essays about a loved one

• Death And Dying

8 Popular Essays About Death, Grief & the Afterlife

Updated 05/4/2022

Published 07/19/2021

Joe Oliveto, BA in English

Contributing writer

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Death is a strange topic for many reasons, one of which is the simple fact that different people can have vastly different opinions about discussing it.

Jump ahead to these sections: 

Essays or articles about the death of a loved one, essays or articles about dealing with grief, essays or articles about the afterlife or near-death experiences.

Some fear death so greatly they don’t want to talk about it at all. However, because death is a universal human experience, there are also those who believe firmly in addressing it directly. This may be more common now than ever before due to the rise of the death positive movement and mindset.

You might believe there’s something to be gained from talking and learning about death. If so, reading essays about death, grief, and even near-death experiences can potentially help you begin addressing your own death anxiety. This list of essays and articles is a good place to start. The essays here cover losing a loved one, dealing with grief, near-death experiences, and even what someone goes through when they know they’re dying.

Losing a close loved one is never an easy experience. However, these essays on the topic can help someone find some meaning or peace in their grief.

1. ‘I’m Sorry I Didn’t Respond to Your Email, My Husband Coughed to Death Two Years Ago’ by Rachel Ward

Rachel Ward’s essay about coping with the death of her husband isn’t like many essays about death. It’s very informal, packed with sarcastic humor, and uses an FAQ format. However, it earns a spot on this list due to the powerful way it describes the process of slowly finding joy in life again after losing a close loved one.

Ward’s experience is also interesting because in the years after her husband’s death, many new people came into her life unaware that she was a widow. Thus, she often had to tell these new people a story that’s painful but unavoidable. This is a common aspect of losing a loved one that not many discussions address.

2. ‘Everything I know about a good death I learned from my cat’ by Elizabeth Lopatto

Not all great essays about death need to be about human deaths! In this essay, author Elizabeth Lopatto explains how watching her beloved cat slowly die of leukemia and coordinating with her vet throughout the process helped her better understand what a “good death” looks like.

For instance, she explains how her vet provided a degree of treatment but never gave her false hope (for instance, by claiming her cat was going to beat her illness). They also worked together to make sure her cat was as comfortable as possible during the last stages of her life instead of prolonging her suffering with unnecessary treatments.

Lopatto compares this to the experiences of many people near death. Sometimes they struggle with knowing how to accept death because well-meaning doctors have given them the impression that more treatments may prolong or even save their lives, when the likelihood of them being effective is slimmer than patients may realize.

Instead, Lopatto argues that it’s important for loved ones and doctors to have honest and open conversations about death when someone’s passing is likely near. This can make it easier to prioritize their final wishes instead of filling their last days with hospital visits, uncomfortable treatments, and limited opportunities to enjoy themselves.

3. ‘The terrorist inside my husband’s brain’ by Susan Schneider Williams

This article, which Susan Schneider Williams wrote after the death of her husband Robin Willians, covers many of the topics that numerous essays about the death of a loved one cover, such as coping with life when you no longer have support from someone who offered so much of it. 

However, it discusses living with someone coping with a difficult illness that you don’t fully understand, as well. The article also explains that the best way to honor loved ones who pass away after a long struggle is to work towards better understanding the illnesses that affected them. 

4. ‘Before I Go’ by Paul Kalanithi

“Before I Go” is a unique essay in that it’s about the death of a loved one, written by the dying loved one. Its author, Paul Kalanithi, writes about how a terminal cancer diagnosis has changed the meaning of time for him.

Kalanithi describes believing he will die when his daughter is so young that she will likely never have any memories of him. As such, each new day brings mixed feelings. On the one hand, each day gives him a new opportunity to see his daughter grow, which brings him joy. On the other hand, he must struggle with knowing that every new day brings him closer to the day when he’ll have to leave her life.

Coping with grief can be immensely challenging. That said, as the stories in these essays illustrate, it is possible to manage grief in a positive and optimistic way.

5. Untitled by Sheryl Sandberg

This piece by Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook’s current CEO, isn’t a traditional essay or article. It’s actually a long Facebook post. However, many find it’s one of the best essays about death and grief anyone has published in recent years.

She posted it on the last day of sheloshim for her husband, a period of 30 days involving intense mourning in Judaism. In the post, Sandberg describes in very honest terms how much she learned from those 30 days of mourning, admitting that she sometimes still experiences hopelessness, but has resolved to move forward in life productively and with dignity.

She explains how she wanted her life to be “Option A,” the one she had planned with her husband. However, because that’s no longer an option, she’s decided the best way to honor her husband’s memory is to do her absolute best with “Option B.”

This metaphor actually became the title of her next book. Option B , which Sandberg co-authored with Adam Grant, a psychologist at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, is already one of the most beloved books about death , grief, and being resilient in the face of major life changes. It may strongly appeal to anyone who also appreciates essays about death as well.

6. ‘My Own Life’ by Oliver Sacks

Grief doesn’t merely involve grieving those we’ve lost. It can take the form of the grief someone feels when they know they’re going to die.

Renowned physician and author Oliver Sacks learned he had terminal cancer in 2015. In this essay, he openly admits that he fears his death. However, he also describes how knowing he is going to die soon provides a sense of clarity about what matters most. Instead of wallowing in his grief and fear, he writes about planning to make the very most of the limited time he still has.

Belief in (or at least hope for) an afterlife has been common throughout humanity for decades. Additionally, some people who have been clinically dead report actually having gone to the afterlife and experiencing it themselves.

Whether you want the comfort that comes from learning that the afterlife may indeed exist, or you simply find the topic of near-death experiences interesting, these are a couple of short articles worth checking out.

7. ‘My Experience in a Coma’ by Eben Alexander

“My Experience in a Coma” is a shortened version of the narrative Dr. Eben Alexander shared in his book, Proof of Heaven . Alexander’s near-death experience is unique, as he’s a medical doctor who believes that his experience is (as the name of his book suggests) proof that an afterlife exists. He explains how at the time he had this experience, he was clinically braindead, and therefore should not have been able to consciously experience anything.

Alexander describes the afterlife in much the same way many others who’ve had near-death experiences describe it. He describes starting out in an “unresponsive realm” before a spinning white light that brought with it a musical melody transported him to a valley of abundant plant life, crystal pools, and angelic choirs. He states he continued to move from one realm to another, each realm higher than the last, before reaching the realm where the infinite love of God (which he says is not the “god” of any particular religion) overwhelmed him.

8. “One Man's Tale of Dying—And Then Waking Up” by Paul Perry

The author of this essay recounts what he considers to be one of the strongest near-death experience stories he’s heard out of the many he’s researched and written about over the years. The story involves Dr. Rajiv Parti, who claims his near-death experience changed his views on life dramatically.

Parti was highly materialistic before his near-death experience. During it, he claims to have been given a new perspective, realizing that life is about more than what his wealth can purchase. He returned from the experience with a permanently changed outlook.

This is common among those who claim to have had near-death experiences. Often, these experiences leave them kinder, more understanding, more spiritual, and less materialistic.

This short article is a basic introduction to Parti’s story. He describes it himself in greater detail in the book Dying to Wake Up , which he co-wrote with Paul Perry, the author of the article.

Essays About Death: Discussing a Difficult Topic

It’s completely natural and understandable to have reservations about discussing death. However, because death is unavoidable, talking about it and reading essays and books about death instead of avoiding the topic altogether is something that benefits many people. Sometimes, the only way to cope with something frightening is to address it.

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• Coping With Grief

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Sheryl Sandberg’s essay on grief is one of the best things I’ve read about marriage

by Amanda Taub

When my closest friend got married a few years ago, I asked her if anything felt different after the ceremony. "Yes," she said. "Realizing that my best-case scenario is now that I die first." Her tone was flip, and we both laughed. But there was truth to what she said.

I love my husband so much that I hesitate to write about him — it feels unseemly, like bragging. It is impossibly painful to even imagine life without him: his presence is the source of my greatest joy in life, just as the idea of losing him is one of my worst fears. The best-case scenario is that I die first.

Sheryl Sandberg lost her beloved husband, Dave Goldberg, 30 days ago. To mark that occasion, she has written one of the best essays I have ever read about what it feels like to confront that terrible fear, and to deal with the profound grief that comes from losing someone you love. Her description of her grief since Goldberg's death feels true not just as a statement of what it is like to lose someone you love, but also what it means to deeply love someone, and the value that our loved ones hold in our lives.

A childhood friend of mine who is now a rabbi recently told me that the most powerful one-line prayer he has ever read is: "Let me not die while I am still alive." I would have never understood that prayer before losing Dave . Now I do. I think when tragedy occurs, it presents a choice. You can give in to the void, the emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even breathe. Or you can try to find meaning. These past thirty days, I have spent many of my moments lost in that void. And I know that many future moments will be consumed by the vast emptiness as well. But when I can, I want to choose life and meaning.

Strangely enough, the perfect companion piece to Sandberg's essay is not about loss, but about the joy of having children. Michelle Goldberg (no relation to Dave Goldberg) wrote in New York Magazine last week about what inspired her and her husband to grow their family.

"Not long ago," she writes , "I learned the Arabic word Ya'aburnee . Literally, 'you bury me,' it means wanting to die before a loved one so as not to have to face the world without him or her in it."

Goldberg realized that those words captured her feelings for her husband, and that having a child would be a way to bring more of him into the world — and a way to hold on to part of him if someday she lost him.

Goldberg and her husband now have two children, and they have enriched her life, she writes, in ways she would never have believed possible. "Before there was one person in the world for whom I would use the word Ya'aburnee , and now there are three."

Reading Sandberg's essay with Goldberg's is a reminder that the pain of loss is a worthwhile price to pay for the joy of love and marriage. Although Sandberg's husband has died, the life they built together still remains. Her essay closes with a moving promise to support what they built, and the children they had together, even as she mourns him:

I can’t even express the gratitude I feel to my family and friends who have done so much and reassured me that they will continue to be there. In the brutal moments when I am overtaken by the void, when the months and years stretch out in front of me endless and empty, only their faces pull me out of the isolation and fear. My appreciation for them knows no bounds. I was talking to one of these friends about a father-child activity that Dave is not here to do. We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave. I cried to him, "But I want Dave. I want option A." He put his arm around me and said, "Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the shit out of option B." Dave, to honor your memory and raise your children as they deserve to be raised, I promise to do all I can to kick the shit out of option B. And even though sheloshim has ended, I still mourn for option A. I will always mourn for option A. As Bono sang, "There is no end to grief . . . and there is no end to love." I love you, Dave.

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Home Essay Samples Health Death

Reflections on the Death of a Loved One

Table of contents, introduction, the shock and sorrow: initial reactions to the death of a loved one, the process of grief: navigating life after loss, life lessons from death: a new perspective, works cited.

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Grief: Coping with the loss of your loved one

Research shows that most people can recover from loss on their own through the passage of time if they have social support and healthy habits.

Coping with the loss of a close friend or family member may be one of the hardest challenges that many of us face. When we lose a spouse, sibling or parent our grief can be particularly intense. Loss is understood as a natural part of life, but we can still be overcome by shock and confusion, leading to prolonged periods of sadness or depression. The sadness typically diminishes in intensity as time passes, but grieving is an important process in order to overcome these feelings and continue to embrace the time you had with your loved one.

Everyone reacts differently to death and employs personal coping mechanisms for grief. Research shows that most people can recover from loss on their own through the passage of time if they have social support and healthy habits. It may take months or a year to come to terms with a loss. There is no “normal” time period for someone to grieve. Don’t expect to pass through phases of grief either, as research suggests that most people do not go through stages as progressive steps.

