is it okay to cry at work case study

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So, You Cried at Work

• Melody Wilding

Five tips to help you bounce back with grace.

If you have ever cried at work, then you know it can feel embarrassing. You may worry about what your colleagues think of you or become concerned about how your outburst may jeopardize your professional standing. To minimize the impact of crying at work and ensure it doesn’t hurt your reputation, the author offers advice to help you bounce back with strength and professionalism: 1) reframe the impact, 2) give yourself space, 3) focus on follow up, 4) have a plan for next time, and 5) seek more help if you need it.

“Are you okay?” a stranger asked as she tapped me on the shoulder outside my company’s offices in Manhattan. I looked up at her with wet, red cheeks and wiped tears from my eyes.

• Melody Wilding , LMSW is an  executive coach  and author of  Trust Yourself: Stop Overthinking and Channel Your Emotions for Success at Work . Get a free copy of Chapter One here .

Partner Center

Lean In to Crying at Work

Looking down on people who cry at work is sexist. It’s time to bring back the noble art of public weeping.

When the president of CBS News fired correspondent Mika Brzezinski a decade ago, she cried. And she regrets it. “There was no place for those tears in that moment,” she told the Huffington Post two years ago. “If anything, when you cry, you give away power.”

Of the 15 other high-profile women the news site interviewed about crying at work , the majority expressed negative views of some sort. Frances Hesselbein, former CEO of the Girl Scouts, put it most bluntly: “Tears belong within the family.”

The widespread cultural disparagement of the work-cry is strange, though, since there’s nothing inherently bad about crying. In past centuries, even the public weeping of grown men was celebrated. Far from surrendering power, these moist-eyed gents were showing deep respect. As Sandra Newman wrote in Aeon , even members of Parliament cried so hard they could barely speak. “In 1628, the English politician Thomas Alured describes the reaction in the House of Commons to a letter from the king threatening the dissolution of Parliament: ‘Sir Robert Phillips spake, and mingled his words with weeping … St. Edward Coke was forced to sit down when he began to speak, through the abundance of tears.’”

In the office, crying is simply another unexpected emotional cue, like a guffaw or a jump for joy. But unlike those, it’s negative, so it snaps people to attention.

The ignominy of the office cry is still more of an issue for women than for men, because women cry more than men do. In her survey of 700 people, Anne Kreamer, author of It’s Always Personal: Navigating Emotion in the New Workplace , found that in the past year, 41 percent of women admitted to crying at work, but only 9 percent of men did.

Part of the explanation is hormonal: Men generate more testosterone, which inhibits crying, while women produce more prolactin , which seems to promote it. Anatomy also plays a role. Men have larger tear ducts than women, so more of their tears can well in their eyes without spilling out onto their cheeks.

Women might also react differently to tear-jerking situations, on average. It’s not usually sadness, per se, that makes people cry. Instead, it’s “helplessness, hopelessness, and the lack of adequate behavioral responses to a problem situation,” as Ad Vingerhoets, a psychologist at Tilburg University and a leading crying researcher, writes .

When women encounter these “problem situations” and react with overt anger, they are often punished for it. In studies , angry men are thought to deserve more status, a higher salary, and are considered better at their jobs than angry women. Women also tend to internalize their emotions—direct them inward—while men externalize them, or project them out, according to Aprajita Mohanty, an assistant professor of psychology at Stony Brook university.

Because of that, women might be more likely to react to emotionally frustrating situations with a kind of helpless anger, Vingerhoets said. “They start crying,” he said. While “men tend to react with swearing and anger.”

The sum of all this research suggests that for a woman whose, say, project gets canceled, her reaction is more likely to be, “Okay, I’ll stress-cry a bit and move on with life,” than it is to be ranting and screaming. But the research says, careful with that. Even though women might feel more socially and biologically predisposed to cry, several studies suggest they are nonetheless perceived negatively for crying at work—and in fact, more negatively than men are.

For a study that’s currently under review, Kimberly Elsbach, a professor of management at the University of California, Davis, recruited 65 people from a “Women in Business” conference through a professional M.B.A. program and asked them about times they had cried at work or had seen someone else doing so. She found people thought it was more acceptable to cry about personal tragedies, like a death in the family, than more routine things, like breakups. Crying was more acceptable when it was done in someone’s office than in public, and when it was over quickly. In cases like those, crying could even foster bonds between colleagues.

Most people told Elsbach they didn’t want to cry, and they would do anything to make themselves stop. (A common tactic was pinching oneself to stanch the tears. It didn’t really work.)

