sarah everard victim personal statement

Read The Powerful Victim Impact Statements Made By Sarah Everard’s Family

Sarah’s mother, father, & sister all offered statements at the sentencing hearing of her killer.

Trigger warning: This article contains references to sexual assault, violence, and death, as do many of its outbound links.

On Sept. 29, Susan Everard read her victim impact statement at the hearing of Wayne Couzens, the Met Police Officer who murdered her daughter Sarah while she walked home from a friend’s house on the evening of March 3.

Couzens abducted 33-year-old Sarah in South London before driving her to his house in Kent, raping and strangling her, and disposing of her body in nearby woodlands. His two-day sentencing hearing began yesterday and prosecutor Tom Little QC has said that the firearms officer could face a whole life order, meaning that he will never be eligible for parole.

Appearing at the Old Bailey for the sentencing, Everard’s family offered their victim impact statements in front of Couzens. “Sarah is gone and I am broken-hearted,” Sarah’s mother Susan told the court. “She was my precious little girl, our youngest child. The feeling of loss is so great it is visceral. And with the sorrow comes waves of panic at not being able to see her again.”

Susan went on to describe how she remains “tormented at the thought of what she endured,” and that she continues to “go through the terrible sequence of events” wondering when her daughter realised “she was in mortal danger” before explaining that her daughter “spent her last hours on this earth with the very worst of humanity.”

She continued, “She lost her life because Wayne Couzens wanted to satisfy his perverted desires … He treated my daughter as if she was nothing and disposed of her as if she was rubbish.”

Sarah’s father and older sister also confronted Couzens, with Jeremy Everard asking his daughter’s murderer to look at him as he gave his statement. “The impact of what you have done will never end,” he said. “The horrendous murder of my daughter, Sarah, is in my mind all the time and will be for the rest of my life.

“A father wants to look after his children and fix everything,” he continued, “and you have deliberately and with premeditation stopped my ability to do that … I can never forgive you for what you have done, for taking Sarah away from us.”

Sarah’s sister Katie told Couzens that he treated and disposed of her little sister “like she was nothing” when “she meant everything” to them. “I feel like I live in a make-believe world, as if nothing is real,” Katie said. “I have to pretend because the thought of not having Sarah forever is too hard to bear. A lifetime now seems a very long time.”

You can read the statements in full here .

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The heartbreaking statement from the mother of Sarah Everard

30 September 2021, 09:26 | Updated: 30 September 2021, 09:42

By Asher McShane

This is the heartbreaking victim impact statement for Sarah Everard by her mother, Susan Everard, that was read at the Old Bailey. Sarah's killer Wayne Couzens is to be sentenced today.

Sarah Everard, 14th June 1987 to March 2021

Sarah is gone and I am broken hearted. She was my precious little girl, our youngest child.

The feeling of loss is so great it is visceral. And with the sorrow come waves of panic at not being able to see her again.

I can never talk to her, never hold her again, and never more be a part of her life. We have kept her dressing gown - it still smells of her and I hug that instead of her.

Sarah died in horrendous circumstances. I am tormented at the thought of what she endured. I play it out in my mind. I go through the terrible sequence of events.

I wonder when she realized she was in mortal danger; I wonder what her murderer said to her. When he strangled her, for how long was she conscious, knowing she would die? It is torture to think of it.

Sarah was handcuffed, unable to defend herself and there was no one to rescue her. She spent her last hours on this earth with the very worst of humanity.

She lost her life because Wayne Couzens wanted to satisfy his perverted desires. It is a ridiculous reason, it is nonsensical; how could he value a human life so cheaply? I cannot comprehend it.

I am incandescent with rage at the thought of it. He treated my daughter as if she was nothing and disposed of her as if she was rubbish.

If Sarah had died because of an illness, she would have been cared for. We could have looked after her and been with her. If she had died because of an accident, people would have tried to help - there would have been kindness.

But there is no comfort to be had, there is no consoling thought in the way Sarah died. In her last hours she was faced with brutality and terror, alone with someone intent on doing her harm. The thought of it is unbearable.

I am haunted by the horror of it. When Sarah went missing we suffered days of agony, not knowing where she was or what had happened to her. Then, when Sarah’s burnt remains were found, we spent two terrible days waiting for tests to show how she had died, fearing she had been set alight before she was dead - the thought was appalling.

Burning her body was the final insult, it meant we could never again see her sweet face and never say goodbye. Our lives will never be the same.

We should be a family of five, but now we are four. Her death leaves a yawning chasm in our lives that cannot be filled. I yearn for her. I remember all the lovely things about her: she was caring, she was funny.

She was clever, but she was good at practical things too. She was a beautiful dancer. She was a wonderful daughter. She was always there to listen, to advise, or simply to share with the minutiae of the day. And she was also a strongly principled young woman who knew right from wrong and who lived by those values.

She was a good person. She had purpose to her life. My outlook on life has changed since Sarah died: I am more cautious; I worry more about our other children. I crave the familiarity and security of home; the wider world has lost its appeal. It is too painful to contemplate a future without Sarah, so I just live in the here and now.

I think of Sarah all the time, but the mornings and evenings are particularly painful. In the morning I wake up to the awful reality that Sarah is gone. In the evenings, at the time she was abducted, I let out a silent scream: Don’t get in the car, Sarah. Don’t believe him. Run!

I am repulsed by the thought of Wayne Couzens and what he did to Sarah. I am outraged that he masqueraded as a policeman in order to get what he wanted. Sarah wanted to get married and have children, now all that has gone.

He took her life and stole her future and we will never have the joy of sharing that future with her. Each day dawns and I think, Sarah should be here, leading her life and embracing new experiences.

She had so many years ahead of her. I don’t know how anyone could be so cruel as to take my daughter’s life. What I do know is that Sarah will never be forgotten and is remembered with boundless love.

I cling on to memories of Sarah, I hold them tight to keep them safe.

The other night, I dreamt that Sarah appeared at home. In my dream I held her and could feel her physically. Jeremy was there, we were comforting her, saying “it’s alright Sarah, it’s alright”.

I would give anything to hold her once more; I hope I dream that dream again.

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Sarah Everard murder: 'Tormented at the thought of what she endured' - victim's family read statements in court

Police officer Wayne Couzens used COVID-19 lockdown regulations to kidnap Ms Everard in a false arrest before he raped and strangled her and then burned her body, a court has heard.

News reporter @samuelosborne93

Wednesday 29 September 2021 23:16, UK

Sarah Everard's family have said their feeling of loss "is so great it is visceral".

Police officer Wayne Couzens used COVID-19 lockdown regulations to kidnap Ms Everard in a false arrest before he raped and strangled her and then burned her body , a court has heard.

Couzens sentencing day one - as it happened

In statements read at a two-day sentencing hearing at the Old Bailey, her parents said they would never forgive her killer.

