words matter presentation

Words matter! Learn how to adopt inclusive and nonviolent language in your work

In evaluation, we talk about the importance of developing a shared language around data and evaluation. And while having an understanding of certain terms like outcomes is helpful, the importance of language transcends these fundamentals. Language is how we tell the story about our programs, communities, and participants. The language we use shares our values and has the opportunity to unify or divide. Below, you will find resources about how we can adopt more inclusive and non-violent language in our work.

Download the Free Language Guide!

Adopting Inclusive & Non-Violent Language

Learn how to adopt inclusive and non-violent language in your work with this e-book. This resource includes suggested alternatives for commonly used phrases as well as resources for additional learning. Originally created in April 2021, this guide is updated periodically with new examples and additional references. The most recent update is from February 2024.

Upcoming and Recent Presentations

Words matter: adopting inclusive & non-violent language.

Presentation during #LearnGrants Online Summit March 8, 2024 1:00pm – 1:20pm ET

Presentation during GrantSummit November 2, 2023

Equitable Communication—Don’t Let Equity End with Your Evaluation Report

Presentation during the Annual Conference of the American Evaluation Association with Shelli Golson-Mickens, Kayla Boisvert, and Alissa Marchant from Innovation Network and Jonathan Schwabish from Urban Institute October 14, 2023

Workshop for Washington Evaluators February 24, 2022

Roundtable discussion held during the Annual Conference of the American Evaluation Association November 10, 2021

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Words Matter

By Elder Ronald A. Rasband

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Words set a tone. They voice our thoughts, feelings, and experiences, for good or bad.

Brothers, sisters, and friends across the world, I am honored to address this vast audience, many of whom are members of our Church and many of whom are friends and new listeners to this conference broadcast. Welcome!

The messages shared from this pulpit are communicated in words. They are given in English and translated into nearly 100 different languages. Always the base is the same. Words. And words matter a lot. Let me say that again. Words matter!

They are the bedrock of how we connect; they represent our beliefs, morals, and perspectives. Sometimes we speak words; other times we listen. Words set a tone. They voice our thoughts, feelings, and experiences, for good or bad.

Unfortunately, words can be thoughtless, hasty, and hurtful. Once said, we cannot take them back. They can wound, punish, cut down, and even lead to destructive actions. They can weigh heavily on us.

On the other hand, words can celebrate victory, be hopeful and encouraging. They can prompt us to rethink, reboot, and redirect our course. Words can open our minds to truth.

That is why, first and foremost, the Lord’s words matter.

In the Book of Mormon, the prophet Alma and his people in ancient America encountered endless warfare with those who had disregarded the word of God, hardened their hearts, and corrupted their culture. The faithful could have fought, but Alma counseled: “And now, as the preaching of the word had a great tendency to lead the people to do that which was just—yea, it had had more powerful effect upon the minds of the people than the sword, or anything else, which had happened unto them—therefore Alma thought it was expedient that they should try the virtue of the word of God.”

The “word of God” surpasses all other expressions. It has been so since the Creation of the earth when the Lord spoke: “Let there be light: and there was light.”

From the Savior came these assurances in the New Testament: “Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away.”

And this: “If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.”

And from Mary, the mother of Jesus, came this humble testimony: “Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word.”

Believing and heeding the word of God will draw us closer to Him. President Russell M. Nelson has promised, “If you will study His words, your ability to be more like Him will increase.”

Don’t we all want to be, as the hymn says, “more blessed and holy—more, Savior, like thee”?

I picture young Joseph Smith on his knees hearing the words of his Father in Heaven: “[Joseph,] This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!”

We “hear Him” in the words of scripture, but do we let them just sit on the page, or do we recognize He is speaking to us? Do we change?

We “hear Him” in personal revelation and promptings from the Holy Ghost, in answers to prayer, and in those moments when only Jesus Christ, through the power of His Atonement, can lift our burdens, grant us forgiveness and peace, and embrace us “in the arms of his love.”

Second, the words of prophets matter.

Prophets testify of the divinity of Jesus Christ. They teach His gospel and show His love for all. I bear my witness that our living prophet, President Russell M. Nelson, hears and speaks the word of the Lord.

President Nelson has a way with words. He has said, “Keep on the covenant path,” “Gather Israel,” “Let God prevail,” “Build bridges of understanding,” “Give thanks,” “Increase your faith in Jesus Christ,” “Take charge of your testimony,” and “Become a peacemaker.”

Most recently, he has asked us to “think celestial.” “When you are confronted with a dilemma,” he said, “think celestial! When tested by temptation, think celestial! When life or loved ones let you down, think celestial! When someone dies prematurely, think celestial. … When the pressures of life crowd in upon you, think celestial! … As you think celestial, your heart will gradually change, … you will view trials and opposition in a new light, … [and] your faith will increase.”

When we think celestial, we see “things as they really are, and … really will be.” In this world burdened with confusion and contention, we all need that perspective.

Elder George Albert Smith, long before becoming President of the Church, spoke of sustaining the prophet and heeding his words. He said: “The obligation that we make when we raise our hands … is a most sacred one. … It means … that we will stand behind him; we will pray for him; … and we will strive to carry out his instructions as the Lord shall direct.” In other words, we will diligently act upon our prophet’s words.

As one of 15 prophets, seers, and revelators sustained yesterday by our worldwide Church, I want to share with you one of my experiences sustaining the prophet and embracing his words. It was for me much like the prophet Jacob, who recounted, “I had heard the voice of the Lord speaking unto me in very word.”

Last October my wife, Melanie, and I were in Bangkok, Thailand, as I was preparing to dedicate what would be the Church’s 185th temple. For me, the assignment was both surreal and humbling. This was the first temple on the Southeast Asia peninsula. It was masterfully designed—a six-story, nine-spired structure, “fitly framed” to be a house of the Lord. For months I had contemplated the dedication. What had settled in my soul and mind was that the country and the temple had been cradled in the arms of prophets and apostles. President Thomas S. Monson had announced the temple and President Nelson the dedication.

I had prepared the dedicatory prayer months earlier. Those sacred words had been translated into 12 languages. We were ready. Or so I thought.