Criers were evaluated negatively for tearing up during a meeting or a performance review. People looked with contempt on colleagues driven to sobs over work stress or disagreements. In the words of one man:

The most damaging time to cry, I would say, is when people can’t handle the pressure from a job or workplace or the stress. As far as from a management position, if you see people crying because they can’t handle the situation or stress of what they’re going through in the workplace, you’re going to think, ‘Well, why should we promote them? They can’t handle what they’re doing now.

Elsbach was surprised, given the involuntary nature of crying, that crying in the office was so often seen as manipulative.

“To a person,” Elsbach said, “the criers said they couldn’t control it. But many of the perceivers thought the crying was done intentionally: ‘She’s behind on her work and she’s trying to get somebody to help.’”

Overall, Elsbach gathered 110 stories, 100 of women crying and 10 of men, so there weren’t enough to show statistically significant gender disparities.

She did, however, take note of a few differences. Men, she says, were uniformly perceived more positively than women. The “baseline” view of women, she said, was "women are emotional and lack control." Crying only confirmed that stereotype.

Men, meanwhile, were already thought to be strong and unemotional. When they cry, people tend to think, “something horrible must have happened” or “somebody made them cry,” Elsbach said. Similarly, in her study, “the negative attributions were not pinned on them as much.” Men were also the only ones to reap benefits from crying—things like, "it made me feel closer to him" or "it humanized him."

Earlier studies showed that women’s tears were viewed more positively than men’s, but that seems to be changing. A 1991 study found that men who cried during an emotional movie were liked better than those who didn’t, while women who cried were liked less.

For their 2007 book chapter , “The Perception of Crying in Women and Men,” the psychologists Leah Warner and Stephanie Shields had 284 college students read short stories about breakups and a parent’s divorce. In each story, the researchers changed the gender of the main character, whether the person felt angry or sad, and whether the protagonist began to fully cry or simply teared up.

Men who teared up were viewed more positively than any of the other groups—either gender of full-on criers or women who teared up. (It made little difference whether the women cried or teared up). Male criers who were described as “sad” were also viewed most positively of the bunch, though there was little gender difference for the angry criers. The subjects also thought the women’s tears were less genuine.

The findings seem to bolster Shields’ earlier theory that there’s a certain kind of “manly emotion” that actually boosts a man’s status. The man who cries in a controlled, thoughtful way, and for a good reason—think Russell Crowe in Gladiator, she writes—is a real man with a soft side. Women get no such benefit. When I told my colleague Julie about these studies, she let out a sigh and said she wasn’t surprised. "Everything men do is good,” she said.

Thus, crying joins the list of things—makeup, raising kids full-time—that people look down on simply because women do them more. That might sound far-fetched, but we see variations of this phenomenon across scientific disciplines. One explanation for the gender-wage gap, for example, is that female-dominated professions pay less because there are more women in them. Certain vocal tics that are associated with young women, like upspeak and vocal fry , are appraised negatively in mock job interviews . Tampons are taxed as “ non-necessities ” because only women have periods.

The only solution, it appears, is to normalize office crying for everyone. Not unlike other unpleasant things , crying happens. Men shouldn’t reap the unfair advantage of a mid-meeting misting, and women shouldn’t worry that on top of their own embarrassment, they’re being judged as manipulative and incompetent. It’s 2016, and American workers are trembling under the weight of all their stress . Enough with the sniffling behind bathroom stalls or pretending it’s allergy season. If we can’t stop judging our colleagues when they cry at work, at the very least we should stop judging ourselves.

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Is crying at work really that bad? Here’s how to handle it

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Is crying a sign of weakness?

5 ways to stop crying when mad or upset, tips to address crying courageously, what to do when someone cries, your mental health is a priority, find comfort in your emotions.

Emotional release can help you decompress and feel better when you’re upset. 

But in some situations, crying might feel embarras sing or unwanted. Crying at work, for example, can feel humiliating. Before exploring how to make yourself stop crying, take a step back and consider the root of the problem.

Post-COVID depression , mental exhaustion , and sadness are more common than you might think — especially in professional settings. In a 2020 survey on how employees are feeling, less than 30% of respondents described themselves as “good” or “excellent.”  

Mental health in the workplace ca n be hard to manage , and lots of people experience burnout at work . Whether you messed up a project or are facing larger challenges, crying is a natural reaction, and sometimes it happens while you’re still at the office.

And you’re not alone : 45% of professionals have cried in their workplaces , according to a report from Robert Half. The same report notes that 74% of CFOs think crying is okay or has no effect at all on your career (although older, more senior respondents still think it’s taboo).