Impact statement from Ms Everard's mother, Susan Everard

Sarah is gone and I am broken hearted. She was my precious little girl, our youngest child. The feeling of loss is so great it is visceral.

Sarah died in horrendous circumstances. I am tormented at the thought of what she endured.

More on Sarah Everard

Met Police pays £10,000 to woman arrested at Sarah Everard vigil

Dozens of police officers convicted of crimes including rape and sexual assault since Sarah Everard's murder

'There's other Wayne Couzens in the Met right now', woman arrested at Sarah Everard vigil says

Related Topics:

• Sarah Everard

In her last hours she was faced with brutality and terror, alone with someone intent on doing her harm. The thought of it is unbearable. I am haunted by the horror of it.

I am repulsed by the thought of Wayne Couzens and what he did to Sarah.

I am outraged that he masqueraded as a policeman in order to get what he wanted.

Sarah wanted to get married and have children, now all that has gone.

He took her life and stole her future and we will never have the joy of sharing that future with her.

Impact statement from Ms Everard's father, Jeremy Everard

Mr Everard demanded that his daughter's killer look at him as he read his statement in court, saying:

I can never forgive you for what you have done.

The horrendous murder of my daughter, Sarah, is in my mind all the time and will be for the rest of my life.

Sarah was handcuffed and unable to defend herself. This preys on my mind all the time.

I can never forgive you for what you have done, for taking Sarah away from us.

You burnt our daughter's body - you further tortured us - so that we could not see her again. We did not know whether you had burnt her alive or dead.

You stopped us seeing Sarah for one last time and stopped me from giving my daughter one last kiss goodbye.

All my family want is Sarah back with us.

No punishment that you receive will ever compare to the pain and torture that you have inflicted on us.

You murdered our daughter and forever broke the hearts of her mother, father, brother, sister, family and her friends.

Sarah had so much to look forward to and because of you this is now gone forever.

Impact statement from Ms Everard's sister, Katie Everard

Katie Everard broke down in tears in court as she branded Couzens a monster.

She said: You treated Sarah as if she was nothing, placed more emphasis on satisfying your sick disgusting perversions than on a life.

You disposed of my sister's body like it was rubbish. Fly-tipped her like she meant nothing.

A predator - you - was on the loose, prowling the streets for hours looking for his prey.

My only hope is that she was in a state of shock and that she wasn't aware of the disgusting things being done to her by a monster.

When you forced yourself upon and raped her. When you put your hands around her neck and strangled her.

It disgusts me that you were the last person to touch her perfect body and violate her in the way you did.

There is no punishment that you could receive that will ever compare to the pain you have caused us.

We can never get Sarah back. The last moments of Sarah's life play on my mind constantly. I am so disgusted and appalled.

It terrifies me that you have such disregard for a person's life. You have taken from me the most precious person. And I can never get her back.

Related Topics

'I Am Tormented At The Thought Of What She Endured': The Heart-Breaking Words Of Sarah Everard's Mother

Susan Everard: ‘Don’t get in the car. Don’t believe him. Run!’

The victim impact statement given by Sarah Everard ’s mother at the start of Wayne Couzens’ sentencing on Wednesday was received by a packed, but completely silent court at the Old Bailey.

The quiet was only broken by occasional sobs from the public gallery, the well and the press benches, as Susan Everard delivered her statement about a ‘feeling of loss so great it is visceral’.

‘I am tormented at the thought of what she endured,’ she continued, giving voice to the many families of victims who have suffered similarly.

‘I play it out in my mind. I go through the terrible sequence of events. I wonder when she realised she was in mortal danger; I wonder what her murderer said to her. When he strangled her, for how long was she conscious, knowing she would die? It is torture to think of it.’

Couzens, 48, sat with his head down in the dock. The former police officer, who had been serving at the time of Everard’s murder, had clocked off from a shift that morning and gone on to rape and strangle the 33-year-old marketing executive, before burning her body.

The officer then dumped her body in a woodland stream in Ashford, Kent, where it was found a week later. Couzens wiped his phone just minutes before he was arrested.

‘She spent her last hours on this earth with the very worst of humanity,’ continued Susan Everard. ‘She lost her life because Wayne Couzens wanted to satisfy his perverted desires. It is a ridiculous reason, it is nonsensical; how could he value a human life so cheaply? I cannot comprehend it. I am incandescent with rage at the thought of it. He treated my daughter as if she was nothing and disposed of her as if she was rubbish.’

‘In the morning I wake up to the awful reality that Sarah is gone. In the evenings, at the time she was abducted, I let out a silent scream: "Don’t get in the car, Sarah. Don’t believe him. Run!"'

‘The other night, I dreamt that Sarah appeared at home. In my dream I held her and could feel her physically. Jeremy was there, we were comforting her, saying "it’s alright Sarah, it’s alright". I would give anything to hold her once more; I hope I dream that dream again.’

Susan Everard’s husband Jeremy and their eldest daughter, Katie, also made statements in court. Jeremy Everard demanded that Couzens face him, as he said: ‘We loved being a part of Sarah’s world and expected her to have a full and happy life. The closest we can get to her now is to visit her grave every day.’

Couzens’ trial is due to conclude today and he faces a life sentence. The family’s statements can be read in full below.

Sarah Everard's mother, Susan

'Sarah is gone and I am broken hearted. She was my precious little girl, our youngest child. The feeling of loss is so great it is visceral. And with the sorrow come waves of panic at not being able to see her again. I can never talk to her, never hold her again, and never more be a part of her life. We have kept her dressing gown - it still smells of her and I hug that instead of her.

Sarah died in horrendous circumstances. I am tormented at the thought of what she endured. I play it out in my mind. I go through the terrible sequence of events. I wonder when she realised she was in mortal danger; I wonder what her murderer said to her. When he strangled her, for how long was she conscious, knowing she would die? It is torture to think of it.

Sarah was handcuffed, unable to defend herself and there was no one to rescue her. She spent her last hours on this earth with the very worst of humanity. She lost her life because Wayne Couzens wanted to satisfy his perverted desires. It is a ridiculous reason, it is nonsensical; how could he value a human life so cheaply? I cannot comprehend it. I am incandescent with rage at the thought of it. He treated my daughter as if she was nothing and disposed of her as if she was rubbish.

If Sarah had died because of an illness, she would have been cared for. We could have looked after her and been with her. If she had died because of an accident, people would have tried to help - there would have been kindness. But there is no comfort to be had, there is no consoling thought in the way Sarah died. In her last hours she was faced with brutality and terror, alone with someone intent on doing her harm. The thought of it is unbearable. I am haunted by the horror of it.

