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Guest Essay

This Isn’t Your Old Toxic Masculinity. It Has Taken an Insidious New Form.

toxic masculinity persuasive essay

By Alex McElroy

Mx. McElroy is the author of the novel “The Atmospherians,” about two friends who start a cult to reform problematic men.

Toxic masculinity is so 2017.

It hasn’t disappeared, of course, but in the years since #MeToo, many men have been trying to drop the stoicism and anger that have long warped masculinity. Some are seeking therapy. Others have enrolled in workshops and men’s groups in an effort to get in touch with their feelings and become better men. For better or worse, everyone you know is watching “Ted Lasso .” The strong, silent type is losing some of his allure.

My personal relationship to masculinity is fraught. I spent my first 31 years moving through spaces where I didn’t feel I belonged, and I was often told implicitly or explicitly that I wasn’t performing maleness correctly. I cried often as a child, and a cousin once pulled me aside to tell me that as a boy I should never cry unless I had a cut running from my eye to my ankle. In high school, after telling my best friend that my grandfather died, he asked me to please leave his house if I was planning to cry.

Two years ago, I came out as a nonbinary trans person. Expressing my true gender identity did not immediately fix my relationship with vulnerability, but it led me to delve deeper into what vulnerability is and how it can operate. As it happens, vulnerability was having a cultural moment — as the topic of popular TED talks and the focus of groups invested in helping men evolve, such as The ManKind Project and Evryman (whose men’s retreats echoed earlier movements encouraging self-reflection in men, including Robert Bly’s “mythopoetic men’s movement” ).

It has been exciting to watch as more men embrace vulnerability . At a men’s group meeting in 2019, I saw men like those I knew growing up taking responsibility for their actions and feelings. This was far from the new normal, but at least men were coming together to talk. I began to feel hopeful about the state of masculinity.

But my hope has begun to diminish as I’ve watched male vulnerability curdle into something toxic: Let’s call it petulant vulnerability.

Think of the boyfriend professing loneliness to ensure his partner never sees their friends . Or the hundreds of texts and anecdotes of so-called softbois collected on the @beam_me_up_softboi Instagram account — men who express their feelings the way avalanches share snow, often as a form of manipulation or passive aggression. On the HBO Show “Succession,” Kendall Roy professes his empathy with the plight of abused women only to feed his narcissistic desires. And the film “Promising Young Woman” showcased the horror of the “nice guy” whose sensitivity slides stealthily into misogyny and abuse.

There have been some extreme examples in high-profile court cases of the past year. The courtroom tears of Kyle Rittenhouse , who was later acquitted in the deaths of two men he shot and the wounding of another, and Travis McMichael, who, along with his father and a neighbor, was convicted of the murder of Ahmaud Arbery, were public displays of petulant vulnerability. They show strikingly how this aggrieved, self-righteous mind-set privileges one’s own vulnerability over that of others: The crying killer doesn’t recognize the vulnerability of his victim.

The aftermath of last year’s Jan. 6 attack on the Capitol was a festival of petulant vulnerability. While the attack itself was violent and wrathful, many in the mostly male mob, who screamed obscenities or threw heavy objects at police officers that day, later wept as they expressed shame , offered excuses or complained about jobs and friends they lost. One rioter even blamed “Foxitis” for his actions : His lawyer argued that months of watching Fox News had destabilized him to the point where he started believing untruths. Classic toxic masculinity was on full display when those would-be heroes rallied to “save America” on Jan. 6, but some became hapless patsies once they were held accountable. Their capes became baby blankets.

Petulant vulnerability is not, of course, confined to men. An example can be found in the case of Amy Cooper , the woman who was filmed falsely reporting to the police that “an African-American man is threatening my life,” her voice sounding breathless and panicked, after a bird watcher in Central Park asked her to leash her dog.

What is real vulnerability? Brené Brown, a researcher whose work on vulnerability has made her a celebrity, defines it as “uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure” in her 2013 book “Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead.” Petulant vulnerability, however, uses the language of vulnerability as a cudgel. If true vulnerability means accepting change, personal fallibility and the human condition of reliance on others, petulant vulnerability feigns emotional fragility as a means of retaining power.