The historical stigma around showing your emotions is changing, and crying at work is n othing to be ashamed of. Even so, you might not be in a position where weeping is welcome. If you’re in a meeting or have important tasks to complete, crying can put a wrench in your workflow.

Learning how to stop crying when you’re mad or sad — or how to step away and give yourself time to feel — can help you push through difficult situations at work.

We’ve been socialized to consider strong expressions of emotion as a weakness. But studies show that sensitivity increases empathy and emotional awareness . These are strengths, especially when interacting with others in the workplace. 

A good cry also helps your body recover faster after stress so you can focus and think creatively to deal with the issue at hand. Studies also show that holding in your tears is bad for you , potentially increasing the risk of heart disease, hypertension, and mental illness. 

In some ways, crying is actually good for your mental health. Not only does crying provide emotional release , but it helps your brain produce endorphins .

While beneficial, crying at work shouldn’t be taken lightly, and you should still be careful where and when you do it. If you cry around a coworker without warning, they may feel uncomfortable or not know how to respond. 

So although crying isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s still important to practice emotional regulation . Find a private place to take a minute for yourself, or let your manager know if you need to call out of work . Use your emotional intelligence to check in on yourself and regroup after intense bouts of emotion.

It may not seem like it, but your emotions can be an asset in the workplace once you learn how to control them. Remember: sadness can have purpose . You just need to know where to find it.

Even if you have a sympathetic team, there will be times when you need to calm yourself down . Emotional regulation skills are important for everyone, from managers to part-time employees.

There are many techniques you can use to restore your control and try to stop crying:

1. Remember to breathe : Deep breathing exercises control blood pressure and heart rate , which in turn calms you down. Try box breathing or other types of breathwork when you feel like you’re going to cry. It can help generate a sense of calm, letting you regain control.

2. Stay cool: Bring a cold glass of water with you if you’re walking into a stressful situation, such as a performance review . When stressed, body temperature can go up . Things that cool you off will help you ground yourself and calm down.

If you’re able to get your hands on one, an ice pack on the back of your neck, wrists, or forehead will do wonders to help slow your mind down.

3. Take a moment away: Politely excuse yourself from the room or switch off the Zoom camera to gather your thoughts, even just for a minute. Putting the thing that’s upsetting you out of view gives you a break from sensory overload and the chance to regain equilibrium.

4. Manage your energy : Playing with a stress ball or going for a walk will let you channel your nervous energy elsewhere. Exercise is associated with lower levels of anxiety , too, so moving often helps manage your emotions in the long run.

5. Let it out: If you’re past the point of no return, find somewhere quiet to cry. Sometimes, releasing that emotion is necessary. Chances are, you’ll feel better after.

You aren’t a robot. There will be times when you’re so overwhelmed by disappointment , bad news, or frustration that you can’t make yourself stop crying. That’s okay — express your feelings and turn crying into a healthy practice. 

Remember, a few tears won’t greatly affect your career. But if you’re worried about the potential consequences of crying in a professional setting, there are ways to get yourself back on track after it happens. Here’s how to deal with crying at work:

1. Be honest: Confide in your manager or a trusted coworker. You don’t have to go into detail about why you’re upset, especially if it’s a personal issue. But they should know enough to understand your behavior and ease the concerns of other team members. 

2. Take accountability: Acknowledge your tears, and if you’re comfortable doing so, explain why you’re having a strong reaction. Studies show that people who attribute their tears to passion are viewed as more competent . If you’re crying because you care, that’s worth sharing.

3. Counteract judgment: You can apologize for crying in front of someone if you feel the need. But other people shouldn’t judge you for showing your emotions. Your feelings are valid, and if others diminish them, let your manager or HR department know.

4. Deliver a positive follow-up: If you’re worried about your reputation after crying at work, remind coworkers of your strengths. Pay extra attention in meetings and let coworkers know you’re there to help them. Demonstrate that you’re resilient, capable, and committed to doing your best work.

5. Plan ahead: Be prepared if you’re about to enter a stressful situation. Practice breathing and remember coping mechanisms that work for you, like bringing a stress ball or counting to 10 to collect your thoughts before responding.

You can also confide your worries to a friend or trusted coworker so they can help you make a plan to deal with potential stressors. 

You’re not the first person to cry at work, and you might even see a coworker doing the same thing. Here’s how to help teammates if they’re upset: 

1. Let them cry: If they’re in the thick of it, give them space to let out their feelings before asking them what’s wrong. They might ask you to leave, and that’s okay. Don’t overwhelm them.

2. Don’t solve the problem: Your coworker likely needs support, not advice. Only give suggestions on what they should do if they ask. Chances are, they likely just need a n active listener .