The night before the dedication, I was awakened from my sleep with an unsettled, urgent feeling about the dedicatory prayer. I tried to set aside the prompting, thinking the prayer was in place. But the Spirit would not leave me alone. I sensed certain words were missing, and by divine design they came to me in revelation, and I inserted these words in the prayer near the end: “May we think celestial, letting Thy Spirit prevail in our lives, and strive to be peacemakers always.” The Lord was reminding me to heed the words of our living prophet: “Think celestial,” “let the Spirit prevail,” “strive to be peacemakers.” Words of the prophet matter to the Lord and to us.

Third, and so very important, are our own words. Believe me, in our emoji-filled world, our words matter.

Our words can be supportive or angry, joyful or mean, compassionate or tossed aside. In the heat of the moment, words can sting and sink painfully deep into the soul—and stay there. Our words on the internet, texting, social media, or tweets take on a life of their own. So be careful what you say and how you say it. In our families, especially with husbands, wives, and children, our words can bring us together or drive a wedge between us.

Let me suggest three simple phrases that we can use to take the sting out of difficulties and differences, lift, and reassure each other:

“Thank you.”

“I am sorry.”

And “I love you.”

Do not save these humble phrases for a special event or catastrophe. Use them often and sincerely, for they show regard for others. Talk is growing cheap; do not follow that pattern.

We can say “thank you” on the elevator, in the parking lot, at the market, in the office, in a queue, or with our neighbors or friends. We can say “I am sorry” when we make a mistake, miss a meeting, forget a birthday, or see someone in pain. We can say “I love you,” and those words carry the message “I am thinking about you,” “I care about you,” “I am here for you,” or “You are everything to me.”

Let me share a personal example. Husbands, take heed. Sisters, this is going to help you too. Before my full-time assignment in the Church, I traveled widely for my company. I was gone a fair amount of time to far reaches of the world. At the end of my day, no matter where I was, I always called home. When my wife, Melanie, picked up the phone and I reported in, our conversation always led us to expressing “I love you.” Every day, those words served as an anchor to my soul and my conduct; they were a protection to me from evil designs. “Melanie, I love you” spoke of the precious trust between us.

President Thomas S. Monson used to say, “There are feet to steady, hands to grasp, minds to encourage, hearts to inspire, and souls to save.” Saying “thank you,” “I am sorry,” “I love you” will do just that.

Brothers and sisters, words do matter.

I promise that if we “feast upon the words of Christ” that lead to salvation, our prophet’s words that guide and encourage us, and our own words that speak of who we are and what we hold dear, the powers of heaven will pour down upon us. “The words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.” We are Heavenly Father’s children and He is our God, and He expects us to speak with “the tongue of angels” by the power of the Holy Ghost.

I love the Lord Jesus Christ. He is, in the words of the Old Testament prophet Isaiah, “Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.” And as the Apostle John made clear, Jesus Christ Himself is “the Word.”

Of this I testify as an Apostle called to the Lord’s divine service—to declare His word—and called to stand as a special witness of Him. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, amen.

Words Matter

Before Reading

Before reading or listening to the talk, consider the following questions:

• Why does Elder Rasband emphasize the importance of words?
• How does Elder Rasband describe the impact of the words of God, prophets, and ourselves?
• What personal experiences does Elder Rasband share to illustrate his points?
• What are the three phrases Elder Rasband suggests to improve our communication?
• What promises does Elder Rasband make about feasting upon the words of Christ, following the prophet's words, and being careful with our own words?

Understanding the Importance and Impact of Words

Elder Rasband discusses the critical role words play in communication, expressing our beliefs, morals, and perspectives. He highlights that words can be both harmful and healing, and emphasizes that we cannot take back hurtful words once they are spoken.

Words matter! They are the bedrock of how we connect; they represent our beliefs, morals, and perspectives.

Unfortunately, words can be thoughtless, hasty, and hurtful. Once said, we cannot take them back. They can wound, punish, cut down, and even lead to destructive actions.

On the other hand, words can celebrate victory, be hopeful and encouraging. They can prompt us to rethink, reboot, and redirect our course. Words can open our minds to truth.

• Why are words so important in our communication?
• What impact can hurtful words have on others?
• How can positive words influence our thoughts and actions?
• How can you be more mindful of the words you use in your daily conversations?
• Can you recall a time when words have had a significant impact on you, either positively or negatively?
• How can you use words more effectively to express your beliefs, morals, and perspectives?

Valuing the Words of God

Elder Rasband underscores the importance of the Lord's words, stating that they surpass all other expressions. He cites instances from the scriptures where the power and significance of God's words are highlighted.

That is why, first and foremost, the Lord’s words matter.

Believing and heeding the word of God will draw us closer to Him. President Russell M. Nelson has promised, "If you will study His words, your ability to be more like Him will increase."

We "hear Him" in the words of scripture, but do we let them just sit on the page, or do we recognize He is speaking to us? Do we change?

• Why are the Lord's words so important?
• How can studying and heeding the words of God draw us closer to Him?
• What does it mean to "hear Him" in the words of scripture?
• How can you better study and apply the words of God in your life?
• Can you recall a time when the words of God had a profound impact on you?
• How can you better "hear Him" in the words of scripture?

Recognizing the Importance of the Words of Prophets

Elder Rasband emphasizes the significance of the words of prophets, stating that they testify of the divinity of Jesus Christ, teach His gospel, and show His love for all. He also shares a personal experience demonstrating the importance of heeding the prophet's words.

Second, the words of prophets matter.

I bear my witness that our living prophet, President Russell M. Nelson, hears and speaks the word of the Lord.

Words of the prophet matter to the Lord and to us.

• Why are the words of prophets important?
• What is the role of prophets in teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ?
• How did Elder Rasband's personal experience illustrate the significance of heeding the prophet's words?
• How can you better heed the words of the living prophet?
• Can you recall a time when the words of a prophet had a significant impact on your life?
• What steps can you take to better apply the teachings of the prophets in your life?

Reflecting on the Impact of Our Own Words

Elder Rasband discusses the impact of our own words, emphasizing that they can either bring us together or drive a wedge between us. He suggests three phrases to improve our communication: "Thank you", "I am sorry", and "I love you".

Third, and so very important, are our own words. Believe me, in our emoji-filled world, our words matter.

In our families, especially with husbands, wives, and children, our words can bring us together or drive a wedge between us.