When Sarah went missing we suffered days of agony, not knowing where she was or what had happened to her. Then, when Sarah’s burnt remains were found, we spent two terrible days waiting for tests to show how she had died, fearing she had been set alight before she was dead - the thought was appalling. Burning her body was the final insult, it meant we could never again see her sweet face and never say goodbye.

Our lives will never be the same. We should be a family of five, but now we are four. Her death leaves a yawning chasm in our lives that cannot be filled. I yearn for her. I remember all the lovely things about her: she was caring, she was funny. She was clever, but she was good at practical things too. She was a beautiful dancer. She was a wonderful daughter. She was always there to listen, to advise, or simply to share with the minutiae of the day. And she was also a strongly principled young woman who knew right from wrong and who lived by those values. She was a good person. She had purpose to her life.

My outlook on life has changed since Sarah died: I am more cautious; I worry more about our other children. I crave the familiarity and security of home; the wider world has lost its appeal. It is too painful to contemplate a future without Sarah, so I just live in the here and now.

I think of Sarah all the time, but the mornings and evenings are particularly painful. In the morning I wake up to the awful reality that Sarah is gone. In the evenings, at the time she was abducted, I let out a silent scream: 'Don’t get in the car, Sarah. Don’t believe him. Run!'

I am repulsed by the thought of Wayne Couzens and what he did to Sarah. I am outraged that he masqueraded as a policeman in order to get what he wanted. Sarah wanted to get married and have children, now all that has gone. He took her life and stole her future and we will never have the joy of sharing that future with her. Each day dawns and I think, Sarah should be here, leading her life and embracing new experiences. She had so many years ahead of her.

I don’t know how anyone could be so cruel as to take my daughter’s life. What I do know is that Sarah will never be forgotten and is remembered with boundless love. I cling on to memories of Sarah, I hold them tight to keep them safe.

The other night, I dreamt that Sarah appeared at home. In my dream I held her and could feel her physically. Jeremy was there, we were comforting her, saying "it’s alright Sarah, it’s alright". I would give anything to hold her once more; I hope I dream that dream again.'

Sarah Everard's father, Jeremy

'The impact of what you have done will never end. The horrendous murder of my daughter, Sarah, is in my mind all the time and will be for the rest of my life.

A father wants to look after his children and fix everything and you have deliberately and with premeditation stopped my ability to do that.

Sarah was handcuffed and unable to defend herself. This preys on my mind all the time. I can never forgive you for what you have done, for taking Sarah away from us.

You burnt our daughter’s body - you further tortured us - so that we could not see her again. We did not know whether you had burnt her alive or dead. You stopped us seeing Sarah for one last time and stopped me from giving my daughter one last kiss goodbye.

Her body fell apart when she was moved. Her brain and neck bones were removed for months by the pathologist and her body was difficult to preserve so we had to use the services of a specialist embalmer to enable a dignified burial.

All my family want is Sarah back with us. No punishment that you receive will ever compare to the pain and torture that you have inflicted on us. You murdered our daughter and forever broke the hearts of her mother, father, brother, sister, family and her friends.

Sarah had so much to look forward to and because of you this is now gone forever. She was saving to buy a house and looking forward to marriage and children. We were looking forward to having grandchildren. We loved being a part of Sarah’s world and expected her to have a full and happy life. The closest we can get to her now is to visit her grave every day.'

Sarah Everard's sister, Katie

'You treated Sarah as if she was nothing. Placed more emphasis on satisfying your sick, disgusting perversions than on a life. Her life. You disposed of my sister's body like it was rubbish. Fly-tipped her like she meant nothing. She meant everything. We couldn't even see her, she was so badly burnt. Her brain was removed from her skull to check for trauma and cause of death - I still don't know if they put her brain back in her head or whether it is lying next to her body in her coffin.

Shards of her kneecap were returned to us to be placed with her body - shards that you knocked when moving her burnt body from the fridge you had used to hide her and conceal the fire. We are still missing her hyoid bone from her throat, which is being checked to see the force you used to strangle her, to determine how long she may have survived. We know it was broken. Her burnt body still had her necklace and one earring in her ear - the other had fallen from her ear because it had burnt off.

You hear from the police that it takes around 2 minutes to strangle someone. And around 8-10 seconds for them to lose consciousness. At first there is a sense of relief at hearing that your sister might only have been aware of what was happening for 8-10 seconds. But have you put your hands around your neck and tried pushing hard? 8-10 seconds now seems a long time.

You used your warrant card to trick my sister into your car. She sat in a car handcuffed for hours. What could she have thought she had done wrong? What lies did you tell her? When did she realise that she wasn't going to survive the night?

I'm constantly replaying in my head - did you rape her, then kill her? Did you kill her while raping her? You get small nuggets of information and the thought process starts again. Your semen and blood were found in your car. So this suggests you raped her in the car. You find out you may have used a belt to strangle her. New horrendous images forming.

You stopped to get a Lucozade and water at a petrol station. Was she still alive at this point? Bound in your car? I am horrified by your ability to flit between what you did and normal everyday actions. Your casual demeanour on CCTV was very upsetting and shocking to see.

We had to go to the flat and pack up Sarah's whole life - washing left hanging up, half sewn outfits, deliveries waiting to be returned, packages waiting at the door ready to be opened. All signs of a life waiting to be lived - chores to be done, ready for her to return and continue when she got home. But she never got home because a predator - you - was on the loose. Prowling the streets for hours looking for his prey.

You can't comprehend what you are being told when it happened because it is so horrific. Some sort of sick waking nightmare. You can't imagine anyone could do such a thing.

You are waiting to hear anything from the police. Every bit you get is different. You hear her body has been found. Then you find out she has been burnt. So badly burnt you can't see her. Can't see her again to say goodbye. The first thought you have in your head after despair and shock is - was she dead before you burnt her? Imagine that even having to be a thought. You find out no soot was found in her lungs which suggests she was burnt after you murdered her. Imagine being relieved to hear your sister was dead before she was burnt.

I replay it continuously round in my head. What you may have said to her, what she may have said back, when she realised she was in grave danger and was not going to survive. Hoping my sister was unconscious and drugged, but we know that was not the case - no drugs found in her body, no trauma to the head. Burst blood vessels in her brain from your strangulation. Which meant she was conscious when you were doing these unfathomable things to her. My only hope is that she was in a state of shock and that she wasn't aware of the disgusting things being done to her by a monster. When you forced yourself upon and raped her. When you put your hands around her neck and strangled her.