If your relationship with the deceased was difficult, this will also add another dimension to the grieving process. It may take some time and thought before you are able to look back on the relationship and adjust to the loss.

Human beings are naturally resilient, considering most of us can endure loss and then continue on with our own lives. But some people may struggle with grief for longer periods of time and feel unable to carry out daily activities. Individuals with severe grief or complicated grief could benefit from the help of a psychologist or another licensed mental health professional with a specialization in grief.

Moving on with life

Mourning the loss of a close friend or relative takes time, but research tells us that it can also be the catalyst for a renewed sense of meaning that offers purpose and direction to life.

Grieving individuals may find it helpful to use some of the following strategies to help them process and come to terms with loss:

• Talk about the death of your loved one with friends or colleagues in order to help you understand what happened and remember your friend or family member. Avoidance can lead to isolation and will disrupt the healing process with your support systems.
• Accept your feelings . You may experience a wide range of emotions from sadness, anger or even exhaustion. All of these feelings are normal and it’s important to recognize when you are feeling this way. If you feel stuck or overwhelmed by these emotions, it may be helpful to talk with a licensed psychologist or other mental health professional who can help you cope with your feelings and find ways to get back on track.
• Take care of yourself and your family . Eating healthy foods, exercising and getting plenty of sleep can help your physical and emotional health. The grieving process can take a toll on one’s body.  Make sure you check in with your loved ones and that they are taking the necessary healthy steps to maintain their health.
• Reach out and help others dealing with the loss . Spending time with loved ones of the deceased can help everyone cope. Whether it’s sharing stories or listening to your loved one’s favorite music, these small efforts can make a big difference to some. Helping others has the added benefit of making you feel better as well.
• Remember and celebrate the lives of your loved ones . Anniversaries of a lost loved one can be a difficult time for friends and family, but it can also be a time for remembrance and honoring them. It may be that you decide to collect donations to a favorite charity of the deceased, passing on a family name to a baby or planting a garden in memory. What you choose is up to you, as long as it allows you to honor that unique relationship in a way that feels right to you.

How psychologists can help

Psychologists are trained to help people better handle the fear, guilt or anxiety that can be associated with the death of a loved one. If you need help dealing with your grief or managing a loss, consult with a psychologist or other licensed mental health professional. Psychologists can help people build their resilience and develop strategies to get through their sadness. Practicing psychologists use a variety of evidence-based treatments — most commonly psychotherapy — to help people improve their lives. Psychologists, who have doctoral degrees, receive one of the highest levels of education of any health care professional.

This article was adapted from a March 2011 post by Katherine C. Nordal, PhD.

The full text of articles from APA Help Center may be reproduced and distributed for noncommercial purposes with credit given to the American Psychological Association. Any electronic reproductions must link to the original article on the APA Help Center. Any exceptions to this, including excerpting, paraphrasing or reproduction in a commercial work, must be presented in writing to the APA. Images from the APA Help Center may not be reproduced

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Essays About Death: Top 5 Examples and 9 Essay Prompts

Death includes mixed emotions and endless possibilities. If you are writing essays about death , see our examples and prompts in this article .

Over 50 million people die yearly from different causes worldwide. It’s a fact we must face when the time comes. Although the subject has plenty of dire connotations, many are still fascinated by death, enough so that literary pieces about it never cease. Every author has a reason why they want to talk about death. Most use it to put their grievances on paper to help them heal from losing a loved one. Some find writing and reading about death moving, transformative, or cathartic.

To help you write a compelling essay about death, we prepared five examples to spark your imagination:

1. Essay on Death Penalty by Aliva Manjari

2. coping with death essay by writer cameron, 3. long essay on death by prasanna, 4. because i could not stop for death argumentative essay by writer annie, 5. an unforgettable experience in my life by anonymous on gradesfixer.com, 1. life after death, 2. death rituals and ceremonies, 3. smoking: just for fun or a shortcut to the grave, 4. the end is near, 5. how do people grieve, 6. mental disorders and death, 7. are you afraid of death, 8. death and incurable diseases, 9. if i can pick how i die.

“The death penalty is no doubt unconstitutional if imposed arbitrarily, capriciously, unreasonably, discriminatorily, freakishly or wantonly, but if it is administered rationally, objectively and judiciously, it will enhance people’s confidence in criminal justice system.”

Manjari’s essay considers the death penalty as against the modern process of treating lawbreakers, where offenders have the chance to reform or defend themselves. Although the author is against the death penalty, she explains it’s not the right time to abolish it. Doing so will jeopardize social security. The essay also incorporates other relevant information, such as the countries that still have the death penalty and how they are gradually revising and looking for alternatives.

You might also be interested in our list of the best war books .

“How a person copes with grief is affected by the person’s cultural and religious background, coping skills, mental history, support systems, and the person’s social and financial status.”

Cameron defines coping and grief through sharing his personal experience. He remembers how their family and close friends went through various stages of coping when his Aunt Ann died during heart surgery. Later in his story, he mentions Ann’s last note, which she wrote before her surgery, in case something terrible happens. This note brought their family together again through shared tears and laughter. You can also check out these articles about cancer .

“Luckily or tragically, we are completely sentenced to death. But there is an interesting thing; we don’t have the knowledge of how the inevitable will strike to have a conversation.”

Prasanna states the obvious – all people die, but no one knows when. She also discusses the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Research also shows that when people die, the brain either shows a flashback of life or sees a ray of light.

Even if someone can predict the day of their death, it won’t change how the people who love them will react. Some will cry or be numb, but in the end, everyone will have to accept the inevitable. The essay ends with the philosophical belief that the soul never dies and is reborn in a new identity and body. You can also check out these elegy examples .

“People have busy lives, and don’t think of their own death, however, the speaker admits that she was willing to put aside her distractions and go with death. She seemed to find it pretty charming.”

The author focuses on how Emily Dickinson ’s “ Because I Could Not Stop for Death ” describes death. In the poem, the author portrays death as a gentle, handsome, and neat man who picks up a woman with a carriage to take her to the grave. The essay expounds on how Dickinson uses personification and imagery to illustrate death.

“The death of a loved one is one of the hardest things an individual can bring themselves to talk about; however, I will never forget that day in the chapter of my life, as while one story continued another’s ended.”

The essay delve’s into the author’s recollection of their grandmother’s passing. They recount the things engrained in their mind from that day –  their sister’s loud cries, the pounding and sinking of their heart, and the first time they saw their father cry. 

Looking for more? Check out these essays about losing a loved one .

9 Easy Writing Prompts on Essays About Death

Are you still struggling to choose a topic for your essay? Here are prompts you can use for your paper:

Your imagination is the limit when you pick this prompt for your essay. Because no one can confirm what happens to people after death, you can create an essay describing what kind of world exists after death. For instance, you can imagine yourself as a ghost that lingers on the Earth for a bit. Then, you can go to whichever place you desire and visit anyone you wish to say proper goodbyes to first before crossing to the afterlife.

Every country, religion, and culture has ways of honoring the dead. Choose a tribe, religion, or place, and discuss their death rituals and traditions regarding wakes and funerals. Include the reasons behind these activities. Conclude your essay with an opinion on these rituals and ceremonies but don’t forget to be respectful of everyone’s beliefs. 

Smoking is still one of the most prevalent bad habits since tobacco’s creation in 1531 . Discuss your thoughts on individuals who believe there’s nothing wrong with this habit and inadvertently pass secondhand smoke to others. Include how to avoid chain-smokers and if we should let people kill themselves through excessive smoking. Add statistics and research to support your claims.

Collate people’s comments when they find out their death is near. Do this through interviews, and let your respondents list down what they’ll do first after hearing the simulated news. Then, add their reactions to your essay.

There is no proper way of grieving. People grieve in their way. Briefly discuss death and grieving at the start of your essay. Then, narrate a personal experience you’ve had with grieving to make your essay more relatable. Or you can compare how different people grieve. To give you an idea, you can mention that your father’s way of grieving is drowning himself in work while your mom openly cries and talk about her memories of the loved one who just passed away. 

Explain how people suffering from mental illnesses view death. Then, measure it against how ordinary people see the end. Include research showing death rates caused by mental illnesses to prove your point. To make organizing information about the topic more manageable, you can also focus on one mental illness and relate it to death.

Check out our guide on  how to write essays about depression .

Sometimes, seriously ill people say they are no longer afraid of death. For others, losing a loved one is even more terrifying than death itself. Share what you think of death and include factors that affected your perception of it.

People with incurable diseases are often ready to face death. For this prompt, write about individuals who faced their terminal illnesses head-on and didn’t let it define how they lived their lives. You can also review literary pieces that show these brave souls’ struggle and triumph. A great series to watch is “ My Last Days .”

You might also be interested in these epitaph examples .

No one knows how they’ll leave this world, but if you have the chance to choose how you part with your loved ones, what will it be? Probe into this imagined situation. For example, you can write: “I want to die at an old age, surrounded by family and friends who love me. I hope it’ll be a peaceful death after I’ve done everything I wanted in life.”

To make your essay more intriguing, put unexpected events in it. Check out these plot twist ideas .

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The Death of a Loved One: A Reflection on Loss and Healing

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The Complex Emotions of Grief

Lessons in Loss and Resilience

The enduring bonds of memory, conclusion: a continuation of love.

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The Process of Coping with Grief and Loss

How to best navigate our feelings after losing someone..

Posted September 1, 2021 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch

• We know that loss is an emotional event, yet we often hasten to quell others’ emotional expressions.
• Without the processing of relevant emotions, we become stuck in the trauma of loss, which leads to us being impacted more implicitly.
• Even though losing a loved one hurts and can evoke anger, frustration and sadness, our natural emotions are meant to be felt and experienced.

I first considered writing this post after being approached by an interviewer about my thoughts on coping with death. At the time, I found the timing to be appropriate, given that I had recently lost two people to whom I was close. Since then, my proximity to death became even closer with my father passing away and then having to attend not just one, but two funerals in the span of weeks.

Coping with a loss is not meant to be easy. We know loss is an emotional event, yet we often hasten to quell others’ emotional expressions, offering platitudes such as “don’t cry” or “try not to think about it.”

For many, faith becomes a valuable resource during a period of loss. I have personally witnessed the power of faith and prayer when I attended the funeral for the dearly departed father of one of my students. This difficult moment was filled with inspiration and hope created by parishioners and loved ones united in a celebration of life.

As I was told by a family member during one of the most difficult moments in my recent past, “ Grief is private and personal and everyone copes in their own way.” Thus, I would like to share a few things I have learned that have been helpful in my own coping with death and loss.

Allow yourself to feel

This may seem like a simple act, but it’s probably the hardest part of the grieving process.

Loss is painful, and the greater the attachment , the greater the wound. We instinctually deal with negative situations through avoidance, denial , and distraction. Simply put, “If pain hurts, why should we feel obliged to feel it?” Unfortunately, experiencing these emotions is integral to healing. Without the processing of relevant emotions, we become stuck in the trauma of loss, which leads to us being impacted in a more implicit and chronic manner.

As our sympathetic nervous system becomes activated by the emotional threats of loss and grief, our brains continuously search and comb through our memories to find an explanation for the occurrence. While the physiological portion of this function is a necessary survival instinct, it can take hold when it continues as a method of processing and not only helps sustain negative feelings but reinforces and increases them as well.

Even though losing a loved one hurts and can evoke anger , frustration, and sadness, our natural emotions are meant to be felt and experienced. This is normal, so denying these emotions does not invite peace but instead provides a false sense of security that further distances us from peace and acceptance. Talking to those in whom you confide, journaling, or simply introspecting can be helpful. Holding back tears does not make them disappear, but instead drives them deeper, so allow yourself to emote.