Let me suggest three simple phrases that we can use to take the sting out of difficulties and differences, lift, and reassure each other: "Thank you", "I am sorry", and "I love you".

• Why are our own words so important?
• What impact can our words have on our relationships?
• How can the phrases "Thank you", "I am sorry", and "I love you" improve our communication?
• How can you be more mindful of the words you use in your relationships?
• Can you recall a time when your words had a significant impact on someone else?
• How can you incorporate the phrases "Thank you", "I am sorry", and "I love you" more into your daily conversations?

Feasting Upon the Words of Christ

Elder Rasband concludes by encouraging us to feast upon the words of Christ, follow the prophet's words, and be careful with our own words. He promises that doing so will invite the powers of heaven to pour down upon us.

I promise that if we "feast upon the words of Christ" that lead to salvation, our prophet’s words that guide and encourage us, and our own words that speak of who we are and what we hold dear, the powers of heaven will pour down upon us.

"The words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do." We are Heavenly Father’s children and He is our God, and He expects us to speak with "the tongue of angels" by the power of the Holy Ghost.

• What does it mean to "feast upon the words of Christ"?
• How can our words speak of who we are and what we hold dear?
• What does Elder Rasband promise will happen if we follow the words of Christ, heed the prophet's words, and be mindful of our own words?
• How can you better feast upon the words of Christ?
• How do your words reflect who you are and what you hold dear?
• What steps can you take to invite the powers of heaven to pour down upon you?

Hi friends! SaintsAI is an experiment to explore the possibilities of AI while also (hopefully) providing something useful. There might be errors, problems, inaccuracies, hallucinations, and embarrassing mistakes. If you find anything that is problematic, have friendly feedback, or just want to say hi, you can reach out at [email protected]

SaintsAI is not affiliated with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Copyright © 2023 Steve Todd

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Words Matter: How to Make Your Communication Inclusive

In this episode, we discuss how subtle word choice can invite inclusion, or can reinforce harmful stereotypes.

October 09, 2020

What ways can the language we use reinforce existing stereotypes and biases?

In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart , Sarah Soule, Senior Associate Dean and Professor of Organizational Behavior sits down with lecturer and host Matt Abrahams to discuss how the details of our word choice can shape culture, for better or worse.

Think Fast, Talk Smart is a podcast produced by Stanford Graduate School of Business. Each episode provides concrete, easy-to-implement tools and techniques to help you hone and enhance your communication skills.

Full Transcript

Matt Abrahams : Regardless of if you’re speaking in a classroom or a board room, if you’re pitching or presenting, each of us has important stories to tell, input to give and messages to share. Without communication from multiple perspectives, we miss out on valuable, needed ideas and insight. On this episode, I am so excited to discuss how we can all encourage, support and reinforce diverse, equitable communication.

I’m Matt Abrahams, and I teach Strategic Communication at Stanford Graduate School of Business. Welcome to Think Fast, Talk Smart: The Podcast. Today I am thrilled to be joined by Sarah Soule, the Morgridge Professor of Organizational Behavior and Senior Associate Dean for Academic Affairs at the GSB.

Sarah’s research focuses on organizational theory, social movements and political sociology. She is a thought leader and driver for diversity, equity and inclusion work at Stanford and beyond. I have had the pleasure of working with Sarah on several different projects, and I have seen firsthand her passionate, collaborative and creative approach to teaching and managing. Welcome, Sarah.

Sarah Soule : Thank you, Matt, and thanks for having me to be part of the podcast.

Matt Abrahams : It’s great to have you here, and I have so many different topics I want to discuss with you. I can’t wait to get started. Shall we?

Sarah Soule : Absolutely.

Matt Abrahams : Great.

Sarah Soule : Yes.

Matt Abrahams : Now, many of us listening work in organizations that are in various stages of implementing DEI programs. Based on your experience, what ideas can you share about how best to implement, assess and reinforce those DEI programs?

Sarah Soule : That’s a great question. So here at the GSB, we developed and follow what we call a “small wins” approach, and this basically involves empowering people in the organization to develop and pilot innovations in the DE&I space, and then to figure out good ways, solid ways to test how they’re working and to measure their impact, but then, importantly, to tell the story about how they have worked so that any of these that have been successful can be shared widely and diffused within the organization but also to other organizations. And so we base this approach on an article I wrote a couple of years ago for the Harvard Business Review on how to do organizational cultural change.

Matt Abrahams : Mm-hmm.

Sarah Soule : And we also base this in some work that my colleague, Professor Shelley Correll, has done that’s been more specifically about organizational change around diversity, equity and inclusion efforts. So we found that this approach worked really well here at the GSB. One of the things that we continue to work on and iterate is what you’ve asked about assessing these programs: coming up with new ways to measure outcomes – new and clever ways to measure outcomes because that, of course, is incredibly important to the DE&I agenda.

Matt Abrahams : You have been involved in a case-writing project that has identified biases in cases used in business-school classes. What did you uncover? And what does your work imply for language use in our everyday business communication?

Sarah Soule : And so what we know as faculty of business school and students in business school: We’ve long known that there are many, many fewer case studies written on women and underrepresented-minority leaders. In fact, the dearth of such cases has been documented over the years in many articles and in various venues, including the Harvard Business Review. And some of us have actively tried to rectify this in our own case-writing activities. But that said, it has always bothered me personally that some of the women and underrepresented-minority protagonists in cases are described in stereotypical ways.

Matt Abrahams : Mm.

Sarah Soule : So for example, women leaders are often described in these case studies as nurturing to their employees while their male counterparts are described in more agentic terms and lauded for their vision. So this always led me to wonder: What kind of signals are being sent to our students about what leadership is and how leadership matters across genders and across race and ethnic categories?

So what we wanted to think about was: What way does language use in these case studies reinforce any kinds of existing stereotypes and biases? And so that was really the impetus for the case-study project, which involved reading each case that’s used in our core and elective classes and looking carefully at the descriptions of the protagonists in each case. And when we found stereotypical language, we notified the faculty member using the case study and we’ve offered to help rewrite the case study if it’s one that the Stanford Graduate School of Business owns.

Now, in cases which we can’t rewrite because they are cases written by other case-writing entities, we offer support to the faculty member on how to teach about ways in which unconscious biases might be reinforced through language. So in other words, what we do is we offer to help faculty create teachable moments around bias as part of whatever their lesson plan is for that day with that particular case study.