3. Check yourself: If you’re feeling uncomfortable, it’s okay to walk away. Give the crier space to feel. Don’t let your discomfort in this situation affect their experience.

4. Offer support: It’s okay if you don’t know what to do. Gently ask if there’s anything you can do to hel p cheer them up . Maybe you can fetch a friend who knows them better, or maybe they just need a glass of water.

Taking care of your mental health should be a priority. And the recent but constant changing nature of work and society has spurred greater levels of anxiety than in previous years. 

Everyone cries once in a while, but if your job is affecting your day-to-day emotions, it might be time to ask yourself why. Maybe you need to work on your work-life balance or re-evaluate your career so you can go to work happy . 

High-pressure tasks and difficult employees happen in every workplace. But if you’re crying all the time — or more often than you usually do — you might want to think about your office’s company culture .

Constant stress could be a sign that something has to change. If you feel comfortable, talk to your manager or HR department if there are repeat issues. 

Remember, sometimes crying at work has nothing to do with work. Life events or larger problems can make their way into the workplace. Maybe you’re grieving a loss or struggling with strained family dynamics . These are normal reasons to feel overwhelmed and struggle to find balance. 

It’s possible to take stress leave from work to focus on your mental health so next time you walk into the office, you put your best foot forward. And if it becomes too much, there are some good reasons to leave work — both personal and professional. 

And, if you suspect crying is the root of something bigger, consider speaking talk to a professional. Depending on the problem, coaching or therapy will let you work on your mental fitness to be a better version of yourself.

Crying at work isn’t the end of the world. When you run into high-stress situations, tight deadlines, and difficult coworkers, it’s natural to need an emotional release. If you feel like you need to cry, step away from the situation — take some deep breaths and let it out.

But if crying is a regular event, be honest with yourself and your leaders. Whether you need some time off or ask to create change in the workplace, communication is key at the end of the day. Only then can you work together to find a solution and bounce back. 

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Allaya Cooks-Campbell

With over 15 years of content experience, Allaya Cooks Campbell has written for outlets such as ScaryMommy, HRzone, and HuffPost. She holds a B.A. in Psychology and is a certified yoga instructor as well as a certified Integrative Wellness & Life Coach. Allaya is passionate about whole-person wellness, yoga, and mental health.

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3-1 Case Study: Is It Okay To Cry At Work?

Click to open and read the case study. You will submit this in the Turnitin item below. Based on what you learned in this chapter and the information provided in this case, write an analysis that addresses the following questions:

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• What factors do you think make some organizations ineffective at managing emotions?
• Do you think the strategic use and display of emotions serve to protect employees, or does covering your true emotions at work lead to more problems than it solves?
• Have you ever worked where emotions were used as part of a management style? Describe the advantages and disadvantages of this approach in your experience.
• Research shows that acts of coworkers (37 percent) and management (22 percent) cause more negative emotions for employees than do acts of customers (7 percent). What can Laura’s company do to change its emotional climate?

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3-1 Homework: Is It Okay to Cry at Work?

1.       Go to the Chapter 4 Case Incident 1: “Is It Okay to Cry at Work?”

2.       What factors do you think make some organizations ineffective at managing emotions?

• Do you think the strategic use and display of emotions serve to protect employees, or does covering your true emotions at work lead to more problems than it solves?
• Have you ever worked where emotions were used as part of a management style? Describe the advantages and disadvantages of this approach in your experience.
• Research shows that acts of coworkers (37 percent) and management (22 percent) cause more negative emotions for employees than do acts of customers (7 percent). What can Laura’s company do to change its emotional climate?

6.       For additional details, please refer to the Homework Rubric document in the Assignment Guidelines and Rubrics section of the course. 

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Case Incident 1 - Is It Okay to Cry at Work?

Essay by Soo   •  November 9, 2012  •  Essay  •  879 Words (4 Pages)  •  11,040 Views

Essay Preview: Case Incident 1 - Is It Okay to Cry at Work?

1. What factors do you think make some organizations ineffective at managing emotions?

Firstly, I think that the complex human thinking is one of the factors that make the organizations hard to manage the emotions. Every person has his or her own emotions. Although in a same situation, they may not act in the same way. Thus, the organizations face difficulties when they are dealing with their employees. This problem is even becoming worse when the organisation is very large and contains many employees from different background. Furthermore, the authority of an organisation sometimes finds out they themselves cannot control their own emotions as well.

Besides, due to the business culture and etiquette which are still remain poorly in some of the organisations, it becomes a problem for the organisations to manage the emotions effectively. Some of the organisations have not practised the suitable business culture. For example, they will yell and shout at the employees when things go wrong just like the second case mentioned. This shows that some of the organisations still do not concern to manage the emotions effectively.

