essay about self acceptance

What Is Self-Acceptance? 25 Exercises + Definition & Quotes

It might sound like an odd question; after all, what does it even mean to accept yourself?

Don’t we all accept ourselves as a regular part of living our day-to-day lives?

As it turns out, self-acceptance is not an automatic or default state. Many of us have trouble accepting ourselves exactly as we are. It’s not so hard to accept the good parts of ourselves, but what about the rest? Surely we shouldn’t accept our flaws and failures?

In fact, that’s exactly what we should do! Read on to learn why we need to accept ourselves, the good and the bad, and to get some practical suggestions on how to do it.

Before you read on, we thought you might like to download our three Self-Compassion Exercises for free . These detailed, science-based exercises will not only help you increase the compassion and kindness you show yourself but will also give you the tools to help your clients, students or employees show more compassion to and acceptance of themselves.

This Article Contains:

What is the meaning of self-acceptance, self-acceptance theory in psychology, using self-acceptance in therapy, 5 examples of self-acceptance in practice, using self-acceptance in addiction recovery.

• 6 Worksheets to Help Build Self-Acceptance (PDF)

25 Exercises to Increase Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance activities for adults and groups, measuring self-acceptance with scales, tests, and questionnaires, the self-acceptance project and summit, recommended books on self-acceptance, 29 quotes and affirmations on self-acceptance.

• A Take-Home Message: It’s a Process

Self-acceptance is exactly what its name suggests: the state of complete acceptance of oneself. True self-acceptance is embracing who you are, without any qualifications, conditions, or exceptions (Seltzer, 2008).

For an academic definition, we can turn to Morgado and colleagues’ (2014) working definition:

“[Self-acceptance is] an individual’s acceptance of all of his/her attributes, positive or negative.”

This definition emphasizes the importance of accepting all facets of the self. It’s not enough to simply embrace the good, valuable, or positive about yourself; to embody true self-acceptance, you must also embrace the less desirable, the negative, and the ugly parts of yourself.

If you’re thinking that accepting all the negative aspects of yourself sounds difficult—you’re not wrong! It’s not easy to accept the things that we desperately want to change about ourselves; however—counterintuitively—it is only by truly accepting ourselves that we can even begin the process of meaningful self-improvement.

In other words, we must first acknowledge that we have undesirable traits and habits before we start off on our journey to improvement.

Unconditional Self-Acceptance

To begin working on yourself, the first step is not just self-acceptance, but unconditional self-acceptance. It’s relatively easy to accept ourselves when we just did something great—won an award, fell in love, or started a fantastic new job—but accepting ourselves at our lowest and with our faults and flaws in stark relief is the real mark of unconditional self-acceptance.

According to therapist Russell Grieger (2013), unconditional self-acceptance is understanding that you are separate from your actions and your qualities. You accept that you have made mistakes and that you have flaws, but you do not let them define you.

“You accept that, as a fallible human being, you are less than perfect. You will often perform well, but you will also err at times… You always and unconditionally accept yourself without judgment”

(Grieger, 2013).

When you practice unconditional self-acceptance, you can begin to love yourself, embrace your authentic self, and work on improving your less-than-desirable traits and qualities.

Self-Acceptance vs. Self-Esteem

Although self-acceptance is closely related to other “self” concepts, it is a distinct construct.

Its close cousin, self-esteem, is also centered on your relationship to yourself, but they differ in an important way. Self-esteem refers to how you feel about yourself—whether you feel you are generally good, worthwhile, and valuable—while self-acceptance is simply acknowledging and accepting that you are who you are.

As Seltzer (2008) puts it:

“Whereas self-esteem refers specifically to how valuable, or worthwhile, we see ourselves, self-acceptance alludes to a far more global affirmation of self. When we’re self-accepting, we’re able to embrace all facets of ourselves—not just the positive, more ‘esteem-able’ parts.”

Full self-acceptance can lay the foundations for positive self-esteem , and the two frequently go hand-in-hand, but they concern two different aspects of how we think and feel about ourselves.

Although the ideas behind self-acceptance have existed for hundreds—if not thousands—of years, there is no unifying theory of self-acceptance in psychology.

We have studied self-acceptance and its relation to constructs like wellbeing, self-esteem, and mental health, but it is almost as if no field or sub-field has come forth to claim self-acceptance as its own.

As a result, we have a scattering of findings on self-acceptance and encouragement to build self-acceptance, and we can find self-acceptance in “pop psychology” and non-academic arenas, but we, unfortunately, know little about how it develops and the larger role it plays in our personality development and throughout the course of our lives.

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However, what we do know is that a lack of self-acceptance is related to lower levels of wellbeing, and perhaps even mental illness (Vasile, 2013).

If low self-acceptance causes (or results from) mental illness and low levels of wellbeing, it stands to reason that higher self-acceptance can act as a protective factor or a buffer against these negative experiences. This idea that self-acceptance can lay the foundations for positive mental health is what drives the inclusion of self-acceptance in therapy.

If you have ever visited a therapist, you may have discussed the importance of accepting yourself and your reality. Even if you didn’t use those exact terms, it’s likely that you and your therapist worked on your ability to acknowledge the good and the bad within you, to accept all aspects of yourself, and to learn to separate what you do from who you are.

This is a good place to pause and point out one very important thing to understand about self-acceptance: to fully accept yourself and all of your flaws and mistakes does not mean that you condone any bad behavior or accept and embrace unhealthy or harmful actions.

You do not need to condone or approve of your actions, traits, and characteristics to accept that you did engage in those actions and that those undesirable traits and characteristics are a real part of who you are.

This is an important distinction to make, as some clients in therapy have trouble with the idea that they must accept themselves when they have done terrible things (or feel that they have done terrible things, even if they haven’t). Accepting reality for what it is, does not necessarily mean you like that reality.

In the same way, accepting yourself for who you are and acknowledging what you have done does not mean you must like, appreciate, or celebrate every aspect of yourself. In fact, accepting those less savory aspects of yourself is the first and most important step in removing, adapting, or improving that which you don’t like about yourself.

A good therapist can help you learn how to accept yourself and give you a framework you can use to build up your self-acceptance and begin to focus on improving yourself. If you’re specifically interested in working on your self-acceptance, there is a type of therapy that may be perfect for you: self-acceptance training.

Zatzick and Johnson (1997) describe it as an educational, alternative approach to traditional therapy provided through group workshop trainings. In these trainings, workshop leaders facilitate a “hypnotic trance” in participants to help them set aside their self-doubt, self-criticism, and negative self-talk. This state is believed to make it easier for participants to enhance their own awareness and accept all aspects of themselves.

This is an alternative approach and there is little evidence to determine whether it is as effective as other forms of therapy, but if it’s something that interests you there is no harm in trying it!

Now that we know what self-acceptance is and how it can benefit us, we can move on to another important question: What does self-acceptance look like? How do we know when we have “reached” self-acceptance?

Marquita Herald (2015) from the Emotionally Resilient Living website puts it this way:

“Can you look in the mirror and truly accept the unique, wonderful work-in-progress person staring back at you?”

You will know that you have achieved your goal of self-acceptance when you can look at yourself in the mirror and accept every last bit of what makes you who you are, and when you no longer try to mitigate, ignore, or explain away any perceived faults or flaws—physical or otherwise.

Self-acceptance can look different for each of us, depending on what we have struggled with and which pieces of ourselves we’d rather not think about. Here are some examples of what self-acceptance might look like for a variety of people:

• A man going through a divorce who feels like a failure because of it might experience self-acceptance as acknowledging that he made some mistakes and that his marriage failed, but that does not make him a failure.
• A woman struggling with anorexia may accept herself as a human being with an imperfect body , acknowledge that she approaches her imperfection from a harmful perspective, and commit to working on this perspective.
• A student who works hard only to receive Cs and the occasional B in college could reach a point of self-acceptance in which he realizes that studying and taking tests is not his strong suit and that this is okay because he has other strengths.
• A girl with low self-esteem who actively ignores facing her self-doubt and self-defeating beliefs might experience self-acceptance through acknowledging and confronting her negative beliefs and cognitive distortions, and realizing that not everything she thinks is true.
• An employee who struggles to meet the goals set by a demanding boss may accept herself by accepting that sometimes she will fail to deliver, but that she can still be a good person even when she fails.

If you have ever found yourself in a group, therapy session, or even an institution focused on recovering from an addiction of any kind, the concept of self-acceptance is probably not new to you.

Acceptance of oneself and one’s reality is an essential building block of many recovery programs.

Acceptance is so important because those who abuse alcohol or other substances (or struggle with any other kind of addiction, like gambling or sex) are often prone to using denial as a coping mechanism to avoid facing their problems.

They may minimize, rationalize, forget, deceive themselves, or even repress the memories of their behavior. While this coping mechanism can be helpful in some situations, it’s never a good idea when you are trying to overcome and heal from substance abuse (Lancer, 2016).

Even when an addict recognizes that he or she has a problem, they may believe that they can control every aspect of their lives through simply wanting to change. This is a dangerous place to be since there is much that we do not have control over in our lives.

This is why acceptance is so vital to the recovery process; before they can make meaningful changes to their lives, those struggling with addiction must first accept (Lancer, 2016):

• That they have a problem.
• That they do not have complete control over every aspect of their life.
• That they have limitations and flaws.
• The reality of their circumstances.

Then, once the individual has learned to accept reality and themselves as they are in this moment, they can begin to work on changing the things they can change.

The aim is not to encourage self-blame and guilt; instead, the aim is to move from the perspective that says “I don’t like who I am” to “I’m going to be on my own side while I create change” (Rosenthal, 2015). This is the power of self-acceptance; you allow yourself to change for the better when you plant yourself firmly in your present reality and decide to help yourself instead of bury yourself under doubt, criticism, and blame.

Addiction expert Michele Rosenthal hits this point home when she says, “ In recovery, when you accept who and where you are in the recovery process you appreciate the truth of what that means today while at the same time admitting that change needs to occur ” (2015).

NA (Narcotics Anonymous) and Self-Acceptance

Although most people are probably more familiar with Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), there is another addiction recovery program that uses self-acceptance as its cornerstone: Narcotics Anonymous (NA).

According to the NA program, self-acceptance lies at the heart of an addict’s disease. Narcotics offer them a way to escape from the critical evaluation of themselves and allow them to remain in denial about their problem.

When an addict begins their journey to recovery, they are encouraged to focus first on self-acceptance:

“Self-acceptance permits balance in our recovery. We no longer have to look for the approval of others because we are satisfied with being ourselves. We are free to gratefully emphasize our assets, to humbly move away from our defects, and to become the best recovering addicts we can be. Accepting ourselves as we are means that we are all right, that we are not perfect, but we can improve”

(Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc., 1985).

To learn more about how self-acceptance is the key to addiction recovery, check out this PDF .

5 Worksheets to Help Build Self-Acceptance (PDF)

If you’d like to give self-acceptance a shot, there are several worksheets and handouts that you might find useful. Listed below are 6 of the most popular resources available to help you build your self-acceptance. For more worksheets, have a look at our selection of ACT Worksheets .

Building Self-Acceptance through Positive Self-Talk (Handout)

Although not technically a worksheet, this handout is a valuable resource for teaching, understanding, and embracing self-acceptance. Plus, you can always take notes on it—that makes it a sort of worksheet, right?

This handout will walk the reader through a description of self-acceptance, a discussion of what sets self-acceptance apart from self-esteem, and—most important of all—how to build your self-acceptance.

Some positive self-talk examples are listed, including:

• “I am a good and caring person and deserve to be treated with respect.”
• “I am capable of achieving success in my life.”
• “There are people who love me and will be there for me when I need them.”
• “I deserve to be happy.”
•  “I am allowed to make mistakes and learn from them.”

Repeat these statements to yourself, acknowledge them, and absorb them, and you will be well on your way to self-acceptance and self-love.

Click here to download the handout.

The Radical SELF Forgiveness/Acceptance Worksheet

This worksheet comes from Colin Tipping at RadicalForgiveness.com and offers a comprehensive and insightful way to work on forgiving and accepting yourself. There are 22 sections to this worksheet, making it one of the most info- and activity-packed worksheets I’ve ever encountered, but every bit of it can be implemented to set you on a path towards greater self-acceptance.

Note that this worksheet frequently refers to a Higher Power, Divine Order, and other spiritual concepts; this makes it an excellent choice for those in recovery, as it mirrors the most common recovery programs. However, if you are not religious or spiritual, you can still benefit from the worksheet—try filling in the blanks with things like “Nature”, “Reason”, or “Reality.”

The worksheet starts off with the vital first step of identifying the action you need to forgive yourself for: “What I am blaming myself for and what I hear my judging self saying to me about it is…”

Next, you are instructed to describe how you feel about yourself in this context and rate your current self-esteem.

In the third and fourth sections, you will acknowledge and accept your feelings, commit to refraining from judgment of yourself, and rate the guilt and shame you are feeling.

In the next section, you will determine whether your guilt is appropriate or inappropriate and explain why.

The sixth section helps you realize that some of your beliefs and self-judgments are simply not true:

“ As I really examine how I feel about myself, I realize that underlying my feelings of shame, there is a belief or a set of beliefs that I hold about myself that are not true. My self-judgments have been based in what others, particularly my parents, saw in me and taught me about myself. For example: ”

Once you have listed an example of the beliefs you hold that you recognize as untrue, you will move into the next set of sections. For sections 7 through 15, you will read a statement about your current thoughts and feelings and rate how open you are to each one on this scale:

After rating your current state, section 16 will give you an opportunity to release yourself from worry, anxiety, or guilt over the problematic issues you identified at the beginning. Section 17 allows you to forgive those who implanted the faulty idea or untrue belief in you and identify them by name.

In the 19th section, you will encounter a loving statement of self-forgiveness that is ready for you to embrace—all you need to do is add your name and read it to yourself.

In the 20th section, you will affirm that you surrender to whatever higher power you believe in and embrace the healing power of love.

Section 21 gives you space to write a note to anyone that, upon completing this worksheet, you realize you have hurt or negatively affected in any way.

Finally, the 22nd section gives you the opportunity to write yourself a final note of forgiveness , and/or use the ready-made statement:

“ I completely forgive  __________________ for I now realize that you did nothing wrong and that everything is in Divine order. I acknowledge, accept and love you unconditionally just the way you are. I recognize that I am a spiritual being having a human experience, and I love and support myself in every aspect of my humanness. ”

At the bottom of this section, you are instructed to rate your current level of self-esteem again. If you compare it to your earlier rating, you will likely see at least a small boost to how you feel about yourself.

To see this worksheet or download it for your own use or for your clients, click here .

Improving Self-Esteem: Accepting Yourself Workbook

This resource is a workbook with several self-compassion exercises , activities, and important pieces of information that can help you to become more self-accepting, improve your self-esteem, and enhance your self-compassion .

The workbook includes activities like:

• Focusing on the Positive You (listing a couple of your positive qualities)
• Positive Qualities Record (making a more comprehensive list of your positive qualities)
• Positive You Journal (jotting down past and present examples of your positive qualities)
• Acting Like the Positive You (committing to engaging in and using your positive qualities, as well as engaging in pleasurable activities, and recording what you did)
• Fun & Achievement Activities Scheduling (treating yourself to some fun and acknowledging your achievements)

Along with some helpful information, tips, and suggestions, these activities and worksheets can help you build a solid foundation and start to improve your self-acceptance and feel good about yourself.

This workbook is also available for download  here .

What I Believe Worksheet

This worksheet from the Self-Esteem Experts (Susyn Reeve and Joan Breiner) will help you identify your core beliefs and realize where they came from, an important step in getting to know and accepting yourself. Once you have completed this first part, the worksheet can also help you evaluate the truth of these beliefs, determine how much they influence you, and decide which ones to elevate in your mind and which to scrap.

This worksheet lists six questions to guide you through this process:

• Write the beliefs you learned about yourself when you were young from your… a. Mother: b. Father: c. Siblings: d. Friends: e. Teachers: f. Others:
• Which of these messages continue to dominate your thoughts today?
• Which messages support and which messages detract from your confidence , happiness, and satisfaction?
• Are these messages truth or simply a belief (a thought that has been thought so often that you believe it is the truth)?
• Which messages do you want to change to improve your self-esteem?
• Write the new thoughts you choose to believe to support your positive self-esteem, confidence, and happiness?

Use this worksheet to get to know your true self, identify any positive or potentially problematic core beliefs, and commit to challenging those that are unhealthy and unhelpful.

Click here to download the worksheet.

Love & Admire Me Worksheet

Another great worksheet from the Self-Esteem Experts is the Love & Admire Me Worksheet.

There are two parts to this worksheet: one that you complete right away, and one that you implement daily for seven days.

Part 1 is to choose the characteristics, qualities, talents, skills, or abilities you admire in yourself and list specific situations in which you embodied them. (Remember: When you focus on the specific details using all your sense you automatically reinforce self-esteem building brain pathways).

There is space for you to list several positive aspects of yourself with examples. It might be hard to think of them at first, but give it a shot—you will likely find that it gets easier as you go.

In Part 2 , the focus is on current ways you are using or applying the positive aspects of yourself. The instructions are:

“ Each day, preferably in the evening before you go to sleep, make a list of the actions you took that demonstrate the qualities, gifts, and talents you admire in yourself. The more you practice seeing yourself through the eyes of admiration, the more you strengthen your self-confidence muscle .”

This worksheet is a great way to not only identify and start paying attention to the positive aspects of yourself (something that can be extremely difficult for those with low self-esteem and low self-acceptance) but to actually train your brain to notice your positive qualities and actions as you go.

You can download this worksheet by clicking here .

How to Love Yourself Worksheet

Finally, this third worksheet from the Self-Esteem Experts is the How to Love to Yourself Worksheet.

The point of the worksheet is to focus on the good things about yourself: the things you like, appreciate and implement in your life.

The instructions note that this is not just a list of things you like doing—although you will probably enjoy applying your strengths and talents in most cases—but a list of what you honor and appreciate about yourself.

Here is how the worksheet guides you into identifying and leaning in on the good aspects of yourself:

• List what you honor and appreciate about yourself—your gifts, talents, skills, and abilities. Here are some questions to consider while making your list: a. What do I appreciate about who I am? b. What are my strengths? c. What do my friends appreciate about me? d. What do I like about others? Which of these characteristics do I have? e. How would people who love me describe me?
• When you have completed your list, read it aloud while looking in a mirror. a. Begin each statement with the words, “[Your name], I love your…” (e.g., “Joan, I love your sense of humor! Joan, I love your willingness to help others!”). b. Begin each statement with the words, “I love my…” (e.g., “I love my commitment to feeling good about myself! I love my openness to learn new things!”).

Completing this worksheet can help you start to open yourself up to the good aspects of yourself instead of focusing solely on the bad; self-acceptance requires acknowledging and accepting both the positive and the negative and maintaining a healthy balance in your attention to them.

If you’d like to see this worksheet for yourself or download it for your own use or use with your clients, click here .

If you’re more of a “hands-on” learner and less interested in reading and writing to boost your self-acceptance, there are many other exercises, activities, and techniques that you can implement to start accepting yourself. A few of the best and most popular of these are listed below.

Self-Acceptance Exercise

Follow these instructions to try the Self-Acceptance Exercise:

• To overcome your irrational thinking leading to low self-acceptance, complete the top half of the circle by filling in the appropriate spaces with pluses (+ ‘s) for the things you do well at work or school and with minuses (-‘s) for the things you don’t do so well. Then complete the bottom half of the circle by writing in things you do well and things you like about yourself, as well as things you don’t do well or don’t like about yourself.
• Rest of Life To counter the tendency to put yourself down when things aren’t going so well, ask yourself the following questions: ● Does this bad situation (mistake, failure, rejection, criticism) take away my good qualities? ● Does it make sense to conclude that “I am totally hopeless” because of one or more negative things that have happened?
• Thoughts to Help Increase Self-Acceptance ● I’m not a bad person when I act badly; I am a person who has acted badly. ● I’m not a good person when I act well and accomplish things; I am a person who has acted well and accomplished things. ● I can accept myself whether I win, lose, or draw. ● I would better not define myself entirely by my behavior, by others’ opinions, or by anything else under the sun. ● I can be myself without trying to prove myself. ● I am not a fool for acting foolishly. If I were a fool, I could never learn from my mistakes. ● I am not an ass for acting asininely. ● I have many faults and can work on correcting them without blaming, condemning, or damning myself for having them. ● Correction, yes! Condemnation, no! ● I can neither prove myself to be a good nor a bad person. The wisest thing I can do is simply to accept myself. ● I am not a worm for acting wormily. ● I cannot “prove” human worth or worthlessness; it’s better that I do not try to do the impossible. ● Accepting myself as being human is better than trying to prove myself superhuman or rating myself as subhuman. ● I can itemize my weaknesses, disadvantages, and failures without judging or defining myself ● by them. ● Seeking self-esteem or self-worth leads to self-judgments and eventually to self-blame. Self- acceptance avoids these self-ratings. ● I am not stupid for acting stupidly. Rather, I am a non-stupid person who sometimes produces stupid behavior. ● I can reprimand my behavior without reprimanding myself. ● I can praise my behavior without praising myself. ● Get after your behavior! Don’t get after yourself. ● I can acknowledge my mistakes and hold myself accountable for making them -but without berating myself for creating them. ● It’s silly to favorably judge myself by how well I’m able to impress others, gain their approval, perform, or achieve. ● It’s equally silly to unfavorably judge myself by how well I’m able to impress others, gain their approval, perform, or achieve. ● I am not an ignoramus for acting ignorantly. ● When I foolishly put myself down, I don’t have to put myself down for putting myself down. ● I do not have to let my acceptance of myself be at the mercy of my circumstances. ● I am not the plaything of others’ reviews and can accept myself apart from others’ evaluations of me. ● I may at times need to depend on others to do practical things for me, but I don’t have to emotionally depend on anyone in order to accept myself. Practical dependence is a fact! Emotional dependence is a fiction! ● I am beholden to nothing or no one in order to accept myself. ● It may be better to succeed, but success does not make me a better person. ● It may be worse to fail, but failure does not make me a worse person.

Click here to see this exercise on the SMART Recovery website.

If you’re looking for practical, everyday things you can do to enhance your sense of self-acceptance, take a leaf from the book of several different psychologists and therapists in building your self-acceptance by following these 12 suggestions:

• Set an intention for yourself to “shift paradigms from a world of blame, doubt, and shame to a world of allowance, tolerance, acceptance, and trust.”
• Identify, acknowledge, and celebrate your strengths.
• Consider the people around you, and ask yourself these four questions: (1) Who speaks negatively to me? (2) Who reinforces negative self-talk? (3) Why do I allow such people to hurt me? (4) Are they just doing my own dirty work because I’m not willing to choose a different reality?
• Create a support system by distancing yourself from those people you identified in suggestion #3 and surrounding yourself with people who accept and believe in you.
• Forgive yourself, put your regrets in the past, and move on.
• Shush your inner critic with a realistic mantra like “I am only human, I am doing the best that I can and that is all I can do.”
• Grieve the loss of unrealized dreams; accept and mourn for the hopes you had that will never come to fruition, then get back to being the best “you” possible.
• Perform charitable acts and do good for others.
• Realize that acceptance is not resignation; accepting that there are some things you cannot control allows you to focus on the things you can control, facilitating positive change.
• Visualize and speak to your highest self to learn how to accept, empathize with, and love yourself.
• Be kind to yourself in order to enhance your self-compassion .
• Fake it ‘til you make it; act like you believe you are a worthy person, and eventually, you will come to believe it (Tartakovsky, 2016).

Leo Babauta (n.d.) from Zen Habits lists 7 other techniques you can implement to enhance your self-acceptance:

Practice relaxed awareness

What is relaxed awareness? As opposed to constant distraction, or concentrated focus, relaxed awareness is a soft consciousness of our thoughts, feelings, pain, self-rating, and judgment, etc. It’s an awareness of our existence, and the stream of phenomena that is occurring at this moment, including thoughts and emotions and outside stimuli.

To practice: close your eyes for a minute, and instead of pushing thoughts away or trying to focus on your breath, just softly notice your thoughts and feelings and body. You might see negative thoughts or emotions — that’s OK. Just notice them, watch them. Don’t try to turn them into positive thoughts or push them away.

You can do this practice for 5 minutes a day, or up to 30 minutes if you find it useful.

Welcome what you notice

When you practice relaxed awareness, you’ll notice things — negative thoughts, fears, happy thoughts, self-judgments, etc. We tend to want to stop the negative thoughts and feelings, but this is just a suppression, an avoidance, a negating of the negative.

Instead, welcome these phenomena, invite them in for a cup of tea, give them a hug. They are a part of your life, and they are OK. If you feel bad about how you’ve been doing with exercise, that’s OK. Hug the bad feeling, comfort it, let it hang around for a while. They are not bad but are opportunities to learn things about ourselves.

When we run from these “bad” feelings, we create more pain. Instead, see the good in them, and find the opportunity. Be OK with them.

Let go of rating yourself

Another thing you’ll notice, once you start to pay attention, is self-rating. We rate ourselves compared to others, or rate ourselves as “good” or “bad” at different things, or rate ourselves as flabby or too skinny or ugly.

This is not a very useful activity. That doesn’t mean to let it go, but just to notice it, and see what results from it. After realizing that self-rating repeatedly causes you pain, you’ll be happy to let it go, in time.

Gratitude sessions

Wake up in the morning and think about what you’re grateful for. Include things about yourself. If you failed at something, what about that failure are you grateful for?

If you aren’t perfect, what about your imperfection can you be grateful for? Feel free to journal about these things each day, or once a week if that helps.

Compassion & forgiveness for yourself

As you notice judgments and self-rating, see if you can turn them into forgiveness and compassion. If you judge yourself for not doing well at something, or not being good enough at something, can you forgive yourself for this, just as you might forgive someone else?

Can you learn to understand why you did it, and see that ultimately you don’t even need forgiveness? If we really seek to understand, we realize that we did the best we could, given our human-ness, environment, what we’ve learned and practiced, etc. And so we don’t need to forgive, but instead to understand, and seek to do things that might relieve the pain.

Learn from all parts

We tend to try to see our successes as good, and the failures as bad, but what if we see that everything is something to learn from? Even the dark parts — they are parts of us, and we can find interesting and useful things in them too.

Separate from your emotions

When you are feeling negative emotions , see them as a separate event, not a part of you, and watch them. Remove their power over you by thinking of them, not as commandments you must follow or believe in, but rather passing objects, like a leaf floating past you in the wind. The leaf doesn’t control you, and neither do negative emotions.

Talk to someone

This is one of my favorite techniques. We get so in our heads that it’s difficult to separate our thoughts and emotions, to see things clearly. Talking through these issues with another person — a friend, spouse, co-worker — can help you to understand yourself better. Use the talking technique together with one of the above techniques.

Finally, psychologist Russell Grieger (2013) takes a slightly different tack than Babauta with these five great suggestions for working on building your self-acceptance:

• Give yourself a letter grade with regard to the degree to which you live by the principle of unconditional self-acceptance. Are you satisfied with your grade? What grade would you prefer?
• Name two situations in which you tend to judge your whole self. What could you tell yourself in these two situations to help you unconditionally accept yourself, despite any mistakes you may make or flaws you may possess?
• Make a commitment to spend two minutes six times a day (breakfast, mid-morning, lunch, mid-afternoon, supper, and bedtime) drawing the distinction between your self and your performances. Remind yourself at these times to not judge yourself – as either all good or all bad – from that time till the next rehearsal.
• Practice applying unconditional self-acceptance to others. That is, practice only rating their behaviors and traits as good or bad, but never them as a whole person. This is Unconditional Other Acceptance.
• Identify one person you know that could benefit from learning about unconditional self-acceptance. Plan where and when you could meet this person to explain it. Teaching others a truth helps us to learn it ourselves.

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If you’re interested in activities and exercises you can do in a group instead of on our own, there are a few options you can consider. Check out a couple of sample activities listed below.

Developing Self-Acceptance/Examining Self-Measurement

This exercise from the Australian Department of Education and Training is a good one for older students, adults, and anyone else who is interested in building their self-acceptance. It’s part-lesson, part-exercise, making it an excellent fit for the classroom.

Follow these instructions to try it:

Setting the Stage:

To introduce the lesson, have the students find a space in the room away from others and have them do some stretching (standing up, legs slightly apart and stretching arms to the ceiling then gradually bringing them down by their sides and bending forward to finally release and shake the hands).

Do this 3 or 4 times, encouraging them to breathe fully and deeply whilst stretching. Students then return to seats. Explain that stretching is an excellent way to re-energise the body and to facilitate the release of endorphins (“the feel good” chemicals released from the brain during exercise) – which will always help in generally “feeling good” about yourself.

The Activity:

To see this activity for yourself or download it for use in your classroom or group, click here .

Positive Focus Group

This is a great activity for you to try with friends, family, and other loved ones. It will not only help you realize the positive aspects of yourself, which can help you get a balanced perspective, it can also help the other participants come to the same realizations!

To give it a shot, follow these instructions from Zdravko Lukovski (2015) at Enlightenment Portal:

Bring together the group—whether that’s family members, friends, classmates, coworkers, support group members, or anyone else who you think could contribute to and benefit from the experience.

Break the group into pairs, then set a time limit. If there are only three or four people attending the positive focus group, there is no need to break into pairs.

Focusing on one person at a time, the rest of the group talks about all of the things they like about him or her. When the time is up, another person becomes the subject of the conversation – and this goes on until every person in the group has been in the positive focus.

It’s a very powerful technique, but some people are shy to do it. Don’t be, choose only the people that you feel comfortable with and explain to them why you are doing that. They will almost certainly gladly accept your invitation and be happy to help.

Self-Acceptance and Meditation

If the exercises, activities, and worksheets didn’t help, you may want to try meditation.

Meditation is an ancient art, but one with science behind it; a regular meditation practice can help you find inner peace, calm yourself when your emotions are running wild, and even lead you to greater acceptance of yourself.

Mindfulness meditation can facilitate the process of self-acceptance through its focus on observing but not judging.

This non-judgmental awareness can not only allow you to practice seeing yourself without heaping on blame, guilt, and self-doubt, it can also help you train your brain to respond differently to anxiety and stress (Pillay, 2016).

Research suggests that a regular mindfulness meditation or loving-kindness meditation (or mindful self-compassion ) practice can aid you in building self-acceptance through influencing the emotion-processing portions of your brain and perhaps through increasing the overall connectivity throughout your brain (Pillay, 2016).

To give mindfulness meditation a shot at increasing your self-acceptance, follow this guide from Rezzan Hussey (2017) at ArtofWellBeing.com:

• Begin by bringing awareness to your breath.
• Take a few very full breaths before settling into natural breathing.
• Focus on becoming aware of your breath, noticing as it flows in and out of your lungs.
• Open yourself up to awareness—of your thoughts, feelings, and sensations, and of your environment.
• When your mind attempts to drift off on tangents, gently bring it back by telling yourself “thinking, thinking” and returning your awareness to your breath.