Matt Abrahams : Wow. It’s amazing how insidious some of these things are, and this work that you’ve done has really helped to uncover it. I can imagine a business leader or a manager reflecting on his or her use of language, maybe in the way they introduce some of their colleagues or the way they structure their job descriptions. They, too, could benefit from really doing the kind of thorough work that you did. Do you have any advice or guidance to somebody in that position about what they could do to try to mitigate some of the things you uncovered in business cases?

Sarah Soule : Oh, absolutely. And a lot of this comes out in various kinds of communications, like written performance evaluations –

Matt Abrahams : Mm. Sure.

Sarah Soule : – or even in speeches and all-hands meetings and so on. And so what I always sort of suggest is that people – once they’ve written out whatever their communication is going to be, is pause, go back and look at it, and do so with a DE&I lens. Look at it and ask yourself: Are you giving feedback to your women employees that is different in tone? Are you using different kinds of ways to describe them than you might for a similarly ranked man in the organization? So that’s one example: in performance evaluations.

But in terms of communications such as those that we might hear at an all-hands meeting, I suggest that leaders have somebody look at their communication plan. Look at the speech and make sure that there isn’t any language in there that might reinforce biases inadvertently.

Matt Abrahams : That’s really good advice. And Sarah, I don’t know if you remember this interaction you and I had when we were working on a project together. I had put together a proposed agenda and project plan, and I sent it to you and I said, “Here’s a straw man for what I think we could do,” and being totally unaware of the gendered term that I was using. You very kindly, very politely pointed out to me that that term could have some implications, and I have been very cognizant using that term and others. So I thank you for highlighting that, and I think that’s a great example of how just pointing out to people and really taking time to reflect on language that we might not think as gendered – that can, actually, have some implications. So a belated thank you for the education you gave me there.

Sarah Soule : Oh. Well, you’re very welcome.

Matt Abrahams : Thank you. Now, you also had mentioned earlier this notion of micro aggression. So I’m wondering if you can share a little bit about what micro aggressions are, since you co-authored a paper on that topic. And can you share with us the model that you helped develop to address the problem?

Sarah Soule : Oh, absolutely. So when we think about micro aggressions and try to define what this term means, we sort of define a micro aggression as a commonplace/daily verbal or behavioral incident, whether intentional or unintentional, that somehow communicates hostile, derogatory or negative information to a woman or an underrepresented minority. And I think the key to understanding these is to realize that they’re incredibly commonplace, often completely unintentional; but the cumulative impact or effect that they can have on an individual is where the problem really lies. And again, it’s because they’re so commonplace.

And so in the article to which you’re referring, we suggest a three-part framework for how to become better at recognizing and responding to micro aggressions. And we call this the Anticipate, Acknowledge, and Act Authentically Framework. And so we suggest first that all of us must become better at anticipating when and where a micro aggression may happen. And this involves being aware of what’s happening in the broader local, national, international context, and increasing one’s learning about other groups, and learning about what kinds of comments and behaviors may inadvertently offend somebody. I guess in many ways anticipation is about prevention.

Sarah Soule : Second, we discuss the importance of acknowledging when a micro aggression happens. Perhaps we notice when someone has made a remark that might reasonably be considered to be a micro aggression; but rather than doing something about it, we look the other way to avoid the discomfort. So we argue in the article that stepping up and acknowledging the presence of micro aggressions, and working on ways to intervene, are really a collective responsibility in an organization or at a college or university.

Sarah Soule : And then finally, we provide some ideas in the article about how to act authentically in the moment, when we’re either on the receiving end of a micro aggression or if we witness one. And the idea here is really that everybody needs to figure out a response that feels right for their own style, personality, and way of expressing themselves. And so in the article we give some examples, and we suggest that people try on these different ways of intervening and see which one feels right for them, and recognize that this is a process and a practice and that we get better at it with more practice.

Matt Abrahams : That model is very easy to understand. I personally like it because they all start with the letter “A.” I’m a big fan of alliteration. And I like that it really is putting the responsibility on the organization and the individuals involved to really step up to address this. Could you give us an example that you talked about in the article regarding what people can say when confronted with a micro aggression? You said there are many, and everybody has to find what fits theirs. I’d love to hear a specific example.

Sarah Soule : Sure. Sure. I’ll give one that I have found seems to work for me, and that is simply asking a follow-up question – a curious sort of follow-up question about what was said either to me or said to a colleague or a friend, and asking somebody, “Could you say a little bit more about what you meant by that? I’m not sure I understood what you meant,” or, “where you’re coming from” because often, in my experience, that allows the person who has probably unintentionally or inadvertently said something that could be offensive to somebody to understand themselves, to get to that point themselves, rather than having me point out why it might have been offensive.

So that one works for me. Other people talk about just simply saying: “May I give you some feedback right now about what you just said?” Now, that one, for me, feels a little less comfortable than the first one that I mentioned. So that’s what I mean: Trying these out, seeing which ones seem to work best for your own style, is what we really suggest in that article.

Matt Abrahams : Thank you for those specific examples. Each is different in terms of its directness and tone, but absolutely I can see some people who would gravitate towards one versus the other. So thank you for that.

Sarah Soule : Yes, you’re welcome.

Matt Abrahams : Another area of your research – and you do so many different things – has focused on protests and social movements. I have to ask: What are your thoughts on the various protests that we’ve seen over the last several months?

Sarah Soule : Oh, it’s such a good question. I have a lot of thoughts on that, but I’m going to try to be …

Matt Abrahams : I’m sure.

Sarah Soule : I’m going to try to be concise. I’ve written a few various blog posts and so on on these.

Matt Abrahams : Sure.

Sarah Soule : But I’m going to be concise. And I’m going to say that now, in this moment, reflecting on the last several months, I’m finding great hope in this protest wave. And I think that my hope really lies in the awakening and reawakening in so many citizens of a curiosity to learn about race and racism, and to engage more deeply in allyship and anti-racism. And my research has also shown that protests can change public opinion and can also have profound effects on electoral outcomes. So I’m also optimistic that the outcomes of these protests may be a restoration of democracy in the United States and lead to a brighter future for all. And so that’s where I find hope in what’s been going on these last few months with the protest wave.