If true vulnerability seems scary, it is — but that doesn’t make expressing it any less necessary, for men as for everyone. What if, on Jan. 5, 2021, a man upset by Donald Trump’s electoral defeat had confessed to friends and loved ones that he was afraid and that he felt he was losing control in a world he believed no longer valued him? What if he had sat with those feelings, cried if he wanted to and discussed how to chart his path in a changing landscape? That would have been vulnerable.

This kind of vulnerability can be difficult, of course. Even as men’s groups committed to positive change gain prominence, our society still broadly enforces traditional masculinity norms and restrictions. And online there are plenty of spaces where extremely toxic behavior is encouraged and applauded — some of which also deploy the language of vulnerability. In incel forums , for example, rather than working through the pain of being sexually rejected, men lash out at the women they feel they deserve — occasionally resulting in horrific violence .

So, what’s to be done? Though men’s discussion groups and more nuanced male leads on TV cannot, on their own, shift our expectations of manhood, the fact that they exist and are gaining popularity counts for something. “Men cannot change if there are no blueprints for change,” bell hooks wrote in her 2005 book “The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love,” where she uses feminist thinking to show men how to overcome their conditioning.

The hard part is yet to come. Change is taxing and boring and scary. It requires humility and vulnerability — the real stuff, not the cheap imitation. And it requires letting go of what some men feel entitled to. The rewards, however, will make this effort worthwhile.

“To know love,” Ms. hooks writes, “men must be able to let go the will to dominate.”

Alex McElroy ( @abmcelroy1 ) is the author of the novel “The Atmospherians,” about two friends who start a cult to reform problematic men.

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What We Mean When We Say, “Toxic Masculinity”

A boy looks stoically at camera

“Toxic masculinity” is tricky. It’s a phrase that—misunderstood—can seem wildly insulting, even bigoted. Recently, after tweeting about toxic masculinity and its relationship to violence, I ended up the topic of discussion on a major nightly news show and the recipient of the online harassment that regularly follows such discussions these days. Because the term requires careful contextualization and provokes such strong reactions, our impulse may be to avoid discussing it with our classes. As educators, however, it is our responsibility not to hide from difficult topics or concepts, but to clarify them. 

This article is the first in a three-part series on toxic masculinity. Find parts two and three here:

  • Part Two | Say No to “Boys Will Be Boys”
  • Part Three | Toxic Masculinity Is Bad For Everyone: Why Teachers Must Disrupt Gender Norms Every Day

Before we can engage students in conversations about “masculinity” or “femininity,” toxic or otherwise, we should begin with a few key ideas about gender. Researchers have shown that there is very little difference between the brains of men and women. While gender identity is a deeply held feeling of being male, female or another gender, people of different genders often act differently, not because of biological characteristics  but because of rigid societal norms created around femininity and masculinity. Laying this groundwork requires effort, but in an age when breaking news alerts make us want to look away from our phones, the term “toxic masculinity” provides a useful tool for engaging with students, families and anyone else trying to make sense of the onslaught of news. 

The phrase is derived from studies that focus on violent behavior perpetrated by men, and—this is key—is designed to describe not masculinity itself , but a form of gendered behavior that results when expectations of “what it means to be a man” go wrong. The Good Men Project defines it this way:

Toxic masculinity is a narrow and repressive description of manhood, designating manhood as defined by violence, sex, status and aggression. It’s the cultural ideal of manliness, where strength is everything while emotions are a weakness; where sex and brutality are yardsticks by which men are measured, while supposedly “feminine” traits—which can range from emotional vulnerability to simply not being hypersexual—are the means by which your status as “man” can be taken away.

Discussing toxic masculinity is not saying men are bad or evil, and the term is NOT an assertion that men are naturally violent. In fact, this conversation was started by men. ( Jackson Katz’s TED Talk on the subject is a useful starting point.) It was also inspired by a feminist movement that had done much to unpack what might be called “toxic femininity” (think eating disorders that seek to control one’s eating and environment). After the good work feminism did to try to find better ways to teach girls about their options, men began to take notice and apply those same gender-construct theories to their own experience. 

I find myself talking more about this dangerous brand of masculinity now because I see all the hand-wringing done in the media and in classrooms after each mass shooting or killing. I saw it happening during the month of October 2017, which was bookended by the mass shooting in Las Vegas and the terror attack in New York . And on November 5, a shooter walked into a church in Texas and massacred people worshipping there . We talked and talked. 

I hear participants on one side of the debate talk about mental illness while the other side talks about gun control. In addition to conversations about mental illness and gun control, though, we need to consider a third angle regarding the mass killings of the past month: Is there a gendered component that we should be talking about? Why it is most often men perpetrating these acts of violence? 