If this exercise left you hungry for more, you might enjoy a guided meditation. Try these guided meditations to maintain or expand your meditation practice:

• Guided Meditation for Self-Acceptance from MindfulnessExercises.com ( link )
• Guided Meditation for Unconditional Self-Acceptance from Alicia Cramer ( link )

If you’re thinking that it sounds like a difficult task to measure self-acceptance, you’d be right. It’s a bit of a tricky thing to measure something so nebulous—and something that’s often buried and unacknowledged—but there are a few ways to do it.

These four scales and questionnaires are some of the most commonly used methods to measure self-acceptance.

Related reading: The Self-Compassion Scale and Test (Incl. PDF)

Generalized Expectancy for Success Scale (GESS)

The Generalized Expectancy for Success Scale, or GESS, is perhaps the most commonly used scale of self-acceptance, although it measures a specific niche of the construct: an individual’s expectations of future success and failure for themselves. It was developed by Fibel and Hale in 1978 and consists of 30 items rated on a scale from 1 (highly improbable) to 5 (highly probable).

All items begin with the same stem: “In the future I will…” and end with a statement about the respondent’s belief in some future success or failure.

Example items include:

• In the future, I will find that people don’t seem to understand what I am trying to say.
• In the future, I will deal poorly with emergency situations.
• In the future, I will carry through my responsibilities successfully.
• In the future, I will not make any significant contributions to society.
• In the future, I will succeed at most things I try.

Initial validation of the scale resulted in high test-retest reliability and expected correlations with related constructs (e.g., depression, hopelessness). Later validation provided evidence that the GESS scores correlate highly with Rosenberg’s Self-Esteem Scale , giving further support for its validity (Mearns, 1989).

Expressed Acceptance of Self and Others

One of the foundational scales of self-acceptance was created in 1952 by researcher Emanuel M. Berger. It is called the Expressed Acceptance of Self and Others scale.

This scale consists of 64 items, 36 for the self-acceptance scale and 28 for the acceptance of others scale. All items in the self-portion are rated on a scale from 1 (not at all true of myself) to 5 (true of myself).

A higher score on the scale represents greater self-acceptance.

Unconditional Self-Acceptance Questionnaire (USAQ)

The Unconditional Self-Acceptance Questionnaire, or USAQ, is the most recently developed scale on our list. It was created by researchers Chamberlain and Haaga in 2001.

This measure consists of 20 statements rated on a scale from 1 (almost always untrue) to 7 (almost always true). Sample items include:

• I avoid comparing myself to others to decide if I am a worthwhile person.
• I set goals for myself that I hope will prove my worth.
• Sometimes I find myself thinking about whether I am a good or bad person.
• When I am criticized or when I fail at something, I feel worse about myself as a person.

Some items are scored normally (1 = 1 point, 7 = 7 points), while others—like the second example item—are reverse-scored (1 = 7 points, 7 = 1 point). Higher scores on the USAQ indicate greater unconditional self-acceptance.

Scores on this measure were found to correlate negatively with depression and anxiety and positively with happiness and general wellbeing .

Click here to read about the development of this scale and to see the scale in full.

Self-Acceptance Subscale of the Scales of Psychological Wellbeing (SPWB)

Although the full scale (the Scales of Psychological Wellbeing, or SPWB; Ryff, 1989) provide a measure of overall psychological wellbeing, it is broken into six dimensions with six different subscales to measure each:

• Self-acceptance
• Positive relations with other people
• Environmental mastery
• Purpose in life
• Personal growth

The self-acceptance subscale measures an individual’s ability to accept and embrace all that makes her who she is. A high score on this subscale indicates a positive attitude toward the self and acceptance of both the good and the bad, while a low score indicates that the individual likely feels negative about herself and is troubled about or in denial of the negative aspects of herself.

The SPWB consists of either 84 (long-form version) or 54 (medium-form version) items rated on a scale from 1 (strongly disagree) to 6 (strongly agree).

An example item from the self-acceptance subscale is:

• I like most aspects of my personality.

The SPWB has been validated and re-validated several times over, and remains one of the most reliable and methodologically sound measures of wellbeing, which indicates that the self-acceptance subscale is also a strong measure.

The Self-Acceptance Project is intended to teach people how to be kind and compassionate towards themselves in any situation.

Author and self-acceptance expert Tami Simon created a series of online videos for this project in which she discusses self-acceptance with experts in psychology, spirituality, and creativity in order to learn more about what self-acceptance really is, how it develops, how we can foster our own self-acceptance, and how we can silence, neutralize, or perhaps even learn to live with our inner critics.

Expert guests include some of the big names in research that you might recognize, including Kristin Neff (renowned self-compassion expert), Brené Brown (leading expert in vulnerability research), Kelly McGonigal (Stanford health psychologist and expert in stress and success), Tara Brach (prodigious writer on the topic of self-acceptance), and Steven C. Hayes (expert in Relational Frame Theory and developer of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy [ACT]).

If you’d like to learn more about self-acceptance with a smaller investment of time and money, there are several books that can help you get familiar. Some of the best books on the topic include:

• The Gift of Imperfection by Brené Brown ( Amazon )
• Radical Acceptance: Awakening the Love That Heals Fear and Shame by Tara Brach ( Amazon )
• Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha by Tara Brach ( Amazon )
• How to Be an Imperfectionist: The New Way to Self-Acceptance, Fearless Living, and Freedom from Perfectionism by Stephen Guise ( Amazon )
• Self-Acceptance: The Key to Recovery from Mental Illness by Victor Ashear and Vanessa Hastings ( Amazon )
• Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self-Acceptance by Rosie Molinary ( Amazon )
• The Self-Acceptance Project: How to be Kind and Compassionate Toward Yourself in Any Situation by Tami Simon ( Amazon )
• 50 Mindful Steps to Self-Esteem: Everyday Practices for Cultivating Self-Acceptance and Self-Compassion by Janetti Marotta ( Amazon )

17 Exercises To Foster Self-Acceptance and Compassion

Help your clients develop a kinder, more accepting relationship with themselves using these 17 Self-Compassion Exercises [PDF] that promote self-care and self-compassion.

Created by Experts. 100% Science-based.

Sometimes all we need to keep making progress or get back on the metaphorical horse after falling off is a good quote or affirmation. A simple sentence can make a world of difference when you take it to heart!

If you’re interested in using affirmations to help you on your self-acceptance journey, you can make your own or give some example affirmations a try.

To make your own, follow these instructions:

• Make two columns on a sheet of paper; call the first column “Negative Beliefs about Myself” and second column “Affirmations.”
• Come up with somewhere between five and ten negative beliefs that you hold about yourself (e.g., I’m fat and unattractive, I am not lovable, I can’t do anything right).
• In the Affirmations column, create a positive belief that you can use to confront the negative belief and implement as an affirmation in your life (e.g., I am okay just the way that I am, I am worthy of love, I accept myself exactly as I am).
• Once you have an affirmation for each negative thought, say your affirmations out loud at least once per day to help them stick.

You can also use some sample affirmations if you’re not sure your own are on the right track. For example, you might say (Yahne, 2016):

• My uniqueness is my blessing.
• I am not my circumstances.
• My wants have worth.
• I teach others to believe in me by believing in myself.
• Fear of failure does not control me.
• Being who I truly am is my divine right.
• I act for my future not because of my past.

Although reading self-acceptance quotes doesn’t exactly constitute a regular practice, they can still be helpful when you’ve hit a rough patch or need some motivation. Check out these 15 quotes and see if any resonate with you and your feelings about self-acceptance.

I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.

Brené Brown

No amount of self-improvement can make up for any lack of self-acceptance.

Robert Holden

Self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship to myself.

Nathaniel Branden

The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.

You can succeed if nobody else believes it, but you will never succeed if you don’t believe in yourself.

William J. H. Boetcker

Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.

Marilyn Monroe

The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.

Anna Quindlen

To be nobody but yourself in a world that’s doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting.

E. E. Cummings

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

Sharon Salzberg

Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.

It’s not your job to like me – it’s mine.

Byron Katie

The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.

Joseph Campbell

Believing in our hearts that who we are is enough is the key to a more satisfying and balanced life.

Ellen Sue Stern

I found in my research that the biggest reason people aren’t more self-compassionate is that they are afraid they’ll become self-indulgent. They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be.

Kristen Neff

Friendship with oneself is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.

Eleanor Roosevelt

We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.

Dalai Lama XIV

A Take-Home Message

I hope this piece gave you a good overview of self-acceptance and provided you with some new techniques and exercises you can use to boost your own sense of self-acceptance.

If there’s one thing you should take away from this piece, it’s that self-acceptance is at the core of so many positive states (including self-esteem, wellbeing, happiness , recovery, etc.). If you are struggling to accept who you are at a fundamental level, it’s tough to love yourself, love others, or make positive changes in your life.

Feel free to refer back to this piece if you ever find yourself in a place of denial, self-criticism, or guilt and shame. If you find any of this information helpful (and I hope you do!), please let us know in the comments section!

Thanks for reading, and I wish you nothing but the best in your journey to self-acceptance!

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Self Compassion Exercises for free .

• Babauta, L. (n.d.). 8 techniques for self-acceptance. Zen Habits. Retrieved from https://zenhabits.net/acceptance-techniques/
• Berger, E. M. (1952). The relation between expressed acceptance of self and expressed acceptance of others.  The Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology ,  47 (4), 778-782.
• Chamberlain, J. M., & Haaga, D. A. (2001). Unconditional self-acceptance and psychological health.  Journal of Rational-Emotive and Cognitive-Behavior Therapy ,  19 (3), 163-176.
• da Rocha Morgado, F. F., Campana, A. N. N. B., & Fernandes, M. D. C. G. C. (2014). Development and validation of the self-acceptance scale for persons with early blindness: The SAS-EB. PloS one ,  9 (9).
• Fibel, B., & Hale, W. D. (1978). The Generalized Expectancy for Success Scale: A new measure.  Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology ,  46 (5), 924-931.
• Grieger, R. (2013). Unconditional self-acceptance: Be impeccable with yourself. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happiness-purpose/201302/unconditional-self-acceptance
• Herald, M. (2015). What does self-acceptance mean to you? Emotionally Resilient Living. Retrieved from https://www.emotionallyresilientliving.com/what-does-self-acceptance-mean-to-you
• Hussey, R. (2017). A guide to practicing acceptance, the game-changing habit. Art of Well Being. Retrieved from http://www.artofwellbeing.com/2017/11/08/acceptance/
• Lancer, D. (2016). Substance abuse: The power of acceptance. Psych Central Library. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/lib/substance-abuse-the-power-of-acceptance/
• Lukovski, Z. (2015). 15 great self esteem building activities & exercises for teens and adults. Enlightenment Portal. Retrieved from http://enlightenmentportal.com/development/self-esteem-building-activities/
• Mearns, J. (1989). Measuring self‐acceptance: Expectancy for success vs. self‐esteem.  Journal of Clinical Psychology ,  45 (3), 390-397.
• Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. (1985). Self-acceptance. Narcotics Anonymous. Retrieved from https://www.na.org/admin/include/spaw2/uploads/pdf/litfiles/us_english/IP/EN3119.pdf
• Pillay, S. (2016). Greater self-acceptance improves emotional well-being. Harvard Health Publishing Blog. Retrieved from https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/greater-self-acceptance-improves-emotional-well-201605169546
• Rosenthal, M. (2015). The big myth about self-acceptance in recovery. Addiction.com Expert Blogs. Retrieved from https://www.addiction.com/expert-blogs/the-big-myth-about-self-acceptance-in-recovery/
• Ryff, C. D. (1989). Happiness is everything, or is it? Explorations on the meaning of psychological well-being.  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology ,  57 (6), 1069-1081.
• Seltzer, L. F. (2008). The path to unconditional self-acceptance. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/200809/the-path-unconditional-self-acceptance
• Tartakovsky, M. (2016). Therapists spill: 12 ways to accept yourself. Psych Central. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/lib/therapists-spill-12-ways-to-accept-yourself/
• Vasile, C. (2013). An evaluation of self-acceptance in adults. Procedia–Social and Behavioral Sciences, 78 , 605-609.
• Yahne, R. (2016). 8 affirmations for confidence and self acceptance. HuffPost Blog. Retrieved from https://www.huffingtonpost.com/rachael-yahne/8-affirmations-for-confid_b_10122734.html
• Zatzick, D. F., & Johnson, F. A. (1997). Alternative psychotherapeutic practice among middle class Americans: I: Case studies and follow-up.  Culture, Medicine and Psychiatry ,  21 (1), 53-88.

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Thank you for this well-written, comprehensive piece on self-acceptance. I so appreciate all the resources offered in it as well. Many thanks!

this is so amazing! I’ve been practicing the unconditional self-acceptance and it’s drastically changed my life. Self-love and self-acceptance make for a happy life 🙂 Thanks a lot for sharing this.

Thanks so much for this information, it has really motivated and changed my way of thinking.

Ms Ackerman: In 1972, my first wife escorted me to consult a psychologist. After several psychotherapist over the years, one recommended, in 1987, that I practice, writing in the mornings and evenings, the following affirmation: ” I love myself; I accept myself, right now. I am intelligent; I am a worthwhile man.” This post of yours accentuates the positive! I am afraid the Truth is too good to be TRUE, though. But I like it; I like it; I like it! I accept vulnerability and shame, and my shadow. This is deep. Thank You

This article has been especially helpful to me since I have struggled greatly with low self esteem due to the drudge of dealing with Schizoaffective Disorder. I am 36 years old & just beginning to attempt to seek self-acceptance. Since accepting the fact of feeling a lot of self-doubt has been very uncomfortable & it is difficult to concede that I have self-defeating views, the parts of this article I could relate to have been most enlightening and comforting. Thank you for your expertise.

I love these resources! I’ve been finding guided meditations really helpful in bringing awareness to the voice of self judgment and criticism so that I can begin to let them go. This is a helpful one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNuHGr-znj0 . Thank you for this amazing post!

Dear Author I am deeply inspired by your Master task , it helped me a lot to encourage my students in my positive Psychology. Thank You Dear. Sr.Brigitta

This is a brilliant resource on self-acceptance and learning to apply acceptance to our lives. Thank you for this.

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Advanced Essay #2: My Journey to Self Acceptance

Introduction

The purpose of my essay is to explore the impact of identity labels, and the significance they have for individuals in the process of self-discovery. There is also a focus on the role that community plays in self-acceptance. The communication of these concepts was accomplished through recalling my personal journey to understanding and accepting my gender identity. Within this essay, I feel that one of my strengths was integrating a metaphor that supports my main point. I used the idea of a journey to represent the process of self discovery, and a canyon as a metaphor for the barrier between living without a sense of self and existing within a community as an individual defined on their own terms. It serves to define the vast difference between self-realization and self-acceptance. Additionally, I am proud of my success in completing tasks on time. In my next paper, I will challenge myself to clearly establish my main point earlier on in the process. Additionally, I would like to work towards communicating my ideas in a more concise and powerful manner.

For much of my life, I never bothered to reflect on who I was. I accepted what other people told me about my identity, whether I liked it or not. I assumed that any individual’s identity was not self-discovered, but was determined by those around that individual. However, I have learned that my identity, and the process of existing as my truest self, belongs entirely to me.  I will not sacrifice my sense of self just to appease society, nor to lessen the resistance I face as a result of my existence and expression of self.

For the past several years, I have gone through an exploration of and acceptance of my genderqueer identity. The first time I thought about it is a memory from when I was in 8th grade. The moment when I learned what the word cisgender meant, something clicked for me. In conversation with a friend, the word came up. I asked what it meant. “Cisgender refers to anyone who identifies as the gender they were born as. That's you and me,” my friend explained. My brain instantly went, “That's not me… is that me? I am not sure.” And then I went on to dwell on it periodically for a significant portion of time, in between long periods of denial.

During those long periods of denial, I often felt that I did not know myself, that I had not yet been given the knowledge of who I truly was. I knew people existed on the other side of the canyon, in a land of understanding themselves and being who they truly were. I did not understand that one could travel from one side to the other. The truth is, everyone has a canyon to cross. Everyone has a part of who they are that they must discover and move towards. The moment we must make a change, we are tempted to deny the journey that has brought us to the moment. We cannot unlive the journey. To sit at the barrier is to waste away into nothingness, to resign oneself to a confused, empty, and meaningless fate. To bridge the canyon is to find validation within. Once having reached a pivotal point in self-discovery, we can connect where we are and where we want to be. It is to build a bridge and pass over the canyon, rather than jump into the abyss.

One of the steps over the bridge for me was to share my thoughts with one of my mothers. I told her that I thought I was genderqueer. We were in a car. I spent the whole ride, on the way to see a dentist, getting up the courage to bring up the topic. Finally, as we got back into the car after the appointment to go home, I told her. Her response crushed me.

“Just promise me,” she said, with a clearly disappointed tone to her voice, “that you won’t turn into a man.” She slid into the car, and slammed the door behind her.

A cocktail of sadness, disappointment, anger at her, self-doubt, and self-loathing welled up inside me, sloshing around. I was either going to cry, or going to explode: her words, now fading into the tense silence, were the smoldering match to my gasoline. “Who ever said that I wanted to be a man?!” I sputtered, “I just want to be me. How is that the first response you, a self-proclaimed trans-ally, have. It’s like you are supportive of everyone, no matter what, until that person is your own kid.”

“Yeah. I guess so,” she unashamedly agreed, as if she saw nothing wrong with it.

We sat in silence.

Many people will cross this bridge with you, and many will try to hold you back. Many people will cheer you on from the other side, and many will demand that you turn away, or else jump. Belonging is not guaranteed. Turning back is to make more difficult the path for the next traveler; to desecrate the faith of the folks across the canyon. Continuing forward is tearing yourself away from the arms that have cradled you and embraced you since you were young. But everyone has a place where they fit in, even if they must travel far to find it. I may not fit exactly in with the puzzle I was packaged with, but I fit in with my community. The more people like me I have met, the more I have learned to accept myself. As I have gained confidence through embracing this community, I have found my place. I have claimed my right to exist shamelessly as I am. I am genderqueer, and my existence is mine. Identity is for an individual to define. To sacrifice one’s well being just to appease others is to peel away and discard the unique meaning of that individual’s existence.

As explained by Jill Soloway, film director and writer of the television show Transparent,  “The category of nonbinary or gender-queer feels like a relief to me. It's sort of a safe home, a place in which my self wishes to reside…. I know it’s awkward and hard to understand, but all we have is the language. These words are attempting to catch up to something that is a question of how one exists inside one’s mind or one’s soul.” (Glamour interview, Ann Friedman, 9/14/17)

I knew who I was, but had trouble accepting myself. I had internalized so much of the negative responses and resistance I had been met with. It would be so much easier if I could just be who they wanted me to be. It would be easier if I had never discovered my identity in the first place, but that was impossible. Having a sense of self is a part of the human experience; an integral part of existence. It would be so much easier to opt out of the human experience, but that was clearly not an option. As I struggled with myself, figuring out my identity, I replayed many of the responses of people close to me:

“I never knew you weren’t happy on this side of the canyon.”

“You seemed to fit in so well when you were younger.”

“We would miss you. Just promise me you won’t go.”

“You’ll regret it. I screwed a lot of things up when I was a teenager.”

“I accept that you wish to be over there, so long as you stay on this side.”

“This is just a phase. A trend.”

“Fake. Liar. Special snowflake.”

Where I see my journey to happiness, they see the withering of an image they had of me. They see an imposter killing off the person they thought they knew, wearing the skin of their loved one, asking for help to irreversibly change it.

Am I really a monster? A fake? An imposter? A special snowflake, just begging for attention in a way that is guaranteed to cause me agony and make my life significantly more difficult?

No. Because voices also echo from the other side.

“Change what you cannot live with. Learn to love the rest,” advises a more experienced traveler, already trod on the path I follow.

Among them, is a quote from queer activist Kate Bornstein: “There’s a bunch of people who used to think ‘I’m a terrible person for changing my gender’ or ‘I’m a terrible person because I’m f**king same-sex people’ and people are now understanding that, no, trans is not mean to anybody. Queering up your sexuality isn’t mean to anybody.” (Huffpost interview, James Nichols, 10/10/15, updated 8/10/16)

The open arms of those who have traveled this path before me, cheer me on.

Self-discovery is a process. I am constantly evolving; growing as a person. For a long time, when I doubted myself, I thought that this made my understanding invalid. Now, I feel that doubt is inevitable. It is a landmark along the trail of self-discovery, just before the point of making a decision. It would be so simple to stop, to never cross that barrier.

But if we do not carry on, what are we to do? We must continue forward, as we cannot turn back. Since my first moments of questioning my identity, I have learned to reflect on all aspects of my identity on a deeper level. I am now self-aware in a way I never would have thought possible.

Where do I go now? Many people see a genderqueer identity as highly politicized. It is true that identity in the context of society is political and formative of the present moment, as well as the future of humans as social beings. Labels can be used to create both division and community. But identity on an individual basis has a more fluid meaning. For me, I exist in the way I have always existed: as myself. Now, I put a label on it because that label fits and that label creates a sense of community for me. Identifying as genderqueer connects me to the community that I have discovered myself in. This sense of community so powerful and necessary. My genderqueer identity is made up of me existing and putting a label that fits onto my existence. This has been a long journey for me, and I know it is one that will last forever. I know who I am in this moment, and look forward to continuing to discover myself. I will not sacrifice my sense of self just to appease a society that claims I do not exist.

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How to Embrace Self-Acceptance

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• Characteristics

Importance of Self-Acceptance

Learning self-acceptance.

Self-acceptance is the ability to accept both your strengths and your personal faults without judgment, says Meghan Marcum , PsyD, chief psychologist at AMFM Healthcare.

None of us are perfect—we all have things we would like to improve about ourselves. However, some people are able to accept their shortcomings; whereas others fixate on them and become their own worst critics.

This article explores the characteristics of self-acceptance, discusses its importance, and suggests some strategies that can help you learn to accept yourself.

Characteristics of Self-Acceptance

According to Dr. Marcum, these are some of the characteristics of self-acceptance:

• Being able to see yourself fairly accurately and recognize what you are and aren’t good at
• Embracing all the parts of yourself—even the negative ones—and being happy with who you are
• Accepting your values , preferences, resources, feelings, intuitions, and actions—both past and present
• Recognizing your strengths and accomplishments without being overly vain about them
• Learning to acknowledge your weaknesses and faults without beating yourself up over them or engaging in overly excessive negative self-talk
• Having a positive attitude toward yourself and holding yourself in high regard, without the need for others’ approval
• Seeing yourself as a whole human being, rather than defining yourself by any one characteristic, incident, ability, or weakness
• Being able to love and respect yourself

On the other hand, lack of self-acceptance can lead to a fractured sense of self deep within your subconscious , where one part of you is angry, upset, annoyed, ashamed, or disappointed with another part of you. These fragmented parts can only reconcile when you forgive and accept yourself.

Below, Dr. Marcum explains why self-acceptance is important and the negative consequences of being unable to accept oneself.

Benefits of Self-Acceptance

When you are accepting of yourself you tend to worry less about what others think . This helps you view situations with more clarity and makes you less likely to take on harsh criticism of yourself.

How you feel about yourself can also play an important role in determining your overall well-being. A 2018 study notes that self-acceptance can help instill a sense of well-being, which in turn helps you build quality relationships with others and ensures personal growth and development.

Meghan Marcum, PsyD

Self-acceptance helps you feel better about yourself and makes you feel capable of dealing with life’s challenges.

What Happens When You Don't Accept Yourself

On the other hand, Harvard Medical School notes that lack of self-acceptance can be harmful to your health and your psychological well-being.

In fact, a 2014 study found that having low self-esteem and a negative view of oneself was linked to lower levels of gray matter in parts of the brain that regulate emotions and manage stress. This can increase one’s risk of emotional disorders and stress-related health conditions.

As a result, lack of self-acceptance can lead to:

• Mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• Low self-confidence and a fear of failure
• Avoidance of people or situations that trigger negative feelings
• Relationship issues due to a lack of firm boundaries
• Self-hatred and a tendency to engage in negative self-talk (“Why did I think I could do this? I’m not good at anything—others are much better than I am”)

Without self-acceptance, people essentially devalue themselves and this often has a negative impact on all areas of their life, including their work, friends, family, health, and well-being.

Dr. Marcum suggests some strategies that can help you learn to accept yourself:

• Embrace your values: It’s important to identify, articulate, and embrace your personal values and beliefs. Thinking and acting in line with your values can help strengthen your sense of identity , improve your self-respect, and make it easier for you to accept yourself.
• Set healthy boundaries: You may find that you need boundaries in various aspects of your life, such as your work, your relationships, your time, and your finances. Set boundaries and stick by them. Don’t let others infringe upon your boundaries or take you for granted. This can help prevent mistreatment, which you may find difficult to accept on a subconscious level.
• Forgive yourself: If you’ve made a mistake, acknowledge it and learn from it, but don’t berate yourself for it repeatedly. Learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes.
• Avoid self-blame: Recognize that you are not the cause of all the negative situations you encounter. Try to be objective and evaluate other factors that may have played a role in the circumstances.
• Don’t compare yourself to others: Try to be a better version of your previous self, instead of making comparisons to others.
• Focus on positivity: Make an effort to see the silver lining in every situation. Rather than focusing on what you did wrong, try to identify at least one thing you did right. If you have a negative thought about yourself, reframe it and replace it with a positive one instead.
• Keep a journal: Maintain a journal where you note down your strengths and accomplishments, as well as your weaknesses and disappointments. If you are having difficulty accepting something, it can be helpful to note down your thoughts about the situation and what you could have done differently. This can help you implement changes in the future and act more in accordance with your values.
• Try loving-kindness meditation: Loving-kindness meditation is a form of meditation that can help you build positivity, compassion, and equanimity. It involves thinking positive thoughts for yourself, appreciating yourself just the way you are, and saying affirmations out loud. 
• Seek help: It may be helpful to see a mental health professional, if you feel that a lack of self-acceptance is disturbing your peace of mind, causing you to experience symptoms of anxiety or depression , interfering with your ability to eat or sleep, affecting your work, or harming your relationships.

A Word From Verywell

Accepting yourself can help you be happy and peaceful, and lead to a sense of well-being. On the other hand, lack of self-acceptance and a negative view of yourself can cause you to have low self-confidence and a greater risk of conditions such as depression and anxiety. 

Fortunately, there are steps you can take to promote self-acceptance. Focus on your strengths, avoid blaming yourself for things beyond your control, and most importantly, forgive yourself for your mistakes.

Morgado FF, Campana AN, Tavares Mda C. Development and validation of the self-acceptance scale for persons with early blindness: the SAS-EB . PLoS One . 2014;9(9):e106848. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0106848

Columbia University. What does "self-acceptance" feel like?

Anderson University. Self-acceptance and self-compassion .

Virginia Department of Health. Self-acceptance .

Klussman K, Curtin N, Langer J, Nichols AL. The importance of awareness, acceptance, and alignment with the self: a framework for understanding self-connection . Eur J Psychol . 2022;18(1):120-131. doi:10.5964/ejop.3707

Su H, Wang L, Li Y, Yu H, Zhang J. The mediating and moderating roles of self-acceptance and self-reported health in the relationship between self-worth and subjective well-being among elderly Chinese rural empty-nesters: An observational study . Medicine (Baltimore) . 2019;98(28):e16149. doi:10.1097/MD.0000000000016149

Harvard Medical School. Greater self-acceptance improves emotional well-being .

Bingöl TY, Batik MV. Unconditional self-acceptance and perfectionistic cognitions as predictors of psychological well-being .

Agroskin D, Klackl J, Jonas E. The self-liking brain: a VBM study on the structural substrate of self-esteem . PLoS One . 2014;9(1):e86430. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0086430

Zeng X, Chiu CP, Wang R, Oei TP, Leung FY. The effect of loving-kindness meditation on positive emotions: a meta-analytic review . Front Psychol . 2015;6:1693. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2015.01693

By Sanjana Gupta Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness.

The Long Road to Self Acceptance

“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” – Brene Brown

Self acceptance is something that’s been on my mind a lot these past few weeks.

First, I wrote this post and mentioned that finding self acceptance has helped me simplify my life. Then last week I participated in Fire + Wind Co’s #theimperfectboss campaign , which was all about pulling back the curtain and showing our ‘imperfect’ selves to the world.

And finally, yesterday, I saw this video that demonstrated how incredibly easy it is to manipulate images of ourselves for social media – and then called for us to embrace our true selves with the #JustAsIAm campaign.

All of this has left me wondering – Where does self acceptance come from? And how do you find self acceptance?

Or perhaps more accurately, where did I find self acceptance?

To be clear, I think learning to accept yourself is a journey with no finish line and I still have a long way to go. Having said that, I know I’ve made huge strides forward; 20 years ago … maybe even 10 years ago, I can remember crying in front of the mirror and desperately wishing that I was anyone but myself – and now I feel grateful and even lucky to be the person I’ve become.

I don’t think there is one clear path to self acceptance for everyone (and for that reason this is not a ‘how to’ post.) Having said that, I think that one thing that helps everyone find their way is when we share our honest stories with each other.

So on that note, here are a few of my stories. (It’s not everything because that would be way too long for this post!) As you can imagine, this was a very personal post to write, so I hope you enjoy it (and if so be sure to let me know in the comments! x)

IT ALL STARTED WITH UNPRETTY

Have a look at this photo. Can you pick me out?

If you said the adorable little one with the pink sneakers, you’d be wrong. That’s my incredibly gorgeous younger sister. I’m the tallest one here – and yes, I was often mistaken for a boy.

I think I’m about twelve in this photo, a year or two from high school and probably just a few months from discovering make up, brand name clothes, and that I was ‘unpretty’.

I would go on to spend the next few years of my life trying to ‘improve’ myself. I became more and more aware that I was different from most of the girls at my school, with my funny shaped eyes and my thick unruly hair.

I was desperate to fit in so I tried everything: I grew out, coloured, and permed my hair; I raided my mother’s makeup collection, and I begged her to buy me trendy clothes.

(I remember learning that the Gap was ‘cool’ and I became obsessed with owning a t-shirt from there. Yep – I thought the Gap was the height of fashion!)

But despite my best efforts and my proudly worn aqua and white striped Gap t-shirt (which I think I’d love to own today), I never really ‘cracked’ into the cool kids. In all honestly I wasn’t an outcast either; I did have a lot of acquaintances (although not many close friends) but I did feel like one.

I was painfully self conscious all the time, and whether it was true to or not, I felt rejected and ugly. I hated myself and wanted to be anyone but me.

DEALING WITH NOT GOOD ENOUGH

I felt this way all through high school and university, and I dealt with these feelings by hiding my true self. (Of course I wasn’t that self aware at the time, but now – in reflection – it’s easy to see what I was up to. )

It didn’t happen overnight, but I started to tell myself a story; a false narrative to protect myself from getting hurt.

It all began with a job. (Actually, I’d always had a job – my grandparents owned a restaurant – but at sixteen I got a ‘real’ job as a waitress in a pizza parlour.)

At first, I enjoyed working and I was really good at it. I was respected by my coworkers because I was a hard worker and I earned good tips. I found a lot validation in doing a good job and I could feel my self confidence growing. Work became a safe place for me, so I started staying late and working more and more hours.