Matt Abrahams : I really hope your perspective is what turns out to be the case. It’s absolutely a critical moment in our history, and these protests have the potential, as you said, to have some really good, lasting effects. So thank you for that insight. Now, Sarah, I can’t end our conversation without celebrating your work-from-home creativity. You became a bit of an academic celebrity for your innovative use of your refrigerator. Can you share with us how you’ve used your kitchen appliances to help your students learn and, perhaps, share other tricks you’ve come up with to engage people while remotely communicating?

Sarah Soule : Yes, absolutely. That was such a funny picture, Matt. It was captured by my son, who was home from college, sheltering in place and distance-learning.

Matt Abrahams : Yes.

Sarah Soule : I was struggling one day, trying to figure out an effective digital whiteboard, when it suddenly occurred to me that our old-school fridge in the kitchen might do the trick. And so I tested out a little, tiny, tiny spot with a dry-erase marker on the refrigerator, and it worked like a charm. And just [in generally], I think we’re all getting better at engaging others in our new remote way of working. One of the insights that I have is that people are feeling cognitively overloaded right now.

Sarah Soule : So as educators, I think we have to find ways to reduce cognitive overload. So for example, I now offer my information in much smaller pieces interspersed with breakout groups or synchronous work and shared documents. That’s one of the tricks that I’ve been experimenting with. I’ve also been working to make my slides more visually appealing and much less cluttered, and this is where … I’ve had the opportunity to watch you teach frequently on slide design, and this has been very helpful to me.

Matt Abrahams : Oh. Well, thank you.

Sarah Soule : Yes. And so I’m also using music and video in my lectures now to offer some variation in sound and visuals. And then finally, because of my sense of humor, I’ve been known to show up using camera filters – add silly hats and accessories – just to bring a little bit of levity to my lectures and make people laugh.

Matt Abrahams : Okay, I’ve got to know: What’s your favorite filter so far?

Sarah Soule : There are some really great ones in Snap, and you can add … The one that I particularly like is putting a cat on my head.

Matt Abrahams : I can see that in my mind’s eye, for sure. So really, what it boils down to is respecting the fact that people have cognitive overload in this virtual world that we’re in and, really, trying to come up with a variety of different ways of communicating and allowing people to interact just to keep them engaged and to avoid that fatigue. And if you have to –

Matt Abrahams : – use your refrigerator and toaster, it sounds like.

Matt Abrahams : So before we end, Sarah, I’d like to ask you the same three questions that I ask everyone who joins me. Are you up for answering these?

Sarah Soule : Absolutely, Matt.

Matt Abrahams : Great. If you were to capture the best communication advice you’ve ever received as a five- to seven-word presentation-slide title, what would it be?

Sarah Soule : Are you ready for this, Matt?

Matt Abrahams : I’m ready.

Sarah Soule : “What? So what? Now what?”

Matt Abrahams : I’ve heard that before. Tell me why.

Sarah Soule : One of my dear friends, and a communication guru –

Matt Abrahams : Aah.

Sarah Soule : – you – have taught me this framework, and talked to me about how this could be used in a slide presentation. It could be used in a town-hall speech, and it could be used even in an email communication. And having communicated with you by email on many occasions –

Sarah Soule : – I notice you do this, and I have been trying to bake this into all of my communications. What? So what? Now what?

Matt Abrahams : Well, thank you for the plug, and I’m glad that that was advice that has been useful to you. It’s very useful to me, and others have said that that structure is helpful. So thank you. And a reminder to everybody: Structured messages are messages that are much more easily digested and received. So thank you. So let me ask you Question No. 2: Who is a communicator that you admire? And why?

Sarah Soule : Lin-Manuel Miranda. And this is because, through his words in Hamilton, he simultaneously ignited a desire to learn about the history of this country and he ignited a passion to fight for freedom and democracy. And importantly, he did so in such a clever, joyful and playful way. That’s why I admire him so much.

Matt Abrahams : He’s an amazing personality, and I just have to share a quick story. I heard an interview with him. In Hamilton, for all of those who’ve heard it, the rapping, the singing in some cases is so fast that he would actually have to think about the consonant blends, the certain letters, to allow somebody in their breathing to say these things so fast. As somebody who’s fascinated by communication, I was amazed to take it down not to the word but to the consonant to figure out how to say it the most effective way. He is truly a genius and an excellent communicator. I’m glad you picked him. Question No. 3: What are the three first ingredients that you would add to a successful communication recipe?

Sarah Soule : Yes. First, know your audience.

Sarah Soule : Second, keep it simple. And third, make them feel an emotion.

Matt Abrahams : Yes. So the first of yours we have talked about many times – about knowing your audience. Share with me about the “emotion” piece. That’s really powerful.

Sarah Soule : Yes. I take this from some of the things that my colleague, Professor Jennifer Aaker, has shared with me when she talks about the importance of story. She often tells a story about how she realized early on in her career, as an educator, as a professor, that her students didn’t really remember much of the content of what she taught them, but they remembered how they felt. And so I’ve been consciously trying to make sure that there’s some emotion baked into my communications.

Matt Abrahams : I think that’s so important. And in fact, Jennifer was on the podcast talking about her new research into humor, and we did touch on the notion of emotion in humor and storytelling. So that’s a great reminder. Thank you, Sarah. I knew this would be educational and entertaining. I also knew that you’d have tons of valuable thoughts and ideas on how we can work to ensure more voices are heard. Each of us has a critical role to play in fostering equity and inclusion in our workplaces and beyond. Oh, and by the way, I can’t wait to see how you use your microwave to expedite your students’ learning. Thanks so much.

For media inquiries, visit the Newsroom .

Explore More

Directive speech vs. dialogue: how leaders communicate with clarity, balance, class takeaways — how to run a meeting effectively, conviction and compassion: how to have hard conversations, editor’s picks.

November 13, 2019 Uncovering Stereotypes in Classroom Materials How bias creeps into the language of leadership.

October 30, 2018 How Protests Can Swing Elections A study shows that both liberal and conservative protests have had a real impact on U.S. House elections.

July 24, 2020 Office Artifact: Sarah Soule’s Refrigerator Whiteboard While sheltering in place, a Stanford GSB professor decided to write out equations in her kitchen — much to her cat’s confusion.

