use of a writing intervention to determine if these self-compassion components influenced each other. Findings showed that the three components do mutually enhance each other.

Don’t Compare Yourself to Other People

When we are jealous of our friend’s promotion or feel we are lacking because we gained ten pounds while our neighbor is in great shape, it’s hard not to feel down. Social comparisons can cause stress. Comparison and competition may motivate you in ways that are helpful and not harmful. More often than not, they diminish us by causing stress, anxiety, guilt, and shame.

Social media has affected our mental health in not-so-great ways. We judge ourselves more harshly on a regular basis and don't feel good enough. High social media use has been linked to depression.

Set Boundaries

Drawing the line helps with stress management . Sometimes you have to say 'no' at work or to your family to preserve your energy. One-sided relationships have unequal distribution of energy, control, and thoughtfulness. Recognize your needs and carve out time to be thoughtful about yourself by setting boundaries.

Forgive Yourself

Cultivate ways to stop self-loathing in any form. Forgive yourself for your past mistakes and find ways to heal. To incorporate self-love in your daily life, don’t ruminate over mistakes and regrets. Rather than blame yourself for things that were probably out of your control anyway, turn to self-forgiveness.

A recent study finds that greater forgiveness is linked to less stress and a decrease in mental health symptoms.

Surround Yourself With Supportive, Loving people

Having social support is vital. You could reach out to receive your family’s love for you but if those relationships are strained or they’re not in the picture, invest in relationships with your friends and community and allow yourself to receive care and support from them.

Let go of toxic, draining, and one-way friendships. The goal is to fortify yourself with healthy interactions and people who believe in you, champion you, and support you in becoming more of who you are and want to be, not less.

If you think you’re in love but aren’t sure, remember that healthy relationships involve intimacy and deep emotional connection. Invest your time, energy, and care into platonic and romantic relationships that support, energize, and restore you.

Change a Negative Mindset

Positive thinking doesn’t mean ignoring problems. It means choosing to have a positive outlook as an approach to life that includes gratitude and many possibilities. Maybe it’s time to seek support to process your anger and release resentment and grudges , for example.

Holding onto and fixating on anger and hatred towards others can be damaging to our mental and emotional well-being and it can be an act of self-love and care to address it at the root cause.

Say kind things to yourself. Positive affirmations can boost your self-esteem and reduce your social fears. Remind yourself that you’re a kind person doing your best. Changing your perspective and focusing on things that you are grateful for and appreciative of can be immensely uplifting and is another way to practice self-love.

APA Dictionary of Psychology. Self-love .

The Brain and Behavior Research Foundation. Self-love and what it means .

Rudolph DL, McAuley E. Cortisol and affective responses to exercise . J Sports Sci . 1998;16(2):121-128. doi:10.1080/026404198366830

Self-Compassion: Dr. Kristin Neff. Definition of self-compassion .

Dreisoerner A, Junker NM, van Dick R. The relationship among the components of self-compassion: a pilot study using a compassionate writing intervention to enhance self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness . J Happiness Stud. 2021;22(1):21-47.

Toussaint LL, Shields GS, Slavich GM. Forgiveness, Stress, and Health: a 5-Week Dynamic Parallel Process Study . Ann Behav Med . 2016;50(5):727-735. doi:10.1007/s12160-016-9796-6

By Barbara Field Barbara is a writer and speaker who is passionate about mental health, overall wellness, and women's issues.

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Essay on Self Love

Students are often asked to write an essay on Self Love in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Self Love

Understanding self-love.

Self-love is the act of valuing one’s own happiness and well-being. It’s about caring for oneself, respecting one’s needs and desires, and not sacrificing personal welfare for others.

The Importance of Self-Love

Self-love is crucial because it forms the foundation of how we treat ourselves and how we allow others to treat us. It affects our mental health, self-esteem, and our relationships.

Practicing Self-Love

Practicing self-love can be as simple as taking time for self-care, setting boundaries, and forgiving oneself for past mistakes. It’s a lifelong journey, but a rewarding one.

Also check:

250 Words Essay on Self Love

Self-love is a crucial element of our psychological wellbeing, often overlooked in the fast-paced modern world. It is the practice of understanding, accepting, and valuing oneself unconditionally. Self-love is not narcissism, but a profound respect for oneself that enables us to live fulfilling lives.

Self-love is the foundation of a healthy mind and body. It helps us to maintain a positive outlook, manage stress, and make better decisions. When we value ourselves, we are more likely to engage in activities that promote physical health and mental wellbeing. Furthermore, self-love fosters resilience, allowing us to bounce back from setbacks and face challenges with courage and determination.

Practicing self-love involves recognizing and honoring our feelings, setting boundaries, and taking care of our physical health. It means forgiving ourselves for past mistakes and appreciating our strengths and capabilities. Engaging in activities that we enjoy, spending time alone, and practicing mindfulness are also part of this process.

Self-Love and Relationships

Self-love plays a vital role in our relationships. When we love ourselves, we set a standard for how others should treat us. It helps us to establish healthy relationships and avoid toxic ones. Moreover, self-love enables us to contribute positively to the relationships we value, as we can only give what we have within us.

In conclusion, self-love is not just a concept but a lifestyle that can significantly enhance our overall quality of life. It is a journey of self-discovery, acceptance, and growth that leads to a fulfilling and balanced existence.

500 Words Essay on Self Love

Introduction.

Self-love, a concept often misunderstood, is not about narcissism or self-absorption. It is about acknowledging one’s own worth and treating oneself with kindness and respect. It is a fundamental aspect of personal growth and mental health, and its importance cannot be overstated.