Then everything started to change.

I can’t say exactly when it happened, but my life – and to an extent my identity – started to revolve around my work. At the same time I began to feel differently about myself and my peers.

In my mind, work shifted away from a fun way to earn a little extra money to a burden; something that I did because I had no other choice. (I think perhaps I was trying to emulate the adults I knew, who were all stressed and overworked.)

Regardless of the why, this mindset made me feel superior to my peers. I felt mature, like a real adult; while my schoolmates were off at parties or football games I was putting in long hours at the restaurant. I started to feel detached and slowly I began cutting all ties with my school friends.

HIDING FROM REJECTION

By the time I started University my obsession with work and my feelings of detachment had spiralled out of control. I rarely spoke to other students (I told myself they were immature) and I didn’t participate in any social activities. Instead I had two jobs and lived off campus, alone.

On the outside, I pretended I was proud of my life and my choices, but on the inside I was miserable and lonely.

So what was really going on here?

Why did I tell myself I had to work all the time, when the truth is I easily could have made a few simple lifestyle changes that would have dramatically cut my expenses? And why did I reject my peers, when the truth is I would have loved having friends and a normal social life?

Looking back, I can see that I told these lies because I was scared of being rejected.

My busy schedule protected me. Working every weekend meant I never had to sit at home alone, hoping someone would invite out for the night. By making myself unavailable, I was safe.

The same applies to my attitude towards my peers. I didn’t accept myself for who I was, so I didn’t think that anyone else would either. To protect myself I choose to reject them, before they had a chance to reject me.

RELATED POST: 35 Things I Learned in 35 Years

MOVING FORWARD TOWARDS ACCEPTANCE

Whew. To be honest this was a really dark and difficult time in my life. I wish I’d had the awareness to see what was going on then … but I was twenty two, overworked and emotionally drained. Self awareness didn’t happen but fortunately something else did.

As you can imagine, working 70+ hours a week while going to school full time was not sustainable. After four years of living this way, something inside me snapped and I made a bizarre and impulsive decision to move overseas.

I was broke and naive, and moving abroad was potentially a very stupid idea – but it turned out to be the first step on my journey towards self acceptance.

Being alone in a foreign city, I had no choice but to face my fears. I needed help, I needed friends, and I’d made so many sacrifices to be there; it made no sense to spend my time hiding away alone. For the first time, I put myself out there and truly faced rejection.

But surprisingly it never came. The next six months were amazing; I met so many people and even friends that I still talk to today, over a decade later. I was being myself and I was accepted and it was absolutely mind blowing.

RELATED POST: How I Became a Minimalist

WHAT I’VE LEARNED

Of course things didn’t change overnight. I still had a long road ahead of me and throughout my twenties I still suffered a lot from self loathing; I slowly started to accept my appearance only to find myself feeling painfully inadequate about my career choices and lack of ‘success’!

As I mentioned earlier, self acceptance is most definitely a long journey.

But I have learned a few things along the way.

• Beware the stories you tell yourself. Have you ever heard this saying? “ Don’t believe everything you think .” There is so much truth there. Question everything: your feelings, your beliefs, your ‘truths’. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies.
• Challenge yourself to face your fears. For me, this meant moving abroad (and it was a great experience) but you don’t need to take such an extreme leap to push yourself. There are lots of simple ways you can be vulnerable and face your insecurities head on: talk to new people, take a class or even start a blog!
• Listen to the people who love you. This was a lesson I learned much later in life. The people I love have always been there for me, supporting me and lifting me up – but for a long time I didn’t want to hear what they had to say. I know this isn’t easy, and I’m not 100% sure what made me finally listen, but I can say with certainty that when I did it completely changed how I feel about myself.

RELATED POST: Confidence + Minimalism (Find the Courage to Chase Your Dreams)

If you’ve read this far, thank you – I know this is a super long post. I hope that sharing my story has inspired or helped you in some way. I’d love to hear about your journey to self acceptance – let me know in the comments (or shoot me an email if you prefer!) xoxo

photo credit: (top) Unsplash.com // (bottom) probably my mom ? // Used with permission

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25 thoughts on “The Long Road to Self Acceptance”

Thank you so much, your story’s so amazing and inspiring & I’m truly proud of you and your choices! I loved reading it thank you again<3

Two years later.. your story has really inspired me.. it made me remember many things about young me that i have hidden for a really long time. My story this much the same as yours. I used possession of expensive things and brands to protect me against people.. Materialistic people affected my way of thinking and perceiving things. For a long time i thought that material (being rich or successful or fit) is what protects me and is what makes me deserve respect of other people. I made strict standards for me to follow before being accepted by me…then accidentally, I saw a facebook page about minimalism and after search i found the missing keys that i have searched for through out my life. Your blog is one of that best things that happened to me in 2018. Thanks a lot.

Hi Mona! Wow, thank you so much for you kind words about my blog and for sharing some of your own story. I really appreciate it 🙂 Best of luck for you in the new year!

Thanks for sharing your story. It’s easy to feel really alone sometimes and it definitely helps when other people share and make you realise that most people have felt the same things as you at some point in their lives. I’ve definitely been where you were before and I’m currently trying to work on self-acceptance in a big way. I 100% agree with you that watching what you’re saying internally can really help – we are our own worst enemies! I’ve started reading a mindfulness book which has really helped me with this and really challenged the way I think. Glad to hear that you’ve found solutions that work for you and help you to feel better!

Anyway, sorry for ranting on, and thanks again for sharing 🙂

Thanks so much for your comment (and so sorry for my slow reply!) I really appreciate your response … this was definitely a personal and scary post to write!! Self acceptance is definitely a long journey! ?

Totally needed to read everything from this post–so much of it resonated with how I currently view myself/where I am at. Thank you for your vulnerability, though you don’t have all the answers, just your rawness is refreshing and relatable. This was truly inspiring and I always love reading your blog, so honestly the lengthier the better!

Thank you SO much for your sweet comment Madison! I really appreciate the feedback (especially on this post because it was a huge challenge to write!) ?

HOLY! What an incredibly beautiful, wise, and kick ass post. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story with us. Self acceptance is a difficult journey, I feel like it’s almost like a rollar coaster due to the fact life can throw us a curve ball when we least expect it.

I think when we step outside our comfort zones we have the potential to create something amazing and we grow as a person. I think stepping outside my comfort zone by sharing my blog and creative abilities helped me to strengthen my self acceptance.

Thank you for being an amazing role model ?

Hello Allie! Eek … I’m not sure I’m a role model but I appreciate your kind words!! Yep, I definitely agree that so many wonderful things happen when we push ourselves beyond our comfort zones (and blogging is definitely a way to jump in head first!) xx

What a lovely idea for a post. What made you think of it? Getting older 😉 I might have to riff off of your idea because I’ve been dancing around a similar theme, but I think yours is great! Not all the harsh self-inflicted suffering stuff, but just sharing your story and journey. Thanks for being vulnerable!

Hi Lani! I’ve been thinking about this ever since I wrote my “20 Ways I’ve Simplified My Life’ post … self acceptance was my #20, but I felt like the way I added to the list over simplified what a journey it really was. I’m so glad you liked how it came across. It was actually REALLY difficult to write – my first few drafts kept coming out a bit too ‘dear diary’ and it wasn’t quite what I wanted. In the end it took me about 20 hours to come up with this post ?

Please feel free to steal this topic, I would love to read your story!

Thanks babe. Right about now I have bucket of ice cream with my name on it. I don’t feel exactly empowered or anything, just trying to breathe and wait for easier days. Enjoy Hawaii! xxoo

Amazing post! I think everyone suffers with insecurities we just need to push them away and believe that everyone is beautiful and not two souls are the same!

Tamara – LoveofMode.com

Thank you so much Tamara! I appreciate your kind words x PS: your blog is gorgeous!!

Great post! You have done some great self-reflection and I can relate. Thanks for helping myself and others on our journey 🙂

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment Cortney. If I can help you (or anyone else) on their journey then I’m truly humbled! ☺️

Exceptional piece. Well done Jennifer!!!

Thanks so much Martina ?

You blow me away everytime you blog. This is an amazing post which women + young women all over need to read and be empowered by. Love your work!!!!! xxx

Wow, thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate it! ❤️

Jennifer. I love this. Thank you so much for baring this important part of your soul. I have so much that I could comment on. But just know I think you are such an incredible role model and and such a strong woman.

Your tip about listening to people that love you? That is the most important lesson I’ve had to learn on this same trajectory. They are there to support you. And when you shut them down, how does that make them feel? It makes you feel crappy, it makes them feel crappy, it’s just not great. Surround yourself with those who support you and accept and embrace it.

You are BEAUTIFUL and wonderful.

Amanda you are so sweet and your words really mean a lot to me! Thank you so much.

And yes, you’re so right – when we ignore what our loved ones are trying to tell us it hurts them as much as it hurts us. It took me so long to understand this! But better late then never ☺️

SO MANY THINGS TO LOVE ABOUT THIS POST, JENNIFER!

Ehem, sorry for shouting but I wanted to stress that point. You killed it, lady. ❤️

Your story really spoke to me as another unpretty kid who rebelled with the goth thing and rock metal. I’m practically aeons away from that but self-acceptance was a big step forward for me too. I could feel how painful it was to reflect back on when you were 22. Af the same time, it’s a huge contrast with where you’re at at 35 and that is so inspiring!

My two favorite parts are “Surprisingly, it never came.” and the takeaways at the end of the post. The first because it’s amazing how we overthink and feel so defensive when, as you said, what we fear usually doesn’t happen as badly as we think. The second because even as you share your story, the lessons learned can help us apply them to our own journeys of self-acceptance.

This is super-long now but thank you for opening yourself up so we could be inspired to accept more of ourselves too. Enjoy the rest of your vacation, Jen!

Ah Daisy – you’re always so supportive, thank you so much for your kind words! Yeah – it’s amazing how much things can change in 10, 5, or even 1 year. It’s part of what makes life so awesome, isn’t it?! xx

True, that! Don’t think we ever dreamed we’d be where we are now. ?

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What is Self-Acceptance?

Written by Steve Rose

Addiction and recovery | suicide and mental health, 2 comments(s).

You wake up, look in the mirror and there it is—your toughest critic, your constant companion, the one person who seems to hold you to the highest standards—yourself. This is an all too familiar scene, isn’t it? The pointed glare, the sigh of disappointment, the mental checklist of all the things you think you’re not doing right or you could be doing better. These are the daily rituals of self-rejection, the constant reminders you send to yourself that you’re not enough, or not quite right as you are.

Perhaps you’ve noticed that it’s more than just an inner dialogue. It seems to seep into every corner of your life, influencing the choices you make, the risks you don’t take, and the dreams you don’t chase. You may start to believe this narrative you’ve spun for yourself, thinking it’s the reality you must accept. However, what if there’s another perspective, a kinder, gentler viewpoint that celebrates who you are, rather than condemning you for what you’re not?

Welcome to the journey of self-acceptance. But what is self-acceptance?

Self-acceptance is the recognition and affirmation of one’s own worth and value, acknowledging and embracing all aspects of oneself, including strengths, weaknesses, and imperfections.

It’s not about ignoring your flaws, but rather, recognizing and embracing your entire being—strengths, weaknesses, and everything in between. It’s about realizing that you’re enough, exactly as you are right now. This concept, while seemingly straightforward, is often misunderstood and even more often, neglected. Yet, it is one of the most significant elements of mental health.

So, are you ready to flip the narrative? To replace that harsh inner critic with a more compassionate voice? Let’s explore the world of self-acceptance together.

Table of Contents

The Concept of Self-Acceptance

The roots of self-acceptance run deep in psychology. The earliest notions of self-acceptance can be traced back to the Humanistic psychology movement in the mid-20th century. This movement, featuring prominent figures such as Carl Rogers and Abraham Maslow, posited the importance of individual experience, personal growth, and self-fulfillment.

More contemporary theories, such as Positive Psychology, further highlight the importance of self-acceptance. This psychological approach, championed by Martin Seligman, stresses the significance of positive emotions, strengths, and virtues in promoting human flourishing, and it positions self-acceptance as a crucial factor in this equation.

Different cultures also offer varied perspectives on self-acceptance. In many Eastern philosophies, including Buddhism and Hinduism, the acceptance of oneself is a vital component of spiritual growth. These traditions encourage self-awareness, introspection, and ultimately, acceptance of the self as part of the universe’s larger pattern.

In contrast, some Western cultures often place a strong emphasis on the pursuit of personal growth and achievement, sometimes to the detriment of self-acceptance. However, the trend has been changing, with more people recognizing the importance of accepting oneself as a stepping stone towards genuine personal growth and well-being.

Carl Rogers, a pioneer in Humanistic Psychology, placed self-acceptance at the heart of his theoretical framework. He viewed it as a key ingredient to what he called “the good life”—a life that involves the process of enriching and fulfilling one’s true potential.

Rogers introduced the concept of the ‘Fully Functioning Person’—an individual who is open to experience, lives in the moment, trusts their own judgment, feels free to express their emotions, and is always in the process of becoming. Central to this concept is the idea of self-acceptance. Rogers believed that accepting oneself, including the understanding and acceptance of one’s own feelings and experiences, is crucial to becoming a fully functioning person.

Numerous psychological studies suggest a strong link between self-acceptance and mental health. Individuals with high levels of self-acceptance tend to experience less mental distress and have better coping mechanisms during stressful situations. On the other hand, lower self-acceptance levels are often associated with mental health issues such as anxiety and depression.

Self-acceptance is intimately connected to self-esteem and self-worth. Accepting oneself, flaws and all, fosters a healthy sense of self-esteem. In contrast, individuals who struggle with self-acceptance often grapple with low self-esteem and self-worth.

Self-acceptance can significantly influence personal and professional relationships. People who accept themselves tend to have healthier, more positive relationships as they are less likely to project their insecurities onto others. They are also more open and genuine in their interactions, leading to deeper connections with those around them.

Cultivating Self-Acceptance

Self-awareness: Identifying one’s own strengths and weaknesses

The first step towards self-acceptance is self-awareness. This involves consciously recognizing your strengths and weaknesses, passions, motivations, and patterns of behavior. It’s about understanding and acknowledging who you truly are, and embracing your individuality. Tools such as introspection, journaling, and even professional personality tests can help enhance self-awareness.

Self-compassion: Being kind and understanding to oneself

Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would extend to a good friend. This means acknowledging that it’s okay to be imperfect and to make mistakes—it’s a part of the human experience. It’s about learning to comfort yourself in times of need and to celebrate your successes, no matter how small they may seem.

Non-judgment: Avoiding severe self-judgments

Non-judgment involves developing an unbiased awareness of your experiences and refraining from labeling them as ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Instead of being critical or harsh towards yourself when you fall short of your expectations, try observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. This practice can help you cultivate a more accepting and friendly relationship with yourself.

Forgiveness: Releasing past mistakes and failures

To cultivate self-acceptance, it’s crucial to let go of past mistakes and failures. Dwelling on past missteps often fuels self-criticism and hinders the journey towards self-acceptance. Practicing forgiveness allows you to acknowledge your past mistakes without letting them define your worth or potential.

There is a common misconception that self-acceptance equates to complacency or stagnation. However, this is far from the truth. Accepting yourself doesn’t mean resigning yourself to your current state and halting any attempt to grow or improve.

In fact, self-acceptance can be a powerful catalyst for personal growth. Accepting and understanding your current state can give you a clearer picture of where you want to go and how to get there. It allows you to identify areas for improvement without negative self-judgment, creating a healthier and more sustainable pathway for personal growth and development. By accepting yourself, you build a strong foundation of self-worth and confidence from which you can work towards becoming the best version of yourself.

How to Practice Self-Acceptance

Cultivating self-acceptance is an ongoing process that requires conscious effort. Fortunately, there are several practical exercises that can be incorporated into your daily routine to foster this self-love and acceptance. Here are a few that you can start practicing today:

• Mindfulness Meditation: Mindfulness meditation is a powerful tool to develop self-acceptance. It involves focusing your attention on the present moment and accepting it without judgment. Begin by setting aside a few minutes each day in a quiet, comfortable space. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, focusing your attention on your breath going in and out. If your mind starts to wander, gently bring it back to your breath. You might find yourself caught up in thoughts or judgments – it’s normal. The aim here is not to suppress these thoughts but to observe them without judgment and let them pass. Over time, this practice can help you develop a non-judgmental awareness of your thoughts and feelings, an essential aspect of self-acceptance.
• Journaling: Journaling can be a therapeutic exercise to cultivate self-acceptance. It can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, understand your reactions to certain situations, and identify patterns or habits that you might want to change. Try to set aside 10 to 20 minutes each day to jot down your thoughts and feelings. Be honest and open, and remember that this journal is for your eyes only, so there’s no need to hold back. Over time, you’ll notice that this practice can help increase your self-awareness, reduce stress, and promote self-acceptance.
• Self-Compassion Exercises: Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneering researcher in the field of self-compassion, suggests several exercises to cultivate self-compassion—a crucial aspect of self-acceptance. One such exercise is the “Self-Compassion Break.” This involves consciously invoking three aspects of self-compassion when you’re going through a difficult time. These are: mindfulness (acknowledging your suffering), common humanity (realizing that suffering is a part of the human experience), and self-kindness (being gentle and kind to yourself in the face of your pain). Practicing this exercise regularly can help you foster a kinder, more compassionate relationship with yourself.
• The Body Scan: The Body Scan is a mindfulness exercise that encourages acceptance of your physical self. It involves mentally scanning your body from head to toe, noting any sensations, discomfort, or tension without trying to change anything. Start from the top of your head and slowly move down to your toes, spending a few moments on each part of your body. This practice not only helps you become more attuned to your physical presence but also cultivates an attitude of acceptance towards your body.
• Values Clarification: Understanding your core values can also be beneficial in promoting self-acceptance. This involves identifying what is genuinely important to you in life, and it can serve as a guiding principle for your actions and decisions. You can start this process by making a list of your values—these could be things like honesty, compassion, creativity, or ambition. Reflect on how these values align with your actions, and make a conscious effort to live in accordance with them. This practice can help you accept yourself as you are, recognizing that you are living authentically and true to your values.
• Gratitude Practice: Cultivating gratitude can be a powerful practice for self-acceptance. This involves acknowledging the good in your life and can help shift your focus from negative aspects or perceived failures to appreciate what you have. Try to establish a daily habit of listing down three things you are grateful for. These can be small, simple things like a good cup of coffee, a warm smile from a stranger, or bigger things like a promotion at work or a supportive friend. This practice not only fosters positivity but can also help you accept and appreciate yourself more by highlighting your strengths and achievements.
• Active Listening to Yourself: Another practical exercise to cultivate self-acceptance involves actively listening to yourself. This could mean listening to your body’s needs—maybe you need more rest, or maybe you need to move more. It could also mean listening to your emotional needs—perhaps you need more time for relaxation or more opportunities to express your creativity. By acknowledging and respecting your needs, you demonstrate self-acceptance and affirm that your needs are important.
• Regular Exercise and Healthy Eating: Taking care of your physical health is also an act of self-acceptance. Regular exercise and a healthy diet not only show respect for your body but can also boost your mood and self-esteem. You don’t necessarily have to join a gym or follow a strict diet, but try to incorporate some form of physical activity into your daily routine, whether it’s a brisk walk, yoga, or dancing to your favorite music. Similarly, aim to nourish your body with balanced meals that you enjoy.
• Engage in Activities You Enjoy: Make time for hobbies and activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Whether it’s reading, gardening, painting, or playing a musical instrument, engaging in these activities can enhance your mood, reduce stress, and improve your self-perception. It’s a way of acknowledging your needs and allows you to spend time with yourself in a positive, fulfilling way.
• Mindful Self-Talk: Finally, pay attention to your self-talk, the way you talk to yourself in your mind. Is it often negative or critical? Remember that we are usually our own worst critics. Make a conscious effort to shift your self-talk to a more supportive and compassionate tone. For example, instead of thinking, “I made a mistake; I’m such a failure,” try to rephrase it in a more positive and forgiving way, such as, “I made a mistake, but that’s okay. I can learn from this and do better next time.”

Each of these exercises provides a unique pathway towards self-acceptance, and you can choose the ones that resonate most with you. It’s important to remember that this is a personal and ongoing journey that may look different for everyone. So be patient with yourself, celebrate your small victories, and remember that you’re worthy of acceptance just as you are.

The Role of Therapy in Developing Self-Acceptance

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a form of cognitive-behavioral therapy that uses acceptance and mindfulness strategies to help individuals live and behave in ways consistent with personal values while developing psychological flexibility. ACT operates on the belief that fighting inevitable experiences can cause more harm than the experiences themselves and that acceptance of these experiences is key to mental health.

ACT is guided by six core processes, collectively referred to as psychological flexibility:

• Acceptance: Embracing rather than avoiding uncomfortable thoughts and feelings.
• Cognitive Defusion: Learning to perceive thoughts, images, memories, and other cognitions as what they are, not what they appear to be.
• Being Present: Engaging fully with the current experience.
• Self as Context: The ‘observing self’ or the self that is consistent and unchanging.
• Values: Identifying what is most important to one’s true self.
• Committed Action: Setting goals guided by values and taking steps towards achieving them.

Self-acceptance is an inherent part of ACT. It encourages individuals to accept their thoughts and feelings without judgment. Through the acceptance process, individuals learn to stop avoiding, denying, or struggling with their inner emotions. Instead, they perceive these experiences in a new, accepting light.

ACT’s focus on values also plays a crucial role in self-acceptance. By identifying their core values, individuals can make choices that align with their true selves, fostering self-acceptance. The therapy does not aim to eliminate difficult feelings; rather, it teaches individuals to accept these feelings as a part of their personal experience, ultimately leading to psychological flexibility.

While ACT places a significant emphasis on self-acceptance, it’s not the only therapeutic model to do so. Other therapy models like Person-Centered Therapy, founded by Carl Rogers, prioritize self-acceptance as a key goal of therapy. It encourages self-exploration and self-understanding, which can foster self-acceptance.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) also encourages self-acceptance by helping individuals recognize and challenge their negative thought patterns. This practice can reduce self-judgment and promote a more accepting view of oneself.

Despite the varying approaches, an overarching goal of these therapies is similar—to foster self-acceptance, which can lead to improved mental health, better coping strategies, and overall enhanced quality of life. ACT, with its explicit emphasis on acceptance and commitment, serves as a robust framework for cultivating self-acceptance.

The Importance of Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance is a cornerstone of mental and emotional well-being and can have a profound impact on various aspects of our lives. Here are a few reasons why self-acceptance is so important:

• Better Mental Health: Self-acceptance is closely linked with mental health. Individuals who accept themselves tend to have lower levels of anxiety and depression. On the contrary, self-rejection and self-criticism can lead to psychological distress. By accepting ourselves, flaws and all, we promote psychological resilience and well-being.
• Positive Self-Perception: Self-acceptance allows us to maintain a positive perception of ourselves, independent of external validation. We do not rely solely on achievements, physical appearance, or approval from others to determine our worth. Instead, we understand and affirm that our value is inherent.
• Healthier Relationships: Self-acceptance also plays a crucial role in our relationships. By accepting ourselves, we set a precedent for how we expect and deserve to be treated by others. Moreover, when we are accepting of ourselves, we are likely to be more accepting of others, leading to healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
• Personal Growth: While it may seem counterintuitive, self-acceptance is actually a catalyst for personal growth. By accepting ourselves as we are, we create a safe, non-judgmental space for us to explore our areas of growth and development. Acceptance isn’t about complacency; it’s about acknowledging where we are as a starting point for where we wish to go.
• Authentic Living: Self-acceptance encourages us to live authentically. We feel more comfortable being true to ourselves, expressing our feelings, and standing up for what we believe in. This authenticity can contribute to increased satisfaction and fulfillment in life.
• Peace and Contentment: Finally, self-acceptance brings peace. Instead of constantly battling with ourselves, we can rest in the knowledge that we are enough as we are. This tranquility can significantly enhance our overall quality of life.

Self-acceptance, while sometimes challenging to cultivate, is worth the effort. As Carl Rogers, a prominent psychologist, stated, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Self-acceptance isn’t just about feeling good about ourselves; it’s about acknowledging and embracing our entire being—strengths, weaknesses, and everything in between. It is an essential step on the journey towards self-love, personal growth, and lasting happiness.

As you navigate the terrain of self-acceptance, remember that this journey is uniquely yours, filled with ups and downs, revelations, and growth. Embrace the reality that acceptance is not about perfection, but rather about acknowledging and appreciating yourself as you are—imperfections and all.

In your quest for self-acceptance, you may face obstacles, such as societal pressures, negative self-dialogue, and past traumas. Yet, as you start employing practical strategies like mindfulness, journaling, self-compassion exercises, and therapies like ACT, you’ll begin to chip away at these barriers.

Discover the power of mindfulness, the ability to be present and accepting of the current moment and your feelings within it. Realize the importance of self-compassion, extending kindness and understanding towards yourself as you would to a dear friend. Explore the depths of your core values, allowing them to guide your actions and decisions, fostering authenticity.

Grasp the healing strength of self-forgiveness and the joy of living authentically. Revel in the peace that stems from knowing you are enough, just as you are. It’s a journey that takes time, effort, and resilience, but the rewards—improved mental health, positive self-perception, fulfilling relationships, personal growth, and contentment—are immeasurable.

As you move forward on this path, may you carry with you the wisdom that self-acceptance is not a destination, but a continuous journey, one that fosters resilience and breeds authenticity. Remember, the ultimate aim is not to create a perfect image of yourself but to live authentically, embracing every part of who you are.

As you continue to cultivate self-acceptance, know that you are already enough. You are deserving of love, kindness, and respect—especially from yourself. Embrace this journey, nurture your relationship with yourself, and experience the profound effect that self-acceptance can have on your life. It is the starting point to a journey of self-love and self-growth, one where you can truly say, “I am enough, just as I am.”

If you want to learn more about the relationship between self-acceptance and personal growth, you can check out my article, The Paradox of Self Acceptance .

In that article, I break down Carl Rogers’ perspective on how self-acceptance is the foundation of growth and change, challenging the idea that acceptance and change are contradictory concepts.

Fascinated by ideas? Check out my podcast:

Struggling with an addiction.

If you’re struggling with an addiction, it can be difficult to stop. Gaining short-term relief, at a long-term cost, you may start to wonder if it’s even worth it anymore. If you’re looking to make some changes, feel free to reach out. I offer individual addiction counselling to clients in the US and Canada. If you’re interested in learning more, you can send me a message here .

Other Mental Health Resources

If you are struggling with other mental health issues or are  looking for a specialist near you, use the Psychology Today therapist directory  here to find a practitioner who specializes in your area of concern.

If you require a lower-cost option, you can check out BetterHelp.com . It is one of the most flexible forms of online counseling.  Their main benefit is lower costs, high accessibility through their mobile app, and the ability to switch counselors quickly and easily, until you find the right fit.

*As an affiliate partner with Better Help, I receive a referral fee if you purchase products or services through the links provided.

As always, it is important to be critical when seeking help, since the quality of counselors are not consistent. If you are not feeling supported, it may be helpful to seek out another practitioner. I wrote an article on things to consider here .

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Excellent and very comprehensive article on the process of self-acceptance. This subject provides critical information that needs more global attention – empowering individuals to take control and accountability for their lives. We can be our own worst enemy and the results can be a life-long journey of doubt, persecution and lost opportunities. Thank you Dr. Rose, for your practical and well researched article with excellent suggestions and methods to positive redirection and self-acceptance. You are indeed doing the “greater good” in a hurting world!

Dr. ROSE, thank you for sharing your comprehensive and extensive knowledge on all that is involved in self acceptance.

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How to Write About Yourself in a College Essay | Examples

Published on September 21, 2021 by Kirsten Courault . Revised on May 31, 2023.

An insightful college admissions essay requires deep self-reflection, authenticity, and a balance between confidence and vulnerability. Your essay shouldn’t just be a resume of your experiences; colleges are looking for a story that demonstrates your most important values and qualities.

To write about your achievements and qualities without sounding arrogant, use specific stories to illustrate them. You can also write about challenges you’ve faced or mistakes you’ve made to show vulnerability and personal growth.

Table of contents

Start with self-reflection, how to write about challenges and mistakes, how to write about your achievements and qualities, how to write about a cliché experience, other interesting articles, frequently asked questions about college application essays.

Before you start writing, spend some time reflecting to identify your values and qualities. You should do a comprehensive brainstorming session, but here are a few questions to get you started:

• What are three words your friends or family would use to describe you, and why would they choose them?
• Whom do you admire most and why?
• What are the top five things you are thankful for?
• What has inspired your hobbies or future goals?
• What are you most proud of? Ashamed of?

As you self-reflect, consider how your values and goals reflect your prospective university’s program and culture, and brainstorm stories that demonstrate the fit between the two.

Prevent plagiarism. Run a free check.

Writing about difficult experiences can be an effective way to show authenticity and create an emotional connection to the reader, but choose carefully which details to share, and aim to demonstrate how the experience helped you learn and grow.

Be vulnerable

It’s not necessary to have a tragic story or a huge confession. But you should openly share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences to evoke an emotional response from the reader. Even a cliché or mundane topic can be made interesting with honest reflection. This honesty is a preface to self-reflection and insight in the essay’s conclusion.

Don’t overshare

With difficult topics, you shouldn’t focus too much on negative aspects. Instead, use your challenging circumstances as a brief introduction to how you responded positively.

Share what you have learned

It’s okay to include your failure or mistakes in your essay if you include a lesson learned. After telling a descriptive, honest story, you should explain what you learned and how you applied it to your life.

While it’s good to sell your strengths, you also don’t want to come across as arrogant. Instead of just stating your extracurricular activities, achievements, or personal qualities, aim to discreetly incorporate them into your story.

Brag indirectly

Mention your extracurricular activities or awards in passing, not outright, to avoid sounding like you’re bragging from a resume.

Use stories to prove your qualities

Even if you don’t have any impressive academic achievements or extracurriculars, you can still demonstrate your academic or personal character. But you should use personal examples to provide proof. In other words, show evidence of your character instead of just telling.

Many high school students write about common topics such as sports, volunteer work, or their family. Your essay topic doesn’t have to be groundbreaking, but do try to include unexpected personal details and your authentic voice to make your essay stand out .

To find an original angle, try these techniques:

• Focus on a specific moment, and describe the scene using your five senses.
• Mention objects that have special significance to you.
• Instead of following a common story arc, include a surprising twist or insight.

Your unique voice can shed new perspective on a common human experience while also revealing your personality. When read out loud, the essay should sound like you are talking.

If you want to know more about academic writing , effective communication , or parts of speech , make sure to check out some of our other articles with explanations and examples.

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• Passive voice
• Paraphrasing

 Communication

• How to end an email
• Ms, mrs, miss
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• I hope this email finds you well
• Hope you are doing well

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First, spend time reflecting on your core values and character . You can start with these questions:

However, you should do a comprehensive brainstorming session to fully understand your values. Also consider how your values and goals match your prospective university’s program and culture. Then, brainstorm stories that illustrate the fit between the two.