It disgusts me that you were the last person to touch her perfect body and violate her in the way you did. The last person to see her alive and speak to her. How scared she must have been. The last moments of her life not with loved ones, but frightened and fighting for her life. I hate to think of her being so scared and alone and that in her last moments she had no one with her. No kindness. I hate that I wasn't there to save her. To stop you. I find it hard to believe she is not just living her own life and sick at the thought that her last moments on this earth alive were so horrific

How dare you take her from me? Take away her hopes and dreams. Her life. Children that will never be born. Generations that will never exist. Her future no longer exists. The future I was supposed to live with my sister no longer exists. You have ruined so many lives. Sarah is the very best person with so many people who love and cherish her. I want to speak to her and hug her and hear her laugh and go out for dinners and drinks and dancing. All those conversations we can never have. There were so many things I wanted to share with her - trips abroad, being each other's bridesmaid, meeting her babies and being an Aunty, growing old together and seeing who got the most wrinkles. We weren't even halfway through our journey and you took it all away!

I feel like I live in a make-believe world. As if nothing is real. I have to pretend because the thought of not having Sarah forever is too hard to bear. A lifetime now seems a very long time

I should never have to write a eulogy for or bury my little sister. There is no punishment that you could receive that will ever compare to the pain you have caused us. We can never get Sarah back. The last moments of Sarah's life play on my mind constantly. I am so disgusted and appalled. It terrifies me that you have such disregard for a person's life. You have taken from me the most precious person. And I can never get her back.'

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Sarah Everard victim impact statements in full as her family share their heartbreak

Sarah Everard’s family have shared their heartbreak with the world in the wake of her murder.

In the courtroom, they confronted her killer Wayne Couzens and their victim impact statements were read aloud.

We heard from her mother Susan, her father Jeremy and her sister Katie. Here are their statements in full:

Sarah’s mother Susan Everard

Sarah is gone and I am broken-hearted. She was my precious little girl, our youngest child. The feeling of loss is so great it is visceral. And with the sorrow come waves of panic at not being able to see her again. I can never talk to her, never hold her again, and never more be a part of her life. We have kept her dressing gown - it still smells of her and I hug that instead of her.

Sarah died in horrendous circumstances. I am tormented at the thought of what she endured. I play it out in my mind. I go through the terrible sequence of events. I wonder when she realised she was in mortal danger; I wonder what her murderer said to her. When he strangled her, for how long was she conscious, knowing she would die? It is torture to think of it.

Sarah was handcuffed, unable to defend herself, and there was no one to rescue her. She spent her last hours on this earth with the very worst of humanity. She lost her life because Wayne Couzens wanted to satisfy his perverted desires. It is a ridiculous reason, it is nonsensical. How could he value a human life so cheaply? I cannot comprehend it. I am incandescent with rage at the thought of it.

He treated my daughter as if she was nothing and disposed of her as if she was rubbish.

If Sarah had died because of an illness, she would have been cared for. We could have looked after her and been with her. If she had died because of an accident, people would have tried to help - there would have been kindness. But there is no comfort to be had, there is no consoling thought in the way Sarah died. In her last hours she was faced with brutality and terror, alone with someone intent on doing her harm. The thought of it is unbearable. I am haunted by the horror of it.

When Sarah went missing we suffered days of agony, not knowing where she was or what had happened to her. Then, when Sarah’s burnt remains were found, we spent two terrible days waiting for tests to show how she had died, fearing she had been set alight before she was dead - the thought was appalling.

Burning her body was the final insult, it meant we could never again see her sweet face and never say goodbye.

Our lives will never be the same. We should be a family of five, but now we are four. Her death leaves a yawning chasm in our lives that cannot be filled.

I yearn for her. I remember all the lovely things about her. She was caring, she was funny. She was clever, but she was good at practical things too. She was a beautiful dancer. She was a wonderful daughter. She was always there to listen, to advise, or simply to share with the minutiae of the day. And she was also a strongly principled young woman who knew right from wrong and who lived by those values. She was a good person. She had purpose to her life.

My outlook on life has changed since Sarah died. I am more cautious, I worry more about our other children. I crave the familiarity and security of home - the wider world has lost its appeal. It is too painful to contemplate a future without Sarah, so I just live in the here and now. I think of Sarah all the time, but the mornings and evenings are particularly painful. In the morning I wake up to the awful reality that Sarah is gone. In the evenings, at the time she was abducted, I let out a silent scream: Don’t get in the car, Sarah. Don’t believe him. Run!

I am repulsed by the thought of Wayne Couzens and what he did to Sarah. I am outraged that he masqueraded as a policeman in order to get what he wanted.

Sarah wanted to get married and have children - now all that has gone. He took her life and stole her future and we will never have the joy of sharing that future with her. Each day dawns and I think Sarah should be here, leading her life and embracing new experiences. She had so many years ahead of her.

I don’t know how anyone could be so cruel as to take my daughter’s life. What I do know is that Sarah will never be forgotten and is remembered with boundless love.

I cling on to memories of Sarah, I hold them tight to keep them safe. The other night, I dreamt that Sarah appeared at home. In my dream I held her and could feel her physically. Jeremy was there, we were comforting her, saying: ‘It’s all right Sarah, it’s all right’. I would give anything to hold her once more. I hope I dream that dream again.

Sarah’s father Jeremy Everard

There’s a photograph of my beautiful daughter on the screen. She had a beautiful mind too. Mr Couzens, please, will you look at me? The impact of what you have done will never end. The horrendous murder of my daughter, Sarah, is in my mind all the time and will be for the rest of my life.

A father wants to look after his children and fix everything, and you have deliberately and with premeditation stopped my ability to do that.

Sarah was handcuffed and unable to defend herself. This preys on my mind all the time.

I can never forgive you for what you have done, for taking Sarah away from us.

You burnt our daughter’s body — you further tortured us — so that we could not see her again. We did not know whether you had burnt her alive or dead. You stopped us seeing Sarah for one last time and stopped me from giving my daughter one last kiss goodbye.

Her body fell apart when she was moved. Her brain and neck bones were removed for months by the pathologist and her body was difficult to preserve so we had to use the services of a specialist embalmer to enable a dignified burial.

All my family want is Sarah back with us. No punishment that you receive will ever compare to the pain and torture that you have inflicted on us.

You murdered our daughter and forever broke the hearts of her mother, father, brother, sister, family and her friends.

Sarah had so much to look forward to and because of you this is now gone forever. She was saving to buy a house and looking forward to marriage and children. We were looking forward to having grandchildren. We loved being a part of Sarah’s world and expected her to have a full and happy life.

The closest we can get to her now is to visit her grave every day

Sarah’s sister Katie Everard

You treated Sarah as if she was nothing. Placed more emphasis on satisfying your sick disgusting perversions than on a life. Her life.

You disposed of my sister’s body like it was rubbish. Fly-tipped her like she meant nothing. She meant everything. We couldn’t even see her, she was so badly burnt. Her brain was removed from her skull to check for trauma and cause of death - I still don’t know if they put her brain back in her head or whether it is lying next to her body in her coffin.

Shards of her kneecap were returned to us to be placed with her body - shards that you knocked when moving her burnt body from the fridge you had used to hide her and conceal the fire.