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Words Matter – Communication Strategies for Success

Published by Sophie McKenzie Modified over 6 years ago

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The Words Matter Movement

The Words Matter Movement involves being a practitioner of careful, thoughtful and deliberate positive communication. It is so easy to speak without thinking. To not genuinely listen and connect with people. When words are used in the wrong way it can be devastating.

Help us to keep bringing you this high-quality content. Please donate today!

Words are container of power. So, how are you using yours? Words motivate or deflate thoughts hopes, dreams and actions. Words have the power to excite, inspire, elate, sadden, frighten, anger or give hope. Language is behavior. What you say matters. It shapes your environment, your work and your life.

I am particularly aware of the power of word use because my father would refuse to hear negative words. He literally would say, “I can’t hear you.” When I would whine or complain about something, when I was a young child. So, the first time I did this, he would say, “I can’t hear you.” I naturally would say the same screeching whine, only louder. It wasn’t until he said, “I can’t hear you, I only can hear positive words.” That I realized if I was going to get what I wanted, I had to say it in a more positive way. Unbeknownst to me at the time, he was actually treating the way he communicated with me like a behavioral science experiment. My dad, having an extensive psychology background, was practicing the B.F. Skinner approach to behavioral psychology in shaping my communication style. The good news is that it worked! It conditioned me to look for the positive and speak from a more positive thought process, and ultimately raise my children that way.

Being acutely aware of the importance of word choice and language when communicating, one day, as I was driving my son, Wilson home from school there became a ‘teaching moment’ for us both about word choice.  Wilson was 7 years old. He was in the backseat of the car, propped up in his car seat. I started telling him about all the things he was going to be doing that afternoon. I said, “Wilson, we have to get you a haircut, and then we are going to Cooper’s house for a playdate, and then you have a lot of homework to do. I could see by looking at him in the rearview mirror while driving that he was clearly not happy about this. He said, “Mom it’s too much!” And then he said in a very angry and emphatic tone, “What are you…Nuts?!” I was stunned. I had never heard him speak like this before. He had never been so blunt and rude. Immediately I said, “Wilson! Watch your words. We don’t talk like this in our family. That was not a nice thing to say. Don’t ever speak to me like that again.” I was so upset. Wilson being quick-witted rephrased his comment with a smile. Without missing a beat he said, “Ok, then, what are you…Cashews?!” At which point we both burst out laughing. I said, “That’s genius!” and I rearranged his afternoon plans and added more downtime for him.  Would you rather be called Nuts or Cashews. Cashews works better for me.

It reminds me of when I was in the office with my ‘reverse mentor’ Will Hart. Will started working for me when he was 12 years old because he was a computer wizard with an abundance of technical talent. Although, mature for his age, one day I said something that I thought was very funny. Will looked at me like I was crazy and said, “You’re so weird.” I didn’t want to be weird, I wanted to be funny! Those words of his contained power because they bothered me.

A few days later, it happened again! I said something I thought was funny, and he said you’re so weird! Adding the word ‘so’ made it worse. I had to tell him how I felt. I said, “Will, when you say I am weird when I am trying to be funny, it hurts my feelings. He said, “But you are weird when you think you’re funny.” I said, “Well then, regardless, the next time I am trying to be funny and you think I’m being weird, can you please say, ‘You’re funny. Or You are so funny!’? He agreed. Since I like to see the humor in things it didn’t take long for me to see the humor in something and say it. At which point Will said,“ You are soooo funny!” “Really?” I replied. “Do you mean funny, funny or weird funny?” He said, “Weird funny.” And I was ok with that because it took the sting out of it.

Another time a few weeks later I said something I thought was hysterical when working with Will. He started to laugh and said, ‘That’s funny!” I said, “Do you mean it was funny, funny or weird funny?”  He said, “No, that was hysterical!” And of course, that made me feel great because of the validation.

When he would say I was being ‘funny’ (meaning weird) it didn’t bother me, because I knew I was funny, even though his words were still meant as me being weird. In a strange way, I could handle being called weird better, when it was disguised in the word funny.  When I spoke about this wordplay in a keynote presentation on leadership and the important role of effective communication, someone came up to me afterwards and thanked me. She said she realized that one of her associates was always saying that she was a perfectionist and it was increasingly bothering her. She said by listening to the stories I told, she  now knew how to handle it.

Your environment shapes you. Words are a significant part of your environment. If you want positive change in your work and life, watch the words around you. Words are containers of power. Words Matter. How are you using yours?

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Words Matter: words breed inspiration, inspiration breeds hope, hope breeds action.

by Michael Rickwood — Tuesday 9 November 2021

• Public Speaking

Why a 13-year-old speech given by a former US president holds a blueprint solution for our modern problem.

In 2008, during his campaigning, Barack Obama gave a rallying speech in Wisconsin on the power of words and resistance to hope. “Don’t tell me words don’t matter! I have a dream, just words?! All men are created equal, just words?!” It’s true that speeches don’t solve all problems, but what is also true is if we cannot inspire the country to believe again then it doesn’t matter how many policies and plans we have.

It was a rebuke on cynicism and inertia from elements within his own political establishment who saw Obama’s messaging as blind optimism. “Don’t tell me ideals and inspiration don’t matter. Don’t tell me hope doesn’t matter!” he goes on to say in reference to coming from a broken home and modest means “because it’s very unlikely that I’m standing on this stage here tonight.”

Without going through the whole speech, the main idea that Obama planted here is that hope can conquer adversity by inspiring courage in all of us to dare to face that adversity . He challenges this when he says “Kennedy didn’t look up at the moon and say ‘that’s too far. We can’t go.’ False hopes. Martin Luther King didn’t stand on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial and say, ’go home everybody. The dream’s deferred. False hopes. You all need a reality check.”

In hindsight of Barack Obama’s eight-year tenure, he had an undeniable positive impact on the world. Stronger international relations and economies, a recovered domestic economy, better access to health care for all. There were also some domestic missteps such as the handling of the Flint water crisis and a seeming ineptitude with dealing with Republicans who always seemed to get the upper hand.

So why am I talking about this now? Because in that 2008 speech is the template of arguments for what needs now as we face the mother of all complex problems. Climate change.