Try to find meaning in the loss

Our neurophysiology and anatomical constitution cannot help but constantly look for a reason. It’s an innate function that can either be an asset or a detriment.

Since meaning is essential, we usually look for it in many places. Initially, we try to answer the question of “why?” We may blame ourselves, others, and even existence in general. Faith and religion are often able to fill that void for many, although some may look elsewhere.

Finding meaning amid suffering is difficult, but necessary. For me, meaning is found in everyday occurrences. There is no need to look for “nodal points"; rather, one should seek to find value in the moment.

There is an intrinsic value in life, and with value there is meaning. Now, the tricky part is not necessarily finding meaning in death, but finding it in life.

Do your best to find internal peace

As Elizabeth Kübler-Ross demonstrated, coping with loss is an emotional storm, yet finding peace is crucial. Belief in a higher power and religious tenets can bring peace through concepts such as eternal life, which helps what feels like a goodbye seem like more of a “see you later.”

Peace may also come from a better understanding of the connectedness embedded in existence or from exploring spirituality . We often think that peace is a passive exercise in which we must place ourselves in a quiet, calm environment, but life is often not calm or quiet. Therefore, peace must be an active experience fueled by intention.

Keep your loved ones “alive”

Using the words of author Sir Terry Prattchet, “no one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away.” Finding ways to keep a person “alive” after they're gone is another effective way to cope with grief. For example, artists are often appreciated after their time and we seek to cherish their memories after they have passed. While we often like to say that people live on in our memories, thoughts, and prayers, I like to think it’s a bit more tangible than that.

Our loved ones become part of who we are. We are forever changed by them and evolve through every interaction we have had, with more meaningful interactions being significantly more impactful. Thus, the deceased continue to live on in our actions, everyday behaviors, and noteworthy achievements.

To honor someone “in our own way” can mean that with every one of our corresponding actions and interactions we give them life. But therein lies a paradox. So why not apply these tenets more proactively by seeking to live our lives by feeling more, finding meaning, exerting peace, and honoring them through our actions? We should not fear death, nor should we seek to welcome it.

Often, we are reminded about our own mortality when we experience the passing of a loved one. We usually cope with grief in a reactive manner because the ambiguity and finality of death can be overwhelming and scary, and so we choose to not think or discuss it.

To be a human being is to be in a dynamic state of action. Therefore it is through our actions that the departed remain, resulting in a more proactive approach in which the prospect of death does not hinder us in celebrating their lives through ours.

Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On Death and Dying. Simon & Schuster/Touchstone

Isaac P. Tourgeman, Ph.D., M.S. ClinPharm , is a full-time faculty member at Albizu University in Doral, Florida, and a staff psychologist at the Design Neuroscience Center.

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Personal Grief and Loss Essay

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Introduction

The complicated nature of life explains why grieving is a necessary process. The loss of a beloved person can trigger numerous emotions such as guilt, anger, disbelief, and sadness. Coping with sudden death can result in a major challenge. It is agreeable that most of these reactions and emotional responses to loss are natural. That being the case, people should help one another throughout the mourning process in order to find new meaning and move on with life. Those who are in emotional pain should also be allowed to cry in order to support the healing process. The death of my favorite aunt affected me significantly. After the event, it took me five days to accept the fact that my aunt was gone. The purpose of this paper, therefore, is to give a personal experience of loss, grief, and mourning following my aunt’s untimely demise.

The most memorable loss occurred when I was 21 years of age. This was after the death of my maternal aunt. She was only 10 years older. Her untimely death occurred when I was in the United States. Our age gap explains why we used to be close to one another. We could do many things together and support each other. She was shot four times while in Colombia and died instantly.

Although it was hard to explain the circumstances that led to her death, forensic investigations revealed that she had been murdered by robbers for an unknown reason. The victim was a mother-figure to me. As an aunt, she guided, empowered, and encouraged me to pursue most of my dreams. This analysis shows that I was emotionally close to her.

After the loss, I experienced numerous emotional, spiritual, and psychological challenges. Such feelings occurred for several weeks after my aunt’s death. Several reasons can be presented to support this argument. The first one is that I was unable to pursue my goals. This development made it hard for me to meet the needs of my underage daughter. The second example is that I become stressed and troubled. This emotional response occurred after I received the news of her death. The third example is that I was unable to interact with other people. This means that my social competencies were affected greatly. After the death, it took me five days to accept the fact that she was gone. Throughout this period, I could dial her cell-phone number to confirm that she was not with us anymore. This was the case because I felt stressed and discontented with everything in life. The pain in my body was also unbearable.

I was unable to focus on my spiritual goals and mental status. However, I managed to cope with the loss after several months due to the support received from different family members. For instance, my husband was helpful throughout this troubling period. It should also be observed that my failure to attend her funeral might have affected my healing process. This is the reason why individuals who have lost their beloved ones should be advised, guided, and supported accordingly.

My mourning process affected the people around me in a number of ways. For instance, I was not able to support or raise up my young daughter. I was also unable to interact freely with my husband and relatives. I also found it hard to interact with my colleagues, relatives, and friends. The good news was that most of my family members were helpful during this emotional period. This was the case because they empowered me to deal with my grief and be in a position to pursue my aims. They were also keen to console and encourage me to remain strong. It is also worth noting that none of the persons around me was hurtful during the time.

The major rituals considered during the time of loss were prayers and fasting. These practices are known to support the mourning process (Burke & Neimeyer, 2014). I also began to smoke as a way of getting rid of stress. I used different links to feel connected to the deceased person. For instance, my grandmother managed to send my aunt’s graduation ring to me. I always wear the ring as a grim reminder of my beloved aunt. I also possess the clothes she was wearing at the time of the murder. I have never washed them and they are bloodstains.

Holdsworth (2015) asserts that human beings use various techniques to manage their lamentation processes. The first technique that can be used to describe my mourning process is that of writing (Eyetsemitan, 2017). It is evident that my aunt had written a letter to me. Due to the nature of her death, I had not responded to her letter. This is something that has been haunting me over the years. I also have many things in my heart that I was never given the opportunity to say to my aunt. For instance, I did not tell her how she was loved and missed. I have many photographs that remind me of our experiences together.

I strongly believed that a number of rituals can still help with the loss today. For instance, I would be happy to be given a chance to visit her grave. I would mourn and pray on her grave in order to complete my mourning process. Personally, I think that the intensity of my loss could not be sensationalized by the media. This is the reason why I decided to engage in smoking. These aspects show conclusively that my mourning process was complicated (Burke & Neimeyer, 2014). This argument can be supported by the fact that it is several years after the loss and I am yet to heal completely. I also experienced intense rumination, pain, and sorrow during the period. The decision to hold on to her belongings also explains why the process was complicated.

It is agreeable that this loss occurred at a time when I was not aware of the nature of suffering (Hordan & Litz, 2014). With more knowledge, I would have kept myself busy, interacted with more people, and read different materials to support the mourning process. I would have also attended her funeral in order to stop feeling guilty.

There are various complicated mourning issues that have kept me stuck in my mourning process. The first one is that it has taken me many years to be in a position to talk about my aunt. It has been hard for me to accept the fact that she is no longer around us. The second issue is that minor events or memories can trigger intense or painful reactions (Worden, 2008). Sometimes I can start to cry after remembering her.

This course has made it easier for me to learn a number of things about myself. The first observation is that the loss of a close relative or friend can affect me negatively. Such an occurrence can make it hard for me to achieve my goals or interact with others. The second lesson is that I can address most of my emotional and psychological challenges. This is the case because I managed to deal with this loss successfully. It is also clear that I have gained numerous ideas and concepts about mourning from this course. For instance, I have known that individuals should be guided and empowered throughout the period (Eyetsemitan, 2017). People should also be allowed to cry and mourn throughout their lamentation periods.

My discussion shows clearly that my aunt was like a sister to me and a big confidant who supported everything I was doing. This means that she was always close to me. Since she was young, we used to share ideas and live like sisters. Despite these feelings of pain and anguish, it should be observed that the mourning process empowered me to develop better concepts that can be used to support others. The ideas gained from this course can also meet the needs of persons who have lost their friends or relatives. My experience after the loss of my aunt echoes most of the challenges faced by many mourning persons. It is, therefore, necessary for those who are in grief to keep themselves busy and interact with others to prevent any suicidal thoughts. Mourners should also never be avoided. Consequently, these lessons will empower me to guide others in the future.

Burke, L. A., & Neimeyer, R. A. (2014). Spiritual distress in bereavement: Evolution of a research program. Religions, 5, 1087-1115. Web.

Eyetsemitan, F. (2017). Employee grief, workplace culture, and implications for worker productivity and psychopathology. Acta Psychopathologica, 3 (4), 1-3. Web.

Holdsworth, M. (2015). Bereaved carers’ accounts of the end of life and the role of care providers in a ‘good death’: A qualitative study. Palliative Medicine, 29 (9), 834-841.

Hordan, A. H., & Litz, B. T. (2014). Prolonged grief disorder: Diagnostic, assessment, and treatment considerations. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 45 (3), 180-187. Web.

Worden, J. W. (2008). Grief counseling and grief therapy: A handbook for the mental health practitioner (4th ed.). New York, NY: Springer Publishing.

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Narrative Essay on Losing a Loved One

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Losing a loved one is a profound experience that reshapes our lives in ways we never imagined. It’s a journey through grief that challenges our resilience, alters our perspectives, and ultimately teaches us about the depth of love and the impermanence of life. This narrative essay explores the emotional odyssey of losing a loved one, weaving through the stages of grief, the search for meaning, and the slow, often painful, journey towards healing.

The Unthinkable Reality

It was an ordinary Tuesday morning when the phone rang, shattering the normalcy of my life. The voice on the other end was calm yet distant, bearing the kind of news that instantly makes your heart sink. My beloved grandmother, who had been battling a long illness, had passed away in her sleep. Despite the inevitability of this moment, I was not prepared for the crushing weight of the reality that I would never see her again. The initial shock was numbing, a protective cloak that shielded me from the full impact of my loss.

The Onslaught of Grief

In the days that followed, grief washed over me in waves. At times, it was a quiet sadness that lingered in the background of my daily activities. At others, it was a torrential downpour of emotions, leaving me gasping for air. I struggled with the finality of death, replaying our last conversations, wishing for one more moment to express my love and gratitude. Anger, confusion, and disbelief intermingled, forming a tumultuous storm of feelings I could neither control nor understand.

The rituals of mourning—funeral arrangements, sympathy cards, and memorial services—offered a semblance of structure amidst the chaos. Yet, they also served as stark reminders of the gaping void left by my grandmother’s absence. Stories and memories shared by friends and family painted a rich tapestry of her life, highlighting the profound impact she had on those around her. Through tear-stained eyes, I began to see the extent of my loss, not just as a personal tragedy but as a collective one.

The Search for Meaning

As the initial shock subsided, my grief evolved into a quest for meaning. I sought solace in religion, philosophy, and the arts, searching for answers to the unanswerable questions of life and death. I learned that grief is a universal experience, a fundamental part of the human condition that transcends cultures, religions, and time periods. This realization brought a sense of connection to those who had walked this path before me, offering a glimmer of comfort in my darkest moments.

I also found meaning in honoring my grandmother’s legacy. She was a woman of incredible strength, kindness, and wisdom, who had touched the lives of many. By embodying her values and continuing her work, I could keep her spirit alive. Volunteering, pursuing passions that we shared, and passing on her stories to younger generations became ways to heal and to make sense of a world without her.