We are still missing her hyoid bone from her throat, which is being checked to see the force you used to strangle her, to determine how long she may have survived. We know it was broken. Her burnt body still had her necklace and one earring in her ear. The other had fallen from her ear because it had burnt off.

You hear from the police that it takes around two minutes to strangle someone, and around eight to ten seconds for them to lose consciousness.

At first there is a sense of relief at hearing that your sister might only have been aware of what was happening for eight to 10 seconds. But have you put your hands around your neck and tried pushing hard? Eight to 10 seconds now seems a long time.

You used your warrant card to trick my sister into your car. She sat in a car, handcuffed, for hours. What could she have thought she had done wrong? What lies did you tell her? When did she realise that she wasn’t going to survive the night?

I’m constantly replaying in my head - did you rape her, then kill her? Did you kill her while raping her? You get small nuggets of information and the thought process starts again. Your semen and blood were found in your car. So this suggests you raped her in the car. You find out you may have used a belt to strangle her. New horrendous images forming.

You stopped to get a Lucozade and water at a petrol station. Was she still alive at this point? Bound in your car? I am horrified by your ability to flit between what you did and normal, everyday actions. Your casual demeanour on CCTV was very upsetting and shocking to see.

We had to go to the flat and pack up Sarah’s whole life - washing left hanging up, half-sewn outfits, deliveries waiting to be returned, packages waiting at the door ready to be opened.

All signs of a life waiting to be lived, chores to be done, ready for her to return and continue when she got home. But she never got home because a predator - you - was on the loose. Prowling the streets for hours looking for his prey.

You can’t comprehend what you are being told when it happened because it is so horrific. Some sort of sick waking nightmare. You can’t imagine anyone could do such a thing.

You are waiting to hear anything from the police. Every bit you get is different. You hear her body has been found. Then you find out she has been burnt. So badly burnt you can’t see her. Can’t see her again to say goodbye.

The first thought you have in your head after despair and shock is - was she dead before you burnt her? Imagine that even having to be a thought. You find out no soot was found in her lungs, which suggests she was burnt after you murdered her. Imagine being relieved to hear your sister was dead before she was burnt.

I replay it continuously round in my head. What you may have said to her, what she may have said back, when she realised she was in grave danger and was not going to survive.

Hoping my sister was unconscious and drugged, but we know that was not the case - no drugs found in her body, no trauma to the head. Burst blood vessels in her brain from your strangulation, which meant she was conscious when you were doing these unfathomable things to her.

My only hope is that she was in a state of shock and that she wasn’t aware of the disgusting things being done to her by a monster. When you forced yourself upon and raped her. When you put your hands around her neck and strangled her.

It disgusts me that you were the last person to touch her perfect body, and violate her in the way you did. The last person to see her alive and speak to her.

How scared she must have been. The last moments of her life not with loved ones, but frightened and fighting for her life. I hate to think of her being so scared and alone and that in her last moments she had no one with her. No kindness. I hate that I wasn’t there to save her. To stop you. I find it hard to believe she is not just living her own life and sick at the thought that her last moments on this earth alive were so horrific.

How dare you take her from me? Take away her hopes and dreams. Her life. Children that will never be born. Generations that will never exist. Her future no longer exists. The future I was supposed to live with my sister no longer exists. You have ruined so many lives.

Sarah is the very best person, with so many people who love and cherish her. I want to speak to her and hug her and hear her laugh and go out for dinners and drinks and dancing.

All those conversations we can never have. There were so many things I wanted to share with her - trips abroad, being each other’s bridesmaids, meeting her babies and being an auntie, growing old together and seeing who got the most wrinkles. We weren’t even halfway through our journey and you took it all away.

I feel like I live in a make-believe world, as if nothing is real. I have to pretend because the thought of not having Sarah forever is too hard to bear. A lifetime now seems a very long time.

I should never have to write a eulogy for or bury my little sister. There is no punishment that you could receive that will ever compare to the pain you have caused us. We can never get Sarah back. The last moments of Sarah’s life play on my mind constantly. I am so disgusted and appalled. It terrifies me that you have such disregard for a person’s life. You have taken from me the most precious person. And I can never get her back.

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What happened to Sarah Everard? The murder that triggered a global outpouring of grief and rage

There's been a huge outpouring of grief for Sarah Everard, who was snatched off the street as she made her way home. ( Reuters: Dylan Martinez )

Retracing Sarah Everard's last known movements is confronting, to say the least.

Clusters of flowers mark the spots where CCTV vision and doorbell camera footage captured the marketing executive's last known steps.

The roads she walked along side, during what should have been a 50-minute trip to her Brixton home in south London, are wide and heaving with traffic.

They are main roads, rather than side streets that may have provided her a faster route home.

For 15 minutes she spoke on the phone to her boyfriend.

Police released CCTV vision of Sarah Everard's walk home from her friend's house in Clapham. ( Supplied: London Metropolitan Police )

Clapham Common, which she passed through and where a bandstand has now become a memorial site for the 33-year-old, although not well lit, is surrounded by homes and busy streets.

During COVID-19 lockdowns, the community has been urged to stay off public transport and walk or ride instead.

Sarah's journey was simply, very normal.

It's little wonder young women across the capital and the country have been reeling.

"Sarah could have been me," they have in unison uttered since the British woman's remains were found secreted in woodland last week.

Sarah's disappearance

Sarah was first reported missing on March 4 by her boyfriend, and for the days that followed, police surveyed footage, knocked on doors, spoke to more than 750 people and searched parklands and ponds for evidence.

Missing posters were plastered around Clapham after Sarah Everard went missing. ( Kirsty O'Connor/PA via AP )

"I want to remain clear that at this time we have no information to suggest that Sarah has come to any harm," Chief Inspector Katherine Goodwin told the press on March 8.

But that hope had gone the next day.

At midnight on March 9, Metropolitan Police announced they had arrested a serving police officer at an address in Deal, Kent, in connection with Ms Everard's disappearance.

On March 10, her remains were found in a builder's bag in woodland near Ashford , 120km south-east of London.

Sarah Everard vanished while walking home from a friend's flat in south London on the evening of March 3. ( Metropolitan police via AFP )

They were identified via dental records. Two post-mortem examinations have been conducted, although a cause of death has not been made public.

Assistant Commissioner Nick Ephgrave described as "shocking and deeply disturbing" the fact the man accused of Sarah's abduction and murder is a serving police officer.

The alleged killer

Wayne Couzens, a 48-year-old married father of two, is set to face trial in October with a plea hearing to be held in July.

He joined the Met in 2018, and in early 2020 was moved to the Parliamentary and Diplomatic Protection Command — the armed unit responsible for guarding London's diplomatic buildings and embassies.

The US embassy's new site in Battersea is believed to be among the sites he patrolled.