When he says that “nothing worthwhile has ever happened except somebody somewhere was willing to hope”.

So, nothing worthwhile has ever happened without someone willing to hope and taking the courage to act, then counters with “ That’s how slaves and abolitionists resisted that wicked system. That’s how that greatest generation defeated Hitler and rose out of a Great Depression and That’s how women won the right to vote.” The list goes on…

Obama talks about hope in the face of adversity. In a nutshell, dealing with complex problems in a determined, cool, constructive manner by garnering support through inspiration, specifics and optimism. Because fear and greenwashing breed inertia. Life is awash with problems and gravity, puling us down. To quote another American, Sylvester Stallone , who recently said in a documentary that “we as people are all dealing with problems in life. Those who succeed the most in their lives are those dealing with their problems in the smartest way” .

In 2021, we have a huge complex challenge, which is climate change. It is perhaps our greatest problem ever . Listening to our leaders today at COP 26 , a lot of it sounds like blind optimism. It’s no doubt that Greta Thunberg’s honesty is not only stark but at times disheartening. She’s angry and so should she be, her generation, my son’s generation, will have to deal with this nightmare if left unchecked.

But what’s the resistance to it all? Inertia? Pessimism? Denial? Most likely fear. The simple truth is we all owe banks money, we all need to eat today, so everybody keeps chipping away in the same direction, working hard, despite ourselves, because we all fear losing what we have. This is how difficult the problem is.

The story and the words that we need are templated right here in Barack Obama’s words. What’s needed are ideas and solutions but above all we need hope. Without it, we will never have the courage to take the leap of faith. Leaders hold the key, their words, their mindsets can cascade to get the bottom-up solution we need. The template is there, somebody else just needs to pick up the baton.

Arnold Schwarzenegger recently said in a BBC interview on climate change is that “ citizens all over the world don’t just need metrics and tons, they need a story.” They need to understand that the problem is theirs, maybe not now, but it will be, and we all have to own a piece of it.

Obama was a great US President, an inspirer in chief and not without his flaws. But it’s not the messenger here that I’m talking about. It’s the message. We can all take that message and put it to good use today.

Willing to hope on radical solutions is the only thing that can take us beyond climate change , and getting that message right, and delivered convincingly is what we are dedicated to and why we created our company. What can you do?

Words matter

Apr 22, 2019

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Words Matter!!! Words To Remove and Replace from Your Vocabulary THE POWER OF WORDS: Words have incredible power in our lives. For one, they provide us with a vehicle for expressing and sharing our experiences with others. Most of us don’t realize, however, that the words you habitually choose also affect what you experience. Transformational Vocabulary is about how you can take control of your habitual vocabulary to change the quality of your life. Simply by changing your habitual vocabulary—the words you consistently use to describe the emotions of your life— you can instantly change how you think, feel and how you live. I know it sounds odd but how people speak does reveal a lot about who they are. Most likely the guy cussing all over the place is also angry at other parts of his life and most likely not very successful in any area of his life. Since our language directly affects how we think and feel it’s imperative we don’t use dis-empowering words. So we go with some phrases and words to remove and replace from your vocabulary. Should… Please don't should on others. Please don't should on yourself. Please don't should on me. When you’re saying you should do something, you’re saying that you haven’t done something yet and you feel bad about yourself so you should do it. We live with a lot of shoulds. We should go to church, we should visit our sick relative in the hospital. We should do this, we should do that.

Get rid of that word and either do it or don't. Should can be replaced with "must". Telling others what they should or should not do is not well received. Can easily be replaced with "May I make a suggestion and I have some recommendations." Can’t… Saying you can’t do something is a sure way to ensure your failure to achieve such a task. Like Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.” Your mind will believe the words you say and the thoughts you think. Choose them wisely. I Hope or Hopefully… When you say I hope, you’re saying (without knowing it) that you have no control over the situation. You’re essentially giving up all your power to effect change. Hopefully we will sounds like we have no control or power. When you replace hope with the word “know” you’ll find from a linguistic perspective you start to feel like you’re in control again. Don’t hope for things to be a certain way, know that they will be. I Have To… Replace the phrase “I have to” with, "I am", “I will” or “I’m going to”. Have to implies you don’t have control and you’re a victim.

Try… Like Yoda says, “There is not try. There is do or don’t do, not try!” You either do things or you don’t do things. Trying is irrelevant. When you say you’re going to try to do something, you’re telling yourself it’s okay if I don’t do it. It’s okay to not do things and not be tied down to your schedule. Being a person of your word is challenging but when you remove the word “try” from your vocabulary, you’ll find that you feel much more empowered. Give it a do! not a try! But… When you use the word “but” it become a connector word that negates whatever was used before it. So for example, if you were to say: “I really like Jenny BUT she’s such a problem in my life that I can’t deal with her.” it nullifies the positive statement before it. It leaves the impression in the mind of the listener that you don’t like Jenny at all. It has the exact opposite effect. If you were to say “I really like Jenny andit’s challenging for me to deal with her.” Buts are only good for sitting on. (Butts). You can replace but with and ....it will have a better reaction. This phrase is much better tolerated not only by you but and by others listening as well. Honestly People use honestly to add emphasis. The problem is, the minute you tell your reader this particular statement is honest, you’ve implied the rest of your words were not.

Always and Never Absolutes locks you into a position, sound conceited and close-minded, and often open the door to criticism regarding inaccuracies. Alwaysis rarely true. Unless you’re giving written commands or instruction, find another word. If you can find just one exception it's not true. It's an excellent way to start an argument or fight. "You never take out the garbage" "You always forget me" Maybe This makes you sound uninformed, unsure of the facts you’re presenting. Regardless of the topic, do the legwork, be sure. The only thing you communicate when you include these words is uncertainty. Maybe can be easily replaced with quite possibly. Disempowering Empowering should choose, desire, want, will, MUST need to choose to have to Desire to or choose to can’t choose not to always, never sometimes, often, seldom must choose, desire but and

try intend, aim, will, can, commit to nah, nope, huh-uh No yeah, uh-huh Yes I AM just, only maybe quite possibly problem opportunity, challenge

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Words Matter Video – Shatterproof

Changing our language improves outcomes for those struggling with addiction. Watch this brief video to learn more.