When writing about yourself , including difficult experiences or failures can be a great way to show vulnerability and authenticity, but be careful not to overshare, and focus on showing how you matured from the experience.

Through specific stories, you can weave your achievements and qualities into your essay so that it doesn’t seem like you’re bragging from a resume.

Include specific, personal details and use your authentic voice to shed a new perspective on a common human experience.

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Courault, K. (2023, May 31). How to Write About Yourself in a College Essay | Examples. Scribbr. Retrieved August 26, 2024, from https://www.scribbr.com/college-essay/write-about-yourself/

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The Importance of Awareness, Acceptance, and Alignment With the Self: A Framework for Understanding Self-Connection

Kristine klussman.

1 Connection Lab, San Francisco, CA, USA

Nicola Curtin

Julia langer, austin lee nichols.

We provide a theoretical framework for what it means to be self-connected and propose that self-connection is an important potential contributor to a person’s well-being. We define self-connection as consisting of three components: 1) an awareness of oneself, 2) an acceptance of oneself based on this awareness, and 3) an alignment of one’s behavior with this awareness. First, we position the concept within the broader self literature and provide the empirical context for our proposed definition of self-connection. We next compare and contrast self-connection to related constructs, including mindfulness and authenticity. Following, we discuss some of the potential relationships between self-connection and various aspects of mental health and well-being. Finally, we provide initial recommendations for future research, including potential ways to promote self-connection. In all, we present this theory to provide researchers with a framework for understanding self-connection so that they can utilize this concept to better support the efforts of researchers and practitioners alike to increase individuals’ well-being in various contexts.

In recent years, there has been growing interest in understanding the factors that contribute to people experiencing meaningful and happy lives (e.g., Lyubomirsky, Sheldon, & Schkade, 2005 ; Seligman, 2002 , 2008 ; Veenhoven, 2003 ). Results suggest that a fulfilling life includes a sense of meaning ( Steger, 2009 ), strong interpersonal relationships ( Myers, 2000 ), and the pursuit and attainment of personal goals ( Emmons, 2003 ). In addition, there is a long-standing belief that happiness is the result of identifying one’s strengths and virtues and living a life that cultivates and reflects them ( Aristotle, 2002 ).

In our research lab, we consider how people build lives characterized by deep connection to self and others and the importance of these efforts for health and well-being. People often understand, and empirical research supports, the importance of establishing close relationships and building social networks ( Cohen, 2004 ; Helliwell & Putnam, 2004 ; Holt-Lunstad & Smith, 2012 ; Lakey & Cronin, 2008 ; Lakey, Vander Molen, Fles, & Andrews, 2016 ). In contrast, although “knowing oneself” has long been of philosophical and psychological interest, sparse research has investigated what self-connection is and what it means to people’s health and well-being. In this paper, we will 1) provide an overview of the definition of self-connection and its three components, 2) discuss the potential well-being increases that result from self-connection, and 3) present some initial thoughts on the fruitful directions that future investigations of self-connection might pursue.

Understanding the Self in Self-Connection

The first, and possibly most important, aspect of self-connection is that it refers to the self. As such, it is useful to clarify our intended use and context of the term “self.” Social psychological theories generally highlight that people form and maintain self-concepts (i.e., ideas about who they are as distinct entities). Self-concepts help individuals to organize information extracted from momentary experiences. Select information is attended to as self-relevant, often information related to autobiographical memories and motivations, and is mentally processed in ways that can yield a sense of more enduring (though still malleable) personal characteristics and social roles ( Markus, 1977 ; Oyserman, 2001 ). For example, if one currently feels compelled to comfort a distressed acquaintance and recalls multiple instances of feeling concerned for friends, the person’s self-concept might include “caring” or “a supportive friend.” Of note, one may hold multiple overlapping self-concepts (e.g., public and private selves; see Baumeister, 2012 ) and multi-faceted self-concepts (e.g., situationally contingent or flexible aspects of the self; see Paulhus & Martin, 1988 ). Within these self-concepts, people often have a sense of what they regard as their true self, in terms of what is most essential about them or most personally endorsed ( Rogers, 1959 ; Schlegel & Hicks, 2011 ). This perceived true self is important for our definition of self-connection.

Both the perceived true self and potentially broader self-concepts are formed and maintained by selectively attending to, interpreting, and remembering aspects of momentary experiences (see Oyserman, 2001 ). In turn, maintaining one’s self-concept can sometimes detract from individual and social well-being, such as when individuals become preoccupied in primarily negative self-related thoughts ( Lyubomirsky & Nolen-Hoeksema, 1993 ; Nolen-Hoeksema, 2000 ) or react defensively toward others ( Crocker & Park, 2004 ; Greenberg, Solomon, & Pyszczynski, 1997 ). To avoid such undesirable efforts of self-concept maintenance, some research has explored meta-cognitively distancing (e.g., “disidentifying”) from self-related thinking during momentary experiences ( Bernstein et al., 2015 ; Fresco et al., 2007 ; also see Brewer, Garrison, & Whitfield-Gabrieli, 2013 ). Although these approaches may be useful in some instances, they risk throwing out the baby with the bathwater, so to speak, since engaging with the self can be beneficial when it helps people find meaning and purpose in life ( Schlegel & Hicks, 2011 ; Schlegel, Hicks, King, & Arndt, 2011 ). This then raises the question of if that upside can be maximized while minimizing potential pitfalls. Within that context, this paper presents the concept of self-connection as a way of relating to the self that supports individual and social well-being.

Defining Self-Connection

In addition to its focus on the self, self-connection inherently involves a sense of connection. In our conceptualization, that sense of connection uniquely relates to the perceived self. More specifically, it refers to the presence of and relationship between three capacities—awareness of, acceptance of, and behavioral alignment with oneself. Consequently, we define self-connection as a subjective experience consisting of three components: 1) an awareness of oneself, 2) an acceptance of oneself based on this awareness, and 3) an alignment of one’s behaviors with this awareness. We posit that the three components are interrelated in a non-hierarchical structure and contribute synergistically to experiencing self-connection. As such, an individual who is lacking in any of the three components would experience less overall self-connection.

Awareness of Oneself

The first component of self-connection, self-awareness, is defined as knowing one’s internal states, preference, resources, and intuitions ( Goleman, 2006 ). As part of their self-concepts, many people believe that they have an essential, internal, and private self, capable of being truly or fully known only to them ( Rogers, 1959 ; Schlegel & Hicks, 2011 ). This perceived self may be more endorsed or important than other aspects of one’s self-concept. People may see this self as immutable, but some psychological perspectives, such as Self-Determination Theory (SDT; Deci & Ryan, 1980 , 1985 ), posit that the self need not be unchangeable but rather be determined and meaningful to the individual ( Schlegel & Hicks, 2011 ). As such, we are not arguing that there is one, “real” internal self ( Darley & Fazio, 1980 ; Murray, Holmes, & Griffen, 1996 ). Instead, we contend it is people’s perceived understanding of aspects of their self-concepts resembling a self (e.g., important values) that is relevant to experiencing self-connection.

Also informing our conceptualization of the awareness component of self-connection is the construct of mindfulness. One central feature of mindfulness is an awareness of and attention to one’s current experiences, from moment to moment ( Bishop et al., 2004 ; Brown & Ryan, 2003 ; Kabat-Zinn, 1990 ). Part of mindfulness is observing or noting sensations, thoughts, and emotions as they occur, bringing them into awareness and potentially greater clarity ( Brown, Ryan, & Creswell, 2007 ; Mikulas, 2011 ). Similarly, the awareness component of self-connection notices self-relevant aspects of experiences, potentially providing more attention to, and clarity on, those that pertain to oneself.

Acceptance of Oneself

The second part of the definition of self-connection is self-acceptance and can be defined as a complete acceptance of one’s internal states, preference, resources, and intuitions. Acceptance involves receptivity and openness to oneself, rather than avoidance and denial. We assert that acceptance of the perceived self is a key component of self-connection and can also best be understood within the psychological literature on mindfulness. A second, integral quality of mindfulness, in addition to present-moment awareness, is an accepting stance toward experiences (see Kabat-Zinn, 1990 ; Lindsay & Creswell, 2017 ). Acceptance in mindfulness involves receptively meeting one’s experiences as they are, without trying to alter them. Self-connection consists of a similar acceptance, yet this acceptance is oriented more toward the self. When self-relevant experiences and characteristics come into awareness, they are allowed as “this feels like part of me” and not automatically judged as good or bad. In this way, the acceptance component of self-connection is not about liking or esteeming oneself (or how likable the self is to others), as some other conceptualizations of self-acceptance include (e.g., Ryff & Keyes, 1995 ). Instead, the focus is on a willingness to acknowledge one’s feelings, values, and other aspects of the self and truly accepting oneself.

Alignment With Oneself

The third part of our definition involves drawing on one’s awareness and acceptance of the perceived self when making behavioral decisions. This self-alignment can be defined as behaving in ways that are consistent with one’s internal states, preference, resources, and intuitions. Specifically, self-connection involves acting in alignment (component three) with one’s awareness of the self (component one) by using one’s acceptance of this awareness (component two) to facilitate behaviors that align with the perceived self. This component of self-connection is similar to conceptualizations of self-determined decisions in Self-Determination Theory ( Deci & Ryan, 1980 , 1985 ) as well as authentic behavior ( Kernis & Goldman, 2006 ; Wood, Linley, Maltby, Baliousis, & Joseph, 2008 ). That is, behavioral alignment involves deciding to act in ways that authentically reflect the perceived self. Awareness and acceptance of the perceived self theoretically should facilitate aligned behavioral decisions, and behavioral experiences may also help individuals to become more aware of what they perceive as their self and/or accept that self. Developing concordance between behavior, self-awareness, and self-acceptance is critical to a lived experience of self-connection.

Limitations of Similar Concepts

Self-connection versus authenticity.

In part, the proposed definition of self-connection shares some relation with concepts of authenticity ( Kernis & Goldman, 2006 ; Wood et al., 2008 ) but can also be distinguished from them. In their development of a measure of dispositional authenticity, Wood and colleagues (2008) argued that authenticity primarily includes authentic living—the degree to which a person’s behavior matches their self. This most strongly maps onto the self-alignment component of self-connection, but is only one of three necessary components of self-connection. Other conceptualizations or operationalizations of authenticity also may include some form of awareness or acceptance (see Kernis & Goldman, 2006 ). These differ from how we conceptualize awareness and acceptance in self-connection. First, self-connection is inherently relational within one’s own experience: It is about experiencing a sense of linkage with oneself. That is, awareness and acceptance are essentially a way of relating to one’s self-relevant mental processing and tuning into oneself. In contrast, conceptualizations of awareness and acceptance in authenticity tend to imply that one exists in an experience of the self and are more focused on avoiding self-deception and contending with external influences and judgments, respectively ( Kernis & Goldman, 2006 ). Authenticity may also be affected by judgments of “good” and “bad” whereas these are not relevant to self-connection. Likewise, we assert that the nonjudgmental conceptualization of acceptance proposed as part of self-connection may have added value in enhancing one's ability to act in alignment with oneself.

Self-Connection Versus Mindfulness

The proposed definition of self-connection bears resemblance to mindfulness but also contains aspects that distinguish the two concepts. Awareness and a lack of judgement are two defining, synergistic components of mindfulness (see Lindsay & Creswell, 2017 ). However, most scientific definitions of mindfulness do not include alignment of behavior with the perceived self (the third component of self-connection). When intentional behavior is considered, it is usually as a correlate or consequence of mindfulness (e.g., Chatzisarantis & Hagger, 2007 ). Moreover, mindfulness itself does not specifically concern or reference the self, as self-connection does. In fact, substantial mindfulness-related theory and research addressing the self treats it as something to distance oneself from or to transcend (see Bernstein et al., 2015 ). A growing literature does address mindful self-compassion, but this concept only concerns handling difficult experiences and includes identifying less with them ( Neff, 2003 ). Altogether, we propose that mindfulness concerns itself with broader awareness and acceptance of experience and thus may be helpful for, but is not synonymous with, experiencing self-connection. The concept of self-connection goes beyond mindfulness and self-compassion in that it draws on components of mindfulness—awareness and acceptance—along with behavioral alignment to facilitate experiences of connection to the perceived self.

Is Self-Connection a State or Trait?

At a basic level , self-connection could be thought of as both a state and an individual difference characteristic (similar to a trait). That is, it is possible to temporarily experience a state of greater self-connection. Additionally, repeatedly experiencing states of increased self-connection may promote its ease and frequency throughout life. Likewise, individuals may differ in the extent to which they generally tend toward experiencing self-connection. Whether this would be considered a trait-level difference might vary with different models of personality. We discuss one such framework next.

Within the context of McAdams and Pals’ (2006) holistic model of personality, self-connection can be understood as a characteristic adaptation—more individualized and, possibly, more malleable across situations and time than a basic trait. In this model, self-connection may be a third- and/or fourth-level characteristic adaptation. Third-level characteristic adaptations are not simply basic traits and instead include “aspects of human individuality that speak to motivational, social-cognitive, and developmental concerns” (p. 208). Awareness of the perceived true self can be developed, and one may choose to accept it and act accordingly or not — these are individual motivational, social-cognitive, and developmental concerns akin to third-level characteristic adaptations. For example, as one might develop a commitment to environmental conservation (itself a characteristic adaptation), one might simultaneously develop awareness and acceptance of that value and act in a manner consistent with it.

The fourth level of McAdams and Pals’ (2006) model refers to the more malleable aspects of characteristic adaptations that are subject to change based on context or experience. Characteristic adaptations are more likely to change over time than traits as they are anchored in everyday situational and personality processes and dynamics. Awareness of, acceptance of, and alignment with a value may develop nuances as the value is experienced in more contexts—a fourth-level characteristic adaptation. As such, self-connection may contribute in significant ways to an individual's development across life domains. To the extent that people experience self-connection across life domains and throughout daily life, it would be more trait-like for an individual, even though any individual could also experience a temporary, heightened state of self-connection. As such, we view self-connection as something that can be treated and examined at both the state and trait level.

The Implications of Self-Connection for Well-Being

We propose that self-connection is a way of relating to the self that supports positive functioning and well-being. Specifically, experiencing connection to oneself should promote meaning and purpose in life and greater attainment of related goals. In terms of well-being assessment, this may also be reflected in greater life satisfaction (as in assessments of subjective well-being; Diener, 1984 ) and greater eudaimonic well-being at a personal level (as operationalized as either flourishing as in Keyes, 2002 , or psychological well-being as in Ryff, 1989 ). Self-connection may also conceivably enhance various aspects of social connection and social well-being. For example, one may be able to communicate preferences and values to others more clearly and support others in doing so. More self-connected individuals may also engage in more meaningful social activities due to acting in alignment with their values. For such reasons, connection with self and others may go hand-in-hand.

Theoretical and empirical literatures on related constructs provide indirect support for these propositions. The mindfulness literature suggests that awareness and acceptance are associated with greater well-being ( Lindsay & Creswell, 2017 ; McNall, Tombari, & Brown, 2019 ). More relevant to self-awareness specifically, Schlegel and colleagues assert that discovering and expressing the self is crucial to psychological health ( Schlegel, Hicks, Arndt, & King, 2009 ). Their research suggests that the feeling of knowing yourself predicts self-actualization, vitality, self-esteem, active coping, psychological need satisfaction, positive affect, and subjective well-being ( Schlegel, Vess, & Arndt, 2012 ). Schlegel and colleagues also assert that understanding the self allows one to interpret actions that are congruent with the self as valuable ( Schlegel & Hicks, 2011 ) and provide a sense of coherence ( Hicks, 2013 ).

Furthermore, beyond research on mindfulness (which is inherently accepting), some research also suggests that self-acceptance may play a role in well-being. Most relevant to self-connection is research that conceptualizes self-acceptance as unconditional and less evaluative, as compared to positive self-evaluations (e.g., Ryff & Keyes, 1995 ). Such research has found unique, positive associations between self-acceptance and overall mood as well as eudaimonic well-being ( Chamberlain & Haaga, 2001 ; MacInnes, 2006 ; Ranzijn & Luszcz, 1999 ).

Several research programs also provide evidence to support the argument that congruence between one’s implicit and/or internal goals and explicit behaviors is an important cornerstone of well-being ( Schultheiss & Brunstein, 1999 ; Schultheiss, Jones, Davis, & Kley, 2008 ; Sheldon, 2004 , 2014 ). For example, people who choose goals based on their own internal interests are more likely to achieve those goals ( Sheldon & Elliot, 1999 ; Sheldon & Houser-Marko, 2001 ) and show increased levels of happiness ( Sheldon & Elliot, 1998 ; Sheldon & Kasser, 1998 ). Bailis, Fleming, and Segall (2005) surveyed people when they first joined a gym and found that people who had self-concordant goals were more likely to be members of the gym 2 years later, were less likely to compare themselves to others, and were less negatively influenced by social comparisons. In their experimental study, Chatzisarantis, Hagger, and Wang (2010) found that their manipulation of self-concordant goal motivation and implementation intention resulted in the highest level of short-term adherence to taking daily multivitamins. Thus, research suggests pursuing goals that reflect one’s self results in greater long-term commitment to those goals, and possibly even greater satisfaction in the pursuit of them. Altogether, such existing literature suggests that constructs related or similar to the three components of self-connection support well-being. Therefore, it is reasonable to propose that the combination of the three components of self-connection may synergize to support well-being.

There also is some indirect evidence to support the idea that such benefits of self-connection may not carry risks of preoccupation in negative self-related thinking or defensive reactions, both of which may undermine individual and social well-being. For example, research on negative rumination has found that private self-reflection can be distinguished from maladaptive rumination ( Trapnell & Campbell, 1999 ), indicating that self-awareness is not inherently a rumination risk. Self-Affirmation Theory ( Aronson, Cohen, & Nail, 1999 ; Sherman & Cohen, 2006 ; Steele, 1988 ) has produced considerable evidence that reminders of broader valued aspects of the self (e.g., writing briefly about a core value after a threat to some other aspect of the self; reminders of other important goals when frustrated about a particular goal), can reduce both negative rumination ( Koole, Smeets, van Knippenberg, & Dijksterhuis, 1999 ) and defensive reactions ( Sherman & Cohen, 2006 ).

These findings are generally consistent with the idea that experiencing a sense of connection to aspects of oneself (e.g., values, important goals) may not carry risks of rumination or defensiveness. Further, the mechanisms underlying such effects are not clear empirically. Self-Affirmation Theory suggests that, after an aspect of the self has been threatened, reminders of other values restore a positive view of the self, reducing a need for rumination or defensiveness. We posit that it is also possible that reminders of values could operate through connecting to oneself with acceptance (rather than needing esteem or liking). This potential role of acceptance is supported by the empirical literature on mindfulness.

Mindfulness inherently involves acceptance and is associated with less maladaptive rumination and defensiveness. Many studies have found that trait mindfulness and mindfulness training are associated with less negative rumination and stress ( Gu, Strauss, Bond, & Cavanagh, 2015 ; Paul, Stanton, Greeson, Smoski, & Wang, 2012 ; Van der Velden et al., 2015 ). More mindful individuals also may show fewer defensive reactions to self-related threats. For example, in a series of studies on the role of mindfulness in responses to mortality threats (i.e., making thoughts of death salient, thus threatening people’s sense of self), more mindful individuals were less defensive in their responses. In all, evidence suggests that an accepting awareness may attenuate risks of rumination and defensiveness and thus indirectly supports our contention that self-connection may as well.

Future Research on Self-Connection

There are several promising directions that research on self-connection might take. We describe only a few of them below.

Operationalizing Self-Connection

The first requirement for researching self-connection is the development of a validated tool to measure it. Ideally, a measure would be able to assess overall self-connection as well as the individual components of self-connection: self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-alignment. As conceptualized, self-connection should be measured through a composite of items that measures all three components. Additionally, we need to ensure that the measure is reliable and valid, such as testing whether it relates to relevant variables as predicted and its incremental value beyond existing measures. Development of one such measure is underway in our lab.

The ability to experimentally increase self-connection also is needed to help reach causal conclusions about the effects of self-connection. Experimental manipulations could attempt to temporarily boost a state of self-connection or increase an individual’s overall tendency toward self-connection in daily life. The former might be accomplished with brief, one-time exercises and could potentially reveal immediate, albeit temporary, effects of heightened self-connection on state-dependent measures, including in certain contexts or domains. The latter, increasing individual differences in self-connection, may require more extended intervention, potentially with multiple exercises and/or covering multiple life domains. We describe some potential intervention ideas below.

Building the Nomological Network of Self-Connection

After we understand how to measure self-connection, research into the nomological network of self-connection needs to examine the ways in which self-connection may or may not relate to various aspects of both well-being and health. Such research could examine cross-sectional and prospective relationships between measured self-connection and meaning in life, aspects of individual and social well-being, and goal persistence and attainment. Intervention studies, especially randomized controlled trials, will provide evidence of directionality and potential causality.

Individual Differences Predicting Self-Connection

Correlational and prospective studies also should assess individual differences that may predict the self-awareness, self-acceptance, and/or the self-alignment components of self-connection and the overall representation of self-connection. Trait mindfulness is one variable noted previously. Self-concept clarity also has been associated with mindfulness and may characterize individuals higher in self-connection ( Hanley & Garland, 2017 ). Additionally, consistent with SDT and Sheldon’s (2004) argument that self-determination is vital for achieving an integrated self, Thrash and Elliot (2002) found that people high in self-determination also showed higher levels of congruence between implicitly and explicitly measured motives. Self-determination and implicit-explicit motivational concordance may also relate to self-connection. Other individual differences to examine might include basic personality traits, gender, cultural variables, age, ethnicity, and income.

Self-Connection and Meaning in Life

For many people, the search for profound self-understanding and a life built around it is an eternal, imperfect pursuit. As positive psychology has begun to offer many answers to the question of how to best promote and enhance well-being, research has turned to the concept of meaning in life ( Martela, Ryan, & Steger, 2018 ; Schlegel et al., 2011 ; Steger, 2009 ). We have posited that self-connection increases of a sense of meaning in life. Knowing about and accepting who one perceives one truly is should theoretically lead to an increase in a sense of coherence across one’s life and allow for actions that are in support of one’s values and goals or purpose. When people act in a way that is in alignment with their values and goals, their sense of significance may also increase. Thus, experimentally increasing self-connection should also increase one's sense of meaning in life, whether at a state or trait-like level.

Self-Connection and Broader Well-Being

As detailed above, self-connection may predict individual and social well-being at a dispositional level. Greater coherence, meaning, and social connection from self-connection may also contribute to more positive affect in daily life (see Fredrickson, 2013 ). These relations could be examined using longitudinal and brief intervention studies (e.g., Goodman, Kashdan, Mallard, & Schumann, 2014 ). Although such positive functioning is the primary hypothesized outcome of self-connection, greater self-connection may also be associated with fewer depression symptoms (given the roles of anhedonia and hopelessness in depression). Therefore, initial prospective studies should examine a range of potential mental health outcomes. As part of such research on self-connection and well-being, it also would be useful to examine whether high self-connection carries less risk of negative rumination and defensiveness than low self-connection or self-disconnection.

Self-Connection and Goal Striving

When people’s perceived selves include goals, self-connection may support self-regulation toward those goals. We propose that awareness and acceptance of such goals may foster greater goal clarity and accessibility, while behavioral alignment may promote follow through on intentions and persistence (cf. Mann, De Ridder, & Fujita, 2013 ). These hypothesized component processes and the role of overall self-connection in goal striving should be examined in future correlational and, ideally, experimental research. One domain in which the relation between self-connection and goal-related processes could be especially important to examine is health behavior. Not only is engaging in health-promoting behavior important for physical health, it could also be another way that self-connection supports overall well-being.

Promoting Self-Connection

Once we can measure self-connection and begin to understand how it relates to other constructs and aspects of life, self-connection has the potential to be an extremely useful tool for promoting positive life outcomes. To realize these benefits and study its effects using experimental designs, it will be important to examine how to promote self-connection. It is possible that several existing practices, either in isolation or in combination, may be useful for promoting self-connection by increasing self-awareness, self-acceptance, and/or self-alignment.

For example, we have proposed that mindfulness may facilitate the self-awareness and self-acceptance components of self-connection. Future research should examine whether and when mindfulness practices (formal mindfulness meditation or informal mindfulness in various domains of daily life) can lead to greater self-connection. It also would be interesting to consider the role that self-connection may play in the relationship between mindfulness and aspects of well-being.

Another promising way to promote self-connection may be journaling. Daily journals have been widely used across disciplines ( Hülsheger, Alberts, Feinholdt, & Lang, 2013 ; Hülsheger et al., 2014 ; Pennebaker, Mehl, & Niederhoffer, 2003 ; Pennebaker & Seagal, 2003 ) and can provide people the opportunity to become more aware of their internal thoughts and values. This, in turn, should provide a space to accept them and lead to an understanding of themselves to modify actions as needed. Repeated journaling could focus on different life domains to develop and apply self-connection across daily life. Thus, the act of journaling about self-connection may increase self-connection and the positive outcomes potentially associated with it.

Physical activity also may be a means for promoting self-connection. For one, it may help people tune into their sensations and feelings. When done repeatedly, it also may enhance self-connection through building confidence, independence, and/or positive body image to accept internal values and goals ( Kaufman, Glass, & Arnkoff, 2009 ; Lawlor & Hopker, 2001 ; Taylor, Sallis, & Needle, 1985 ). Additionally, physical activity in a non-competitive environment might be especially useful because it may allow people to practice being more accepting of themselves and acting accordingly. Finally, when combined with meditation, the effects of activity could be especially pronounced ( Edwards & Loprinzi, 2019 ).

Interventions aimed at increasing self-connection at more of a trait level, throughout daily life, might benefit from incorporating all the above activities with specific guidance aimed at connecting with oneself. Additional options for practices to increase self-connection are also possible and might even be useful in the workplace ( Lomas, Medina, Ivtzan, Rupprecht, & Eiroa-Orosa, 2018 ). As part of research on promoting self-connection, it also may be important to identify potential barriers (either internal or external) to self-connection and how certain practices or beliefs may help to overcome them. Finally, this all must be done in a way that considers the cultural influences in play ( Christopher & Hickinbottom, 2008 ).

Being self-connected requires one to be aware of the self, accept that self, and act in alignment with it. We argue that self-connection is important to obtaining greater well-being and believe that there currently is significant indirect evidence to support this claim. We detail our conceptualization of self-connection so that future research can test our propositions more directly. We are optimistic about future research to uncover practices, such as mindfulness and journaling, that promote self-connection. By understanding self-connection and finding ways to be more connected to oneself, we hope to help everyone pursue a life “well-lived.”

Acknowledgments

The authors have no additional (i.e., non-financial) support to report.

Biographies

Kristine Klussman is the founder of Connection Lab and its parent Purpose Project, a nonprofit aimed at helping people live more satisfying, meaningful lives. She received her PhD in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. In addition to overseeing Connection Lab research, she is a clinician, graduate university instructor, author, clinical supervisor and speaker.

Nicola Curtin was one of the founding members of Connection Lab, the research arm of the Purpose Project. She received her PhD in Personality and Social Contexts from the Department of Psychology at the University of Michigan.

Julia Langer is a Senior Research Associate at Connection Lab. She received her MHS in Public Mental Health from the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health and has focused her career on using mental health interventions to improve well-being.

Austin Lee Nichols is the former Director of Research at Connection Lab. He received his PhD in Social Psychology from the University of Florida. Prior to and after working at Connection Lab, he held various faculty positions around the world in both psychology and business.

The authors have no funding to report.

The authors have declared that no competing interests exist.

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The Importance of Self-Love and Self-Acceptance

“Growth begins when we start accepting ourselves.”

- Jean Vanier

We usually set standards that are too high for ourselves because the society expects us to be perfect. We tend to forget that everyone has flaws including the people we perceive to be perfect.

Self-love and self-acceptance are critical aspects of health and happiness. These are the attributes that shape our physical, mental and emotional health in real and concrete ways. When we refuse to accept ourselves, we cut ourselves from the energy that sustains life. This process happens gradually we are disconnected from the life force. And this leads to serious health issues.

When we don’t accept ourselves the way we are, we are in essence, wearing ourselves internally. And when we fight against ourselves, guess who loses? It’s important to accept the fact that we all have flaws. Everyone makes mistakes. Making mistakes is not a bad thing that you should avoid completely. It’s one of the best ways to learn and grow.

Accepting our strengths and weaknesses and reconciling the conflicting parts in our inner world is critical to our health and happiness. Plus, you cannot achieve anything substantial in the outer world without fixing your inner world.

Symptoms of not loving yourself

• Depending on other people to make you happy. People who don’t love themselves cannot be happy with themselves. They’ll try micromanaging and controlling other people to feel better about themselves. In short, they are energy vampires.
• Constantly justifying yourself. People who don’t love themselves the way they are, focus on their good traits and boast so that the people around them can agree with them. They try to get anyone who is listening to believe in what they are saying even if deep down they don’t believe in it themselves. Remember, true love is never boastful. Anytime you see a boastful person, you see someone who doubts himself or herself.
• Indecisive because they want to seek approval or they want people to react to their choices. In short, they crave the attention and respect of others.
• Bad things happen to them all the time and they just can’t figure it out . They complain and blame others for their misfortunes while forgetting that how they feel about themselves determines what happens to them.
• Always preoccupied with personal problems because their mindset is structured around themselves. They tend to judge themselves harshly because they think everyone is talking about them.
• Keep going back to the people who dislike them or things that hurt them because they want to prove that they are worthy even if deep inside they know it’s impossible.

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Symptoms of not accepting yourself.

• Criticizing and judging ourselves harshly will manifest in all manners of physical, mental and emotional health issues. It’s important to know the symptoms that show you don’t love and accept yourself so that you can fix them as soon as possible.
• Denying who you are results in low self-esteem. People who push themselves to think and act like someone else feel like they are living a lie because it’s not a life of their own making. Denying who you are also involves ignoring your inner voice which always tells you to be who you are. The result? You’ll be stressed, overwhelmed and angry at yourself.
• Developing a victim mentality which involves believing what other people say about you or seeking approval. At the end of the day, you serve someone else’s agenda; not your own.
• Failure to accept yourself will eventually lead to low self-confidence because you won’t trust yourself. Soon you’ll start pitying and hating yourself and this will prevent your growth and development.
• Lack of self-acceptance leads to inactivity because you’ll lack the ability to inspire and motivate yourself to do the things that are good for you such as sleeping properly, eating nutritious foods and exercising regularly.

Self-Love vs Self-Acceptance

Although these two concepts are related, they are not the same. While self-love refers to valuable or worthwhile you see yourself, self-acceptance is a global affirmation of self.

Self-acceptance is all about embracing our positive and negative facets. This means that self-acceptance is unconditional. Recognizing and accepting your limitations or weaknesses should not interfere with your ability to accept yourself fully.

To love yourself, you need to explore what parts of yourself that you are not willing to accept. Loving yourself is all about accepting yourself 100%. This is only possible when you stop judging yourself. Research shows that our self-esteem rises the moment we stop being so hard on ourselves.

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At my la therapy, our warm and experienced therapists specialize in anxiety, depression, trauma, & relationships., determinants of self-acceptance.