Police constable Wayne Couzens is charged with the murder and kidnapping of Sarah Everard. ( AP: Elizabeth Cook )

In a separate disturbing episode, Mr Couzens is also accused of indecent exposure that allegedly occurred at a fast-food restaurant three days prior to Sarah's abduction.

The Independent Office for Police Conduct (IOPC) is investigating whether the police officers involved in dealing with that incident responded correctly.

"The IOPC will look at that investigation from the sidelines, but also conduct their own investigation (into the alleged exposure)," Graham Wettone, who spent 30 years working as a Metropolitan Police officer, explained to the ABC.

Mr Couzens had previously worked at his family garage in Dover, which shut down in 2015.

He had transferred to the Met from the Civil Nuclear Constabulary, the police force that guards the UK's nuclear power plants.

It's believed he also served in the military in the 3rd battalion, Princess of Wales's Royal Regimen, for two years from 2002, and was a member of the Army Reserve.

The Met in the spotlight

That he was a serving police officer has rattled Scotland Yard, but it also became a flashpoint for community anger that was amplified after a vigil for Sarah was broken up by officers last weekend.

The images of male police officers manhandling and pinning women to the ground led to calls for the first female to lead the Met, Commissioner Cressida Dick, to step down.

Police dragged women away from an impromptu vigil for Sarah Everard because they said it violated COVID-19 measures. ( Reuters: Hannah McKay )

Prime Minister Boris Johnson said he was "deeply concerned" by the images amid calls for an inquiry.

Graham Wettone, who served in the public order unit with Metropolitan Police, told the ABC as a commanding officer he would not have made the same decision but he sympathised with the police response.

The vigil he explained seemed to turn into more of a protest six hours after it had begun and social distancing guidelines were clearly being breached.

"I think there was a minority that turned up late in the evening for their own causes, for their own issues to hijack the event to a certain extent," he said.

"It's almost a toss of the coin. Do we intervene, do we not intervene? I think it was a really difficult decision to make."

Also troubling for the Met is that Mr Couzens has twice been hospitalised in 48 hours with head injuries sustained in his cell.

The police watchdog is also investigating that matter.

A lost daughter

On the sidelines, Sarah Everard's family is grieving for a daughter and sister.

In a statement released shortly after her body was found, they remembered her as "bright and beautiful".

"She was kind and thoughtful, caring and dependable. She always put others first and had the most amazing sense of humour."

Her friends and family had rallied for the public's help after her disappearance.

Sarah Everard has been remembered as a kind and thoughtful woman by those who loved her. ( Supplied: Metropolitan Police )

Her father, Jeremey Everard is a professor of electronics at the University of York. Her mother Susan is involved in charity work. She also leaves behind a brother and sister.

"Sarah was open. Honest, unflinching in her ability to listen and empathise," a friend, India Rose, wrote on Facebook.

"I was never in any doubt of her discretion or sincerity in her support and kindness. We laughed, we cried. We talked about the future. She should be here."

A former colleague, Peter McCormack, wrote of a woman who was "uniquely funny, always positive, hard-working, loyal, happy and beautiful".

"Our clients loved her, the team loved her, everyone loved Sarah. From that moment she came into our lives, she made it better," he wrote in a Facebook post.

'We've had enough'

The murder of Sarah is deeply personal for those who knew her, but it has also shocked a nation and reignited intense debate about women's safety and misogyny.

Baroness Helena Kennedy, a QC who has worked to improve the rights of women for 30 years, made the point that while not every man has harassed or violated a woman in public, there isn't a woman who hasn't experienced abuse of some sort.

"I think it's given a great emphasis now to what is happening to women and women saying we've had enough," Baroness Kennedy told the ABC.

"There's still this level of intimidation harassment, violence, and it starts on the small end, and it goes to this end, but it's all part of the same thing and I'm afraid it's misogyny, and we have to find ways in our society of confronting it."

Boris Johnson's government announced during the week it intends to record misogyny, or hostility based on sex, as a hate crime in England and Wales.

Sarah Everard's murder has triggered tensions between London women and police after an officer was arrested in connection with her death. ( AP: Victoria Jones )

In response to Sarah's killing, Mr Johnson has also announced immediate steps to improve safety, which could include plain-clothed police officers patrolling nightclubs and the doubling of funds to improve lighting and increase the number of CCTV cameras.

Criminologist Marian FitzGerald caused outrage when she suggested the response since Sarah's death has been "hysterical" and men are far more likely to be killed in public than women.

Professor FitzGerald told the ABC the greater threat to women is psychological abuse online.

"Although the fears are understandable, and they have been exacerbated by this particularly horrendous event, the risks actually haven't changed and the risks to women in public space seem to be relatively low compared to the risks they run in their own homes," Professor FitzGerald said.

"That is where women are being threatened, in so far that they are subject to abuse this has now entered their own homes via the internet, social media and so on."

But women's groups have argued Professor FitzGerald has missed the point, and their fears are justified and real.

Sarah Everard's family are now planning a funeral that should never have been.

Sarah should still be here.

"Sarah could have been me."

Women in London have been particularly hard hit by the death of Sarah Everard who was simply trying to get home. ( Reuters: Toby Melville )

Sarah Everard's family describe their devastation to murderer Wayne Couzens

"I am tormented at the thought of what she endured. I play it out in my mind," Susan Everard said in her victim impact statement.

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Warning: The following article contains descriptions of violence that readers may find distressing

Over the past six months, Sarah Everard's family have lived a nightmare no person should ever have to endure. And over the past two days, as Wayne Couzens appeared in court to be sentenced for the kidnap, rape and murder of their daughter and sister, the Everard family has had to relive the painful details of Sarah's attack.

The Old Bailey heard yesterday how former Metropolitan Police officer Couzens , who had been working within the diplomatic and parliamentary protection unit, falsely arrested Sarah Everard as she walked home from a friend’s house in Clapham, south London on 3 March. Witnesses watched Couzens show 33-year-old Sarah his warrant card before handcuffing her at around 9.35pm. He then put the young woman in his hire car and drove her 80 miles to Dover, where he went on to sexually assault and murder her.

Sarah Everard's mother, Susan, her father, Jeremy, sister Katie and brother James, were all in court to hear the harrowing details of her last hours. Three members of the family then bravely stood up and delivered victim impact statements in front of Wayne Couzens, urging him to understand the deep, unrelenting pain he had caused them in the brutal killing of their daughter and sister.

Susan Everard told Couzens his senseless act had left a "yawning chasm in our lives" that would never be filled. "She spent her last hours on this earth with the very worst of humanity," she courageously told the court.

Katie Everard addressed her sister's killer directly. "You treated Sarah as if she was nothing. Placed more emphasis on satisfying your sick disgusting perversions than on a life. Her life," she said.