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Words Matter - Terms to Use and Avoid When Talking About Addiction

This page offers background information and tips for providers to keep in mind while using person-first language, as well as terms to avoid to reduce stigma and negative bias when discussing addiction. Although some language that may be considered stigmatizing is commonly used within social communities of people who struggle with substance use disorder (SUD), clinicians can show leadership in how language can destigmatize the disease of addiction. For similar information for patients, visit NIDA’s  Words Matter: Preferred Language for Talking About Addiction .

To learn more about the unique impact of stigma on pregnant women and mothers, visit NIDAMED’s  Your Words Matter – Language Showing Compassion and Care for Women, Infants, Families, and Communities Impacted by Substance Use Disorder .

How to earn CME/CE credit:

• Step 1: Read all of the content below.
• Step 2: Go to the  Words Matter CME/CE Activity  page and complete the instructions provided under Method of Participation and Request for Credit to obtain your CE certificate.

Stigma and Addiction

What is stigma.

Stigma is a discrimination against an identifiable group of people, a place, or a nation. Stigma about people with SUD might include inaccurate or unfounded thoughts like they are dangerous, incapable of managing treatment, or at fault for their condition.

Where does stigma come from?

For people with an SUD, stigma may stem from antiquated and inaccurate beliefs that addiction is a moral failing, instead of what we know it to be—a chronic, treatable disease from which patients can recover and continue to lead healthy lives.

How does stigma affect people with SUD?

• Feeling stigmatized can reduce the willingness of individuals with SUD to seek treatment. 1,2
• Stigmatizing views of people with SUD are common; this stereotyping can lead others to feel pity, fear, anger, and a desire for social distance from people with an SUD. 2
• Stigmatizing language can negatively influence health care provider perceptions of people with SUD, which can impact the care they provide. 3

How can we change stigmatizing behavior?

• When talking to people with SUD, their loved ones, and your colleagues, use non-stigmatizing language that reflects an accurate, science-based understanding of SUD and is consistent with your professional role.
• Because clinicians are typically the first points of contact for a person with an SUD, health professionals should “take all steps necessary to reduce the potential for stigma and negative bias.” 3 Take the first step by learning the terms to avoid and use.
• Use person-first language and let individuals choose how they are described. 4  Person-first language maintains the integrity of individuals as whole human beings—by removing language that equates people to their condition or has negative connotations. 5 For example, “person with a substance use disorder” has a neutral tone and distinguishes the person from his or her diagnosis. 6

What else should I keep in mind?

It is recommended that “substance use” be used to describe all substances, including alcohol and other drugs, and that clinicians refer to severity specifiers (e.g., mild, moderate, severe) to indicate the severity of the SUD. This language also supports documentation of accurate clinical assessment and development of effective treatment plans. 7 When talking about treatment plans with people with SUD and their loved ones, be sure to use evidence-based language instead of referring to treatment as an intervention. 

Terms to avoid, terms to use, and why

Consider using these recommended terms to reduce stigma and negative bias when talking about addiction.

• https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5937046
• https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5854406
• https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/10826084.2019.1581221?journalCode=isum20
• https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/31140667
• https://apastyle.apa.org/6th-edition-resources/nonhandicapping-language
• https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov/sites/whitehouse.gov/files/images/Memo%20-%20Changing%20Federal%20Terminology%20Regrading%20Substance%20Use%20and%20Substance%20Use%20Disorders.pdf
• www.thenationalcouncil.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Substance-Use-Teminology.pdf
• https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2018-44736-001
• https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0955395909001546?via%3Dihub
• https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/article-abstract/1838170

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The Impact of the Words Matter Presentation

Santiago High School recently implicated a new assembly to its educational system called Words Matter where they viewed student-made videos with different situations on why violent speech can lead to consequences, along with inside information from a personal security guard and a police officer on campus. 

Students on our campus were allowed to ask questions and answer them with the newfound information.

Students at Santiago High School were asked.

“In your own words, how did the Words Matter presentation impact you?”

“What is a lesson you learned from it?”

“I’d say that I was reminded of the importance of using my own words and how I speak can affect other people. The Words Matter Presentation is just a reminder to always be kind because that is the only way to avoid conflict. Our words have impossible power, and it is our responsibility to use them in a positive way to keep our campus and personal lives happy and healthy!” -Julianna Rose

” The ‘words matter ‘presentation impacted me because it showed me how much value our words have and how much the admin wants us to be aware of what we say.”

“I learned that even if we think that something is a joke, we need to understand the impact of our words and what they can mean for our future”-Christina Ayoub

“The Words Matter presentation opened my eyes to look at words more as a double-edged sword; no one can read your mind and interpret the words you say in different ways, positive or negative. It led me to be more aware of what I say.”

“I learned that what you might think is a joke is a dangerous threat or a rude comment and that I should think before I speak more often.”-Kymberlee Torres.

” it made me realize that I should take account for my words and not go around saying possibly dangerous words to my friend even as a joke because it can turn badly very quickly”-Lindsay Diaz

” The Words Matter presentation heavily impacted me because I gained a new perspective on how my words are perceived and how my words/expressions can negatively impact me. The lesson I learned was that harmful words can have harmful impacts and lead to consequences, so avoiding negative thoughts and words would be ideal”-Urvi Vora

What an AP (Mr.Shaw) on Santiago High School’s Campus had to say when asked:

“ Is the Words Matter presentation new, and why is it important?”

 “Does this idea come from any personal experiences?”

” It began last year because we just wanted to raise awareness about students saying things that could potentially lead to severe consequences in the school district because we did have an influx of just essentially silly things that kids are saying whether they are joking or not, but that is very serious and potentially grave, so we just wanted to raise awareness with our student body and to ensure that students don’t make those mistakes.”  

(Mr. Shaw did not want to expose any stories…) Instead, he said 

“I’m not gonna talk about specific stories, but even something as simple as drawing a gun and pointing it to someone or saying something out of context, looking at a gun manual in class like those things could lead to serious consequences and essentially freak kids out here at school, and we want to make sure that we maintain a safe, welcoming environment on campus.”

Students seemed to find this presentation very impactful, and hopefully, in a few years, it can impact many more for years to come.        

• #shs#shssharkattack#SantiagoHighSchool#wordsmatter

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