Similar to self-love, as children, we can only accept ourselves to the degree that we feel accepted by the adults around us (especially parents). According to psychologists, children under the age of eight cannot formulate a separate sense of self, other than what has been transmitted by parents or guardians.

Therefore, if a parent could not communicate the message that you are acceptable he or she conditioned you to view yourself ambivalently. Positive messages that you received from your parents mainly depended on how you acted. Unfortunately, many of your behaviors weren’t acceptable or tolerated by them. In the end, you start seeing yourself as inadequate.

Also, parental judgment goes beyond disapproving a set of behaviors. For instance, parents may transmit to us a message that we are selfish, ugly, not attractive, nice and so on. As a result, you start focusing on your negative aspects. And this eventually leads to self-criticism.

It’s impossible not to parent ourselves the way we were parented. If our parents blamed, ignored or physically punished us, we’ll find ways to continue with this self-indignity.

According to Robert Holden , self-acceptance and happiness go hand in hand. Your level of self-acceptance will determine your level of self-love and happiness. The more you accept yourself, the happier you’ll become. You’ll only enjoy as much happiness as you think you’re worthy of.

Tips that will help you practice self-love and self-acceptance

Anytime you feel drained, tired or hating yourself, you are turning your thoughts and emotions against yourself. And this will not only make your life difficult but also that of your loved ones. Here are a few proven tips that will help you practice self-love and self-acceptance so that you can grow personally and professionally.

• Focus on yourself – Instead of looking at other people and working hard to be like them, you should focus on yourself. This means setting your standards and metrics to measure your success. Remember, loving yourself is not selfish. You cannot expect to love others if you don’t love yourself. To enhance other peoples’ wellbeing, you need to look after yourself by taking care of your physical and mental health. Don’t be afraid to focus and put yourself first.
• Get rid of the need to change yourself – You need to accept yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses. Instead of trying so hard to change yourself or chase butterflies, you can just drop everything and realize that you already have everything you need to become successful. Any change or adjustments will happen effortlessly just like a flower blooms. You don’t have to change yourself because there’s no other person in the world like you. You are a unique and special individual.
• Confront your fears – Devastating things happen to all of us. We all have baggage that prevents us from trying something new and hurting ourselves. The fear of failure holds us back from realizing our potential. Most people are afraid of the unfamiliar that they find themselves stuck in their comfort zones. When making changes and adjustments, it’s important to take baby steps to avoid freaking yourself out. Start by creating a list of the things you’ve been afraid to do. It could be networking at a key event, approaching your crush or asking your boss for a raise. Start with something small and face it. Figure out why you fear to do it. A big victory is made up of many small victories.
• Surround yourself with positive people – Your company will determine how high you go in your personal and professional life. Surrounding yourself with negative people cannot make you a positive person. Feeding your mind, the world’s worst won’t lighten up your inner world. Therefore, it’s important to choose your company carefully. Associate with positive people who will help you confront your fears. Apart from that, focus on the positive aspects of life. Remember, your mind is like a piece of land. When you take your time to cultivate it, it will bring forth sweet fruits. If you don’t cultivate it, weeds will grow naturally. And once they take over, it will be very difficult to eliminate them.
• Don’t take things personally – If someone or something offends you, don’t take it personally. Don’t assume that you know what people mean. Stop defending or justifying yourself. When you stop taking things personally, you’ll realize that people are doing their best to make things work. Plus, they might be having a bad day which is not your fault.
• Forgive yourself and others – You cannot grow and prosper without forgiving yourself and others. Remember, forgiveness is a selfish act. You forgive others so that you can have enough energy to focus on your growth and improvement. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made. No one is perfect. Being too hard on yourself or others cannot accelerate your success.
• Focus on your progress – Forget about the ideal. Perfection will not take you to the next level. When you focus on your progress, you’ll eventually become successful. Keep in mind that there will always be room for improvement no matter how well you do something.
• Don’t give up – When you fall, you have to get up and keep on keeping on. When we fail, we learn more about ourselves than when we succeed. Figure out what needs to be done and just do it. At the end of the day, celebrate for having the courage to go after what you want.

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Essays About Discovering Yourself: Top 5 Examples

Discover our top examples on essays about discovering yourself, plus prompts to guide you in writing your next essay.

Self-discovery is both a daunting and fantastic journey. Each person has a unique path to take. Reflecting on who you were, are, and will be is a lifelong adventure that includes constant self-examination. Because of self-discovery, we learn more about ourselves and become more in control of our decisions and wants in life.

A deep connection with our inner selves is critical to living an accomplished life. It’s an essential factor for us to thrive without overthinking the hurdles that will continuously challenge us along the way. Discovering yourself doesn’t only benefit you. It also helps you cultivate healthy relationships with other people and the community.

To write a powerful self-discovery essay, read through our examples below.

1. My Journey Of Self Discovery by Anonymous on Samplius.com

2. discovering myself by claire van de weghe, 3. answering the question of “who i am” by anonymous on gradesfixer.com, 4. finding yourself vs. creating yourself by lukas supovitz-aznar, 5. finding myself by megan of manasquan, nj, 1. who am i, 2. my best qualities, 3. private me vs. public me , 4. my journey to self acceptance, 5. me: the good and the bad, 6. self discovery and bad experiences, 7. who i aspire to be.

“High school has taught me about myself, and that is the most important lesson I could have learned. This metamorphosis has taken me from what I used to be what I am now.”

The writer shares their transformation from a shy and introverted high schooler to a vocal individual who’s not afraid to share opinions. They did it through education and keeping their emotions in check. If before the author thought that mistakes meant they failed, now they believe mistakes are okay as long as they learned something from them.

Aside from taking pride in how they can now think for themselves through developing courage, the writer also reminds the readers that they need to believe in themselves no matter their challenges. You might also be interested in these essays about the countryside .

“As someone who has always wanted to do good in the world, I’ve struggled with the choice between taking care of myself and worrying about other people. I’ve come a long way, both regressing and progressing at different points, but throughout it all I’ve learned so many different lessons.”

Van De Weghe opens her essay by baring her previous attitude. She believed she needed to make people laugh so they would accept her. Next, she recounts how she found it overwhelming to be without her sister and any friends, ultimately deciding to stop attending school.

When she grew older, Van De Weghe adjusted her personality to fit each clique. Then, during the pandemic, when she didn’t need to be around others, she had the time to reflect on who she wanted to be. Finally, she concludes her essay with the realization that she wants to be strong, no matter the pressure others force upon her. Van De Weghe believes that if she lives as her authentic self, she’ll be able to find her rightful place in the world.

“In this course of life, we not only learn what has been taught to us, but we also know ourselves in different ways… Who I am is always changing, I will always be learning, and evolving. Thus, the search for the answer to the questions of who I am is life long process.”

The writer starts with questions that pertain to their personal information (age, religious belief, etc.), eventually culminating in the question of who they are. In the next section, the author describes their personality and shares how they developed their disposition in life. 

The essay continues to share the author’s experiences that contribute to their character. These encounters include learning to swim, reading The Catcher in the Rye , relating to Holden Caulfield, and many other instances that let the readers better understand the writer.

“Naturally you are born with a certain amount of personality and talent through genetics, but success is created after you are born, not before. The search for real self is fiction, your personality is not waiting to be stumbled upon one day.”

Aznar is adamant about proving that “finding yourself” is only a manufactured concept. He doesn’t rely on “destiny” and instead believes people are responsible for creating themselves and their futures. He argues that having thoughts and ambitions molds a person’s character. That everyone is under the lifelong-experiment to invent and improve themselves by picking influences and defining constrictions. 

Aznar adds a news article about social construct, an interview with actor Will Smith regarding self-creation, and a take on The Great Gatsby concerning morals and destiny to prove his point further.

“I think that I know what I want, but sometimes it is hard to tell. I am still not exactly sure who I am, why I want certain things, why I can be so hardheaded and stubborn. I do not yet fully understand myself, which makes being a teenager quite frustrating at times.”

Megan uses a quote that resonates with the crux of her essay in her introduction. She then shares her frustration with her doubts regarding what she wants her future to be. She’s also frank about how taxing it is to be a teenager.

She elucidates how exasperation during her teenage years affects her mood and her family. However, she also notes how these formative years guide young people in handling real-world interactions. 

7 Helpful Writing Prompts on Essays About Discovering Yourself

Check out these top essay writing tips before you start your essay.

Take the time to think of who you are as an individual, friend, or child of your parents. For this prompt, describe to your readers your interests and quirks. Give them an idea of why you are a unique human being. To make it more interesting, interview the people you constantly interact with and ask them for details that connect to you or your personality.

An excellent way to discover more positive things about yourself is to point out what you think makes you likable. Then, like the previous prompt, you can ask acquaintances to highlight your appealing characteristics. Next, add how you plan to develop and enhance these aspects.

This prompt is perfect if you constantly present different personalities in your private space versus when you meet the public. Include the reasons why you think facing the public seems like a performance. If you’re uncomfortable sharing your experience, select a well-known celebrity who needs to be careful of what they can let the general public see to protect their private lives. Then, discuss why creating various personalities help people cope or chip away at their real character over time. 

Everyone has insecurities we deal with in our lives. In your essay, share what you did before and the steps you are taking to accept yourself. These steps can include continuously curating your social media feed so you don’t see unrealistic body standards or having a gratitude journal.

Discovering yourself means identifying both the good and bad parts. To strengthen your self-trust and fully believe in yourself, acknowledge your unfavourable traits and how you can change them.

Narrate a bad experience that had a significant impact on you. Share the reason this encounter affected you and the way you perceive yourself. Then, tell your readers how you turned this bad experience into a chance to learn more about yourself.

Think of the characteristics that the “perfect” person has and why. In this essay, you can use celebrities or family members as role models, describe why they inspire you and what it is about them you wish to see in yourself. Then, among these many good attributes, pick the top five traits you aspire to have and share your reasons.

To convince your readers to start their self-discovery, you must be persuasive. See our guide on persuasive writing.

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An essay on self-acceptance, self-acceptance: a battle that can never be won, but must always be fought..

A lot of people say that, to some extent, they always knew. They felt ‘different,’ somehow. Looking back now I can see that. I knew I felt different, I just didn’t have the words for it. So I brushed it off.

Tenth grade I think. Yeah, tenth. A year of nothing much important - you’re not a freshman, you’re not an upperclassman, you’re just there. And I was just there. Quiet, unassuming, a rule follower. A good girl.

September. Tuesday nights, a new teacher. Stella, with caramel-colored crazy long hair and eyes to match. She had three freckles in the corner of her face that made a triangle. Funny how I remember that.

A Tuesday, unassuming as ever. I don’t know what it was about that day. I can’t remember what she was wearing or what I was wearing or what the date was. I just remember the feeling. The thought, actually, flicking across my mind just for a second. A split second. But then the thought exploded and it was all-encompassing. I shut it down, hard.

Oh, but it lurked. Don’t they always. Happy thoughts, nice thoughts, pleasant memories, they wash away from your consciousness like footprints on the wet sand. But revelations, nasty dreams, unpleasant realizations, they stick. Hiding in corners even if you sweep your mind clean. So I thought. Every Tuesday, reminded.

I began to battle myself as the thought became a permanent fixture in my mind, like a tomato sauce stain you just gave up trying to get out of your white shirt. Only I can’t throw out this shirt, or get a new one. I tried everything- bleach, dry cleaners, OxiClean, hell I even tried to cut that damn stain out. Nothing worked.

I gave up eventually, broke down. That stain was there, permanently, forever. When I couldn’t blame the shirt, I blamed the wearer. What is wrong with me? Why aren’t I normal? Why did this happen now? Where’s this been the past 16 years? What will people think?

I began answering my own questions. You freak. You’re wrong. You’re a genetic mistake. A rough draft too terrible to salvage. People will mock you and scorn you and you can never ever tell.

I listened to my own advice. Buried it down; kept it locked away but still visible, though only to me. But then I had another one, another damn revelation. I’m really starting to hate these things.

I was just minding my own business, being my half-hid horrified self, when I realized: what would He think? I wasn’t stupid, I read the news. I knew what the church people thought. Was this sin? Oh God, I’m a sinner. I’m scum. I’m unnatural and unwanted and unlovable and what on earth am I going to do?

It took a while, it really did. Three months of battles in a war I appeared to be losing. But I watched videos. I searched google. I looked for others who knew at least something about what was going on. And inch by inch, bit by bit, two steps forward one step back, I found a way to be okay.

April. Almost May really. No one knew but me. To the world, I appeared exactly the same, but to me, I had finally come to a realization that didn’t make me want to scream.

My weirdness has a name! My not normal matches with other people’s not normal! We could be un-normal together! It was the happiest I’d been in months. I was finally okay again. Not normal, but not alone.

Only I was alone. No one, aside from my own head and heart, knew I was a different person on April 28th then I had been April 27th. Could I… tell someone? Who? Her? No. Him? Absolutely not. Them? Never in all of eternity, no.

I picked a person. Can I tell you something? Oh, the waiting. It physically hurt. I’ve never been so nauseous. You can’t tell anyone, okay? It’s a secret. Yet I felt free. I was whatever this was, someone knew I was something, and she cared. Or, rather, she didn’t care, which was the most amazing part. The Someone Normal accepting the Someone Un-Normal.

Over time it got easier actually. The First became the Second. A text. Then an inquiry, a nervous asking-telling session that ended with shared secrets and mutual trust. The Third. I started losing count after that. One two three four five six seven eight nine ten, at least. I don’t mind anymore. The rush of nervous adrenaline; then, the relief of a new person joining my side. A new closeness, a trust. Another rock taken out of the heavy backpack that had become mine to bear.

Of course there was always that brain-numbing spine-crumbling soul-crushing complete terror that someone would tell. But hey, you learn to live with it.

That is until the day is just a little too long and the people are a little too much and you go numb and then explode in a flurry of tears. You bear your soul, bruised and bloody, to someone whom you didn’t know meant as much to you as they do now. They hold you, and deliver yet another revelation: it’s actually really emotionally taxing to hold it in from people close to you.

I had never even considered the fact that it was hard. It had been nearly a year by now, the un-normal had become normal and the new normal was just something I had to deal with. Some people knew, others didn’t; it was just a fact of life.

A very specific group of people didn’t know, the people I was most scared to tell, the huge boulder of granite weighing down my backpack. I had debated in my head, over and over, should I do it should I do it should I do it and the answer was always no no no no no. I lived in constant fear, almost wanting to tell, but yet terrified of them finding out, learning to be a different person at home than at school.

So here I am, a new person, two people, different. Defined, molded, mostly shown, partially hidden. My own special kind of normal. To the world I am different, a freak, a reject, but I don’t care. I don’t need to be normal. I’m extraordinary.

*Note: this essay is a work of fiction designed to convey emotion, not facts or memories*

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A long over due thank you note to my greatest passion..

Dearest Yoga,

You deserve a great thank you.

Never would I have thought a few years ago that I would be such a huge yoga fanatic, that I would be hitting the gym almost every day to get to class, and that I would be forming all these amazing relationships with so many incredible people who also share a love for you. You've enhanced my way of life in numerous ways that I need to thank you for.

Thank you for showing me my true strength. Not only physical strength, but more importantly mental strength. You've shown me that I am more than what others may think of me, and that I can rise above any obstacle that comes through my path.

Thank you for helping me to walk through life with grace and passion. To love what I do and love the life that I share with those around me. Before experiencing yoga, I never truly understood what it was like to be passionate about something. Now that I have, not only do I know what it's like to be passionate, but also have a willing to be passionate.

Thank you for teaching me what it is like to appreciate the small things in life. Which has only helped me more to appreciate the big things. You've shown me to not only appreciate the life around me, but also to give myself the appreciation that I deserve. And more importantly, give others the appreciation that they deserve.

Thank you for allowing me to let go. Whenever I feel as if I need a break from the world, the yoga studio is the first place I think of. As soon as I enter the studio, the outside world leaves my mind. You've allowed me an escape that I will be forever thankful for.

Thank you for turning me into a mindful person. Having mindfulness is harder than it seems, especially here in today's society. Over the past couple years, I have become more mindful to the world around me, I have been able to truly be myself and let everyone else be themselves -- all thanks to yoga.

And lastly, thank you for allowing me to breathe. As simple as it sounds, breathing is the one thing that I carry around most with me off the mat. Deep breaths are what get me through the day. Throughout tough situations, emotional battles, and stressful times, I always know to come back to my yoga, to come back to my breath.

I only hope that those around me feel the same way as I do about you, yoga. You have truly transformed my life in the best way imaginable. It is a gift and a great privilege to be able to experience the practice. Thanks to you, I have grown as a person, proved to myself the true strength I have, become more aware and have ultimately started living a better life.

You're the best,

Your Yoga-Obsessed Friend

Epic Creation Myths: Norse Origins Unveiled

What happened in the beginning, and how the heavens were set in motion..

Now, I have the everlasting joy of explaining the Norse creation myth. To be honest, it can be a bit kooky, so talking about it is always fun. The entire cosmos is included in this creation myth, not just the earth but the sun and the moon as well. This will be a short retelling, a summary of the creation myth, somewhat like I did with Hermod's ride to Hel.

The Norse cosmos began with two worlds, Niflheim and Muspellheim. These two worlds, the worlds of primordial cold and fire , were separated by a great fissure called Ginnungagap. The waters from the well Hvergelmir, at the center of Niflheim, by many rivers flowed into Ginnungagap and "when those rivers, which are called Elivagar, came so far from their source, the poisonous flow hardened like a slag of cinders running from a furnace, and became ice. ...Then layer by layer, the ice grew within Ginnungagap" (Byock 13). The northernmost regions of the gap filled with hoar frost and rime, but the southernmost were "the regions bordering on Muspell [and] were warm and bright" (Byock 13). Where the cold of Niflheim's ice and the warmth of Muspellheim's fire met in Ginnungagap the ice thawed, and "there was a quickening in these flowing drops and life sprang up" (Byock 14). From the ice came Ymir, known as Aurgelmir by the giants, the origin of all frost giants. As the wise giant Vafthruthnir says, "'down from Elivagar did venom drop, / And waxed till a giant it was; / And thence arose our giants' race, / And thus so fierce are we found'" (Bellows 76-77).

25 Throwback Songs You Forgot About

But you know you still know every word..

We all scroll through the radio stations in the car every once in a while, whether its because we lost signal to our favorite one or we are just bored with the same ol' songs every day. You know when you're going through and you hear a song where you're just like "I forgot this existed!" and before you know it, you're singing every word? Yeah, me too. Like, 95% of the time. If you're like me and LOVE some good throwback music, here's a list of songs from every genre that have gotten lost in time, but never truly forgotten.

1. "Big Pimpin'" - Jay-Z ft. UGK

Jay-Z gives us a ballad about, you guessed it, pimpin' big in NYC. Jay-Z's rhymes paired with that catchy beat is just bound to get stuck in your head for the rest of the night.

2. "Mr. Brightside" - The Killers

If you say that you don't know any of the words to this song, you're the worst kind of person... a liar. This classic has left stamps of its lyrics on 99% of the population, and has a forever spot in my soul.

3. "Lose Yourself" - Eminem

This song always leaves me feeling like I could sign a record deal and launch my career as a rap/hip-hop legend... and craving spaghetti.

4. "Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American) - Toby Keith

A ballad for the ages that brings the overly patriotic American badass out of all of us.

5. "Drop It Like It's Hot" - Snoop Dogg ft. Pharrell Williams

SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!

6. "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" - Green Day

This song makes me want to walk down a lonely road, preferably a dark one, and reflect on all of my life choices. Nevertheless, it's still a fantastic song.

7. "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" - Panic! At The Disco

If your friends don't "chime in" by screaming the chorus at the top of their lungs in the car with you, it's time to leave them there and find new friends. Also, did anyone ever tell the groom what his bride has been up to?

8. "Semi-Charmed Life" - Third Eye Blind

A life anthem for all of us. Third Eye Blind has recently released another album. My inner child is tingling.

9. "Baby Got Back" - Sir Mix A Lot

Nicki Minaj sampled this in her song "Anaconda" in 2014. Take a minute to realize that some people have heard that, but not the REAL jam that the sample came from. Now, cry.

10. "Get Low" - Lil Jon ft. Ying Yang Twinz

The real question is which version is better: Lil Jon's or Sandra Bullock's?

11. "Check Yes Or No" - George Strait

You don't have to be a country lover to know this song. My hardcore rocker/screamo friend even knows the chorus. Don't try and tell me you don't. I don't like liars.

12. "Ride Wit Me" - Nelly

"Ayyyyye, must be the monaaayyy!" - frequently screamed lyric

13. "Pony" - Ginuwine

Even though I can't hear this song without seeing Channing Tatum's half naked body in my mind, it's still one of my favorite songs to hear. Instant day brightener when I hear that funky beat at the beginning.

14. "Cleanin' Out My Closet" - Eminem

As sad as these lyrics are, Eminem really hit this one out of the park.

15. "Gangstas Paradise" - Coolio

10/10 would recommend listening to Weird Al's parody of this song.

16. "It Was A Good Day" - Ice Cube

The first time I heard this may have been on Grand Theft Auto, but that doesn't mean that it isn't a great song.

17. "What's Your Fantasy" - Ludacris

Another song that I knew most of the lyrics to that I probably shouldn't have at a young age.

18. "Everybody (Backstreets Back)" - Backstreet Boys

They really were back, and we all wish they had stayed.

19. "Misery Business" - Paramore

I can't tell if I want to be Hayley Williams or be ON Hayley Williams. I'd be okay with either. #girlcrush

20. "Steal My Sunshine" - Len

This feel good song makes me want to rip open a popsicle and ride my bicycle around town.

21. "Fly" - Sugar Ray

As repetitive as this is, this song will never get old.

22. "Song 2" - Blur

23. "buddy holly" - weezer.

Weezer may have hated this song, but we are glad they recorded it.

24. "No Rain" - Blind Melon

Maybe it's just me who is obsessed with this song, but if you haven't heard it, I highly recommend.

25. "99 Problems" - Jay-Z

I have 99 problems, and this playlist solves all of them.

27 Hidden Joys

Appreciation for some of life's most discredited pleasures..

Life is full of many wonderful pleasures that many of us, like myself, often forget about. And it's important to recognize that even on bad days, good things still happen. Focusing on these positive aspects of our day-to-day lives can really change a person's perspective. So in thinking about the little things that make so many of us happy , I've here's a list of some of the best things that often go unrecognized and deserve more appreciation:

1. Sun showers

3. tight hugs, 4. discovering new foods you like., 5. laying in bed after a long day., 6. and being completely relaxed, 7. "this reminded me of you", 8. breakfast foods, 9. over-sized clothes, 10. contagious laughs, 11. car rides with that one person, 12. random (i miss you/ i love you) texts, 13. the city at night, 14. surprises, 15. blanket cocoons, 16. good hair days, 17. really good coffee, 18. days where you're in a good mood naturally and for no particular reason, 19. conquering a fear, 20. when they give you a lot of guac at chipotle, 21. being so comfortable with someone that you can literally talk about anything, 22. home-cooked meals, 23. tattoo stories, 24. leaves changing color in fall, 25. butterflies in your stomach, 26. peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, 27. when you can't stop laughing, cool off with these 8 beers.

Summer is hot and humid, and it's almost like summer was made specifically to drink the refreshing, cold, crisp wonderful, delicious, nutritious nectar of the gods. Which is none other than beer; wonderful cold beer. With summer playing peek-a-boo around the corner while we finish up this semester, it's time to discuss the only important part of summer. And if you haven't already guessed, it's beer. There are few things I take more seriously than my beer, in order are: sports ... and beer. Here are my favorite summer brews:

Coors Light Summer Brew:

This summer shandy begins this list, it's a mix of lemon, lime and orange. While this is by no means a craft beer, it still has it place as a refreshing summer brew to enjoy.

Leinenkugel Summer Shandy

Solid choice for any summer get together, great taste with a hint of citrus.

Leinenkugel Sunset Wheat

Distinctly reminds me of Fruity Pebbles, but nonetheless is a wonderful summer beer.

Want to know more about beer?

Summertime is the perfect time for beer, and that's why International Beer Day is on August 2nd. Our community has you covered with more stories about beer, including:

• The Benefits of Drinking Beer : Let us count the ways. There are more than you might think.
• Delicious Beer Substitutes : Is beer not typically your thing? Try one of these instead.
• Unique Beer Flavors to Try : Whether it's hard apple cider or the tase of wild blueberries, these are great options.
• If College Majors Were Beers : Business, sports medicine, design – there's a beer for every major.

Sam Adams Summer Ale

Sam Adams is known for their traditional Boston Lager, but their Summer Ale is damn good.

Hell or High Watermelon

Made with real watermelon, not much is more summer-esque than juicy watermelon in July.

Blue Moon Summer Honey

I love me some Blue Moon, so the summer brew is a no-brainer on this list.

LandShark Lager

Fun fact: LandShark is owned by Anheuser-Busch, and is more commonly know as the signature drink of Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville.

Obviously Corona had to take the number one spot. To me, there's nothing more refreshing than a cold Corona with lime on a hot summer day.

So whether you're on a sandy beach, a fishing boat, or at a pool, just remember what our dear friend Jack Nicholson said, "Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world."

Drink responsibly and never drink and drive.

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B.C. author teaches the importance of self-acceptance in a new collection of autobiographical essays

By John Ackermann

Posted August 25, 2024 12:22 pm.

David Roche calls himself an inspirational humourist. The Sunshine Coast-based author and public speaker was born with a vascular malformation. The veins in his face, head, neck, throat, and tongue have continued to grow throughout his life. He calls his facial difference an incredible gift because it made him look inside himself to find beauty and self-worth.

His second and latest book — Standing at the Back Door of Happiness (And How I Unlocked It) — is all about finding and nurturing a positive sense of himself and encouraging it in others.

• Not just another pretty face: a new book explores the hidden history of B.C.’s Sunshine Coast

“They’re usually my stories, but if you look for a thread, you’ll find a sense of community, of family, of relationships, which is how I have survived and thrived over the years.”

The book isn’t a straight-up A-Z memoir per se, but a collection of 28 bite-sized essays. The first one is entitled For The Love of Scars , a meditation on his facial difference.

John-Ackermann-speaks-to-David-Roche-author-of-Standing-at-the-Back-Door-of-Happiness

“Scars are the adoptees in the family of flesh,” he said. “Scars have a purpose of protecting nerves. They do the hard work in life as part of the human body. [But] they get a bad rap in life. [People say] ‘I gotta hide my scars.’ No. Be proud of your scars. They’re doing a good job for you.”

Another essay, Picasso , talks about how Roche came to accept his reflection in the mirror.

“Now, that changed with the internet, because I saw myself looking at myself on a screen,” he said. “And it’s pretty unavoidable when you’re on Zoom and you can’t avoid looking at yourself. And I just had this incident where I saw something that I did not recognize as my own face. It shocked me deeply, and I had a very brief time when I had to piece all the pieces together as if it were a Picasso painting, and I had to adjust to that.”

But now he says he is more comfortable with his appearance.

“There’s always a substratum of discomfort [but] I do feel very accepting of myself,” Roche said. “I actually think that I’m quite cute, and I believe that, because people tell me that, and I think like, ‘Oh, they’re just being nice to the little disfigured guy.’ But no, they think I’m cute. And somehow, I carry it off. So, there you go.”

Roche credits his inner strength to his Irish-Catholic upbringing in Hammond, Indiana.

“I was born during the Second World War,” he said. “My father was living in Stalag 17, a Nazi prisoner of war camp, and my mother, her two sisters, my grandmother, and my grandfather did not know if he was going to come back. So, when I was born, I was like King David, because I was a treasure at that time, in a time of war and horror. So, I was never teased in my family, one of seven kids. Well, it helped being the eldest, that’s for sure.”

So, what does it mean to stand at the back door of happiness? Roche admits he just liked the sound of it.

“I just thought was a cute title,” he said. “I don’t have a good reason for it. I just thought was clever.”

But if there is one overall takeaway from the book, Roche hopes the reader learns that one key to happiness is connection.

“So, if you’re standing at the back door of happiness, [as] we all are, there’s a way in, and that’s not by yourself, but with other people,” he said.

The 28 essays are in a loose chronological order, but you can open the book just about anywhere and take away some nugget of wisdom.

Standing at the Back Door of Happiness (And How I Unlocked It) is available from Harbour Publishing.

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Self Acceptance – Key to Happiness

Self acceptance is the key to happiness. If you judge your self-worth with what you have achieved, you will be disappointed when things turn haywire. In today’s fast-moving world, people have time for nothing. Not for even themselves. The modern lifestyle is so demanding that we are forgetting the basics of healthy living that were taught and practiced by our ancestors.

We are so pre-occupied by our belief systems that knowingly or unknowingly we are heading towards self-destruction. The expectations and aspirations of the young generation are so high that even a small failure in their fulfillment pushes the individual into a dark, melancholy world.

What Causes Sadness?

Sherry was a cheerful young girl in college with very high aspirations in life. She was a bright student with a promising career ahead. But destiny had its own plans. She met with an unfortunate accident and life took a new turn for her. Her studies were interrupted and being confined to home gradually had such an effect on her sub-conscious mind that slowly she moved into depression.

To her it appeared that life had come to a complete halt and she had lost the battle. It took a lot of effort by the doctors and her family to bring her out of the darkness that existed in her mind.

It is very important to understand what causes sadness. Usually people opine, that it is the external factor or environment that makes the person feel gloomy. This is completely a myth. An individual’s thoughts, his values and his way of thinking are the factors that control his state of mind. Happiness lies within oneself. If you search for it in something external, you will end up running after a mirage.

Self Acceptance and Happiness

We all say that we have accepted ourselves and our lives the way they are but actually, we don’t. Self-acceptance is very important in making the journey of life brighter and happier. It is vital to accept whoever, whatever, wherever you are.

Self acceptance is definitely the process of befriending the unconditioned self—the part of you that is more than just your name, your failures or your successes.

Accept yourself the way you are first, and then try to work on your faults to improve yourself. Stop uselessly criticising yourself. Once you find some time from your schedule to look within, you will find that you have a number of strengths and weaknesses in yourself. Accept them.

Accept your weaknesses and once you do that, only then you can make efforts to bring about a change. Say to yourself, “I like myself.” Try to build and maintain your self-esteem. Self acceptance is the first step toward expressing love for yourself.

In an experiment, peers were divided into pairs and each person was asked to list his own weaknesses and the partner’s strengths. In all the cases, it was found that the trait listed as one’s own weakness was pointed as his remarkable strength by the partner. For instance, one individual listed anger as his drawback but his partner in the drill said, that the individual had a dashing presence wherever he went and had the ability to get his work done every time.

It is a matter of perspective. What you feel is your weakness is your strength in somebody else’s view. You don’t “like” yourself because you look at yourself in comparison to somebody else. If you are so fond of comparing, compare yourself with your own self. It will give you better yardsticks to measure the progress and make further growth.

Self Acceptance and the Journey of Life

People often say that, I cannot change. This is my basic nature. But lack of self-acceptance eventually leads to a lot of anxiety and mental turmoil. Nothing external gives the desired happiness and peace. The ability to think in the right direction is lost and gradually the person finds himself surrounded by darkness and unrest. This is because people don’t accept “now.”