The Journey Towards Healing

Healing from the loss of a loved one is neither linear nor predictable. There were days when I felt overwhelmed by sadness, and others when I could smile at fond memories. I learned to accept that grief is not something to be “overcome” but rather integrated into my life. It has become a part of who I am, shaping my understanding of love, loss, and the preciousness of life.

Support from friends, family, and sometimes strangers, who shared their own stories of loss, played a crucial role in my healing process. Their empathy and understanding provided a safe space to express my feelings, to cry, to laugh, and to remember. Counseling and support groups offered additional perspectives and coping strategies, highlighting the importance of seeking help and connection in times of sorrow.

Reflections on Love and Loss

Through this journey, I have come to understand that the pain of loss is a testament to the depth of our love. Grieving deeply means we have loved deeply, and this is both the curse and the beauty of human connections. The scars of loss never truly fade, but they become bearable, interwoven with the love and memories we hold dear.

Losing a loved one is a transformative experience that teaches us about resilience, compassion, and the enduring power of love. It reminds us to cherish the time we have with those we love, to express our feelings openly, and to live fully in the present moment. While the absence of a loved one leaves an irreplaceable void, their influence continues to shape our lives in profound ways.

In closing, the journey through grief is uniquely personal, yet universally shared. It challenges us to find strength we didn’t know we had, to seek connection in our shared humanity, and to discover meaning in the face of loss. Though we may never “get over” the loss of a loved one, we learn to carry their legacy forward, finding solace in the love that never dies but transforms over time.

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College Essay: Lessons from the loss of a loved one

Her death caused me to recognize that my purpose lies in pursuing medicine.

As the only members of our extended family outside of Taiwan, my nuclear family and I took the annual trip from Minnesota back to our homeland that renewed my fading early childhood memories of bustling Taipei.

Jetlag compelled me to wake up at the crack of dawn, which luckily coincided with my grandmother’s daily trek up the luscious mountains right down the block. She was invariably eager to bring my brother and I along. Although my grandma was agile for her age, our youthful bodies bounded steps ahead on hills.

As years passed, I never thought the next time I’d see my grandmother would be on her deathbed.

The summer before I began ninth grade, we learned that my grandmother had undergone a spinal surgery to offset the rapid deterioration of her legs. What had been a risky procedure to begin with did little to help her prognosis.

My brother and I followed my parents on their next flight to Taiwan while she went under the knife for a second time.

The trip up the hospital elevator ticked by in silence, everyone avoiding eye contact. A blast of cold air whipped my face as the doors opened to the intensive care unit. Snapping on latex gloves, face masks and hospital gowns, we anxiously waited in the hall to enter her room, only two allowed in at once.

The first time I walked in, the shrill beeping of heavy equipment filled my ears, and thick trails of IVs sprawled on the floor. The rugged stench of rubber from my gloves clung in the air and my stomach churned to the ceaseless beeps. My heart crashed at the sight of my grandmother, immobile in a gray bed. Her lively spirit lied paralyzed, indistinguishable with jaundice and blackened fingers. I idled in shock the five minutes I was with her, conscientiously meeting her eyes, incapable of digesting the severity this situation had reached.

I left my grandma in a daze as a doctor somberly welcomed us into a room. There I learned that the initial surgery left her with a grazed spine and a pierced stomach, leaving the rest of the organs in her torso to collapse and wither. Her blood had turned toxic.

The doctor spouted more medical vocabulary. Hesitating, he paused. “I’m afraid there is no chance of recovery,” he apologized. His statement hung in the air as he continued, and eventually his words dissolved into white noise.

During my following visits, I stumbled over the right words to express to her. Her pain-enduring eyes masked with perseverance recurred through my mind hours after leaving the hospital. I still yearned for a miracle to occur in the two weeks leading up to her passing.

Because Taiwan is a moderately accelerated nation, I struggled to comprehend that the one-out-of-a-million failed victim of this risky operation was someone important to me, my 71-yearold grandmother.

After the visit, under the dimming sky, I descended the mountain without my grandma. I realized how much one loss affected multiple people. The buzz of cicadas dwindled as I neared the house. The streetlight gradually flickered out. I could only picture her last breath in the lonely hospital room, fading out to the slowing beep of her heartbeat. At that moment, I yearned for the chance to recompense my grandma in any way.

My grandmother was a sole person, but she acquired dreams and goals throughout her lifetime. Until then I never understood how small changes created big differences—like how every life matters on this Earth. Her death caused me to recognize that my purpose lies in pursuing medicine.

Even today, our knowledge of human health is not enough to save everyone. My impact may not be big, but I want to contribute to the gradual advancement of critical medical care. My aspiration is to help as many people as possible experience life’s potential.

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Coping with Grief and Loss

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What is bereavement?

Understanding the grief of losing a loved one, grieving your loss, seek support, celebrate your loved one’s life, take care of yourself, when the pain of bereavement doesn’t ease up, what is complicated grief, finding professional help, bereavement: grieving the loss of a loved one.

Few things compare to the pain of losing someone you love. While there’s no way to avoid intense feelings of grief, there are healthier ways to come to terms with your loss.

Bereavement is the grief and mourning experience following the death of someone important to you. While it’s an inevitable part of life—something that virtually all of us go through at some point—losing someone you love can be one of the most painful experiences you’ll ever have to endure.

Whether it’s a close friend, spouse, partner, parent, child, or other relative, the death of a loved one can feel overwhelming. You may experience waves of intense and very difficult emotions, ranging from profound sadness, emptiness, and despair to shock, numbness, guilt, or regret. You might rage at the circumstances of your loved one’s death—your anger focused on yourself, doctors, other loved ones, or God. You may even find it difficult to accept the person is really gone, or struggle to see how you can ever recover and move on from your loss.

Bereavement isn’t limited to emotional responses, either. Grief at the death of a loved one can also trigger physical reactions, including weight and appetite changes, difficulty sleeping, aches and pains, and an impaired immune system leading to illness and other health problems.

The level of support you have around you, your personality, and your own levels of health and well-being can all play a role in how grief impacts you following bereavement. But no matter how much pain you’re in right now, it’s important to know that there are healthy ways to cope with the anguish and come to terms with your grief. While life may never be quite the same again, in time you can ease your sorrow, start to look to the future with hope and optimism, and eventually move forward with your life.

Grieving the loss of a pet

Bereavement isn’t restricted to the death of a person. For many of us, our pets are also close companions or family members. So, when a pet dies, you can experience similar feelings of grief, pain, and loss. As with grieving for human loved ones, healing from the loss of an animal companion takes time, but there are ways to cope with your grief.

Read: Coping with Losing a Pet .

The intensity of your feelings often depends on the circumstances of your loved one’s death, how much time you spent anticipating their loss, your relationship to them, and your previous experiences of bereavement. Of course, just as no two relationships are the same, no two losses are ever the same, either.

In short, the more significant the person was in your life and the more feelings you had for them—regardless of their relationship to you—the greater the impact their loss is likely to have.

Losing a spouse or partner

In addition to the emotional impact of grief, when you lose a spouse or romantic partner, you often have to deal with the stress of practical considerations such as funeral arrangements and financial issues , too. You may also have to explain your spouse’s death to your children and find a way to comfort them while simultaneously dealing with your own heartache.

Losing a romantic partner also means grieving the loss of your daily lifestyle, the loss of a shared history, and the loss of a future planned together. You may feel alone, despairing, and worried about the future. You could even feel guilty about somehow having failed to protect your partner, or angry at your loved one for leaving you.

Losing a parent

For younger children, losing a mother or father can be one of the most traumatic things that can happen in childhood. The death of the person you relied on, the person who loved you unconditionally, can shake your foundations and leave a huge, frightening void in your world. It’s also common for young children to blame themselves for a parent’s death, prolonging the pain of grief.

Even as an adult child, losing a parent can be extremely distressing. It’s easy to feel lost and for all those old childhood insecurities to suddenly return. You may gain some solace if your parent had a long and fulfilling life, but their death can also cause you to consider your own mortality. If you’ve lost both parents, you’re suddenly part of the older generation, a generation without parents, and you’re left to grieve your youth as well. And if your relationship with your parent wasn’t an easy one, their death can leave you wrestling with a host of conflicting emotions.

Losing a child

The loss of a child is always devastating. You’re not just losing the person they were, you’re also losing the years of promise, hopes, and dreams that lay ahead. The grief can be more intense, the bereavement process harder to navigate, and the trauma more acute .

As a parent, you feel responsible for your child’s health and safety, so the sense of guilt can often be overwhelming. Whether you lost your child in a miscarriage, as an infant, or after they’d grown up and left home, losing a child carries an additional weight of injustice. It feels unnatural for a parent to outlive their child, making it that much harder to find meaning and come to terms with their death.

Losing a child can also put a huge strain your relationship with your spouse or partner and make parenting any surviving children emotionally challenging.

Losing a friend

Close friendships bring joy, understanding, and companionship into our lives. In fact, they’re vital to our health and well-being, so it’s no wonder we can feel their loss so gravely.

When a close friend dies, though, it’s easy to feel marginalized, the closeness of your relationship not given the same significance as a family member or romantic partner. This can lead to what’s called disenfranchised grief , where your loss is devalued or you feel judged or stigmatized for feeling the loss so deeply.

Losing someone to suicide

The shock following a suicide can seem overwhelming. As well as mourning the loss of your loved one, you may also be struggling to come to terms with the nature of their death and the stigma that suicide can still carry.

While you may always be left with some unanswered questions about your loved one’s suicide, there are ways to resolve your grief and even gain some level of acceptance. Read: Suicide Grief.

Whatever your relationship to the person who died, it’s important to remember that we all grieve in different ways. There’s no single way to react. When you lose someone important in your life, it’s okay to feel how you feel. Some people express their pain by crying, others never shed a tear—but that doesn’t mean they feel the loss any less.

Don’t judge yourself, think that you should be behaving in a different way, or try to impose a timetable on your grief. Grieving someone’s death takes time. For some people, that time is measured in weeks or months, for others it’s in years.

Allow yourself to feel . The bereavement and mourning process can trigger many intense and unexpected emotions. But the pain of your grief won’t go away faster if you ignore it. In fact, trying to do so may only make things worse in the long run. To eventually find a way to come to terms with your loss, you’ll need to actively face the pain. As bereavement counselor and writer Earl Grollman put it, “The only cure for grief is to grieve.”

Grief doesn’t always move through stages . You may have read about the different “stages of grief” —usually denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, many people find that grief following the death of a loved one isn’t nearly that predictable. For some, grief can come in waves or feel more like an emotional rollercoaster. For others, it can move through some stages but not others. Don’t think that you should be feeling a certain way at a certain time.

[Read: Coping with Grief and Loss]

Prepare for painful reminders . Some days the pain of your bereavement may seem more manageable than others. Then a reminder such as a photo, a piece of music, or a simple memory can trigger a wave of painful emotions again. While you can’t plan ahead for such reminders, you can be prepared for an upcoming holiday, anniversary, or birthday that may reignite your grief. Talk to other friends and family ahead of time and agree on the best ways to mark such occasions.

Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one . Finding a way to continue forward with your life doesn’t mean your pain will end or your loved one will be forgotten. Most of us carry our losses with us throughout life; they become part of who we are. The pain should gradually become easier to bear, but the memories and the love you had for the person will always remain.

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When you lose someone you love, it’s normal to want to cut yourself off from others and retreat into your shell. But this is no time to be alone. Even when you don’t feel able to talk about your loss, simply being around other people who care about you can provide comfort and help ease the burden of bereavement.