After decades of study, I deeply believe that men are not naturally violent. But in a culture that equates masculinity with physical power, some men and boys will invariably feel like they are failing at “being a man.” For these particular men and boys, toxic masculinity has created a vacuum in their lives that can be filled through violence: through the abuse of women and of children in their care, through affiliation with the so-called “ alt-right ” or ISIS, through gun violence or any other promise of restored agency that those parties wrongly equate with manhood. 

The stakes of this conversation couldn’t be higher. When we talk about toxic masculinity, we do so not to insult or to injure. If we can talk with students as they are forming their ideas about gender, we can perhaps spare them from thinking that there is only one way to be a man—or any other gendered identity, for that matter—and give them the space to express their gender in ways that feel authentic and safe for themselves. When we talk about toxic masculinity, we are doing so out of love for the boys and men in all of our lives. 

Clemens is the associate professor of non-Western literatures and director of Women's and Gender Studies at Kutztown University in Pennsylvania.

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Real Men Don’t Cry: How Toxic Masculinity Negatively Impacts Us

toxic masculinity persuasive essay

“Women are more emotional than men.” It has been said so often that it has acquired a veneer of truth. This statement highlights just how much toxic masculinity has become a prominent topic of discussion recently. It is marked by men and boys taking on traditional male gender roles that restrict the kinds of emotions allowable for boys or men to express and includes the social expectation that men should seek to be dominant (“the alpha male”) and limit their emotional range to primarily expressions of anger. The root of it is believed to be hypermasculinity, which is the psychological term for the exaggeration of male behavior which is also linked to the “pressure to be a man.” This essay seeks to explore how toxic masculinity is created through cultural pressure and how it negatively impacts people of all genders.

We as Americans learn a lot of our socio-cultural behaviors from technology, whether it be television, video games, advertisements, or even pornography. Many times men are portrayed as strong heroes who have a whole hidden identity. They are big and bad while in their costumes saving people’s lives and being all heroic and yet, once they take off their costumes it is revealed that they have some sort of deep dark secret that they are hiding. The secret is that they have emotions and feelings. This hero scenario is the real life of many men, but instead of having a heroic demeanor they shadow their emotions with anger and violence because they do not have a role model who expresses emotions healthily.

Toxic masculinity stems from cultural pressure showing boys what men are really supposed to be. Society sets impossible standards for both men and women, as women should be polite and demure and men should be their protectors, strong and stoic. These accentuate one another as men are now to be the protectors. They are never a victim and their respect is earned through toughness and control. Men are told that emotion is weakness and in sports to “play through the pain.” No weakness should be revealed.

According to Rachel Giese “ In order to be a “real man,” a guy has to be stoic, aggressive, financially successful, sexually rapacious, physically courageous, muscle-bound, risk-taking, tough and in control.” She tells that while some argue that men are naturally inclined to violence and hardwired for aggression, there are other researchers who argue that the rules of masculinity compel this behavior. These researchers tell of how men who exhibit these “conventional masculine traits,” or are anxious with their manliness, are more likely to engage in harmful behaviors such as sexual harassment, binge drinking, and bullying other men. They are also more likely to exhibit signs of depression. A well known character who exhibits these behaviors is Gaston from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast.

toxic m essay pic 2

Toxic masculinity is not only harmful to the thousands of men conditioned to suppress their emotions but also to everyone around them. Men do not show emotion whether a positive or negative emotion; they have been told not to. So when emotion is finally pushed out of them it’s an explosive angry outburst which can oftentimes be of harm to the people around them at the time. These outbursts can manifest as passive aggression, sexual aggression, and even violence.

“While feminists are especially concerned about it, toxic masculinity was not a term we coined. It initially emerged out of the men’s movements of the 1980s and 1990s to refer to what they saw as a narrow, socially constructed version of manhood that compelled men to deny their true feelings and to compete with each other rather than bond,” Susan J. Douglas states in her article Why Toxic Masculinity Hurts Men as Well as Women. She also talks about the backlash that has been received over the anti-toxic masculinity “movement,” saying that people are angry at feminists for being anti-man and blaming men for being born with innate wiring, when in fact  their argument is the against the culture not the man himself. The backlash has most often been thrown from right wing conservatives as they have distorted it in their minds to be “about hating men.” After finding out that some universities were offering courses to understand and combat the toxic masculinity culture, which was a response to sexual assaults happening in such high numbers on college campuses, Fox news journalist said that they were “trying to make men grow lady parts,” not realizing that they are just trying to educate students on healthier lifestyle choices. This defensiveness is a sign of ignorance towards the subject.