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval. ~ Mark Twain ( Tweet this )

Self-acceptance can act as a major tool in paving the way for further improvement and advancement. Also, this way we can safeguard ourselves from the clutches of sadness and despair. To look inside and accept and love the person you are is the greatest gift you can give yourself and others.

• personal skills

About the Author

Rohini Jha is an author, writer, poet and a management graduate. She ardently believes in taking life one day at a time. A spiritually inclined person, she treads life on the path of growth and self-improvement with a firm view that whatever happens, happens for the better.

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21 Stellar Common App Essay Examples to Inspire Your College Essay

What’s covered:, what makes a good common app essay, is your common app essay strong enough.

When you begin writing your Common App essay, having an example to look at can help you understand how to effectively write your college essay so that it stands apart from others. 

These Common App essay examples demonstrate a strong writing ability and answer the prompt in a way that shows admissions officers something unique about the student. Once you’ve read some examples and are ready to get started, read our step-by-step guide for how to write a strong Common App essay.  

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Read our Common App essay breakdown to get a comprehensive overview of this year’s supplemental prompts.

It’s Personal

The point of the Common App essay is to humanize yourself to a college admissions committee. The ultimate goal is to get them to choose you over someone else! You will have a better chance of achieving this goal if the admissions committee feels personally connected to you or invested in your story. When writing your Common App essay, you should explore your feelings, worldview, values, desires, and anything else that makes you uniquely you.

It’s Not Cliché

It is pretty easy to resort to clichés in college essays. This should be actively avoided! CollegeVine has identified the immigrant’s journey, sports injuries, and overcoming a challenging course as cliché topics . If you write about one of these topics, you have to work harder to stand out, so working with a more nuanced topic is often safer and easier.

It’s Well-Done

Colleges want good writers. They want students who can articulate their thoughts clearly and concisely (and creatively!). You should be writing and rewriting your essays, perfecting them as you go. Of course, make sure that your grammar and spelling are impeccable, but also put in time crafting your tone and finding your voice. This will also make your essay more personal and will make your reader feel more connected to you!

It’s Cohesive

Compelling Common App essays tell a cohesive story. Cohesion is primarily achieved through effective introductions and conclusions , which often contribute to the establishment of a clear theme or topic. Make sure that it is clear what you are getting at, but also don’t explicitly state what you are getting at—a successful essay speaks for itself.

Common App Essay Examples

Here are the current Common App prompts. Click the links to jump to the examples for a specific prompt, or keep reading to review the examples for all the prompts.

Prompt #1 :  Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Prompt #2 :  The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

Prompt #3 :  Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?

Prompt #4 : Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you? (NOTE: We only have an example for the old prompt #4 about solving a problem, not this current one)

Prompt #5 :  Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

Prompt #6 :  Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

Prompt #7 :  Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you’ve already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

Note: Names have been changed to protect the identity of the author and subjects.

Prompt #1: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Prompt #1, example #1.

The room was silent except for the thoughts racing through my head. I led a spade from my hand and my opponent paused for a second, then played a heart. The numbers ran through my mind as I tried to consider every combination, calculating my next move. Finally, I played the ace of spades from the dummy and the rest of my clubs, securing the contract and 620 points when my partner ruffed at trick five. Next board.

It was the final of the 2015 United States Bridge Federation Under-26 Women’s Championship. The winning team would be selected to represent the United States in the world championship and my team was still in the running.

Contract bridge is a strategic and stochastic card game. Players from around the world gather at local clubs, regional events, and, in this case, national tournaments.

Going into the tournament, my team was excited; all the hours we had put into the game, from the lengthy midnight Skype sessions spent discussing boards to the coffee shop meetings spent memorizing conventions together, were about to pay off.

Halfway through, our spirits were still high, as we were only down by fourteen international match points which, out of the final total of about four hundred points, was virtually nothing and it was very feasible to catch up. Our excitement was short-lived, however, as sixty boards later, we found that we had lost the match and would not be chosen as the national team.

Initially, we were devastated. We had come so close and it seemed as if all the hours we had devoted to training had been utterly wasted. Yet as our team spent some time together reflecting upon the results, we gradually realized that the true value that we had gained wasn’t only the prospect of winning the national title, but also the time we had spent together exploring our shared passion. I chatted with the winning team and even befriended a few of them who offered us encouragement and advice.

Throughout my bridge career, although I’ve gained a respectable amount of masterpoints and awards, I’ve realized that the real reward comes from the extraordinary people I have met. I don’t need to travel cross-country to learn; every time I sit down at a table whether it be during a simple club game, a regional tournament or a national event, I find I’m always learning. 

I nod at the pair that’s always yelling at each other. They teach me the importance of sportsmanship and forgiveness.

I greet the legally blind man who can defeat most of the seeing players. He reminds me not to make excuses.

I chat with the friendly, elderly couple who, at ages ninety and ninety-two, have just gotten married two weeks ago. They teach me that it’s never too late to start anything.

I talk to the boy who’s attending Harvard and the girl who forewent college to start her own company. They show me that there is more than one path to success.

I congratulate the little kid running to his dad, excited to have won his very first masterpoints. He reminds me of the thrill of every first time and to never stop trying new things.

Just as much as I have benefitted from these life lessons, I aspire to give back to my bridge community as much as it has given me. I aspire to teach people how to play this complicated yet equally as exciting game. I aspire to never stop improving myself, both at and away from the bridge table.

Bridge has given me my roots and dared me to dream. What started as merely a hobby has become a community, a passion, a part of my identity. I aspire to live selflessly and help others reach their goals. I seek to take risks, embrace all results, even failure, and live unfettered from my own doubt.

This student draws readers in with a strong introduction. The essay starts ambiguous—“I led with a spade”—then intrigues readers by gradually revealing more information and details. This makes the reader want to keep reading (which is super important!) As the writer continues, there is a rather abrupt tone shift from suspenseful to explanatory with statements like “It was the final of the 2015 United States Bridge Federation Under-26 Women’s Championship” and “Contract bridge is a strategic and stochastic card game.” If you plan to start with an imagery-heavy, emotional, suspenseful, or dramatic introduction, you will need to transition to the content of your essay in a way that does not feel abrupt. 

You will often hear that essays need to “show, not tell.” This essay actually does both. First, the student tells readers the importance of bridge, saying “we gradually realized that the true value that we had gained wasn’t only the prospect of winning the national title, but also the time we had spent together exploring our shared passion” and “I’ve realized that the real reward comes from the extraordinary people I have met.” Then, the student shows the lessons they have learned from bridge through a series of parallel sentences: “I nod… sportsmanship and forgiveness” “I greet… not to make excuses” “I chat… it’s never too late to start anything” and so on. This latter strategy is much more effective than the former and is watered down because the student has already told us what we are supposed to get out of these sentences. Remember that your readers are intelligent and can draw their own conclusions. Avoid summarizing the moral of your story for them!

Overall, this essay is interesting and answers the prompt. We learn the importance of bridge to this student. The student has a solid grasp of language, a high-level vocabulary, and a valuable message, though they would be better off if they avoided summarizing their point and created more seamless transitions. 

Prompt #1, Example #2

Growing up, I always wanted to eat, play, visit, watch, and be it all: sloppy joes and spaetzle, Beanie Babies and Steiff, Cape Cod and the Baltic Sea, football and fussball, American and German.

My American parents relocated our young family to Berlin when I was three years old. My exposure to America was limited to holidays spent stateside and awfully dubbed Disney Channel broadcasts. As the few memories I had of living in the US faded, my affinity for Germany grew. I began to identify as “Germerican,” an ideal marriage of the two cultures. As a child, I viewed my biculturalism as a blessing. I possessed a native fluency in “Denglisch” and my family’s Halloween parties were legendary at a time when the holiday was just starting to gain popularity outside of the American Sector.

Insidiously, the magic I once felt in loving two homes was replaced by a deep-­rooted sense of rootlessness. I stopped feeling American when, while discussing World War II with my grandmother, I said “the US won.” She corrected me, insisting I use “we” when referring to the US’s actions. Before then, I hadn’t realized how directly people associated themselves with their countries. I stopped feeling German during the World Cup when my friends labeled me a “bandwagon fan” for rooting for Germany. Until that moment, my cheers had felt sincere. I wasn’t part of the “we” who won World Wars or World Cups. Caught in a twilight of foreign and familiar, I felt emotionally and psychologically disconnected from the two cultures most familiar to me.

After moving from Berlin to New York at age fifteen, my feelings of cultural homelessness thrived in my new environment. Looking and sounding American furthered my feelings of dislocation. Border patrol agents, teachers, classmates, neighbors, and relatives all “welcomed me home” to a land they could not understand was foreign to me. Americans confused me as I relied on Urban Dictionary to understand my peers, the Pledge of Allegiance seemed nationalistic, and the only thing familiar about Fahrenheit was the German after whom it was named. Too German for America and too American for Germany, I felt alienated from both. I wanted desperately to be a member of one, if not both, cultures.

During my first weeks in Scarsdale, I spent my free time googling “Berlin Family Seeks Teen” and “New Americans in Scarsdale.” The latter search proved most fruitful: I discovered Horizons, a nonprofit that empowers resettled refugees, or “New Americans,” to thrive. I started volunteering with Horizon’s children’s programs, playing with and tutoring young refugees.

It was there that I met Emily, a twelve­-year-­old Iraqi girl who lived next to Horizons. In between games and snacks, Emily would ask me questions about American life, touching on everything from Halloween to President Obama. Gradually, my confidence in my American identity grew as I recognized my ability to answer most of her questions. American culture was no longer completely foreign to me. I found myself especially qualified to work with young refugees; my experience growing up in a country other than that of my parents’ was similar enough to that of the refugee children Horizons served that I could empathize with them and offer advice. Together, we worked through conflicting allegiances, homesickness, and stretched belonging.

Forging a special, personal bond with young refugees proved a cathartic outlet for my insecurities as it taught me to value my past. My transculturalism allowed me to help young refugees integrate into American life, and, in doing so, I was able to adjust myself. Now, I have an appreciation of myself that I never felt before. “Home” isn’t the digits in a passport or ZIP code but a sense of contentedness. By helping a young refugee find comfort, happiness, and home in America, I was finally able to find those same things for myself.

Due to their endearing (and creative) use of language—with early phrases like “sloppy joes and spaetzle” as well as  “Germerican” and “Denglisch”—readers are inclined to like this writer from the get-go. Though the essay shifts from this lighthearted introduction to more serious subject matter around the third paragraph, the shift is not abrupt or jarring. This is because the student invites readers to feel the transition with them through their inclusion of various anecdotes that inspired their “feelings of cultural homelessness.” And our journey does not end there—we go back to America with the student and see how their former struggles become strengths.

Ultimately, this essay is successful due to its satisfying ending. Because readers experience the student’s struggles with them, we also feel the resolution. The conclusion of this essay is a prime example of the “Same, but Different” technique described in our article on How to End Your College Essay . As the student describes how, in the end, their complicated cultural identity still exists but transitions to a source of strength, readers are left feeling happy for the student. This means that they have formed a connection with the student, which is the ultimate goal!

Prompt #1, Example #3

“1…2…3…4 pirouettes ! New record!” My friends cheered as I landed my turns. Pleased with my progress, I gazed down at my worn-out pointe shoes. The sweltering blisters, numbing ice-baths, and draining late-night practices did not seem so bad after all. Next goal: five turns.

For as long as I can remember, ballet, in all its finesse and glamor, had kept me driven day to day. As a child, the lithe ballerinas, donning ethereal costumes as they floated across the stage, were my motivation. While others admired Messi and Adele, I idolized Carlos Acosta, principal dancer of the Royal Ballet. 

As I devoted more time and energy towards my craft, I became obsessed with improving my technique. I would stretch for hours after class, forcing my leg one inch higher in an effort to mirror the Dance Magazine cover girls . I injured my feet and ruined pair after pair of pointe shoes, turning on wood, cement, and even grass to improve my balance as I spun. At competitions, the dancers with the 180-degree leg extensions, endless turns, and soaring leaps—the ones who received “Bravos!” from the roaring audience—further pushed me to refine my skills and perfect my form. I believed that, with enough determination, I would one day attain their level of perfection. Reaching the quadruple- pirouette milestone only intensified my desire to accomplish even more. 

My efforts seemed to have come to fruition two summers ago when I was accepted to dance with Moscow’s Bolshoi Ballet at their renowned New York City summer intensive. I walked into my first session eager to learn from distinguished ballet masters and worldly dancers, already anticipating my improvement. Yet, as I danced alongside the accomplished ballerinas, I felt out of place. Despite their clean technique and professional training, they did not aim for glorious leg extensions or prodigious leaps. When they performed their turn combinations, most of them only executed two turns as I attempted four. 

“Dancers, double- pirouettes only.” 

Taken aback and confused, I wondered why our teacher expected so little from us. The other ballerinas seemed content, gracing the studio with their simple movements. 

As I grew closer with my Moscow roommates, I gradually learned that their training emphasized the history of the art form instead of stylistic tricks. Rather than show off their physical ability, their performances aimed to convey a story, one that embodied the rich culture of ballet and captured both the legacy of the dancers before them and their own artistry. As I observed my friends more intently in repertoire class, I felt the pain of the grief-stricken white swan from Swan Lake , the sass of the flirtatious Kitri from Don Quijote, and I gradually saw what I had overlooked before. My definition of talent had been molded by crowd-pleasing elements—whirring pirouettes , gravity-defying leaps, and mind-blowing leg extensions. This mindset slowly stripped me from the roots of my passion and my personal connection with ballet. 

With the Bolshoi, I learned to step back and explore the meaning behind each step and the people behind the scenes. Ballet carries history in its movements, from the societal values of the era to each choreographer’s unique flair. As I uncovered the messages behind each pirouette, kick, and jump, my appreciation for ballet grew beyond my obsession with raw athleticism and developed into a love for the art form’s emotive abilities in bridging the dancers with the audience. My journey as an artist has allowed me to see how technical execution is only the means to a greater understanding between dancer and spectator, between storyteller and listener. The elegance and complexity of ballet does not revolve around astonishing stunts but rather the evocative strength and artistry manifested in the dancer, in me. It is the combination of sentiments, history, tradition, and passion that has allowed ballet and its lessons of human connection to become my lifestyle both on and off stage.

The primary strength of this essay is the honesty and authenticity of the student’s writing. It is purposefully reflective. Intentional language creates a clear character arc that begins with an eager young ballerina and ends with the student reflecting on their past. 

Readers are easily able to picture the passion and intensity of the young dancer through the writer’s engagement with words like “obsessed,” “forcing,” and “ruined” in the second paragraph. Then, we see how intensity becomes pride as they “wondered why our teacher expected so little from us.” And ultimately, we see the writer humbled as they are exposed to the deeper meaning behind what they have worked so hard for. This arc is outstanding, and the student’s musings about ballet in the concl usion position them as vulnerable and reflective (and thus, appealing to admissions officers!)

The main weakness of this essay (though this is a stellar essay) is its formulaic beginning. While dialogue can be an effective tool for starting your essay, this student’s introduction feels a bit stilted as the dialogue does not match the overall reflective tone of the essay. Perhaps, in place of “Next goal: five turns,” the student could have posed a question or foreshadowed the growth they ultimately describe.

Prompt #1, Example #4

My paintbrush dragged a flurry of acrylic, the rich colors attaching to each groove in my canvas’s texture. The feeling was euphoric.

From a young age, painting has been my solace. Between the stress of my packed high school days filled with classes and extracurriculars, the glide of my paintbrush was my emotional outlet.

I opened a fresh canvas and began. The amalgamation of assorted colors in my palette melded harmoniously: dark and light, cool and warm, brilliant and dull. They conjoined, forming shades and surfaces sharp, smooth, and ridged. The textures of my paint strokes — powdery, glossy, jagged — gave my painting a tone, as if it had a voice of its own, sometimes shrieking, sometimes whispering.

Rough indigo blue. The repetitive upward pulls of my brush formed layers on my canvas. Staring into the deep blue, I felt transported to the bottom of the pool I swim in daily. I looked upward to see a layer of dense water between myself and the person I aspire to be, an ideal blurred by filmy ripples. Rough blue encapsulates my amorphous, conflicting identity, catalyzed by words spewed by my peers about my “oily hair” and “smelly food”. They caused my ever present disdain toward cultural assemblies; the lehenga I wore felt burdensome. My identity quivers like the indigo storm I painted — a duel between my self-deprecating, validation-seeking self, and the proud self I desire to be. My haphazard paint strokes released my internal turbulence.

Smooth orange-hued green. I laid the color in melodious strokes, forming my figure. The warmer green transitions from the rough blue — while they share elements, they also diverge. My firm brushstrokes felt like the way I felt on my first day as a media intern at KBOO, my local volunteer-driven radio station, committed to the voices of the marginalized. As a naturally introverted speaker, I was forced out of my comfort zone when tasked with documenting a KBOO art exhibition for social media, speaking with hosts to share their diverse, underrepresented backgrounds and inspirations. A rhythmic green strength soon shoved me past internal blue turbulence. My communication skills which were built by two years of Speech and Debate unleashed — I recognized that making a social change through media required amplifying unique voices and perspectives, both my own and others. The powerful green strokes that fill my canvas entrench my growth.

Bright, voluminous coral, hinted with magenta and yellow. I dabbed the color over my figure, giving my painting dimension. The paint, speckled, added depth on every inch it coated. As I moved the color in random but purposeful movements, the vitality ushered into my painting brought a smile across my face. It reminded me of the encounters I had with my cubicle-mate in my sophomore year academic autism research internship, seemingly insignificant moments in my lifelong journey that, in retrospect, wove unique threads into my tapestry. The kindness she brought into work inspired my compassion, while her stories of struggling with ADHD in the workplace bolstered my empathy towards different experiences. Our conversations added blobs of a nonuniform bright color in my painting, binding a new perspective in me.

I added in my final strokes, each contributing an element to my piece. As I scanned my canvas, I observed these elements. Detail added nuance into smaller pictures; they embodied complexities within color, texture, and hue, each individually delivering a narrative. But together, they formed a piece of art— art that could be interpreted as a whole or broken apart but still delivering as a means of communication.

I find beauty in media because of this. I can adapt a complex narrative to be deliverable, each component telling a story. Appreciating these nuances — the light, dark, smooth, and rough — has cultivated my growth mindset. My life-long painting never finishes. It is ever-expanding, absorbing the novel textures and colors I encounter daily.

This essay is distinct from others due to its melodic, lyrical form. This is primarily achieved because the student’s form follows the movements of the paintbrush that they use to scaffold their essay. As readers, we simply flow through the essay, occasionally picking up bits of information about its creator. Without even realizing it, by the end of the essay, admissions officers will know that this student is a swimmer, was in Speech and Debate, is Indian, and has had multiple internships.

A major strength of this essay is the command of language that the student demonstrates. This essay was not simply written, it was crafted. Universities are, of course, interested in the talents, goals, and interests of applicants, but an essay being well-written can be equally important. Writing skills are important because your reader will not learn about your talents, goals, and interests if they aren’t engaged in your essay, but they are also important because admissions officers know that being able to articulate your thoughts is important for success in all future careers.

While this essay is well-written, there are a few moments where it falls out of the flow and feels more like a student advertising their successes. For example, the phrases “media intern at KBOO” and “autism research internship” work better on a resume than they do in this essay. Admissions officers have a copy of your resume and can check your internship experiences after reading your essay! If you are going to use a unique writing style or narrative form, lean into it; don’t try to hybridize it with the standard college essay form. Your boldness will be attractive to admissions officers.

Readers are easily able to picture the passion and intensity of the young dancer through the writer’s engagement with words like “obsessed,” “forcing,” and “ruined” in the second paragraph. Then, we see how intensity becomes pride as they “wondered why our teacher expected so little from us.” And ultimately, we see the writer humbled as they are exposed to the deeper meaning behind what they have worked so hard for. This arc is outstanding, and the student’s musings about ballet in the conclusion position them as vulnerable and reflective (and thus, appealing to admissions officers!)

Prompt #2: The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

Prompt #2, example #1.

“You ruined my life!” After months of quiet anger, my brother finally confronted me. To my shame, I had been appallingly ignorant of his pain.

Despite being twins, Max and I are profoundly different. Having intellectual interests from a young age that, well, interested very few of my peers, I often felt out of step in comparison with my highly-social brother. Everything appeared to come effortlessly for Max and, while we share an extremely tight bond, his frequent time away with friends left me feeling more and more alone as we grew older.

When my parents learned about The Green Academy, we hoped it would be an opportunity for me to find not only an academically challenging environment, but also – perhaps more importantly – a community. This meant transferring the family from Drumfield to Kingston. And while there was concern about Max, we all believed that given his sociable nature, moving would be far less impactful on him than staying put might be on me.

As it turned out, Green Academy was everything I’d hoped for. I was ecstatic to discover a group of students with whom I shared interests and could truly engage. Preoccupied with new friends and a rigorous course load, I failed to notice that the tables had turned. Max, lost in the fray and grappling with how to make connections in his enormous new high school, had become withdrawn and lonely. It took me until Christmas time – and a massive argument – to recognize how difficult the transition had been for my brother, let alone that he blamed me for it.

Through my own journey of searching for academic peers, in addition to coming out as gay when I was 12, I had developed deep empathy for those who had trouble fitting in. It was a pain I knew well and could easily relate to. Yet after Max’s outburst, my first response was to protest that our parents – not I – had chosen to move us here. In my heart, though, I knew that regardless of who had made the decision, we ended up in Kingston for my benefit. I was ashamed that, while I saw myself as genuinely compassionate, I had been oblivious to the heartache of the person closest to me. I could no longer ignore it – and I didn’t want to.

We stayed up half the night talking, and the conversation took an unexpected turn. Max opened up and shared that it wasn’t just about the move. He told me how challenging school had always been for him, due to his dyslexia, and that the ever-present comparison to me had only deepened his pain.

We had been in parallel battles the whole time and, yet, I only saw that Max was in distress once he experienced problems with which I directly identified. I’d long thought Max had it so easy – all because he had friends. The truth was, he didn’t need to experience my personal brand of sorrow in order for me to relate – he had felt plenty of his own.

My failure to recognize Max’s suffering brought home for me the profound universality and diversity of personal struggle; everyone has insecurities, everyone has woes, and everyone – most certainly – has pain. I am acutely grateful for the conversations he and I shared around all of this, because I believe our relationship has been fundamentally strengthened by a deeper understanding of one another. Further, this experience has reinforced the value of constantly striving for deeper sensitivity to the hidden struggles of those around me. I won’t make the mistake again of assuming that the surface of someone’s life reflects their underlying story.

Here is a prime example that you don’t have to have fabulous imagery or flowery prose to write a successful Common App essay. You just have to be clear and say something that matters. This essay is simple and beautiful. It almost feels like having a conversation with a friend and learning that they are an even better person than you already thought they were.

Through this narrative, readers learn a lot about the writer—where they’re from, what their family life is like, what their challenges were as a kid, and even their sexuality. We also learn a lot about their values—notably, the value they place on awareness, improvement, and consideration of others. Though they never explicitly state it (which is great because it is still crystal clear!), this student’s ending of “I won’t make the mistake again of assuming that the surface of someone’s life reflects their underlying story” shows that they are constantly striving for improvement and finding lessons anywhere they can get them in life.

The only part of this essay that could use a bit of work is the introduction. A short introduction can be effective, but this short first paragraph feels thrown in at the last minute and like it is missing its second half. If you are keeping your introduction short, make it matter.

Prompt #2, Example #2

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire. 

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family. 

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt. 

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame. 

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him. 

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses. 

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

This Common App essay is well-written. The student is showing the admissions officers their ability to articulate their points beautifully and creatively. It starts with vivid images like that of the “rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free.” And because the prose is flowery, the writer can get away with metaphors like “I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms” that might sound cheesy without the clear command of the English language that the writer quickly establishes.

In addition to being well-written, this essay is thematically cohesive. It begins with the simple introduction “Fire!” and ends with the following image: “When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.” This full-circle approach leaves readers satisfied and impressed.

While dialogue often comes off as cliche or trite, this student effectively incorporates their family members saying “Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” This is achieved through the apt use of the verb “taunted” to characterize the questioning and through the question’s thematic connection to the earlier image of the student as a rustic princess. Similarly, rhetorical questions can feel randomly placed in essays, but this student’s inclusion of the questions “Was I so dainty?” and “Was I that incapable?” feels perfectly justified after they establish that they were pondering their failure.

Quite simply, this essay shows how quality writing can make a simple story outstandingly compelling.

Prompt #2, Example #3

The muffled voices behind thin walls heralded trouble.

They were fighting about money.

It wasn’t the first time this had happened and it wasn’t going to be the last. It was one of those countless nights I had to spend curled up under the blanket while pretending to be asleep. My father had been unemployed for five years now, and my mother, a local kindergarten teacher, was struggling to support the family alone. Our situation was bleak: Savings had run out and my parents could no longer hide our lack of money from me. To make matters worse, I was a few weeks away from starting high school, which would inevitably lead to college, yet another financial stressor for my family.

The argument didn’t sound like it would end soon.

“Why did you spend money on that?” my mother said, with an elongated sigh.

“I had to,” my father said, decidedly.

Every fight over the years had left me in despair and the idea of going through another fight daunted me. I had looked forward to my teen years all my life, an age that allows, for the first time, more responsibility. Indeed, after this fateful night, after my fourteenth birthday, I felt a mounting responsibility to help my family, and started brainstorming.

Always being fascinated by computers, I spent my childhood burying myself under computer cabinets, experimenting with computer parts. Naturally, I wondered if my skills in this area might be marketable.

The next morning, my friend, Naba, mentioned that her computer wasn’t working. A tuk-tuk ride later, and I was at her doorstep, and her mother was leading me to her room. I was off to work: I began examining her computer, like a surgeon carefully manages his scalpels and tools. A proper diagnosis was not far from reach, as I realized a broken pin in her computer’s SATA slot. After an hour of work, and a short trip to the hardware store, I successfully fixed the computer. To my pleasant surprise, Naba’s mother drew out two fresh 500 Rupee notes. One covered the cost of the parts I bought and the other was a token of appreciation. Bidding her goodbye, I went straight back home and put one of the 500 Rupee notes inside my family’s “savings-jar.”

Later that day, I devised a plan. I told my friends to spread the word that I was available to fix computers. At first, I got only one or two calls per week. I would pick up the computer from my client’s home, fix it quickly, and return it, thus earning myself a commission. While I couldn’t market my services at a competitive price, because I wasn’t able to buy the parts wholesale, I compensated by providing convenience. All my clients had to do was call me once and the rest was taken care of. Thus, my business had the best customer service in town.

At the beginning of my junior year, after two years of expanding my business through various avenues, I started buying computer parts from hardware suppliers in bulk at a cheaper rate. My business grew exponentially after that. 

Before long, I was my town’s go-to tech person. In this journey throughout high school, I started realizing that I had to create my own opportunities and not just curl up under a blanket, seeking only comfort, as I used to. Interacting with people from all walks of life became my forte and a sense of work ethic developed in me. My business required me to be an all-rounder– have the technical skills, be an easily approachable person, and manage cash flow. Slowly becoming better at this, I even managed to sway admins of a local institution to outsource their computer hardware purchases and repairs through me. As my business upsized throughout the years, I went from being helpless to autonomous – the teenager I always aspired to be.

This essay truly feels like a story—almost making you forget you are reading a college essay. The student’s voice is strong throughout the entire essay and they are able to give us insight into their thoughts, feelings, and motivations at every step of the story. Letting the reader into personal challenges like financial struggles can be daunting in a college essay, but the way this student used that setback to establish an emotional ethos to their narrative was well done.

Because the essay is essentially just telling a story, there’s a very natural flow that makes it enjoyable and easy to read. The student establishes the conflict at the beginning, then describes their solution and how they implemented it, and finally concludes with the lessons they took away from this experience. Transitions at the beginning of paragraphs effortlessly show the passage of time and how the student has progressed through the story.

Another reason this essay is so successful is because of the abundance of details. The reader truly feels like they are hiding in the room with the student as their parents yell because of the inclusion of quotes from the argument. We understand the precision and care they have for fixing computers because of the allusion to a surgeon with their scalpel. Not only does this imagery make the story more enticing, it also helps the reader gain a deeper appreciation for the type of person this student is and the adversity they have overcome.

If there were one thing this essay could do to improve, it would be to include a resolution to the conflict from the beginning. The student tells us how this business helped them grow as a person, but we don’t ever get to find out if they were able to lessen the financial burden on their parents or if they continued to struggle despite the student working hard. It doesn’t have to be a happy ending, but it would be nice to return to the conflict and acknowledge the effect they had on it, especially since this prompt is all about facing challenges.

Prompt #3: Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?

Prompt #3, example #1.

When I was younger, I was adamant that no two foods on my plate touch. As a result, I often used a second plate to prevent such an atrocity. In many ways, I learned to separate different things this way from my older brothers, Nate and Rob. Growing up, I idolized both of them. Nate was a performer, and I insisted on arriving early to his shows to secure front row seats, refusing to budge during intermission for fear of missing anything. Rob was a three-sport athlete, and I attended his games religiously, waving worn-out foam cougar paws and cheering until my voice was hoarse. My brothers were my role models. However, while each was talented, neither was interested in the other’s passion. To me, they represented two contrasting ideals of what I could become: artist or athlete. I believed I had to choose.

And for a long time, I chose athlete. I played soccer, basketball, and lacrosse and viewed myself exclusively as an athlete, believing the arts were not for me. I conveniently overlooked that since the age of five, I had been composing stories for my family for Christmas, gifts that were as much for me as them, as I loved writing. So when in tenth grade, I had the option of taking a creative writing class, I was faced with a question: could I be an athlete and a writer? After much debate, I enrolled in the class, feeling both apprehensive and excited. When I arrived on the first day of school, my teacher, Ms. Jenkins, asked us to write down our expectations for the class. After a few minutes, eraser shavings stubbornly sunbathing on my now-smudged paper, I finally wrote, “I do not expect to become a published writer from this class. I just want this to be a place where I can write freely.”

Although the purpose of the class never changed for me, on the third “submission day,” – our time to submit writing to upcoming contests and literary magazines – I faced a predicament. For the first two submission days, I had passed the time editing earlier pieces, eventually (pretty quickly) resorting to screen snake when hopelessness made the words look like hieroglyphics. I must not have been as subtle as I thought, as on the third of these days, Ms. Jenkins approached me. After shifting from excuse to excuse as to why I did not submit my writing, I finally recognized the real reason I had withheld my work: I was scared. I did not want to be different, and I did not want to challenge not only others’ perceptions of me, but also my own. I yielded to Ms. Jenkin’s pleas and sent one of my pieces to an upcoming contest.

By the time the letter came, I had already forgotten about the contest. When the flimsy white envelope arrived in the mail, I was shocked and ecstatic to learn that I had received 2nd place in a nationwide writing competition. The next morning, however, I discovered Ms. Jenkins would make an announcement to the whole school exposing me as a poet. I decided to own this identity and embrace my friends’ jokes and playful digs, and over time, they have learned to accept and respect this part of me. I have since seen more boys at my school identifying themselves as writers or artists.