Reaching out to those who care about you can also be an important first step on the road to healing. While some friends and relatives may be uncomfortable with your grief, plenty of others will be eager to lend support. Talking about your thoughts and feelings won’t make you a burden. Rather, it can help you make sense of your loved one’s death and find ways to honor their memory.

Lean on friends and family . Even those closest to you can struggle to know how to help during a time of bereavement, so don’t hesitate to tell others what you need—whether it’s helping with funeral arrangements or just being around to talk. If you don’t feel you have anyone you can lean on for support at this difficult time, look to widen your social network and build new friendships .

Focus on those who are “good listeners” . When you’re grieving the loss of a close friend or family member, the most important thing is to feel heard by those you confide in. But the raw emotion of your grief can make some people very uncomfortable. That discomfort can cause them to avoid you, say thoughtless or hurtful things, or lose patience when you talk about your loss. Don’t use their actions as a reason to isolate, though. Turn to those who are better able to listen and provide comfort.

Join a bereavement support group . Even when you have support from those closest to you, family and friends may not always know the best ways to help. Sharing your grief with others who have experienced similar losses can help you feel less alone in your pain. By listening to others share their stories, you can also gain valuable coping tips. To find a support group in your area, contact nearby hospitals, funeral homes, or counseling centers, or call a bereavement hotline listed below.

Talk to a bereavement counselor . If you’re struggling to accept your loss or your grief feels overwhelming, try talking to a bereavement or grief therapist —in-person or via video conferencing online. Confiding in a professional can help you work through emotions that may be too difficult to share with family or friends, deal with any unresolved issues from your loved one’s death, and find healthier ways to adapt to life following your loss.

[Read: Online Therapy: Is it Right for You?]

Draw comfort from your religion . If you’re religious, the specific mourning rituals of your faith can provide comfort and draw you together with others to share your grief. Attending religious services, reading spiritual texts, praying, meditating, or talking to a clergy member can also offer great comfort and help you derive meaning from your loved one’s death.

Using social media for grief support

Memorial pages on Facebook and other social media sites have become popular ways to inform a wide audience of a loved one’s passing and to find support. As well as allowing you to impart practical information, such as funeral plans, these pages allow friends and loved ones to post their own tributes or condolences. Reading such messages can often provide comfort for those grieving the loss.

Of course, posting sensitive content on social media has its risks. Memorial pages are often open to anyone. This may encourage people who hardly knew the deceased to post well-meaning but inappropriate comments or advice. Worse, memorial pages can also attract Internet trolls. There have been many well-publicized cases of strangers posting cruel or abusive messages on memorial pages.

[Read: Social Media and Mental Health]

To gain some protection on Facebook, for example, you can opt to create a closed group rather than a public page. This means people have to be approved by a group member before they can access the memorial. It’s also important to remember that while social media can be a useful tool for reaching out to others, it can’t replace the face-to-face support you need at this time.

Rituals such as a funeral or memorial service can fulfill important functions, allowing you to acknowledge and reflect on the person’s passing, remember their life, and say goodbye. In the period after a funeral, however, your grief can often become even more intense. Often, other people may appear to have moved on, while you’re left struggling to make sense of your “new normal”.

Remembering your loved one doesn’t have to end with the funeral, though. Finding ways of celebrating the person you loved can help maintain their memory and provide comfort as you move through the grieving process.

Keep a journal or write a letter to your loved one . Saying the things you never got to say to your loved one in life can provide an important emotional release and help you make sense of what you’re feeling.

Create a memorial . Building a memorial to your loved one, creating a website or blog, or compiling a photo album or scrapbook to highlight the love you shared can help promote healing. Planting flowers or a tree in your loved one’s memory can be particularly rewarding, allowing you to watch something grow and flourish as you tend to it.

Build a legacy . Starting a campaign or fundraiser in your loved one’s name, volunteering for a cause that was important to them, or donating to a charity they supported, for example, can help you find meaning in their loss. It can also add a sense of purpose as you move forward with your own life.

Continue to do things you used to do together . Perhaps you used to go to sports events with your loved one, listen to music, or take long walks together? There’s comfort in routine, so when it’s not too painful, continuing to do these things can be a way to mark your loved one’s life.

Remember your loved one in simple ways . Even simple acts such as lighting a candle, visiting a favorite place, or marking an important date can help the healing process.

When you’re grieving the death of a loved one, it’s easy to neglect your own health and welfare. But the stress, trauma, and intense emotions you’re dealing with at the moment can impact your immune system, affect your diet and sleep, and take a heavy toll on your overall mental and physical health.

Neglecting your well-being may even prolong the grieving process and make you more susceptible to depression or complicated grief. You’ll also find it harder to provide comfort to children or other vulnerable family members who are also grieving. However, there are simple steps you can take to nurture your health at this time.

Manage stress . It’s probably the last thing you feel like doing at the moment, but exercising is a powerful antidote to stress—and can help you sleep better at night. Relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, and yoga are also effective ways to ease anguish and worry.

Spend time in nature . Immersing yourself in nature and spending time in green spaces can be a calming, soothing experience when you’re grieving. Try gardening, hiking, or walking in a park or woodland.

Pursue interests that enrich your life . Hobbies, sports, and other interests that add meaning and purpose to your life can bring a comforting routine back to your life following the upheaval of bereavement. They can also help connect you with others and nurture your spirit.

Eat and sleep well . Eating a healthy diet and getting enough rest at night can have a huge impact on your ability to cope with grief. If you’re struggling to sleep at this difficult time, there are supplements and sleep aids that may be able to help—just try not to rely on them for too long.

Avoid using alcohol or drugs to cope . While it’s tempting to use substances to help numb your grief and self-medicate your pain, in the long run excessive alcohol and drug use will only hamper your ability to grieve. Try using HelpGuide’s free Emotional Intelligence Toolkit as a healthier way to manage your emotions.

You may never truly get over the death of someone you love. But as time passes, it’s normal for difficult emotions such as sadness or anger to gradually ease as you begin to accept your loss and move forward with your life.

However, if you aren’t feeling better over time, or your pain is getting worse, it may be a sign that your grief has developed into a more serious problem, such as complicated grief or major depression.

Grief vs. depression

Distinguishing between grief and depression isn’t always easy as they share many symptoms, but there are ways to tell the difference:

• Grief can be a roller coaster. It involves a wide variety of emotions and a mix of good and bad days. Even when you’re in the middle of the grieving process, you will still have moments of pleasure or happiness.
• With depression , on the other hand, the feelings of emptiness and despair are constant.

[Read: Depression Symptoms and Warning Signs]

Other symptoms that suggest depression, not just grief, include:

• Intense, pervasive sense of guilt.
• Thoughts of suicide or a preoccupation with dying.
• Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness.
• Slow speech and body movements.
• Inability to function at home, work, or school.
• Seeing or hearing things that aren’t there.

While the sadness of losing someone you love never goes away completely, it shouldn’t remain center stage. If the pain of the loss is so constant and severe that it keeps you from resuming your life, you may be suffering from a condition known as complicated grief or persistent complex bereavement disorder .

Complicated grief is like being stuck in an intense state of mourning. You may have trouble accepting the death long after it has occurred or be so preoccupied with the person who died that it disrupts your daily routine and undermines your other relationships.

Symptoms of complicated grief include:

• Intense longing and yearning for your deceased loved one.
• Intrusive thoughts or images of the person.
• Denial of the death or sense of disbelief.
• Imagining that your loved one is alive.
• Searching for the deceased in familiar places.
• Avoiding things that remind you of your loved one.
• Extreme anger or bitterness over your loss.
• Feeling that life is empty or meaningless.

Complicated grief and trauma

If your loved one’s death was sudden, violent, or otherwise extremely stressful or disturbing, complicated grief can manifest as psychological trauma or PTSD.

Being traumatized from the loss of a loved one can leave you feeling helpless and struggling with upsetting emotions, memories, and anxiety that won’t go away. But with the right guidance, you can make healing changes and move on with your life.

If you’re experiencing symptoms of complicated grief, trauma, or clinical depression, talk to a mental health professional right away. Left untreated, these conditions can lead to significant emotional damage, life-threatening health problems, and even suicide. But treatment can help you get better.

[Read: Finding a Therapist Who can Help You Heal]

Contact a bereavement counselor or therapist if you:

• Feel like life isn’t worth living.
• Wish you had died with your loved one.
• Blame yourself for the loss or for failing to prevent it.
• Feel numb and disconnected for more than a few weeks.
• Are having difficulty trusting others since your loss.
• Are unable to perform your normal daily activities.

Crisis Call Center  at 775-784-8090

Cruse Bereavement Care  at 0808 808 1677

GriefLine  at (03) 9935 7400

Other support

Find a GriefShare group meeting near you  – Worldwide directory of support groups for people grieving the death of a family member or friend. (GriefShare)

Find Support  – Directory of programs and support groups in the U.S. for children experiencing grief and loss. (National Alliance for Grieving Children)

Chapter Locator  for finding help for grieving the loss of a child in the U.S. and  International Support  for finding help in other countries. (The Compassionate Friends)

If you're feeling suicidal…

Seek help immediately. Please read  Suicide Help , talk to someone you trust, or call a suicide helpline:

• In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255.
• In the UK, call 08457 90 90 90.
• In Australia, call 13 11 14.
• Or visit  IASP  to find a helpline in your country.

More Information

• Grief and Loss - A guide to preparing for and mourning the death of a loved one. (Harvard Medical School Special Health Report)
• Death and Grief - Article for teens on how to cope with grief and loss. (TeensHealth)
• Grief: Coping with Reminders after a Loss - Tips for coping with the grief that can resurface even years after you’ve lost a loved one. (Mayo Clinic)
• Life after Loss: Dealing with Grief - Guide to coping with grief and loss. (University of Texas Counseling and Mental Health Center)
• Bereavement - Symptoms, causes, and treatment. (Psychology Today)
• Bereavement and Grief - Mourning the loss of a loved one. (Mental Health America)
• Understanding Grief - Articles to help you cope with the grieving process. (Cruse Bereavement Care)
• Depressive Disorders. (2013). In Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders . American Psychiatric Association. Link
• Zisook, S., & Shear, K. (2009). Grief and bereavement: What psychiatrists need to know. World Psychiatry, 8 (2), 67–74. Link
• Stroebe, M., Schut, H., & Stroebe, W. (2007). Health outcomes of bereavement. The Lancet, 370 (9603), 1960–1973. Link
• Simon, N. M., Wall, M. M., Keshaviah, A., Dryman, M. T., LeBlanc, N. J., & Shear, M. K. (2011). Informing the symptom profile of complicated grief. Depression and Anxiety, 28 (2), 118–126. Link
• Simon, N. M. (2013). Treating Complicated Grief. JAMA, 310 (4), 416–423. Link
• Corr, C. A. (1999). Enhancing the Concept of Disenfranchised Grief. OMEGA – Journal of Death and Dying, 38 (1), 1–20. Link
• Johansson, A. K., & Grimby, A. (2012). Anticipatory grief among close relatives of patients in hospice and palliative wards. The American Journal of Hospice & Palliative Care, 29 (2), 134–138. Link

More in Grief & Loss

Understanding the grieving process and learning to heal

Surviving the tragedy and trauma of suicide

Grieving the loss of a dog, cat, or other beloved pet

Grieving and moving on after a relationship ends

Support others through bereavement, grief, and loss

Advice for Alzheimer’s caregivers from Patti Davis, best-selling author of The Long Goodbye

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BetterHelp makes starting therapy easy. Take the assessment and get matched with a professional, licensed therapist.

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Thoughtful Words to Comfort Someone Who Lost a Loved One

CaringBridge Staff | 10.05.23

Losing a loved one carves a deep void, a space that words often struggle to fill. In the vast silence of grief, sometimes a simple phrase can serve as a gentle handhold to show support.