The Concept of Self-Love

Self-love is the acceptance of oneself, flaws and all. It is the ability to recognize one’s strengths and weaknesses without judgment. It is about understanding that nobody is perfect, and that mistakes and failures are part of the human experience. It is about being kind to oneself, especially when one stumbles or falls.

Self-love is also about setting boundaries and asserting one’s needs. It is about saying no when something does not serve one’s well-being, and saying yes to things that promote growth and happiness. It is about prioritizing oneself, not out of selfishness, but out of respect for one’s own well-being.

The importance of self-love lies in its impact on our mental and emotional health. It affects how we perceive ourselves and how we interact with the world around us. When we love ourselves, we are more likely to have a positive outlook on life and to engage in healthy behaviors.

Self-love also influences our relationships with others. When we love and respect ourselves, we are more likely to attract and maintain healthy relationships. We are less likely to tolerate mistreatment or disrespect from others.

Practicing self-love involves a range of activities that promote self-care and self-compassion. This includes maintaining a healthy lifestyle, engaging in activities that bring joy, practicing mindfulness, and seeking professional help when needed.

Self-love also involves challenging negative thoughts and beliefs about oneself. This can be achieved through cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques or through practices like affirmations and journaling.

If you’re looking for more, here are essays on other interesting topics:

Self-Love and What It Means

Happy woman practicing self love and self care

What is self-love?

Before a person is able to practice it, first we need to understand what it means.

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve.

Self-love can mean something different for each person because we all have many different ways to take care of ourselves. Figuring out what self-love looks like for you as an individual is an important part of your mental health.

What does self-love mean to you?

For starters, it can mean:

Talking to and about yourself with love
Prioritizing yourself
Giving yourself a break from self-judgement
Trusting yourself
Being true to yourself
Being nice to yourself
Setting healthy boundaries
Forgiving yourself when you aren’t being true or nice to yourself

For many people, self-love is another way to say self-care. To practice self-care, we often need to go back to the basics and

Listen to our bodies
Take breaks from work and move/stretch.
Put the phone down and connect to yourself or others, or do something creative.
Eating healthily, but sometimes indulge in your favorite foods.

Self-love means accepting yourself as you are in this very moment for everything that you are. It means accepting your emotions for what they are and putting your physical, emotional and mental well-being first.

How and Why to Practice Self Love

So now we know that self-love motivates you to make healthy choices in life. When you hold yourself in high esteem, you're more likely to choose things that nurture your well-being and serve you well. These things may be in the form of eating healthy , exercising or having healthy relationships .

Ways to practice self-love include:

Becoming mindful. People who have more self-love tend to know what they think, feel, and want.
Taking actions based on need rather than want. By staying focused on what you need, you turn away from automatic behavior patterns that get you into trouble, keep you stuck in the past, and lessen self-love.
Practicing good self-care. You will love yourself more when you take better care of your basic needs. People high in self-love nourish themselves daily through healthy activities, like sound nutrition, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy and healthy social interactions.
Making room for healthy habits. Start truly caring for yourself by mirroring that in what you eat, how you exercise, and what you spend time doing. Do stuff, not to “get it done” or because you “have to,” but because you care about you.

Finally, to practice self-love, start by being kind, patient, gentle and compassionate to yourself, the way you would with someone else that you care about.

- Written by Jeffrey Borenstein, M.D. , President & CEO of the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation. This blog post also appears on the Gravity Blankets Blog .

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Learning to Love Yourself

By Jaclyn Durnil, MSW – Dec. 3, 2019

“If you can learn to love yourself and all the flaws, you can love other people so much better. And that makes you so happy.” – Kristen Chenowith

Why is it so difficult to love ourselves? Basically, the short answer to this question is that we were raised in a society that didn’t teach us about self-love. This may not seem very important to some, but self-love is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Loving yourself provides you with self-confidence, self-worth, and in general, you feel more positive. If you can learn to love yourself, you will feel happier and will learn to take better care of yourself.

Looking in the mirror, most of us see a lot of different flaws and remember too many past experiences and failings to love ourselves. The less you love yourself, listen to yourself, and understand yourself, the more confused, upset, and frustrated you will be in life. When you begin to love yourself and continue to love yourself more and more each day, things slowly will be a little bit better in every way possible.

Unfortunately, self-love isn’t always easy.

Accepting the pain and allowing yourself to be honest with who you are is a big step to loving yourself. Forgive yourself for past actions and things you are ashamed of doing.

Carrying a lot of negative emotions like jealousy, disgust, and rage can have a negative impact. We need to learn how to accept not only the emotions that create love, joy, and happiness but also the ones that cause fear, insecurity, and anger in our lives.

While we need to learn how to acknowledge and accept the pain with the love, another step is reconciling with a cold and unopened heart. Asking yourself if you fully love yourself can be very difficult because you must accept your flaws and faults.

Love is something we choose, the same way we choose anger, hate, or sadness. We have the power to forgive someone who has hurt us in the past. We can learn to finally heal from something when we can forgive. We can always choose love.

Learning to love yourself leads to better self-care. Examples of this could be taking a break from time to time and accepting that no one is perfect and things happen.

Another example could be saying no to others when you really don’t have the time or energy to say yes. We often do too much for other people because we want to please everyone. We can forget to look after ourselves and then we become overwhelmed.

Today is the day you can love yourself completely with no expectations. Making the choice right now to choose your own love is the most powerful healing force you have.

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Home / Essay Samples / Life / Love / Self-Love and Self-Discovery: Personal Reflection

Self-Love and Self-Discovery: Personal Reflection

Category: Life
Topic: Believe in Myself , Personality

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