I no longer see myself as an athlete and a poet independently, but rather I see these two aspects forming a single inseparable identity – me. Despite their apparent differences, these two disciplines are quite similar, as each requires creativity and devotion. I am still a poet when I am lacing up my cleats for soccer practice and still an athlete when I am building metaphors in the back of my mind – and I have realized ice cream and gummy bears taste pretty good together.

This essay is cohesive as it centers around the theme of identity and the ability for two identities to coexist simultaneously (an interesting theme!). It uses the Full Circle ending strategy as it starts with a metaphor about food touching and ends with “I have realized ice cream and gummy bears taste pretty good together.”

The main issue with this essay is that it could come off as cliché, which could be irritating for admissions officers. The story described is notably similar to High School Musical (“I decided to own this identity and embrace my friends’ jokes and playful digs, and over time, they have learned to accept and respect this part of me”) and feels slightly overstated. 

At times, this essay is also confusing. In the first paragraph, it feels like the narrative is actually going to be about separating your food (and is somehow going to relate to the older brothers?). It is not entirely clear that this is a metaphor. Also, when the writer references the third submission day and then works backward to explain what a submission day is and that there are multiple throughout the semester, the timeline gets unnecessarily confusing. Reworking the way this paragraph unfolded would have been more compelling and less distracting.

Overall, this essay was interesting but could have been more polished to be more effective.

Prompt #3, Example #2

I walked into my middle school English class, and noticed a stranger behind my teacher’s desk. “Hello,” she said. “Today I will be your substitute teacher.” I groaned internally. “Let me start off by calling roll. Ally?” “Here!” exclaimed Ally. “Jack?” “Here.” “Rachel?” “Here.” “Freddie?” “Present.” And then– “…?” The awkward pause was my cue. “It’s Jasina,” I started. “You can just call me Jas. Here.” “Oh, Jasina. That’s unique.” The word “unique” made me cringe. I slumped back in my seat. The substitute continued calling roll, and class continued as if nothing had happened. Nothing had happened. Just a typical moment in a middle school, but I hated every second of it.

My name is not impossible to pronounce. It appears challenging initially, but once you hear it, “Jas-een-a”, then you can manage it. My nickname, Jas (pronounced “Jazz”), is what most people call me anyway, so I don’t have to deal with mispronunciation often. I am thankful that my parents named me Jasina (a Hebrew name), but whenever someone hears my name for the first time, they comment, and I assume they’re making assumptions about me. “Wow, Jas is a cool name.” She must be pretty cool.“I’ve never heard the name Jasina before.” She must be from somewhere exotic. “Jas, like Jazz?” She must be musical and artsy. None of these assumptions are bad, but they all add up to the same thing: She must be unique. 

When I was little, these sentiments felt more like commands than assumptions. I thought I had to be the most unique child of all time, which was a daunting task, but I tried. I was the only kid in the second grade to color the sun red. I knew it was really yellow, but you could always tell which drawings were mine. During snack time, we could choose between apple juice and grape juice. I liked apple juice more, but if everyone else was choosing apple, then I had to choose grape. This was how I lived my life, and it was exhausting. I tried to continue this habit into middle school, but it backfired. When everyone became obsessed with things like skinny jeans and Justin Bieber and blue mascara (that was a weird trend), my resistance of the norm made me socially awkward. I couldn’t talk to people about anything because we had nothing in common. I was too different. 

After 8th grade, I moved to Georgia, and I was dreading being the odd one out among kids who had grown up together. Then I discovered that my freshman year would be Cambridge High School’s inaugural year. Since there were students coming in from 5 different schools, there was no real sense of “normal”. I panicked. If there was no normal, then how could I be unique? That’s when I realized that I had spent so much energy going against the grain that I had no idea what my true interests were or what I really cared about. 

It was time to find out. I stopped concentrating on what everyone else was doing and started to focus on myself. I joined the basketball team, I performed in the school musical, and I enrolled in Chorus, all of which were firsts for me. I took art classes, joined clubs, and did whatever I thought would make me happy. And it paid off. I was no longer socially awkward. In fact, because I was involved in so many unrelated activities, I was socially flexible. My friends and I had things in common, but there was no one who could say that I was exactly like anyone else. I had finally become my own person.

My father named me Jasina because he wanted my nickname to be “Jazz.” According to Webster, “jazz” is “music characterized by syncopated rhythms, improvisation, and deliberate distortions of pitch.” Basically, jazz is music that is off-beat and unpredictable. It cannot be strictly defined. 

That sounds about right. 

Right off the bat, this essay starts extremely strong. The description of attendance in a class with ample quotes, awkward pauses, and the student’s internal dialogue immediately puts us in the middle of the action and establishes a lot of sympathy for this student before we’ve learned anything else. 

The strength of this essay continues into the second paragraph where the use of quotes, italics, and interjections from the student continues. All of these literary tools help the student express her voice and allow the reader to understand what this student goes through on a daily basis. Rather than just telling the reader people make assumptions about her name, she shows us what these assumptions look and sound like, and exactly how they make her feel.

The essay further shows us how the student approached her name by providing concrete examples of times she’s been intentionally unique throughout her life. Describing her drawing red suns and choosing grape juice bring her personality to life and allow her to express her deviance from the “norm” in a much more engaging and visual way than simply telling the reader she would go against the grain to be different on purpose.

One part of the essay that was a bit weaker than the others was the paragraph about her in high school. Although it was still well written and did a nice job of demonstrating how she got involved in multiple groups to find her new identity, it lacked the same level of showing employed in previous paragraphs. It would have been nice to see what “socially flexible” means either through a conversation she had with her friends or an example of a time she combined her interests from different groups in a way that was uniquely her.

The essay finishes off how it started: extremely strong. Taking a step back to fully explain the origin of her name neatly brings together everything mentioned in this essay. This ending is especially successful because she never explicitly states that her personality aligns with the definition of jazz. Instead, she relies on the points she has made throughout the essay to stick in the reader’s memory so they are able to draw the connection themselves, making for a much more satisfying ending for the reader.

Prompt #4 (OLD PROMPT; NOT THE CURRENT PROMPT): Describe a problem you’ve solved or a problem you’d like to solve. It can be an intellectual challenge, a research query, an ethical dilemma – anything that is of personal importance, no matter the scale. Explain its significance to you and what steps you took or could be taken to identify a solution.

Prompt #4, example #1.

“Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” 

Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation. 

Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one. 

Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand. 

Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one. 

I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself. 

At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith. 

Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities. 

Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension. 

Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities. 

Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.

This essay is great because it has a strong introduction and a strong conclusion. The introduction is notably suspenseful and draws readers into the story. Because we know it is a college essay, we can assume that the student is one of the competitors, but at the same time, this introduction feels intentionally ambiguous as if the writer could be a competitor, a coach, a sibling of a competitor, or anyone else in the situation.

As we continue reading the essay, we learn that the writer is, in fact, the competitor. Readers also learn a lot about the student’s values as we hear their thoughts: “I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was.” Ultimately, the conflict and inner and outer turmoil is resolved through the “Same, but Different” ending technique as the student places themself in the same environment that we saw in the intro, but experiencing it differently due to their actions throughout the narrative. This is a very compelling strategy!

The main weakness of this essay is that it is slightly confusing at times—how the other students found coaches feels unintentionally under-explained (a simple phrase like “through pleading and attracting sympathy” in the fourth paragraph could have served the writer well) and a dojang is never defined. Additionally, the turn of the essay or “volta” could’ve packed a bigger punch. It is put quite simply with “I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.” A more suspenseful reveal could’ve served the author well because more drama did come later.

Prompt #5: Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

Prompt #5, example #1.

Tears streamed down my face and my mind was paralyzed with fear. Sirens blared, but the silent panic in my own head was deafening. I was muted by shock. A few hours earlier, I had anticipated a vacation in Washington, D.C., but unexpectedly, I was rushing to the hospital behind an ambulance carrying my mother. As a fourteen-year-old from a single mother household, without a driver’s license, and seven hours from home, I was distraught over the prospect of losing the only parent I had. My fear turned into action as I made some of the bravest decisions of my life. 

Three blood transfusions later, my mother’s condition was stable, but we were still states away from home, so I coordinated with my mother’s doctors in North Carolina to schedule the emergency operation that would save her life. Throughout her surgery, I anxiously awaited any word from her surgeon, but each time I asked, I was told that there had been another complication or delay. Relying on my faith and positive attitude, I remained optimistic that my mother would survive and that I could embrace new responsibilities.

My mother had been a source of strength for me, and now I would be strong for her through her long recovery ahead. As I started high school, everyone thought the crisis was over, but it had really just started to impact my life. My mother was often fatigued, so I assumed more responsibility, juggling family duties, school, athletics, and work. I made countless trips to the neighborhood pharmacy, cooked dinner, biked to the grocery store, supported my concerned sister, and provided the loving care my mother needed to recover. I didn’t know I was capable of such maturity and resourcefulness until it was called upon. Each day was a stage in my gradual transformation from dependence to relative independence.

Throughout my mother’s health crisis, I matured by learning to put others’ needs before my own. As I worried about my mother’s health, I took nothing for granted, cherished what I had, and used my daily activities as motivation to move forward. I now take ownership over small decisions such as scheduling daily appointments and managing my time but also over major decisions involving my future, including the college admissions process. Although I have become more independent, my mother and I are inseparably close, and the realization that I almost lost her affects me daily. Each morning, I wake up ten minutes early simply to eat breakfast with my mother and spend time with her before our busy days begin. I am aware of how quickly life can change. My mother remains a guiding force in my life, but the feeling of empowerment I discovered within myself is the ultimate form of my independence. Though I thought the summer before my freshman year would be a transition from middle school to high school, it was a transformation from childhood to adulthood.

This essay feels real and tells readers a lot about the writer. To start at the beginning, the intro is 10/10. It has drama, it has emotions, and it has the reader wanting more.

And, when you keep going, you get to learn a lot about a very resilient and mature student. Through sentences like “I made countless trips to the neighborhood pharmacy, cooked dinner, biked to the grocery store, supported my concerned sister, and provided the loving care my mother needed to recover” and “Relying on my faith and positive attitude, I remained optimistic that my mother would survive and that I could embrace new responsibilities,” the reader shows us that they are aware of their resilience and maturity, but are not arrogant about it. It is simply a fact that they have proven!

Sometimes writing about adversity can feel exploitative or oddly braggy. This student backs up everything they say with anecdotes that prove and show their strength and resilience, rather than just claiming their strengths. When I read this essay, I want to cheer for its writer! And I want to be able to continue cheering for them (perhaps, if I were an admissions officer, that would make me want them at my school!).

Prompt #5, Example #2

Armed with a red pen, I slowly walked across the room to a small, isolated table with pink stools. Swinging her legs, my young student beamed and giggled at me, slamming her pencil bag on the table and bending over to pick up one of her toys. Natalie always brought some new toy with her to lessons—toys which I would sternly take away from her and place under the table until she finished her work. At the tutoring center where I work, a strict emphasis on discipline leaves no room for paper crowns or rubber chickens. 

Today, she had with her a large stuffed eagle from a museum. As she pulled out her papers, I slid the eagle to the other side of the table. She looked eagerly around, attempting to chat with other students as I impatiently called her attention to her papers. “I should name my eagle,” she chimed, waving her pencil in the air. I cringed—there was no wondering why Natalie always had to sit by herself. She was the antithesis of my academic values, and undoubtedly the greatest adversary of my teaching style.  

As the lesson progressed, Natalie became more fitful; she refused to release her feathered friend, and kept addressing the bird for help with difficult problems. We both grew increasingly more frustrated. Determined to tame this wryly, wiggling student, I stood my ground, set on converting this disobedient child to my calm, measured ways of study.  

As time slowly crept by, I noticed that despite Natalie’s cheerful tone and bright smile, the stuffed eagle was troublesomely quiet and stern-faced. Much like myself. Both the eagle and I were getting nowhere in this lesson—so we hatched a quick plan. Lifting the eagle up in the air, I started reading in my best impersonation of an eagle, squawking my way through a spelling packet. The result provided a sense of instant gratification I never knew I needed. She sang out every letter, clapped her hands at every page, and followed along with the eagle, stopping at every few letters to declare that “E is for eagle” and pet her teacher fondly on the beak.  

Despite my ostensibly dissatisfied attitude toward my students, I did not join the tutoring center simply to earn money. I had always aspired to help others achieve their fullest potential. As a young adult, I felt that it was time for me to step out of the role of a pupil and into the influential role of a teacher, naively believing that I had the maturity and skill to adapt to any situation and help these students reach their highest achievements academically. For the most part, the role of a stern-faced, strict instructor helped me get by in the workplace, and while my students never truly looked happy, I felt that it was part of the process of conditioning a child to learn. 

Ironically, my transition to adulthood was the result of a stuffed animal. It was indisputable that I always had the skill to instruct others; the only thing needed to instruct someone is knowledge of the subject. However, it was only upon being introduced to a stuffed bird in which I realized that students receive the most help not from instructors, but teachers. While almost anyone can learn material and spit it back out for someone, it takes the maturity and passion of a teacher not only to help students improve in their students, but also to motivate them and develop them into better citizens. From my young pupil and her little bird, I have undergone a change in attitude which reflects a growth in maturity and ability to improve the lives of others that I hope to implement in my future role as a student, activist, and physician. My newfound maturity taught me that the letter “e” stands for many things: empathy, experience, enthusiasm, and eagle.

In this essay, the student effectively explores their values (and how they learned them!) then identifies these values through a reflective conclusion. While the writer humbly recognizes the initial faults in their teaching style, they do not position their initial discipline or rigidity as mean or poorly intentioned—simply ineffective. This is important because, when you are discussing a transition like this, you don’t want admissions officers to think of you as having been a bad person. 

My favorite part about this essay is its subtlety. The major shift in the essay comes through the simple sentence “The result provided a sense of instant gratification I never knew I needed.” The facts of this narrative are not too complicated. Simply put, the writer was strict then learned that it’s sometimes more effective not to be strict. The complexity of this narrative comes through reflection. Notably, through the ending, the student identifies their values (which they hadn’t given a name to before): “it takes the maturity and passion of a teacher not only to help students improve in their students, but also to motivate them and develop them into better citizens.” 

The final sentence of this essay ties things up very nicely. Readers are left satisfied with the essay and convinced that its writer is a kind human with a large capacity for reflection and consideration. That is a great image to paint of yourself!

Prompt #5, Example #3

When it’s quiet, I can still hear the Friday night gossip and giggles of my friends. It’s a stark contrast from the environment I’ve known all my life, my home. My family has always been one to keep to themselves; introverts with a hard-working mentality—my father especially. He spent most of his time at work and growing up without him around, I came to be at peace with the fact that I’d probably never really get to know him. The thought didn’t bother me at the time because I felt that we were very different. He was stoic and traditional; I was trying to figure out who I was and explore my interests. His disapproval of the American music I listened to and my penchant for wearing hand-me-downs made me see him as someone who wanted to restrain my individuality. That explains why I relied heavily on my friends throughout middle and high school; they liked me for who I was. I figured I would get lonely without my friends during quarantine, but these last few months stuck at home gave me the time to make a new friend: my father. 

It was June. I had the habit of sleeping with my windows open so I wouldn’t need to set an alarm; the warmth of the sun and the sounds of the neighborhood children playing outside would wake me. One morning, however, it was not the chirping of birds or the laughter of children I awoke to, but the shrill of a saw. Through the window screen, on the grass below, my father stood cutting planks of wood. I was confused but didn’t question him—what he did with his time was none of my business. It was not until the next day, when I was attempting to work on a sculpture for an art class, that the sounds of hammering and drills became too much to ignore. Seeking answers, I trudged across my backyard towards the corner he was in. On that day, all there was to see was the foundation of what he was building; a shed. My intrigue was replaced with awe; I was impressed by the precision of his craft. Sharp corners, leveled and sturdy, I could imagine what it would look like when the walls were up and the inside filled with the tools he had spread around the yard. 

Throughout the week, when I was trying to finish my sculpture for art class—thinking about its shape and composition—I could not help but think of my father. Art has always been a creative outlet for me, an opportunity to express myself at home. For my dad, his craftsmanship was his art. I realized we were not as different as I had thought; he was an artist like me. My glue and paper were his wood and nails.

That summer, I tried to spend more time with my dad than I have in all my 18 years of life. Waking up earlier than usual so we could have our morning coffees together and pretending to like his favorite band so he’d talk to me about it, I took advantage of every opportunity I had to speak with him. In getting to know him, I’ve recognized that I get my artistry from him. 

Reflecting on past relationships, I feel I am now more open to reconnecting with people I’ve perhaps misjudged. In reconciling, I’ve realized I held some bitterness towards him all these years, and in letting that go, my heart is lighter. Our reunion has changed my perspective; instead of vilifying him for spending so much time at work, I can appreciate how hard he works to provide for our family. When I hear him tinkering away at another home project, I can smile and look forward to asking him about it later.

This is an outstanding example of the great things that can be articulated through a reflective essay. As we read the essay, we are simply thinking alongside its author—thinking about their past relationship with their father, about their time in quarantine, about aspects of themselves they think could use attention and growth. 

While we reflect, we are also centered by the student’s anecdote about the sculpture and the shed during quarantine. By centering us in real-time, the student keeps us engaged in the reflection.

The main strength here is the maturity we see on the part of its writer. The student doesn’t say “and I realized my father was the best dad in the world;” they say “and I realized my father didn’t have to be the best dad in the world for me to give him a chance.” Lots of students show themselves as motivated, curious, or compassionate in their college essays, but a reflective essay that ends with a discussion of resentment and forgiveness shows true maturity.

Prompt #5, Example #4

As a wide-eyed, naive seven-year-old, I watched my grandmother’s rough, wrinkled hands pull and knead mercilessly at white dough until the countertop was dusted in flour. She steamed small buns in bamboo baskets, and a light sweetness lingered in the air. Although the mantou looked delicious, their papery, flat taste was always an unpleasant surprise. My grandmother scolded me for failing to finish even one, and when I complained about the lack of flavor she would simply say that I would find it as I grew older. How did my adult relatives seem to enjoy this Taiwanese culinary delight while I found it so plain?

During my journey to discover the essence of mantou, I began to see myself the same way I saw the steamed bun. I believed that my writing would never evolve beyond a hobby and that my quiet nature crippled my ambitions. Ultimately, I thought I had little to offer the world. In middle school, it was easy for me to hide behind the large personalities of my friends, blending into the background and keeping my thoughts company. Although writing had become my emotional outlet, no matter how well I wrote essays, poetry, or fiction, I could not stand out in a sea of talented students. When I finally gained the confidence to submit my poetry to literary journals but was promptly rejected, I stepped back from my work to begin reading from Whitman to Dickinson, Li-Young Lee to Ocean Vuong. It was then that I realized I had been holding back a crucial ingredient–my distinct voice. 

Over time, my taste buds began to mature, as did I. Mantou can be flavored with pork and eggplant, sweetened in condensed milk, and moistened or dried by the steam’s temperature. After I ate the mantou with each of these factors in mind, I noticed its environment enhanced a delicately woven strand of sweetness beneath the taste of side dishes: the sugar I had often watched my grandmother sift into the flour. The taste was nearly untraceable, but once I grasped it I could truly begin to cherish mantou. In the same way the taste had been lost to me for years, my writer’s voice had struggled to shine through because of my self-doubt and fear of vulnerability.

As I acquired a taste for mantou, I also began to strengthen my voice through my surrounding environment. With the support of my parents, peer poets, and the guidance of Amy Tan and the Brontё sisters, I worked tirelessly to uncover my voice: a subtle strand of sweetness. Once I stopped trying to fit into a publishing material mold and infused my uninhibited passion for my Taiwanese heritage into my writing, my poem was published in a literary journal. I wrote about the blatant racism Asians endured during coronavirus, and the editor of Skipping Stones Magazine was touched by both my poem and my heartfelt letter. I opened up about being ridiculed for bringing Asian food to school at Youth Leadership Forum, providing support to younger Asian-American students who reached out with the relief of finding someone they could relate to. I embraced writing as a way to convey my struggle with cultural identity. I joined the school’s creative writing club and read my pieces in front of an audience, honing my voice into one that flourishes out loud as well.

Now, I write and speak unapologetically, falling in love with a voice that I never knew I had. It inspires passion within my communities and imparts tenacity to Asian-American youth, rooting itself deeply into everything I write. Today, my grandmother would say that I have finally unearthed the taste of mantou as I savor every bite with a newfound appreciation. I can imagine her hands shaping the dough that has become my voice, and I am eager to share it with the world.

This essay is structurally-sound, with the student’s journey learning to savor mantou and their journey trying to find their voice serving as outstanding parallels. Additionally, as they describe the journey to find a voice in their writing, they definitely show off their voice! The clear introduction provides a great image and draws us in with an intriguing question. Additionally, their little inserts like “a strand of sweetness” and “falling in love with a voice that I never knew I had” work very well.

When the student describes their first published poem, however, their writing gets a little more stilted. This is a common error students make when writing about their achievements. If this student is writing about the craft that goes into writing, we should hear the details of the craft that went into the poem, instead of simply learning that they “opened up about being ridiculed for bringing Asian food to school at Youth Leadership Forum.” This is interesting information but would be stronger if it were supplemented by descriptions of the voice they created, comparisons to the styles of other poets, and analysis of their stylistic choices. This would make the essay feel more cohesive, centering entirely around concepts of voice and style.

Prompt #6: Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

Note: We don’t have a stellar example for this prompt, so instead, we’re sharing a couple examples that need improvement, and what can be done to make the essays more engaging. 

Prompt #6, Example #1

What factors shape the depth and allure of a literary character? This is the exact question I asked myself as my eyes riveted on the white pages covered with little black letters.

I was reading my old novels. I’ve written three novels and many short stories. Each of them repetitively portrayed the hero as intelligent and funny, and the antagonists as cold and manipulative. I came to the appalling realization that my characters were flat, neither exciting nor original. They just didn’t stand out! 

As Oscar Wilde said, ‘Vice and virtue are to the artist material to an art.’ Their mixing makes a novel addictive because its plot is rich with turnarounds and its characters more engaging. In his famous work The Picture of Dorian Gray , Wilde deconstructs the psyche of his characters. He brilliantly plays with the protagonist’s youthful appearance and the decaying portrait to build a truly unique idiosyncratic identity. The persona of Dorian Gray is so complicated a psychologist could analyze it for hours on end!

Inspired by this character, It was my turn to explore good and evil into characters to make my stories more enthralling. I skillfully played with vice and virtue, separating, merging them… My latest novel is the fruit of this exercise. I chose to set it in 20th century London. Its opium dens and exclusive salons; middle-class workers, peasants and politicians breathed the same newly industrialized air; modernity in Blackfriars bridge and tradition in St Paul’s Cathedral; all of these contrasts set the perfect environment for my characters to grow. Following Laclos’ Valmont, Maupassant’s Georges Duroy and Duffy’s Myra Hindley, I played with those contrasts to present an intricate character, truly creative – unlike my previous ones. Insanity, religion, depravity and love are merged into each character, reflecting Edwardian London. As I reflected on my work, I realized vice and virtue altogether made them more human and credible. These characters stood out, they were interesting, I even wanted to know more about them! 

After rewriting, erasing, typing, and thinking countless times, I realized writing is a unique exercise. Nothing is definite when you are holding a fountain pen, hearing its screeching sound on the white paper and watching the ebony ink forming letters. When I wasn’t too happy about a change I made in my story, I simply erased and rewrote it. Everything I imagined could happen: white pages are the only place the mouse eats the cat or the world is taken by a zombie attack! 

This exact exercise of diversifying my characters satisfied my relentless curiosity. Asking myself ‘how could this character be if she had lost her parents in a maritime tragedy?’ allowed me to view the world from different perspectives (some very dissimilar to my own) and considering how each character would react to different situations brought them to life. As I was writing, I was aiming to change the usual narratives I had previously traversed. I loved experimenting with countless personality traits in my characters – minutes flowing, my hand dancing on the paper as my mind was singing words coming alive….

There were times where my hand just stopped writing and my mind stopped raging. I tried thinking differently, changing a character’s background, the story, the setting. I was inspired by Zola, A.Carter, Fitzgerald, the Brontë sisters… I could observe the different reactions of their characters, and reflect on mine theoretically. But it was only part one of the work: I then had to write, sometimes aimlessly, sometimes frantically, always leading to fresh ideas – I was exploring the practical, trying, erasing and rewriting. Both theory and practice are required to gain intellectual independence and experience, in writing and more globally: before I can change a character, I have to understand it. Before we can change the world, we have to understand it.

The main strength of this essay is the authenticity of the topic the student chose. They aren’t making anything up or stretching the truth. Writing is something that captivates them, and that captivation shines through—particularly through their fourth paragraph (where they geek out over specific plots and characters) and their fifth paragraph (where they joyfully describe how writing has no limitations). Admissions officers want to see this passion and intensity in applicants! The fact that this student has already written three novels also shows dedication and is impressive.

The main weakness of this essay is its structure. Ironically, it is not super captivating. The essay would have been more compelling if the student utilized a “anecdote – answer – reflection” structure. This student’s current introduction involves a reflective question, citations about their past writing experience, then their thoughts on Oscar Wilde’s Dorian Gray. Instead, this student could’ve provided one cohesive (and powerful!) image of them being frustrated with their own writing then being inspired by Dorian Gray. This would look something like:

“I stayed up three nights in a row studying my own writing—bored by my own writing. The only thing more painful than seeing failure in the fruits of your labor is not seeing a path for improvement. I had written three novels and numerous short stories, and all I could come up with was funny and intelligent heroes going up against cold and manipulative villains. What kind of writer was so consistently cliche? On the third night, I wandered over to my bookshelf. Mrs. Dalloway caught my eye (it has such a beautiful cover). I flipped through. Then, I grabbed Giovanni’s Room . I was so obsessed with my shortcomings that I couldn’t even focus long enough to see what these authors were doing right. I picked up The Picture of Dorian Gray and decided to just start reading. By the end of the night, I was captivated.”

An introduction like this would flow nicely into the student describing their experience with Dorian Gray then, because of that experience, describing how they have altered their approach to writing. The conclusion of this essay would then be this student’s time for reflection. Instead of repeating content about their passion—“I then had to write, sometimes aimlessly, sometimes frantically” and “I was exploring the practical, trying, erasing and rewriting”—, the student could dedicate their conclusion to reflecting on the reasons that writing is so captivating or the ways that (until the day they die) writers will always be perfecting their craft.

This essay is a great example of how important it is to pick a topic that truly excites you. It also illustrates how important it is to effectively structure that excitement.

Prompt #6, Example #2

Astonished by the crashing sound of waves in my ear, I was convinced this magical shell actually held the sound of the big blue sea — my six-year-old self was heartbroken when I couldn’t take the thirty-dollar artificial shell from SeaWorld’s gift shop . It distinctly reminded me of the awestruck feeling I had when I witnessed the churning waves of a windy night by the ocean the previous weekend; I lost track of time gazing at the distant moonlit border dividing our world from the ever-growing black void. Turning to my mom, I inquired curiously, “Can we go to the place where the water ends one day?”

She explained to me I could never reach the end of the ocean because the harsh line I had seen was actually an illusion called the horizon —  there was no material end to the ocean. For a mind as young as mine was, the idea of infinity was incomprehensible. As my infatuation with the ocean continued to grow, I finally understood that regardless of how far I travel, the horizon is unattainable because it’s not a physical limit. This idea is why the ocean captivates me — no matter how much you discover, there is always more to explore. 

Learning about and exploring the ocean provided an escape from one reality into another; though we are on the same planet, it’s an entirely separate world. Through elementary and middle school, I devoted vast amounts of my free time to learning about simpler concepts like a dolphin’s ability to echolocate and coral reef ecosystems. I rented countless documentaries and constantly checked out books from my local library — my all-time favorite was an episode of the television series Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey titled “The Lost Worlds of Planet Earth.” This episode remained memorable because it was centered around the impacts of fossil fuels on marine animals; it was the first time I’d learned about the impending crisis we are faced with due to the human mistreatment of our planet.

Prior to viewing that episode, I relied on the ocean as an outlet — I fueled all of my emotions into studying marine organisms. Once I learned of its grave future, I delved into the world of environmental activism. This path was much more disheartening than studying echolocation — inevitable death due to climate change took a toll on my mental health. I attended two climate strikes in November of my sophomore year. Following the strikes, I joined Sunrise Movement Sacramento, a youth-led climate justice organization advocating for the Green New Deal. While analyzing legislation and organizing protests were significant takeaways from my experience with climate activism, they were not the most important. I became an organizer because of my love for the ocean and I remain an organizer because of my passion for dissolving the disproportionalities marginalized groups face due to the sacrificing of people’s livelihood for the sake of profit. The more I learned about our modern society, the more hopeless I grew that I could see any significant change within my lifetime.

However, this hopelessness comes in waves; every day, I remind myself of the moment I discovered the horizon. Or the moment I first dove into the beautiful waters of the Hawaiian coast and immediately was surrounded by breathtaking seas of magnificent creatures and coral gardens — life felt ethereal and beautiful. I remind myself that like the ocean, the vast majority of the universe has yet to be discovered; that distant border holds infinite opportunity to learn. In a universe as vast as ours, and life as rare as ours, individuals still choose to prioritize avarice over our planet. Despite this grave individualism, the ocean reminds me every day there is hope in the fight for a better world. Though I will never discover every inch of the ocean’s floor, I will forever envision and reach for new horizons.

Sometimes the path to a great essay is taking something normal and using it to show admissions officers who you are and what you value—that is precisely this student’s approach! Finding the ocean fascinating is not unique to this student. Tons of kids (and adults, too!) are obsessed with the ocean. What this student does is take things a step further as they explain their curiosity about the ocean in relation to their pain about the destruction of the environment. This capacity for reflection is great!

This student shows a good control of language through their thematic centering on ocean and horizons that carries through their essay—with ”this hopelessness comes in waves” and “I will forever envision and reach for new horizons.” The details provided throughout are also effective at keeping readers engaged—things like “ my six-year-old self was heartbroken when I couldn’t take the thirty-dollar artificial shell from SeaWorld’s gift shop” and “ my all-time favorite was an episode of the television series Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey titled “The Lost Worlds of Planet Earth.”

The main weakness of this essay is the lack of reflection when the student discusses environmental activism. There’s reflection on the student’s connection to the ocean and horizons at the beginning and at the end, but when the student discusses activism, the tone shifts from focusing on their internal thoughts to their external actions. Remember, a lot of students write about environmental activism, but not a lot of students write about an emotional connection to the ocean as an impetus for environmental activism. This student would stand out more to admissions officers if they had dug into questions of what the ocean means to them (and says about them) in the paragraphs beginning “Learning about and exploring the ocean…” and “Prior to viewing that episode.”

Prompt #7: Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you’ve already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

Prompt #7, example #1.