Often, it isn’t about finding the “perfect” words. It’s about offering momentary solace during a time of grief and loss.

There are several heartfelt and thoughtful sentiments that you can say to somebody who is experiencing the loss of a loved one. These words are not intended to erase the pain but to remind them that they are not alone amidst it all. We asked the CaringBridge community to share the words they offer to comfort during life’s most challenging times.

Words to Comfort Someone Who Recently Lost a Loved One

The power of “i’m so sorry”.

At its core, “I’m so sorry” speaks directly to a universal need – the yearning for acknowledgment during times of pain. When someone is healing from the loss of a loved one, they’re often trapped in a whirlwind of emotions.

By simply stating, “I’m so sorry,” you actively recognize their pain without trying to gloss over it, change it or offer solutions. It’s an honest, unadorned sentiment that doesn’t pretend to understand the depth of their grief, but instead stands beside them in it.

Share your positive memories of their loved one

At the most basic level, sharing memories provides an opportunity for the bereaved to talk about their loved one who passed away. This can be a gift for those who cannot think about anything else amidst their immense grief.

Additionally, sharing positive memories of a loved one offers a bridge to happier times. Reminiscing about positive moments or shared experiences rekindles the warmth and light of the departed. It’s a gentle reminder that the person they mourn had a life filled with joy, laughter and moments worth celebrating.

“Sharing stories of the person is a wonderful gift to those missing that loved one.” Teresa D. P.

Validate their grief

When mourning, individuals can grapple with questions of whether their reactions are too intense, prolonged or out of place.

Actively validating their grief can reassure them that their emotions are both natural and justified. Instead of skirting around the raw edges of their pain, it addresses them head-on. You emphasize the legitimacy of their feelings in the face of loss.

Acknowledging someone’s grief is akin to shining a light on a shadowed path, illuminating its reality and significance.

“‘This is awful.’ (I really appreciated this searing honesty when my husband died. Because it was awful, and I didn’t want to hear anything else but the truth.)” Amy M. L.

Ask them about their loved one’s life 

When you ask about a loved one’s life, you’re doing more than just seeking information; you’re inviting stories to be retold, ensuring their life lives on. In the aftermath of a loss, there’s an innate desire to ensure that the departed isn’t forgotten.

Inquiring about their favorite memory gives the bereaved an opportunity to celebrate the nuances, achievements and moments that defined their loved one. Remind them that their loved one is far from forgotten.

Check in frequently, especially after a few weeks or months

In the immediate aftermath of a loss, there’s often an outpouring of support. While comforting, it can sometimes be overwhelming. However, as days turn to weeks, that spotlight fades, leaving many in quiet solitude with their grief.

By checking in a few weeks, even months later, you acknowledge that mourning has no expiration date. It’s a gesture showcasing that you recognize the journey of healing and that your concerns weren’t just a fleeting moment of sympathy.

Offer to help with specific tasks

In the wake of losing a loved one, the weight of everyday responsibilities can become overwhelming. Offering specific help, such as grocery shopping, lawn mowing or babysitting, lightens their load.

Instead of presenting vague offers like “let me know if you need anything,” proposing specific tasks (or just doing them) showcases your genuine intention of support. This outreach allows the grieving person not to feel like they’re imposing when they reach out for help.

You may decide to rally friends and family to help with small tasks. Consider using a no-cost health platform, like CaringBridge . You can use CaringBridge posts to coordinate tasks for their family and friends to help them out with, like mowing the lawn or walking their dog.

Provide meals for the bereaved

After a loved one passes, grief and mourning can often take center stage, leaving daily tasks like making family dinner to the wayside. Consider lending a helping hand by making ready-to-make dinners for the family.

Whether it’s a crockpot dinner or a set of frozen bakes, a small gesture like this can go a long way for a person coping with the death of a loved one.

You may decide to use CaringBridge to coordinate meal sign-ups with friends and family. Not only can it help with delegating tasks, but you can also adjust privacy settings to speak only to the loved ones who you’d like to see the requests. This can help you deliver meals to your person in need without messaging everyone who visits the page.

When you speak about them, say their loved one’s name out loud

When sharing stories and memories, consider saying their loved one’s name. Hearing their stories and keeping their name alive can help make their presence feel that much stronger.

Sometimes, simply sit and listen

In the realm of grief, words can sometimes fall short, and attempts to comfort can often muddle the healing process. By choosing to simply sit and listen, you’re offering a space that’s free from judgments, expectations or the pressure to “move on.”

Sitting and listening is an affirmation that you recognize the depth of their pain. You’re willing to bear witness to it without the need to interject or redirect their emotions. Your presence becomes a safe space where they can express their raw emotions without fear of misinterpretation.

“Sometimes you just have to sit quietly and let them hold your hand.” Joyce H.

What to Avoid Saying to Someone Who is Grieving a Loved One

Navigating conversations around loss can feel like walking a delicate tightrope. Our desire to console often wrestles with the challenge of finding the right words. While our intentions may be pure, certain phrases can potentially magnify pain or alienate the grieving individual.

With this in mind, it’s important to be mindful of words and sentiments that may not provide the comfort we intend. Below, we’ll explore expressions best avoided when aiming to truly support someone mourning a loved one.

“They’re in a better place”

While “they’re in a better place” often stems from a place of comfort and hope, it carries assumptions that might not resonate with everyone. It presumes a specific belief about the afterlife and, more critically, overlooks the immediate pain the person is experiencing.

By stating this, you may accidentally diminish the rawness of their current emotions. You might suggest that they should find solace in a perspective they may not share or aren’t ready to embrace.

“Everything happens for a reason”

Saying the words “everything happens for a reason” aims to find a silver lining in life’s challenges. Yet, it risks dismissing their feelings by implying that the grieving person must find the “bright side” or the “meaning” of their deeply painful experience.

By suggesting this, we actively impose an overly positive rationale onto an event that likely feels painful to the bereaved. Instead of alleviating their sorrow, it may belittle their feelings, insinuating they should find a deeper purpose in their immense loss.

“You’ll meet again”

Promising someone in grief that “you’ll meet again” is steeped in the desire to offer comfort; however, this statement assumes a spiritual or religious perspective that might not align with the mourner’s beliefs

Loss is an incredibly personal experience, and not every person finds comfort in the notion of an afterlife or reunion beyond this world.

“It’s all a part of God’s plan”

Some may find the notion of “God’s plan” disheartening during their time of mourning. They may feel that their personal pain is being downplayed by implying that their loved one was “supposed” to pass away.

Even those who hold religious beliefs might grapple with doubt, anger, or confusion toward the divine in moments of loss. During such grief, some may feel offended by the notion that their loved one was destined to pass away.

Telling them it’s all part of a larger spiritual plan can exacerbate these feelings, making them feel isolated or misunderstood in their spiritual journey.

“I know how you feel”

When you see someone you care about struggling with a loss, it’s natural to want to empathize with them; however, by saying, “I know how you feel,” you minimize their unique experience of grief.

No matter how parallel our experiences, each loss is deeply personal. Instead of trying to understand through personal experience, just listening to them can do so much more.

“I don’t know what to say”

While “I don’t know what to say” might seem like an honest admission of our own vulnerability in the face of another’s grief, it shifts the focus from the bereaved to ourselves. The one suffering might perceive this statement as a retreat from their pain, leaving them to feel more isolated.

Admitting you don’t know what to say may also make the grieving person feel they have to hide their own emotions due to your (perceived) discomfort.

Those grieving seek a steady presence; they don’t need someone to say the perfect thing. Try giving a hug or another form of affection to let them know you’re here for them.

What Words Would You Share?

Navigating the intricate pathways of grief requires sensitivity, patience and genuine empathy. As we’ve explored, the words we choose to share can uplift those we cherish.

What words or gestures have offered you solace after experiencing a loss? What would you share with those who are currently going through the grief of losing a loved one? Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments.

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Home — Essay Samples — Life — Grief — A Story about Losing a Loved One

A Story About Losing a Loved One

• Categories: Grief Personal Experience

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Published: Feb 7, 2024

Words: 469 | Page: 1 | 3 min read

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How to write an obituary: what to say about the life of a loved one.

Summarizing a loved one’s life can feel like an impossible task, especially when you’re grieving. It’s even more challenging when you’re not used to writing meaningful stories every day. And that’s what an obituary really is—a true story about someone who mattered to you.

Because you’re here, you’ve probably been given the responsibility of putting the obituary together on top of experiencing the mourning process yourself. Our hearts go out to you. But writing a meaningful obituary can also feel very cathartic: Think of it as a way to revisit good memories, share old stories and find some comfort.

Inspired? Create and share by tagging @HallmarkStores .

We have some ideas on how to represent your family member or friend in a way that feels genuine. We hope this can help and guide you as you begin to tell their story.

• How to Announce a Death on Social Media
• What to Write in an Obituary
• How to Write an Obituary with Personality

How to Announce a Death on Social Media  

The first way many people widely share news about a loved one’s death is on social media or a blog (either personal or a site like CaringBridge).  

A death announcement on social media can be short and simple, with a note that more information—like service details and a full obituary—is to come. This initial message is just about getting the word out.

Essentials to include in a social media death announcement:

• Who the person was to you (parent, sibling, grandparent, friend, etc.).
• That they’ve passed away. (How much detail you include is entirely up to you.)
• Positive attributes, a few heartfelt words or how you’re feeling.  
• Optional: A photo and any important details or links you want to share, like an obituary or blog post with more information, such as CaringBridge.

Examples of what to write in a social media death announcement:

• Dearest friends and family, we are deeply saddened to announce that our adored dad, Sonny Silvercreek, passed away Friday night, leaving behind many memories with those he loved.
• Sad news: My sister left this earth late last evening. She was never a morning person, so true to her night-owl self, she flew off in the wee hours to her next adventure. For those who didn’t know, Rosemary was living with a kidney condition that caused her to say goodbye way too soon. (Read Rosemary’s story on her CaringBridge page.) Thank you for your support.
• To my family and friends: It is with a very heavy heart that I share that our Jaime left this life yesterday afternoon. They struggled fitting into this world, but it never took away from the world of blessings they gave to us. Jaime, we love you and hope you have finally found everlasting peace and joy.  

What to Write in an Obituary  

An obituary can be traditional and straightforward or expressive and full of personality—or anywhere in between. Below, we’ll cover the expected parts of an obituary and provide examples of writing for you to personalize or use as thought-starters.  

Start with the facts

Obituaries typically begin with information about who someone was and the announcement that they’ve died. These are the most common:    

• Name: Preferably their full name, plus any nicknames, maiden names or changed names. Allow for prefixes and suffixes, like Dr., Sir, Rev., Jr., etc. Use proper pronouns, and if there’s any question, ask family for clarification.
• Age: This can be done by simply stating it, noting their birth and death dates or doing both.
• Who they were: This can include a range of roles, both personal and professional. Examples: Father, mom, teacher, skydiver, chef, friend, baby sister, peacemaker, party planner, etc.  
• Date they died: This is optional and can be omitted if there are concerns about publishing too much info.
• Where they lived and died: You can include the city or cities they were born and lived in, and mention details such as that they died “peacefully, surrounded by family and friends” or “at St. Luke’s hospice care community.”
• How they died: This is also optional and entirely based on your preferences. People will be curious, but that doesn’t mean it’s their right to know.  