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Jeremy Everard, Sarah's grieving father, shared the unending pain that comes with knowing he will never see his daughter again. "We were looking forward to having grandchildren. We loved being a part of Sarah's world and expected her to have a full and happy life. The closest we can get to her now is to visit her grave every day," he said, after boldly telling Wayne Couzens to face him head on. "Mr Couzens, please, will you look at me?" he urged, while reading out his statement.

Couzens was today issues with a whole-life prison sentence for his heinous crimes. Although it may be cathartic in part for the Everard family to see some level of justice delivered for Sarah, her dad Jeremy told his daughter's killer: "No punishment that you receive will ever compare to the pain and torture that you have inflicted on us."

Read the family's devastating victim impact statements in full:

Sarah's mother, Susan Everard's victim impact statement:

"Sarah is gone and I am broken-hearted. She was my precious little girl, our youngest child. The feeling of loss is so great it is visceral. And with the sorrow come waves of panic at not being able to see her again. I can never talk to her, never hold her again, and never more be a part of her life. We have kept her dressing gown - it still smells of her and I hug that instead of her.Sarah died in horrendous circumstances. I am tormented at the thought of what she endured. I play it out in my mind. I go through the terrible sequence of events. I wonder when she realised she was in mortal danger; I wonder what her murderer said to her. When he strangled her, for how long was she conscious, knowing she would die? It is torture to think of it.Sarah was handcuffed, unable to defend herself, and there was no one to rescue her. She spent her last hours on this earth with the very worst of humanity. She lost her life because Wayne Couzens wanted to satisfy his perverted desires. It is a ridiculous reason, it is nonsensical. How could he value a human life so cheaply? I cannot comprehend it. I am incandescent with rage at the thought of it.He treated my daughter as if she was nothing and disposed of her as if she was rubbish.If Sarah had died because of an illness, she would have been cared for. We could have looked after her and been with her. If she had died because of an accident, people would have tried to help - there would have been kindness. But there is no comfort to be had, there is no consoling thought in the way Sarah died. In her last hours she was faced with brutality and terror, alone with someone intent on doing her harm. The thought of it is unbearable. I am haunted by the horror of it.When Sarah went missing we suffered days of agony, not knowing where she was or what had happened to her. Then, when Sarah's burnt remains were found, we spent two terrible days waiting for tests to show how she had died, fearing she had been set alight before she was dead - the thought was appalling.Burning her body was the final insult, it meant we could never again see her sweet face and never say goodbye.Our lives will never be the same. We should be a family of five, but now we are four. Her death leaves a yawning chasm in our lives that cannot be filled.I yearn for her. I remember all the lovely things about her. She was caring, she was funny. She was clever, but she was good at practical things too. She was a beautiful dancer. She was a wonderful daughter. She was always there to listen, to advise, or simply to share with the minutiae of the day. And she was also a strongly principled young woman who knew right from wrong and who lived by those values. She was a good person. She had purpose to her life.My outlook on life has changed since Sarah died. I am more cautious, I worry more about our other children. I crave the familiarity and security of home - the wider world has lost its appeal. It is too painful to contemplate a future without Sarah, so I just live in the here and now. I think of Sarah all the time, but the mornings and evenings are particularly painful. In the morning I wake up to the awful reality that Sarah is gone. In the evenings, at the time she was abducted, I let out a silent scream: Don't get in the car, Sarah. Don't believe him. Run!I am repulsed by the thought of Wayne Couzens and what he did to Sarah. I am outraged that he masqueraded as a policeman in order to get what he wanted.Sarah wanted to get married and have children - now all that has gone. He took her life and stole her future and we will never have the joy of sharing that future with her. Each day dawns and I think Sarah should be here, leading her life and embracing new experiences. She had so many years ahead of her.I don't know how anyone could be so cruel as to take my daughter's life. What I do know is that Sarah will never be forgotten and is remembered with boundless love.I cling on to memories of Sarah, I hold them tight to keep them safe. The other night, I dreamt that Sarah appeared at home. In my dream I held her and could feel her physically. Jeremy was there, we were comforting her, saying: 'It's all right Sarah, it's all right'. I would give anything to hold her once more. I hope I dream that dream again."

Sarah's father, Jeremy Everard's victim impact statement:

"There's a photograph of my beautiful daughter on the screen. She had a beautiful mind too. Mr Couzens, please, will you look at me? The impact of what you have done will never end. The horrendous murder of my daughter, Sarah, is in my mind all the time and will be for the rest of my life.A father wants to look after his children and fix everything, and you have deliberately and with premeditation stopped my ability to do that.Sarah was handcuffed and unable to defend herself. This preys on my mind all the time.I can never forgive you for what you have done, for taking Sarah away from us.You burnt our daughter's body — you further tortured us — so that we could not see her again. We did not know whether you had burnt her alive or dead. You stopped us seeing Sarah for one last time and stopped me from giving my daughter one last kiss goodbye.Her body fell apart when she was moved. Her brain and neck bones were removed for months by the pathologist and her body was difficult to preserve so we had to use the services of a specialist embalmer to enable a dignified burial.All my family want is Sarah back with us. No punishment that you receive will ever compare to the pain and torture that you have inflicted on us.You murdered our daughter and forever broke the hearts of her mother, father, brother, sister, family and her friends.Sarah had so much to look forward to and because of you this is now gone forever. She was saving to buy a house and looking forward to marriage and children. We were looking forward to having grandchildren. We loved being a part of Sarah's world and expected her to have a full and happy life.The closest we can get to her now is to visit her grave every day."

Sarah's sister, Katie Everard's victim impact statement:

"You treated Sarah as if she was nothing. Placed more emphasis on satisfying your sick disgusting perversions than on a life. Her life.You disposed of my sister's body like it was rubbish. Fly-tipped her like she meant nothing. She meant everything. We couldn't even see her, she was so badly burnt. Her brain was removed from her skull to check for trauma and cause of death - I still don't know if they put her brain back in her head or whether it is lying next to her body in her coffin.Shards of her kneecap were returned to us to be placed with her body - shards that you knocked when moving her burnt body from the fridge you had used to hide her and conceal the fire.We are still missing her hyoid bone from her throat, which is being checked to see the force you used to strangle her, to determine how long she may have survived. We know it was broken. Her burnt body still had her necklace and one earring in her ear. The other had fallen from her ear because it had burnt off.You hear from the police that it takes around two minutes to strangle someone, and around eight to ten seconds for them to lose consciousness.At first there is a sense of relief at hearing that your sister might only have been aware of what was happening for eight to 10 seconds. But have you put your hands around your neck and tried pushing hard? Eight to 10 seconds now seems a long time.You used your warrant card to trick my sister into your car. She sat in a car, handcuffed, for hours. What could she have thought she had done wrong? What lies did you tell her? When did she realise that she wasn't going to survive the night?I'm constantly replaying in my head - did you rape her, then kill her? Did you kill her while raping her? You get small nuggets of information and the thought process starts again. Your semen and blood were found in your car. So this suggests you raped her in the car. You find out you may have used a belt to strangle her. New horrendous images forming.You stopped to get a Lucozade and water at a petrol station. Was she still alive at this point? Bound in your car? I am horrified by your ability to flit between what you did and normal, everyday actions. Your casual demeanour on CCTV was very upsetting and shocking to see.We had to go to the flat and pack up Sarah's whole life - washing left hanging up, half-sewn outfits, deliveries waiting to be returned, packages waiting at the door ready to be opened.All signs of a life waiting to be lived, chores to be done, ready for her to return and continue when she got home. But she never got home because a predator - you - was on the loose. Prowling the streets for hours looking for his prey.You can't comprehend what you are being told when it happened because it is so horrific. Some sort of sick waking nightmare. You can't imagine anyone could do such a thing.You are waiting to hear anything from the police. Every bit you get is different. You hear her body has been found. Then you find out she has been burnt. So badly burnt you can't see her. Can't see her again to say goodbye.The first thought you have in your head after despair and shock is - was she dead before you burnt her? Imagine that even having to be a thought. You find out no soot was found in her lungs, which suggests she was burnt after you murdered her. Imagine being relieved to hear your sister was dead before she was burnt.I replay it continuously round in my head. What you may have said to her, what she may have said back, when she realised she was in grave danger and was not going to survive.Hoping my sister was unconscious and drugged, but we know that was not the case - no drugs found in her body, no trauma to the head. Burst blood vessels in her brain from your strangulation, which meant she was conscious when you were doing these unfathomable things to her.My only hope is that she was in a state of shock and that she wasn't aware of the disgusting things being done to her by a monster. When you forced yourself upon and raped her. When you put your hands around her neck and strangled her.It disgusts me that you were the last person to touch her perfect body, and violate her in the way you did. The last person to see her alive and speak to her.How scared she must have been. The last moments of her life not with loved ones, but frightened and fighting for her life. I hate to think of her being so scared and alone and that in her last moments she had no one with her. No kindness. I hate that I wasn't there to save her. To stop you. I find it hard to believe she is not just living her own life and sick at the thought that her last moments on this earth alive were so horrific.How dare you take her from me? Take away her hopes and dreams. Her life. Children that will never be born. Generations that will never exist. Her future no longer exists. The future I was supposed to live with my sister no longer exists. You have ruined so many lives.Sarah is the very best person, with so many people who love and cherish her. I want to speak to her and hug her and hear her laugh and go out for dinners and drinks and dancing.All those conversations we can never have. There were so many things I wanted to share with her - trips abroad, being each other's bridesmaids, meeting her babies and being an auntie, growing old together and seeing who got the most wrinkles. We weren't even halfway through our journey and you took it all away.I feel like I live in a make-believe world, as if nothing is real. I have to pretend because the thought of not having Sarah forever is too hard to bear. A lifetime now seems a very long time.I should never have to write a eulogy for or bury my little sister. There is no punishment that you could receive that will ever compare to the pain you have caused us. We can never get Sarah back. The last moments of Sarah's life play on my mind constantly. I am so disgusted and appalled. It terrifies me that you have such disregard for a person's life. You have taken from me the most precious person. And I can never get her back."

Cat is a Senior Editor at Marie Claire, covering news and features across the brand's key purpose pillars, including women's issues, politics, career, mental health, female empowerment and equality, as well as books.

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8 victim-blaming statements women are sick of hearing

The unfolding events around sarah everard’s disappearance have sparked fierce discussions about women’s safety on social media., article bookmarked.

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In the UK, one in four women will experience domestic abuse and one in five sexual assault during their lifetime according to the Home Office while two women a week are killed by a current or former partner in England and Wales alone, according to Refuge It means that amongst the women you know, whether you’re aware of it or not, you’re probably in contact with a survivor of violence.

The unfolding events around Sarah Everard’s disappearance have sparked fierce discussions about women’s safety on social media, with vigils planned and thousands of women sharing their experiences on social media.

Victim blaming is a response to a crime that suggests the victim, rather than the perpetrator, bears responsibility for the assault. Not only does this type of language unhelpfully throw guilt on people going through trauma, it also distracts from important conversations we need to have about how we can make society safer for women.

Here are just a few things women are tired of hearing in the wake of assault…

1. ‘You shouldn’t have been out late’

However helpful you think you’re being, these kinds of comments suggest a victim is partly responsible for the harm that befell them, because they were outside at a certain time of night, or walked a ‘dangerous’ route.

Putting a curfew on women instead of addressing why it is they cannot walk home safely isn’t the answer. Plus, assault can happen at any time – whether it’s dark outside or not.

2. ‘You shouldn’t have been drinking’

This assessment can make someone feel ashamed or guilty about what happened to them, as though it’s their fault for not being clear-headed enough to avoid or outsmart danger. While it’s true we should all try to drink alcohol responsibly, having a drink doesn’t mean a person is any more to blame for being targeted by an assailant.

3. ‘You’re lucky it wasn’t worse’

Even in 2021, people still feel the need to differentiate between acts of violence or aggression that are ‘bad’ and those that ‘could be worse’.

This misguided comment can have a silencing effect on victims, and they may even avoid reporting an incident, because they don’t feel their friends and family are taking it seriously. They may even feel like they won’t be believed.

4. ‘That will teach you not to be such an easy target’

No one asks to be attacked or taken advantage of, and being a nice or friendly person doesn’t make you responsible for what happened. Flirting or previous encounters with an attacker, where you previously consented, doesn’t make it OK either.

5. ‘Why were you wearing that?’

Victims of assault are often wrongfully accused of inviting an attack due to what they were wearing. Picking apart someone’s appearance suggests a victim was ‘asking for trouble’ by wearing certain items of clothing.

Remember that fashion or make-up choices, no matter how ‘provocative’ you perceive them to be, shouldn’t incite danger.

6. ‘You should have had a chaperone’

It’s an impossible standard to expect women to have a person with them at all times to keep them safe. Let’s stop analysing women’s behaviour and telling them how they can minimise their risk of attack, and instead look at how we can change male behaviour so women can confidently walk the streets alone.

7. ‘You should have taken a taxi’

Uber released its first ever safety report in 2019, which detailed 5,981 instances of reported sexual assault in the US alone. While most taxi rides are, of course, completely safe, it’s understandable that women might feel more at risk getting into a car with someone they don’t know.

8. ‘I do that walk all the time and I’m fine’

Telling a victim you’ve walked the same route but not encountered the same fate can be incredibly damaging to someone going through trauma.

The reason we blame the victim often comes from our need to believe the world is a fair, safe and just place. The startling fact is that violence is often random and unjust, and when it comes to assault, it is never the victim’s fault.