Scalding hot water cascades over me, crashing to the ground in a familiar, soothing rhythm. Steam rises to the ceiling as dried sweat and soap suds swirl down the drain. The water hisses as it hits my skin, far above the safe temperature for a shower. The pressure is perfect on my tired muscles, easing the aches and bruises from a rough bout of sparring and the tension from a long, stressful day. The noise from my overactive mind dies away, fading into music, lyrics floating through my head. Black streaks stripe the inside of my left arm, remnants of the penned reminders of homework, money owed and forms due. 

It lacks the same dynamism and controlled intensity of sparring on the mat at taekwondo or the warm tenderness of a tight hug from my father, but it’s still a cocoon of safety as the water washes away the day’s burdens. As long as the hot water is running, the rest of the world ceases to exist, shrinking to me, myself and I. The shower curtain closes me off from the hectic world spinning around me. 

Much like the baths of Blanche DuBois, my hot showers are a means of cleansing and purifying (though I’m mostly just ridding myself of the germs from children at work sneezing on me). In the midst of a hot shower, there is no impending exam to study for, no newspaper deadline to meet, no paycheck to deposit. It is simply complete and utter peace, a safe haven. The steam clears my mind even as it clouds my mirror. 

Creativity thrives in the tub, breathing life into tales of dragons and warrior princesses that evolve only in my head, never making their way to paper but appeasing the childlike dreamer and wannabe author in me all the same. That one calculus problem that has seemed unsolvable since second period clicks into place as I realize the obvious solution. The perfect concluding sentence to my literary analysis essay writes itself (causing me to abruptly end my shower in a mad dash to the computer before I forget it entirely).  

Ever since I was old enough to start taking showers unaided, I began hogging all the hot water in the house, a source of great frustration to my parents. Many of my early showers were rudely cut short by an unholy banging on the bathroom door and an order to “stop wasting water and come eat dinner before it gets cold.” After a decade of trudging up the stairs every evening to put an end to my water-wasting, my parents finally gave in, leaving me to my (expensive) showers. I imagine someday, when paying the water bill is in my hands, my showers will be shorter, but today is not that day (nor, hopefully, will the next four years be that day). 

Showers are better than any ibuprofen, the perfect panacea for life’s daily ailments. Headaches magically disappear as long as the water runs, though they typically return in full force afterward. The runny nose and itchy eyes courtesy of summertime allergies recede. Showers alleviate even the stomachache from a guacamole-induced lack of self-control. 

Honestly though, the best part about a hot shower is neither its medicinal abilities nor its blissful temporary isolation or even the heavenly warmth seeped deep into my bones. The best part is that these little moments of pure, uninhibited contentedness are a daily occurrence. No matter how stressful the day, showers ensure I always have something to look forward to. They are small moments, true, but important nonetheless, because it is the little things in life that matter; the big moments are too rare, too fleeting to make anyone truly happy. Wherever I am in the world, whatever fate chooses to throw at me, I know I can always find my peace at the end of the day behind the shower curtain.

This essay is relatable yet personal! The writer makes themself supremely human through discussing the universal subject of showering. That being said, an essay about showering could easily turn boring while still being relatable. This writer keeps its relatable moments interesting and fun through vivid descriptions of common feelings including “causing me to abruptly end my shower in a mad dash to the computer before I forget it entirely” and “the stomachache from a guacamole-induced lack of self-control.”

While describing a universal feeling, this student also cleverly and intentionally mentions small facts about their life through simple phrases like “I’m mostly just ridding myself of the germs from children at work sneezing on me” and “the childlike dreamer and wannabe author in me.” To put it simply, though we are talking about a shower, we learn about so much more!

And, at the end, the student lets us know that that is exactly why they love showers. Showers are more than meets the eye! With this insightful and reflective ending (“the big moments are too rare, too fleeting to make anyone truly happy”), readers learn about this student’s capacity for reflection, which is an important capacity as you enter college.

The one major error that this writer commits is that of using a trite transition. The inclusion of “Honestly though” at the beginning of this student’s ending detracts from what they are trying to say and sticks out in their writing.

Prompt #7, Example #2

Steam whooshed from the pot as I unveiled my newest creation: duck-peppercorn-chestnut dumplings. The spicy, hearty aroma swirled into the kitchen, mingling with the smell of fresh dough. Grinning, I grabbed a plump dumpling with chopsticks, blew carefully, and fed it into the waiting mouth of my little sister. Her eyes widening, she vigorously nodded and held up five stubby fingers. I did a little happy dance in celebration and pulled my notebook out of my apron pocket. Duck-peppercorn-chestnut: five stars.

In my household, dumplings are a far cry from the classic pork and cabbage. Our menu boasts everything from the savory lamb-bamboo shoot-watercress to the sweet and crispy apple-cinnamon-date. A few years ago, my sister claimed she was sick of eating the same flavors over and over. Refusing to let her disavow our family staple, I took her complaint as a challenge to make the tastiest and most unconventional dumplings to satisfy her. With her as my taste tester and Mum in charge of dough, I spent months experimenting with dozens of odd ingredient combinations. 

During those days spent covered in flour, my dumplings often reminded me of myself—a hybrid of ingredients that don’t usually go together. I am the product of three distinct worlds: the suburbs of Boston, the rural Chinese village of [location removed], and the coastal city of [location removed]. At school, I am both the STEM nerd with lightning-fast mental math and the artistic plant mom obsessed with funky earrings. I love all that is elegant, from Chinese calligraphy to the rolling notes of the Gourd flute, yet I can be very not elegant, like when my sister and I make homemade slime. When I’m on the streets, marching for women’s rights and climate action, I’m loud, bellowing from the bottom of my gut. In the painting studio, though, I don’t speak unless spoken to, and hours can slip by like minutes. I’m loud and quiet. Elegant and messy. Nerdy and artistic. Suburban, rustic, and metropolitan.

While I’m full of odd combinations, they are only seemingly contradictory. Just as barbeque pork and pineapple can combine beautifully in a dumpling wrapper, different facets of my identity also converge. After my tenth-grade summer, when I spent six weeks studying design at art school and another three researching the brain at Harvard Med, I began asking myself: What if I mixed art and neuroscience together? That fall, I collaborated with my school’s art museum for an independent research project, exploring two questions: How are aesthetic experiences processed in the brain? And how can neuroscience help museums design exhibits that maximize visitor engagement? I combed through studies with results from tightly controlled experiments, and I spent days gathering my own qualitative data by observing museum visitors and asking them questions. With the help of my artistic skills, I could identify the visual and spatial elements of the exhibits that best held visitors’ attention. 

By synergizing two of the ingredients that make me who I am—art and neuroscience—I realized I shouldn’t see the different sides of myself as separate. I learned to instead seek the intersections between aspects of my identity. Since then, I have mixed art with activism to voice my opinions nonverbally, created Spotify playlists with both Chinese and western pop, and written flute compositions using music theory and math. In the future, by continuing to combine my interests, I want to find my niche in the world. I can make a positive impact on society without having to choose just one passion. As of now, my dream is to be a neuroscientist who designs art therapy treatments for mental health patients. Who knows though? Maybe my calling is to be a dim sum chef who teaches pottery on the side. I don’t know where I’ll go, but one thing’s for sure—being a standard pork and cabbage dumpling is definitely not my style.

This essay is outstanding because the student seems likable and authentic. With the first image of the student’s little sister vigorously nodding and holding up “five stubby fingers,” we find ourselves intrigued by the student’s daily life. They additionally show the importance of family, culture, and creativity in their life—these are great things to highlight in your essay!

After the introduction, the student uses their weird dumpling anecdote to transition to a discussion of their unique intersections. This is achieved smoothly because weirdness/uniqueness is the focus of both of these topics. Additionally, the comparison is not awkward because dumplings are used as more than just a transition, but rather are the through-line of the essay—the student weaves in little phrases like “Just as barbeque pork and pineapple can combine beautifully in a dumpling wrapper,” “By synergizing two of the ingredients that make me who I am,” and “being a standard pork and cabbage dumpling is definitely not my style.” This gives the essay its cohesive feel.

Authenticity comes through in this essay as the student recognizes that they don’t know what the future holds. They just know what kind of a person they are—a passionate one! 

One change that would improve this student’s essay would be focusing on fewer intersections in their third and last paragraph. The student mentions STEM, music, family activities, activism, and painting, which makes it feel like a distraction in middle of the essay. Focus on the most important things you want to show admissions officers—you can sit at intersections, but you can’t be interested in everything.

Prompt #7, Example #3

“Everyone follow me!” I smiled at five wide-eyed skaters before pushing off into a spiral. I glanced behind me hopefully, only to see my students standing frozen like statues, the fear in their eyes as clear as the ice they swayed on. “Come on!” I said encouragingly, but the only response I elicited was the slow shake of their heads. My first day as a Learn-to-Skate coach was not going as planned. 

But amid my frustration, I was struck by how much my students reminded me of myself as a young skater. At seven, I had been fascinated by Olympic performers who executed thrilling high jumps and dizzying spins with apparent ease, and I dreamed to one day do the same. My first few months on skates, however, sent these hopes crashing down: my attempts at slaloms and toe-loops were shadowed by a stubborn fear of falling, which even the helmet, elbow pads, and two pairs of mittens I had armed myself with couldn’t mitigate. Nonetheless, my coach remained unfailingly optimistic, motivating me through my worst spills and teaching me to find opportunities in failures. With his encouragement, I learned to push aside my fears and attack each jump with calm and confidence; it’s the hope that I can help others do the same that now inspires me to coach. 

I remember the day a frustrated staff member directed Oliver, a particularly hesitant young skater, toward me, hoping that my patience and steady encouragement might help him improve. Having stood in Oliver’s skates not much earlier myself, I completely empathized with his worries but also saw within him the potential to overcome his fears and succeed. 

To alleviate his anxiety, I held Oliver’s hand as we inched around the rink, cheering him on at every turn. I soon found though, that this only increased his fear of gliding on his own, so I changed my approach, making lessons as exciting as possible in hopes that he would catch the skating bug and take off. In the weeks that followed, we held relay races, played “freeze-skate” and “ice-potato”, and raced through obstacle courses; gradually, with each slip and subsequent success, his fear began to abate. I watched Oliver’s eyes widen in excitement with every skill he learned, and not long after, he earned his first skating badge. Together we celebrated this milestone, his ecstasy fueling my excitement and his pride mirroring my own. At that moment, I was both teacher and student, his progress instilling in me the importance of patience and a positive attitude. 

It’s been more than ten years since I bundled up and stepped onto the ice for the first time. Since then, my tolerance for the cold has remained stubbornly low, but the rest of me has certainly changed. In sharing my passion for skating, I have found a wonderful community of eager athletes, loving parents, and dedicated coaches from whom I have learned invaluable lessons and wisdom. My fellow staffers have been with me, both as friends and colleagues, and the relationships I’ve formed have given me far more poise, confidence, and appreciation for others. Likewise, my relationships with parents have given me an even greater gratitude for the role they play: no one goes to the rink without a parent behind the wheel! 

Since that first lesson, I have mentored dozens of children, and over the years, witnessed tentative steps transform into powerful glides and tears give way to delighted grins. What I have shared with my students has been among the greatest joys of my life, something I will cherish forever. It’s funny: when I began skating, what pushed me through the early morning practices was the prospect of winning an Olympic medal. Now, what excites me is the chance to work with my students, to help them grow, and to give back to the sport that has brought me so much happiness. 

A major strength of this essay comes in its narrative organization. When reading this first paragraph, we feel for the young skaters and understand their fear—skating sounds scary! Then, because the writer sets us up to feel this empathy, the transition to the second paragraph where the student describes their empathy for the young skaters is particularly powerful. It’s like we are all in it together! The student’s empathy for the young skaters also serves as an outstanding, seamless transition to the applicant discussing their personal journey with skating: “I was struck by how much my students reminded me of myself as a young skater.”

This essay positions the applicant as a grounded and caring individual. They are caring towards the young skaters—changing their teaching style to try to help the young skaters and feeling the young skaters’ emotions with them—but they are also appreciative to those who helped them as they reference their fellow staffers and parents. This shows great maturity—a favorable quality in the eyes of an admissions officer.

At the end of the essay, we know a lot about this student and are convinced that they would be a good addition to a college campus!

Prompt #7, Example #4

Flipping past dozens of colorful entries in my journal, I arrive at the final blank sheet. I press my pen lightly to the page, barely scratching its surface to create a series of loops stringing together into sentences. Emotions spill out, and with their release, I feel lightness in my chest. The stream of thoughts slows as I reach the bottom of the page, and I gently close the cover of the worn book: another journal finished.

I add the journal to the stack of eleven books on my nightstand. Struck by the bittersweet sensation of closing a chapter of my life, I grab the notebook at the bottom of the pile to reminisce.

“I want to make a flying mushen to fly in space and your in it” – October 2008

Pulling back the cover of my first Tinkerbell-themed diary, the prompt “My Hopes and Dreams” captures my attention. Though “machine” is misspelled in my scribbled response, I see the beginnings of my past obsession with outer space. At the age of five, I tore through novels about the solar system, experimented with rockets built from plastic straws, and rented Space Shuttle films from Blockbuster to satisfy my curiosities. While I chased down answers to questions as limitless as the universe, I fell in love with learning. Eight journals later, the same relentless curiosity brought me to an airplane descending on San Francisco Bay.

“I wish I had infinite sunsets” – July 2019

I reach for the charcoal notepad near the top of the pile and open to the first page: my flight to the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes. While I was excited to explore bioengineering, anxiety twisted in my stomach as I imagined my destination, unsure of whether I could overcome my shyness and connect with others.

With each new conversation, the sweat on my palms became less noticeable, and I met students from 23 different countries. Many of the moments where I challenged myself socially revolved around the third story deck of the Jerry house. A strange medley of English, Arabic, and Mandarin filled the summer air as my friends and I gathered there every evening, and dialogues at sunset soon became moments of bliss. In our conversations about cultural differences, the possibility of an afterlife, and the plausibility of far-fetched conspiracy theories, I learned to voice my opinion. As I was introduced to different viewpoints, these moments challenged my understanding of the world around me. In my final entries from California, I find excitement to learn from others and increased confidence, a tool that would later allow me to impact my community.

“The beauty in a tower of cans” – June 2020

Returning my gaze to the stack of journals, I stretch to take the floral-patterned book sitting on top. I flip through, eventually finding the beginnings of the organization I created during the outbreak of COVID-19. Since then, Door-to-Door Deliveries has woven its way through my entries and into reality, allowing me to aid high-risk populations through free grocery delivery.

With the confidence I gained the summer before, I took action when seeing others in need rather than letting my shyness hold me back. I reached out to local churches and senior centers to spread word of our services and interacted with customers through our website and social media pages. To further expand our impact, we held two food drives, and I mustered the courage to ask for donations door-to-door. In a tower of canned donations, I saw the value of reaching out to help others and realized my own potential to impact the world around me.

I delicately close the journal in my hands, smiling softly as the memories reappear, one after another. Reaching under my bed, I pull out a fresh notebook and open to its first sheet. I lightly press my pen to the page, “And so begins the next chapter…”

The structuring of this essay makes it easy and enjoyable to read. The student effectively organizes their various life experiences around their tower of journals, which centers the reader and makes the different stories easy to follow. Additionally, the student engages quotes from their journals—and unique formatting of the quotes—to signal that they are moving in time and show us which memory we should follow them to.

Thematically, the student uses the idea of shyness to connect the different memories they draw out of their journals. As the student describes their experiences overcoming shyness at the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes and Door-to-Door Deliveries, this essay can be read as an Overcoming Obstacles essay.

At the end of this essay, readers are fully convinced that this student is dedicated (they have committed to journaling every day), thoughtful (journaling is a thoughtful process and, in the essay, the student reflects thoughtfully on the past), and motivated (they flew across the country for a summer program and started a business). These are definitely qualities admissions officers are looking for in applicants!

Prompt #7, Example #5

“We’re ready for take-off!” 

The tires hit the tarmac and began to accelerate, and I just realized what I had signed up for. For 24 hours straight, I strapped myself into a broken-down SUV whereas others chose the luxury of soaring through the skies for a mere two hours. Especially with my motion sickness and driving anxiety, I would call myself crazy too.

To say I have always remained in my comfort zone is an understatement. Did I always order chicken fingers and fries at a restaurant? Yup! Sounds like me. Did I always create a color-coded itinerary just for a day trip? Guilty as charged. Did I always carry a first-aid kit at all times? Of course! I would make even an ambulance look unprepared. And yet here I was, choosing 1,000 miles of misery from Las Vegas to Seattle despite every bone in my body telling me not to.

The sunlight blinded my eyes and a wave of nausea swept over me. Was it too late to say I forgot my calculator? It was only ten minutes in, and I was certain that the trip was going to be a disaster. I simply hoped that our pre-drive prayer was not stuck in God’s voicemail box. 

All of a sudden, I noticed brightly colored rocks in the distance, ones I had been dying to see for years. Their fluorescence popped amongst the magnificent winding hills as the sunset became romantic in hue. The desert glistened with mirages of deep blue water unlike anything I had ever seen. Nevada was home, but home always seemed to be just desert and casinos. For once, I looked forward to endless desert outside my window rather than a sea of clouds.

I never realized how little I discovered of the world beyond home. For years I complained about how there was nothing to do or discover outside. Not once did I set out to prove myself wrong. Instead, I chose a daily routine of homework at the kitchen table and late-night TV. However, as summer vacation ended, I decided to set my stubbornness aside and finally give this drive back home a chance. Little did I know that it would turn out to be my favorite trip of all time. 

As we drove along, the world chose to prove me wrong when I discovered Heaven on Earth along Shasta Lake. I stood out of the sunroof, surrounded by lush green mountains and fog. I extended my arms out and felt a sense of flight that no plane could ever take me on. As the water vapor kissed my face, I floated into a dreamland I never wanted to leave. I didn’t have to go to great lengths to discover the beauty of the world; it was right in front of me.  From this moment on, comfort and convenience would no longer be my best friends. Rather than only looking for famous travel destinations or following carefully mapped-out routes, I would let curiosity lead the way. 

Since then, my daily life has been anything but routine. I’m proud to boast of my family’s homemade kombucha attempts, of flights purchased and taken in one day, and of a home flooded with knick-knacks from thrifting trips. Every day I set out to try something new, see a different perspective, and go beyond normal. Whether it is by trying a new recipe using taro, making a risky fashion choice with wide-legged pants, or listening to a new music genre in Spanish, I always act with curiosity first.

Over the years, I have devoted my time towards learning Swedish, building computers, and swimming. Although my accent is horrid, some computers almost broke, and even a starfish would outswim me, I continue to enjoy activities I once criticized. For me, there is no enjoyment without some risk. Nobody I know is a kazoo-playing, boogie-board loving, boba connoisseur like me.

This essay is an Overcoming Challenges story that centers around a single anecdote. The structure works nicely as the student describes what they were like before their road trip, what happened on the road trip, and what they were like after. 

The most major improvement that this essay needs is better-communicated authenticity. At the beginning, it feels a bit gimmicky. The student describes their preparedness, particularly the fact that they always carry a first aid kit, and it’s not super believable. Then, when they write “Was it too late to say I forgot my calculator?” it feels like we are in a sitcom and the student is that funny obsessive kid. Sitcom characters don’t feel real and you want to make yourself appear profoundly real.

On a similar note, the narrative arc of this essay isn’t entirely believable. The student describes a large personality and value shift but doesn’t describe any struggles that accompany the shift. A quick shift like that is far from easy. On the other hand, if the immediacy of the shift was easy, they could write about moments after their shift in mindset when they have felt troubled by residual desires to stay in their comfort zone, instead of writing “I always act with curiosity first.”

The greatest strength of this essay is the paragraphs beginning “I never realized how little…” and “As we drove along…” The fixation on comfort seems much more believable when it involves “homework at the kitchen table and late-night TV.” The descriptions of the drive provide beautiful, evocative imagery. And it’s topped off with some nice reflection! Digging into this great portion of the essay would make this an even stronger essay!

Want to see more examples? Check out this post with 16 strong essay examples from top schools , including common supplemental essay questions.

At selective schools, your essays account for around 25% of your admissions decision. That’s more than grades (20%) and test scores (15%), and almost as much as extracurriculars (30%). Why is this? Most students applying to top schools will have stellar academics and extracurriculars. Your essays are your chance to stand out and humanize your application.

That’s why it’s vital that your essays are engaging, and present you as someone who would enrich the campus community.

Before submitting your application, you should have someone else review your essays. It’s even better if that person doesn’t know you personally, as they can best tell whether your personality shines through your essay. 

That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

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Acceptance: It Isn't What You Think

Acceptance, appreciation, and resonating with the positive result in happiness..

Posted June 27, 2015 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

There is a movement in psychology, positive psychology more accurately, toward radical acceptance, focusing on gratitude , and resonating with the positive. And with good reason: it works. People are improving their quality of life as a result of these techniques. It begins with acceptance, which probably isn’t what you think.

New theories of therapy have been developed with acceptance as the main focus. An example of this is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy or Training, (instead of therapy, to avoid the stigma ). ACT helps train mindfulness : an awareness of the present moment without judgment. The individual is then better able to tolerate negative thoughts and feelings (although the judgment “negative” is removed in mindfulness). Finally, the individual behaves according to his/her values. This type of intervention has been empirically tested for depression , certain anxiety disorders including OCD , in coping with delusions and hallucinations in those that have psychotic disorders, and with those looking to handle workday stress more effectively (SAMHSA).

Acceptance has been a key to happiness since Buddhism was born. The Second Noble Truth of Buddhism (of The Four Noble Truths) is that “desire (or craving) is the root of all suffering." This is interpreted as wanting reality to be anything but what it is; in other words, a lack of acceptance.

Acceptance has been a cornerstone of the 12 Step treatment for alcoholism since the first “Alcoholics Anonymous” book was written in 1939. Doctor Paul Ohliger wrote a passage on how acceptance leads to being happier and sober. By the third edition, the passage was famously known in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous as page 449. In only my second post for Psychology Today , I discuss its benefit for everyone.

Often when I discuss acceptance with students or clients, a common argument is put forth: “Acceptance is no good. It is passive and accepting things as they are is giving up. It is resignation to something unpalatable.” But that is not the real meaning of acceptance.

There is no better explanation than Jon Kabat-Zinn’s in Coming to Our Senses: Healing Ourselves and the World Through Mindfulness:

“Acceptance doesn’t, by any stretch of the imagination , mean passive resignation. Quite the opposite. It takes a huge amount of fortitude and motivation to accept what is — especially when you don’t like it — and then work wisely and effectively as best you possibly can with the circumstances you find yourself in and with the resources at your disposal, both inner and outer, to mitigate, heal, redirect, and change what can be changed.” (p.407)

In other words, desiring the world to be something it is not at the moment is stopped, and ruminating thoughts about how things “should be” are put aside. Then, you can change what can be changed.

Acceptance helps reduce what people experience as negative. That is only half of the solution to improving one’s quality of life, however. It has been purported that it takes five positive experiences to counter one negative (Gottman) or, more generally, your brain responds to positive events like Teflon and to negative ones like Velcro (Hanson, Mendius).

So, the new goal is to allow the positive to resonate, to be prolonged, not in a desperate grasping fashion, but instead through mindfulness and allowing it to permeate one’s attention . This helps counter the balance, and swing experience to the positive.

People often do not notice how much positive is in their lives. As such, a movement in the psychology of happiness is to look for what one is grateful for. In his outstanding TEDx Talk , Shawn Achor includes this as one of the five parts of the experiment that raised subjects’ level of happiness in a 21-day study (finding three different things daily you are grateful for).

In “The Mindful Way Through Depression,” a suggestion is made to note things you enjoy while going through your day. In his excellent TED Talk, “ Want to be happy? Be grateful ,” David Steindl-Rast suggests we simply need to stop, look, and then go in order to see all of what we have been missing that we have to be grateful for. This all relates to slowing down and resonating with enjoyable moments, rather than running from one thing to the next.

There might be things hampering you from doing the suggestions in this post. In a post called, “ Why Don’t You Want To Feel Better ,” I point to the reasons people do not act on the information that is out there to feel better. I focus on defense mechanisms , how change is strenuous work, how often staying the same is easier (even if painful), and how some create the meaning of their life from suffering. One might want to refer there if having difficulty implementing the changes suggested above.

For some, the word grateful might be off-putting. I actually prefer the word appreciate. It is easily substituted. For a minute, think about what you appreciate. Slow your life down, and appreciate all that you have. Even in the worst scenarios, there can be appreciation. A shower. A sunset. The taste of your favorite food. Good conversation. Love of family. That feeling when you first lay down in bed after an exhausting day. The list is inexhaustible.

But, as David Steindl-Rast among others purports, we simply do not slow down enough to appreciate. We are running from our problems and running from ourselves. That is not working.

Studies show slowing down, being mindful, and experiencing and expressing appreciation will work. By doing it and focusing on it, neuroscience demonstrates new neural connections are made and strengthened. This makes it more likely to occur in the future. As neuropsychologists are fond of saying, “Neurons that fire together, wire together." Over time, you’ll find yourself happier, calmer, and experiencing more joy. It’s science.

Copyright William Berry 2015

Achor, S; 2011; TEDx Talk: The Happy Secret to Better Work; retrieved from: https://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work

Gottman, J; 1999; The Marriage Clinic: A Scientifically Based Marital Therapy; p.35; W.W. Norton & Co; New York, NY.

Hanson, R; Mendius, R; 2007; Buddha’s Brain: The New Neuroscience and the Path of Awakening; Inquiring Mind; p.4; Retrieved from: http://www.wisebrain.org/BuddhasBrainArticle.pdf

Hanson, R; 2009; Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom; New Harbinger Publications; Oakland, CA.

Kabat-Zinn, J; 2005; Coming to Our Senses: Healing Ourselves and the World Through Mindfulness; Hyperion Publishers, New York, N.Y.

SAMHSA; 2014; Retrieved from: http://www.nrepp.samhsa.gov/ViewIntervention.aspx?id=191

Steindl-Rast, D; 2013; TED Talk: Want to be happy? Be grateful; Retrieved from: https://www.ted.com/talks/david_steindl_rast_want_to_be_happy_be_gratef…

Williams, M; Teasdale, J; Segal, Z; Kabat-Zinn, J; 2007; The Mindful Way Through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness; The Guilford Press; New York, NY.

William Berry is a psychotherapist and teaches at Florida International University. His area of interest is substance abuse and individual happiness.

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Home — Essay Samples — Life — Self Awareness — Self-Awareness Reflection

Self-awareness Reflection

• Categories: Self Awareness Self Reflection

About this sample

Words: 532 |

Published: Jan 30, 2024

Words: 532 | Page: 1 | 3 min read

Table of contents

Definition and components of self-awareness, importance of self-awareness, methods of developing self-awareness, self-awareness and personal growth, challenges and limitations of self-awareness.

• Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ by Daniel Goleman
• Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown
• Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha by Tara Brach

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How to Write a Personal Essay for Your College Application

What does it take to land in the “accept” (instead of “reject”) pile?

How can you write an essay that helps advance you in the eyes of the admissions officers and makes a real impression? Here are some tips to get you started.

• Start early.  Do not leave it until the last minute. Give yourself time when you don’t have other homework or extracurriculars hanging over your head to work on the essay.
• Keep the focus narrow.  Your essay does not have to cover a massive, earth-shattering event. Some people in their teens haven’t experienced a major life event. Some people have. Either way, it’s okay.
• Be yourself.  Whether writing about a painful experience or a more simple experience, use the narrative to be vulnerable and honest about who you are. Use words you would normally use. Trust your voice and the fact that your story is interesting enough in that no one else has lived it.
• Be creative.  “Show, don’t tell,” and that applies here — to an extent. The best essays typically do both. You can help your reader see and feel what you are describing by using some figurative language throughout your piece.
• Make a point. As you finish your final body paragraphs ask yourself “So what?” This will help you hone in on how to end your essay in a way that elevates it into a story about an insight or discovery you made about yourself, rather than just being about an experience you had.

We’ve all heard about the dreaded “college essay,” the bane of every high school senior’s existence. This daunting element of the college application is something that can create angst for even the most accomplished students.

• AA Amy Allen is a writer, educator, and lifelong learner. Her freelance writing business,  All of the Write Words , focuses on providing high school students with one-on-one feedback to guide them through the college application process and with crafting a thoughtful personal essay. A dedicated poet, Amy’s work has also been published in several journals including  Pine Row Press ,  Months to Years,  and  Atlanta Review .

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Essay On Self Confidence

500 words essay on self confidence.

Self-confidence refers to the state of mind where a person pushes their boundaries and encourages belief within oneself. It is something which comes from self-love. In order to have confidence in yourself, one must love oneself to get freedom from constant doubt. This essay on self confidence will help you learn more about it in detail.

The Key to Success

It won’t be far-fetched to say that self-confidence is the key to success. If not, it is definitely the first step towards success. When a person has self-confidence, they are halfway through their battle.

People in school and workplaces achieve success by taking more initiatives and being more forward and active in life. Moreover, they tend to make better decisions because of having confidence in oneself.

Thus, it makes them stand out of the crowd. When you stand apart, people will definitely notice you. Thus, it increases your chances of attaining success in life. Alternatively, if there is a person who does not trust or believe in himself, it will be tough.

They will find it hard to achieve success because they will be exposed to failure as well as criticism. Thus, without self-confidence, they may not get back on their feet as fast as someone who possesses self-confidence.

In addition to gaining success, one also enjoys a variety of perks as well. For instance, you can find a job more easily. Similarly, you may find the magnitude of a difficult job lesser than it is.

Get the huge list of more than 500 Essay Topics and Ideas

Importance of Self Confidence

Self-confidence allows us to face our failure and own up to it in a positive light. Moreover, it helps us to raise many times. This helps instil a quality in use which ensures we do not give up till we succeed.

Similarly, self-confidence instils optimism in us. People who have self-confidence are not lucky, they are smart. They do not rely on others to achieve success , they rely on their own abilities to do that.

While self-confidence is important, it is also important to not become overconfident. As we know, anything in excess can be bad for us. Similarly, overconfidence is also no exception.

When you become overconfident, you do not acknowledge the criticism. When you don’t do that, you do not work on yourself. Thus, it stops your growth. Overlooking all this will prove to be harmful.

So it is essential to have moderation which can let you attain just the right amount of self-confidence and self-love which will assure you success and happiness in life.

Conclusion of the Essay on Self Confidence

All in all, a person will gain self-confidence from their own personal experience and decision. No one speech or conversation can bring an overnight change. It is a gradual but constant process we must all participate in. It will take time but once you achieve it, nothing can stop you from conquering every height in life.

FAQ on Essay on Self Confidence

Question 1: What is the importance of self-confidence?

Answer 1: Self-confidence allows a person to free themselves from self-doubt and negative thoughts about oneself. When you are more fearless, you will have less  anxiety . This is what self-confidence can offer you. It will also help you take smart risks and get rid of social anxiety.

Question 2: How do you develop self-confidence paragraph?

Answer 2: To develop self-confidence, one must first look at what they have achieved so far. Then, never forget the things you are good at. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, so focus on your strengths. Set up some goals and get a hobby as well. Give yourself the pep talk to hype up your confidence.

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