A simple introduction that incorporates these facts can be personal and make a powerful statement about someone’s life. For example:

• Gene Romano III, age 87, of Tybee Island, Georgia, passed away on March 3, 2022, from complications during surgery. Born on February 10, 1935, Gene was blessed to have many roles as a husband, father, grandfather, brother, son and friend.
• Feisty right up to the end, Chris Young gave cancer a fight like it’s never seen. She was a young 46, but an old soul who made every day count.
• Daughter, sister, fur mama and friend, Elaine Ceballos, left this world loved on June 5, 2022.

Family and loved ones

Including the people your loved one loved is another way to honor their life and to acknowledge those who are grieving.  

Start with those who preceded them in death. If you’re wondering how far back to go, first think about immediate family—like a child, mom, stepmom, dad, stepdad, grandparent, sibling, spouse or fiance. Your loved one might also have lost a companion or life partner decades ago, a best friend that they talked to every day or even a significant pet that would be respectful to mention.  

Then list surviving family members—including chosen family.Choose a family member or a few to work with on the list. Do your best to come to an agreement that works for everyone. Most of the time, it’s better to over-include than under-include.  

• Current spouse, children and stepchildren (along with children’s spouses or partners), parents, stepparents, siblings, grandparents, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, etc.
• First husband or wife, if there are children involved or if there was still a friendship or some other unique circumstance.
• Partners in life, whether officially married or not.
• Anyone not in the “traditional” list but who was very important to the deceased. Chosen family might include best friends, favorite uncles or aunts, a beloved mentor, a supportive group of buddies, beloved pets, etc.
• Current pets: You’ll know when this is appropriate—we all can picture the people whose pets are their world, so don’t be shy about including them.

Here are some examples of how to list family members in an obituary:

• Allie is preceded in death by her brother-in-law, Mack Ross. She is survived by her daughter, Liza Stapinski; Liza’s dad, Joe Stapinski; sisters, Laura Lynn Schroeder Ross and Jacquelyn Schroeder McKinley (Ryan); father, Dr. Aaron Schroeder; mother, Simone Mercier; stepmom, Logan Schroeder; and many beloved family and friends.
• Sophie is preceded in death by her mom, Adelaide Davis, and her precious schnauzer, Turbo. She is survived by a long list of people who loved her, including, but not limited to: dad, Hugh Cohen of Lawrence; siblings, Will Cohen (Luna) of Shreveport, Collin Cohen (Bridget) of Savannah, Charlie Cohen (Vivian) of Jackson, Aubrey Cohen of Houston; stepdad, Guy Smith of Fayetteville; bestie, Jenn MacLewen of Atlantic City; and her boisterous book club sisters of Springfield.
• Jack is preceded in death by his grandma, Harriet Irwin. He is survived by his father, Rowan Bleu; mother, Ann Bleu; brothers, Ken Bleu (Tracy) and Danny Bleu (Jo); bonus child, Tyrell Waters; and wild child collie, Mischief.

Life and accomplishments

It’s hard to know where to start, so start with what you know. Think of how they would have wanted to be remembered and let that spark some ideas.   

Make a list of the most important things.Share the gems, the rare and wonderful things they did, what made people love them and how they loved others. Here are some questions to get you started:

• Where did their life begin…and where did it take them?
• What were their family and important relationships like, and how did they grow or change over time?
• What was school like? Were they a high school rebel, did they have multiple degrees or were they self-taught?  
• What did they do to make a living? What impact did it have on them—or how did they impact their workplace or community?   
• What were they known for among their friends and family? Interesting hobbies? Volunteering? Memorable stories, sayings or habits?
• What did they believe in? What mattered the most to them?

Here are some examples of what to write about someone’s life in an obituary:

• Mrs. DuBose was a dedicated sports fan—she cheered on countless games featuring her children and grandchildren, as well as every Kansas City sports team. She loved to bake and would not have dreamed of showing up to a family event or tailgate without her legendary caramel cake. She was a member of First Baptist Church, where she enjoyed singing hymns with the senior choir and attending Sunday school.
• Arthur grew up in Indianapolis, attended Westport High School, then joined the Marines once he graduated. After serving several tours of duty, he pursued his passion of making the most beautiful bamboo furniture. Some of his designs were even featured on celebrity social media accounts. Arthur played soccer his whole life, loved the outdoors and hated dressing up. More than anything, he adored his family. And they adored him.
• Nobody was more into fashion than Annabelle. A style maven through and through, our girl never looked bad and always made everyone else feel good. Her beauty was more than skin deep, though. After graduating from the University of Mississippi with a degree in Mass Communications, Annabelle started a nonprofit that supported young business entrepreneurs. When she wasn’t changing the world, Annabelle spent time painting in watercolor and loving on her cute kitten, Howard.

Share details of the service and special requests

It’s important to share details as soon as you can so friends and family can make plans to attend or memorialize the deceased.  

Include information about the visitation, funeral services, burial and/or the celebration of life—which might happen a few months down the road depending on schedules. If your plans aren’t yet finalized, reassure people that you’ll share info as soon as possible. Once you have it, be sure to include:

• Type of event: Visitation, wake, funeral, private burial, celebration of life, shiva, etc.
• Location: Include the name of the place, plus any directions or maps.
• Date and time: If mourners are coming from other parts of the country, verify the time zone so no one’s confused.

You can also share special requests or ways the family would like loved ones to remember the deceased:  

• “Flowers not required but always appreciated,” or “No flowers, please” or “In lieu of flowers, please…”  
• Donations to specific foundations or philanthropies.
• Kind gestures.
• What to bring or share, including photos, memories and food.

Visitation will be Thursday, December 1, from 5–9 p.m. and Friday, December 2, from 4–6 p.m. at the Christ Church Community Center. Funeral services will be held Saturday, December 3, at 11 a.m. at Christ Church in the main chapel. Burial immediately following. Lunch will be provided in the church Fellowship Hall for those who’d like to gather and share favorite stories. In lieu of flowers, please donate to Rae’s favorite environmental organization: [insert donation website and/or mailing address here].

How to Write an Obituary with Personality  

There are many ways to personalize an obituary, but there are a few easy ways to capture who your loved one really was and how they lived.

Deliver the details

By including personal details, you make your loved one’s story come alive. Think about:  

• What they were known for. Maybe your loved one performed acts of kindness you want to share. Or believed in angels. Or were steadfastly optimistic about their favorite team’s chances.
• Being precise. Why write someone “loved to cook” when you can write about that one favorite dish they made only for the most special occasions? Look for information you can change from vague to specific.
• Getting descriptive. For example, turn “enjoyed” into “displayed an encyclopedic knowledge of” or “giggled excitedly over.”  

Write in a real voice

Voice captures someone’s point of view, the words they choose and the emotions and rhythms in their speech. For an obituary, you can use your unique voice—or borrow your loved one’s style. Here are some tips:

• Make it conversational. Pretend you’re telling your loved one’s story to a friend. Use real language and turns of phrase.  
• Write it out in the present tense. After it sounds like you want it to, switch to past tense.
• Include dialogue. This could mean adding a quote your loved one once said, borrowing their own language quirks or including part of a conversation you had.

Here are some examples of obituary writing that use details and voice to capture unique personalities:   

• His perfect day was a horse ride down the Sapphire Trail, followed by a neat whiskey—plenty of ice—on the porch, with Sinatra playing in the background.
• They were a peacemaker, through and through. Except if you ordered pineapple on pizza. Then, Lord have mercy on your soul.
• Kit’s dream was to be a professional figure skater when she grew up. Even though she didn’t get to do that here, we think our little girl is twirling her toes off in Heaven.

Go completely off script

This is permission—just in case you need it—to trust yourself and your own language style when writing an obituary. Here are a few examples of nontraditional obituaries:  

• No one knew more about Jane Austen than Edith did. Except for maybe Jane Austen. She visited the famous novelist’s homeplace twice and read all of her books way more than twice! In Edith’s memory, we’d love to have a proper British tea. Please bring a Jane Austen quote to share. For now, we’ll leave you with this one: “It is such happiness when good people get together.”
• Colette Park was a delightful girl, dancer, dreamer, artist, discoverer of “animal clouds,” ice cream aficionado and best friend to her fur sibling, Rufus. Colette will be remembered for all the things she was…and mourned for the things she could’ve been. We won’t focus on the end of her life, but instead on the beautiful eight years we were blessed to have her. To honor our sweet girl’s memory, you can donate to [insert philanthropy] in her name.
• Brian’s memory was so amazing that even elephants were jealous. He remembered the most random stories and names we couldn’t recall and never forgot a face. This is one of many reasons, Brian, that we’ll always remember you.

Paying formal tribute to someone’s life is a big responsibility. But what really matters is that you give it your best, with empathy and respect for your family and the person you’ve lost. Your loved one was special and your writing will be, too, when you do it with love.

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Words to comfort someone who lost a loved one (and what not to say).

Grief can be a hard pill to swallow for those experiencing it firsthand; some days it goes down easy, and others it gets lodged in the throat.

Grief can also be challenging for bystanders, as the right words to comfort someone who lost a loved one don't always come easy. 

The hard truth is, there's nothing you can say to make grief easier for a friend or loved one, but that doesn't mean your words fall on deaf ears.

Words of sympathy, and even short condolence messages sent via text or a card let them know you're there and thinking of them. If you're stumbling over your words, here is a good place to start.

What to say to comfort someone who lost a loved one

If you want to offer condolences and express your deepest sympathy but draw a blank when figuring out what to say when someone passes away or what to write in a sympathy card, you're not alone.

According to New York City–based grief and trauma therapist Gina Moffa, author of Moving On Doesn't Mean Letting Go: A Modern Guide to Navigating Loss , our society as a whole has not been taught how to contend with loss.

It's like the age-old question, if you don't love yourself, how can you love someone else? If you don't know how to grieve a loved one, how could you possibly know how to support someone else doing the same? 

"Ideally, we show up as us ," Moffa tells mbg. Creating the "right" things to say can often make it feel very removed and formal, and at the end of the day, someone going through loss needs to be reminded that they are still connected.

"It's OK to say, 'I'm so sorry for your loss,' but I encourage you to add more to it—a simple, 'I am thinking of you during this time' can be an add-on to let them know you are present with them."

General phrases to say:

• "I'm thinking of you."
• "I'm so sorry for your loss."
• "I can't imagine what you're going through." 
• "I love you."
• "One of my favorite memories with [loved one] is when…"
• "I am here to support you in any way I can."
• "Please remember to take care of yourself through this difficult time."
• "You, your family, and all who knew [loved one] are in my thoughts and prayers."
• "I'm sending you love and strength during this difficult time."
• "When you're ready to talk, I'm here."
• "Everything you're feeling is justified."
• "I hate that you're feeling this."
• "I'm so sorry you're going through this."
• "No matter what time of day or night, my phone is on. Please don't hesitate to call or text me."
• "Your relationship was so special. Keep those memories close."
• "I'm here to listen." 
• "Grief has no expiration date."
• "They'll always be with you."
• "It's OK not to be okay."
• "We'll get through this together."
• "You are not alone."
• "They knew how much you loved them." 
• "I wish I could take away your pain."
• "I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better." 
• "I'd like to be a part of your support system." 
• "I'd like to support you however I can, even if that means giving you space." 
• "What do you need the most right now?"
• "Take as long as you need to grieve and heal." 

Things to put in a sympathy card:

• "Thinking of you during this difficult time." 
• "My deepest condolences on the loss of [loved one]." 
• "My thoughts and prayers are with you during this time." 
• "Thinking of you as you celebrate the wonderful life of [loved one]." 
• "[Loved one] will be forever in our hearts." 
• "Wishing you moments of peace as you mourn the great loss of [loved one]."
• "I'm so sorry to hear about [loved one]."
• "I was deeply saddened to hear of [loved one]'s passing."
• "Words cannot express how deeply sorry I am for your loss."
• "May you find comfort in the memories you shared with one another. Keep them with you and hold them close." 