Moreover, emotions are automatic physiological responses to the environment. It will be very hard for one to control his or her emotions by hiding their true feelings within their heart. It revealed automatically. Even people that are trying to cover their true emotions can be discovered from their facial expression. Thus, this is not the fault that the organisations cannot manage the emotions effectively. This is because it is not an easy work to control the emotions of whole organisations.

2. Do you think the strategic use and display of emotions serve to protect employees, or does covering your true emotions at work lead to more problems than it solves?

By covering one's emotions can sometimes ensure a work to be done perfectly. However, people that are always covering their own emotions will always find themselves in a stressful situation and they are very hard to communicate with others. Consequently, that kind of people can be easily frustrated and lose their confidence in their jobs. Problems such as unsatisfied towards the jobs, depression, low job performance and so on will then arise. At the end, it creates more problems than what it wants to solve at first.

Through the strategic use and display of emotions, the employees can express their emotions in a manner way. They have to know the ways to control their emotions even though they are working in a nasty situation. After that, they can voice up the problems that they are facing to the higher authority. In my opinion, this is even better than hiding the true emotion because the whole organisations can look into the problems deeply and try to come out with a solution.

3. Have you ever worked where emotions were used as part of a management style? Describe the advantages and disadvantages

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In the order page to write an essay for me, once you have filled up the form and submitted it, you will be automatically redirected to the payment gateway page. There you will be required to pay the entire amount for taking up the service and writing from my experts. We will ask you to pay the entire amount before the service as that gives us an assurance that you will come back to get the final draft that we write and lets us build our trust in you to write my essay for me. It also helps us to build up a mutual relationship with you while we write, as that would ease out the writing process. You are free to ask us for free revisions until you are completely satisfied with the service that we write.

Read what our clients have to say about our writing essay services!

Finished Papers

Original Drafts

Know us better.

• Knowledge Base
• Referencing Styles
• Know Our Consultance
• Revision and Refund Policy
• Terms Of Use

Write My Essay Service Helps You Succeed!

Being a legit essay service requires giving customers a personalized approach and quality assistance. We take pride in our flexible pricing system which allows you to get a personalized piece for cheap and in time for your deadlines. Moreover, we adhere to your specific requirements and craft your work from scratch. No plagiarized content ever exits our professional writing service as we care. about our reputation. Want to receive good grades hassle-free and still have free time? Just shoot us a "help me with essay" request and we'll get straight to work.

Final Paper

Fill up the form and submit

On the order page of our write essay service website, you will be given a form that includes requirements. You will have to fill it up and submit.

Write My Essay Service Helps You Succeed!

Being a legit essay service requires giving customers a personalized approach and quality assistance. We take pride in our flexible pricing system which allows you to get a personalized piece for cheap and in time for your deadlines. Moreover, we adhere to your specific requirements and craft your work from scratch. No plagiarized content ever exits our professional writing service as we care. about our reputation. Want to receive good grades hassle-free and still have free time? Just shoot us a "help me with essay" request and we'll get straight to work.

Customer Reviews

Can I pay someone to write my essay?

Time does not stand still and the service is being modernized at an incredible speed. Now the customer can delegate any service and it will be carried out in the best possible way.

Writing essays, abstracts and scientific papers also falls into this category and can be done by another person. In order to use this service, the client needs to ask the professor about the topic of the text, special design preferences, fonts and keywords. Then the person contacts the essay writing site, where the managers tell him about the details of cooperation. You agree on a certain amount that you are ready to give for the work of a professional writer.

A big bonus of such companies is that you don't have to pay money when ordering. You first receive a ready-made version of the essay, check it for errors, plagiarism and the accuracy of the information, and only then transfer funds to a bank card. This allows users not to worry about the site not fulfilling the agreements.

Go to the website and choose the option you need to get the ideal job, and in the future, the best mark and teacher's admiration.

Customer Reviews

EssayService strives to deliver high-quality work that satisfies each and every customer, yet at times miscommunications happen and the work needs revisions. Therefore to assure full customer satisfaction we have a 30-day free revisions policy.

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Advanced essay writer

We are quite confident to write and maintain the originality of our work as it is being checked thoroughly for plagiarism. Thus, no copy-pasting is entertained by the writers and they can easily 'write an essay for me’.

Student Feedback on Our Paper Writers

Essays service custom writing company - the key to success.

Quality is the most important aspect in our work! 96% Return clients; 4,8 out of 5 average quality score; strong quality assurance - double order checking and plagiarism checking.

Finished Papers