Comforting quotes about grief and loss:

When the right words are escaping you but you want to say something other than "I'm sorry," sometimes quotes about grief and loss from experts and authors can speak to your loved one's experience: 

• "What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us." —Helen Keller
• "A great soul serves everyone all the time. A great soul never dies. It brings us together again and again." —Maya Angelou
• "Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality." —Emily Dickinson
• "Grief is the price we pay for love." —Queen Elizabeth II
• "May you walk gently through the world, keeping your loved one with you always, knowing that you are never parted in the beating of your heart." —Apache grief blessing, author unknown
• "Death ends a life, not a relationship." —Mitch Albom
• "May there be comfort in knowing that someone so special will never be forgotten." —Julie Hebert
• "Those we love never truly leave us. There are things that death cannot touch." —Jack Thorne
• "How lucky I am that makes saying goodbye so hard." —Winnie the Pooh
• "Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim." —Vicki Harrison
• "You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to." —Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
• "In times of grief and sorrow, I will hold you and rock you and take your grief and make it my own. When you cry I cry and when you hurt I hurt. And together we will try to hold back the floods of tears and despair and make it through the potholed street of life." —Nicholas Sparks
• "It's so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone." —John Steinbeck

Things not to say to someone who lost a loved one

If you're still struggling to find the right words to say to someone who lost a loved one, it might help to be aware of what not to say.

While sentiments like "I know exactly how you feel" and "Everything happens for a reason" are well-intentioned, intuitive personal and corporate life coach Mason Farmani warns they can come off as dismissive or as minimizing the individual's pain. 

"Regardless of the age or circumstances of the deceased, every loss is valid and deserving of empathy and support," Farmani tells mbg.

Keeping that in mind, here are a few examples of things not to say to someone who lost a loved one:

• "They're in a better place."
• "They're at peace now."
• "They lived a long life."
• "I know how you feel."
• "Everything happens for a reason."
• "It was their time."
• "Give it time."
• "Time heals all wounds."
• "They're not suffering anymore."
• "This isn't goodbye , just see you later ."
• "You'll see them again someday."
• "Don't cry, it will be OK."
• "We may not always understand it, but God has a plan."
• "Be grateful for the time you did have with them."

Grief isn't linear, and your loved one may be feeling it for a while, in more ways than one

As much as we would love to take a friend or loved one's pain away while they're working through a loss, grief is personal.

On average, a person moves through the  five stages of grief 1 in the 24 months post-loss, but sometimes, grief leaves long-lasting responses, in which the intense feeling of loss persists and affects a person's ability to live their life.

This is called prolonged grief disorder , and while the support of loved ones can help, additional treatment options should be considered as well. 

While most people think of grief in terms of how it will emotionally impact an individual, loss can take a toll on a person's physical well-being too.

For example, according to research published in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine , symptoms of bereavement-related distress significantly increased participating individuals' systolic blood pressure (the pressure in your arteries when your heart beats) and diastolic blood pressure (the pressure in your arteries in between heartbeats).

In addition to cardiovascular effects, grief can change the biomarkers 2 of the loved ones of those who've passed, including their immune system, endocrinology, and autonomic nervous system. 

The more grief is felt, and the longer it prolongs, the more impact it will have on the individual's overall well-being. In addition to its emotional and physical effects, grief can also negatively impact a person's mental health.

This is especially true in those who lose a loved one early on in life , as the mental effects can disrupt their development and their ability to perform in school or work and lead to feelings of loneliness 3 , which can spiral into other dark thoughts and emotions.

So when words escape you, take action 

If you still find yourself at a loss for words, Moffa reminds us that actions speak louder, especially in times of grief. So, rather than send a sympathy card, do something to show you care. 

"While words can bring connection, doing something for someone enduring loss is even better," Moffa tells mbg over email. "If you know what kind of food they like, have some delivered. Drop off food, or take care of something you know they may need help with. Send a card, flowers, or a thoughtful token of your care."

The takeaway

No words can make the heartache of grief disappear, but as the saying goes, it's the thought that counts.

Reaching out with condolences and words of sympathy to comfort someone who has lost a loved one lets that person know you're thinking of them as they go through this difficult time. 

• https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/205661
• https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6844541/
• https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352250X21000725

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Boeing CEO addresses loved ones of plane crash victims

Outgoing boeing chief executive dave calhoun faced senate lawmakers and victims' family members tuesday over alleged safety concerns.

WATCH LIVE: Boeing CEO testifies on Capitol Hill amid safety investigations

David Calhoun answers lawmakers questions after mid-air mishaps and whistleblower deaths.

Outgoing Boeing CEO Dave Calhoun began his testimony before Senate lawmakers on Tuesday by addressing the loved ones of passengers who were killed in crashes involving the aerospace manufacturer's planes, as the company faces alleged safety concerns over its practices.

"Before I begin my opening remarks, I would like to speak directly to those who lost loved ones on Lion Air Flight 610 and Ethiopian Airlines Flight 302," Calhoun said in his prepared testimony before the Senate Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations .

Relatives of Boeing airplane crash victims demonstrate as Boeing President and CEO Dave Calhoun (R) arrives to testify during a Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee Investigations Subcommittee hearing to examine "Boeing's broke (SAMUEL CORUM/AFP via Getty Images / Getty Images)

Lion Air Flight 610 crashed into the Java Sea after taking off from Jakarta, Indonesia, in October 2018, and Ethiopian Airlines Flight 302 crashed in Ethiopia minutes after departure months later, in March 2019. Both flights involved the Boeing 737 Max 8 plane, and 346 people were killed between the two crashes.

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Several family members of victims in the crashes were present in the hearing room, and Calhoun stood up to face them to deliver his remarks to them.

Boeing President and CEO Dave Calhoun (front) addresses relatives of Boeing airplane crash victims before he testifies at a Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee Investigations Subcommittee hearing to examine "Boeing's broken sa (SAMUEL CORUM/AFP via Getty Images / Getty Images)

"I want to personally apologize, on behalf of everyone at Boeing," Calhoun told the victims' loved ones, who were holding signs with pictures of the victims' faces. "We are deeply sorry for your losses. Nothing is more important than the safety of the people who step on board our airplanes. Every day we seek to honor the memory of those lost through a steadfast commitment to safety and quality."

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Before the hearing began, relatives of the crash victims held a press conference to bring attention to Boeing's safety issues, saying the company has not improved its quality controls since the crashes that occurred five years ago. Calhoun acknowledged during his testimony that Boeing is responsible for both crashes.

Dave Calhoun, CEO of Boeing, is sworn in to the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations hearing on "Boeing's Broken Safety Culture," in Hart building on Tuesday, June 18, 2024. (Tom Williams/CQ-Roll Call, Inc via Getty Images / Getty Images)

Boeing has fallen under intense scrutiny since a door flew off one of its aircraft mid-air during an Alaskan Airlines flight in January. Calhoun's appearance Tuesday was his first time speaking under oath to lawmakers about the ongoing safety concerns at his company since that incident.

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At least a dozen Boeing whistleblowers have come forward citing concerns over the company's quality assurance and culture since the Alaskan Airlines incident , and the plane manufacturer is currently under investigation by multiple federal agencies.

FOX Business' Greg Norman contributed to this report.

Hostage rescue brings hope — and fear — for families of captives still in Gaza

TEL AVIV — Celebrations erupted across Israel on the news that four hostages held by Hamas, including 26-year-old Noa Argamani , had been rescued in a high - stakes military operation in central Gaza over the weekend. 

But for the dozens of families whose relatives remain captive, the news brought mixed feeling s : joy for those finally reunited with their loved ones after eight long months since they were taken in Hamas’ Oct. 7 attacks, but also despair that their own loved ones weren’t among those saved.

When she first heard about Saturday’s rescue, Aviva Siegel, who was held hostage by Hamas for weeks before being released as part of a landmark deal in November, said she was “so happy, I was jumping into the air.”

“Then, two minutes later, it took me to the sad part of the whole story — worried and worrying about all the hostages,” she told NBC News in an interview in Tel Aviv on Tuesday.

Among the more than 100 hostages who remain held by Hamas is her husband, Keith Siegel, one of several dual American and Israeli citizens remaining in Gaza after the couple were taken hostage from kibbutz Kfar Aza on Oct. 7. 

Saturday’s rescue operation in the Nuseirat refugee camp saw Argamani and three others — Almog Meir Jan, 21; Andrey Kozlov, 27; and Shlomi Ziv, 40 — rescued by Israeli forces and police officers in a dramatic raid.

But it also left a trail of death and destruction in its wake, with more than 270 people killed, including children, according to health authorities in Gaza. 

Hamas said hostages were also killed in the operation, but did not identify them or provide any evidence to support the claim — and the militant group said the Israeli military’s rescue operation “will have a negative impact on their conditions and lives,” referring to the remaining hostages. 

“It frightens me terribly that they’re going to hurt them and we won’t even know anything,” Aviva Siegel said.

“We are worried,” said Gil Dickmann, whose cousin Carmel Gat, 39, was kidnapped from her parents' house in kibbutz Be’eri in the Oct. 7 attacks. “In my imagination, the most horrible things are happening to her in any given moment.” 

Dickmann said he believed the success of the rescue operation shouldn’t undermine the need to secure the safe release of all still held captive in Gaza. 

“The military operation was extraordinary,” he said in a Zoom interview from Tel Aviv. “But the ordinary way to get the hostages back is through a deal.”

In an interview with “TODAY” show co-host Savannah Guthrie on Thursday, Secretary of State Antony Blinken blamed Hamas for holding up negotiations for a cease-fire deal that would bring an end to fighting in Gaza and see hostages who remain held in the enclave released.

He said the militant group was trying to add new conditions to the proposed deal outlined by President Joe Biden and backed by a U.N. Security Council vote on Monday. “So, the problem, right now, is Hamas,” he said.

Biden administration officials have separately discussed the possibility of negotiating a unilateral deal with Hamas to secure the release of Americans held hostage in Gaza if the current cease-fire talks fail, two senior U.S. officials and two former senior U.S. officials said.

Dickmann, a dual American-Israeli citizen himself, said that while his cousin is not a U.S. citizen and would not be included in such a unilateral deal, “I can’t blame the Americans for going to the American administration and asking them for help.” 

“Governments should take care of their own citizens,” he said, urging the Israeli government to also focus getting the hostages released. 

“Time is running out,” he warned, urging both governments to do what they can to push a deal forward. “Bring them as quickly as you can.”  

Around 250 people were taken hostage in Hamas’ Oct. 7 attacks, in which some 1,200 people were killed, according to Israeli officials. More than 100 people are thought to remain held hostage in Gaza, with at least a quarter of them believed to be dead. 

Ruby and Hagit Chen had held out hope for months that they would be reunited with their son, Itay Chen, 19, an American-Israeli dual citizen who was believed to be among the hostages still alive in Gaza.

But in March, they said the Israeli military informed them that their son was believed to have been killed on Oct. 7, with his body being held by Hamas. 

Hagit Chen told NBC News she still had hope that the military might be wrong. “I still feel him. I feel he’s alive,” she said. 

After eight months of fighting in the enclave, she said, “we cannot know who will come back alive, who will not come back alive.”

“We just need this nightmare to finish.”

Andrea Mitchell and Shira Pinson reported from Tel Aviv, and Chantal Da Silva from London.

Andrea Mitchell is chief Washington correspondent and chief foreign affairs correspondent for NBC News.

Chantal Da Silva reports on world news for NBC News Digital and is based in London.