This is also a problem affecting the worlds LGBT ( lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, and transgender) community. A group of Icelandic men are sharing their experiences through the hashtag #karlmennskan (#masculinity). Bjarni Snaebjornsson shared his personal story of growing up in the Iceland countryside and realizing at a young age that he was gay. He was bullied and made fun of so much that he decided to hide his sexuality. He said it made him lose the courage to be himself. One of the lead organizers of this movement is named Porsteinn V. Einarsson. He shared that most of the participants had stories of how the preconceived notions of manhood prevented men from expressing how they felt. One man, after a miscarriage, went on car rides alone just to grieve over this misfortune. This movement has been widely backed by many groups.

Marc Feigen Fasteau once said that “the male stereotype makes masculinity not just a fact of biology but something that must be proved and re-proved, a continual quest for an ever-receding Holy Grail”. In conclusion, toxic masculinity grows through cultural pressure and negatively impacts people of all genders. The standards set for men in this day and age are impossible and unhealthy for both men and the people around them. Emotions are not pain that you should just play through but valid feelings that should be addressed. Real men are not strong and stoic, they are strong emotional beings.

                                                   Annotated Bibliography

  • Giese, R. (2018, February 28). Why Masculinity Needs To Be The Next Big Conversation In The #MeToo Movement. Retrieved October 3, 2018, from https://www.chatelaine.com/living/toxic-masculinity-essay/

  This article talks about the feminist perspective on toxic masculinity and how it affects both genders. She talks about the nature vs. nurture aspect of the toxic masculinity phenomenon. I believe this is a reliable source as she specializes in this area of study.                                       

  • Douglas, S. J. Why Toxic Masculinity Hurts Men as Well as Women. Retrieved October      3, 2018, from http://inthesetimes.com/article/20303/the-antidote-to-toxic-masculinity

   She covers backlash around the anti-toxic masculinity movement, stating that it is not anti-man but anti- pic masculinity culture. She states that most backlash is received from people within the conservative party. I find this to be a reliable resource as the author is a scholar.

  • (2012, April 7). Retrieved October 3, 2018, from https://documentarylovers.com/film/tough-guise-violence-media-and-the-crisis-in-masculinity/

   This documentary film explores the male culture in depth. It offers an analysis and opens it up  for discussion. I am using it in my essay to explore the ideas the were shown. It is a scholarly source.

  • Clemens, C. (2017, December 11). What We Mean When We Say, “Toxic Masculinity”. Retrieved October 3, 2018, from https://www.tolerance.org/magazine/what-we-mean-when-we-say-toxic-masculinity

   From a teacher’s perspective she tells of how she navigates her students through learning this culture and how to deal with it both in class and in day to day. As well as learning were you fit in the culture. This is a reliable firsthand experience source.

  •  9, 2018, from http://icelandreview.com/news/2018/03/16/social-media-campaign-addresses-toxic-masculinity Ćirić, J. (2018, March 16). Social Media Campaign Addresses Toxic Masculinity. Retrieved October

This source is an example of how men worldwide are being affected. It ells of a social media trend that men of Iceland created to notice their own toxic traits. This is an unbiased reliable source, as it tells the firsthand stories of different men.

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The Dangerous Effects of Toxic Masculinity

Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments.

toxic masculinity persuasive essay

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Traditional Gender Roles and Toxic Masculinity

Effects of toxic masculinity, mental health effects of toxic masculinity, combatting toxic masculinity.

Toxic masculinity is a concept used to define unhealthy and often traditional characteristics or attributes associated with men.

From being unemotional and power-hungry to narcissistic and violent, men are often defined by these outdated and unfounded stereotypes, which create an unhealthy and unrealistic understanding of what it means to be a man in today’s society.

Assuming men should be protectors, breadwinners, or leaders, or associating men with anger, selfishness, and aggression can be problematic and damaging.

When those beliefs are based on unproven biases that we, as both individuals and a society, perpetuate, boys and men are taught to believe them falsely or to try to measure up to them, ultimately harming themselves and others in the process. 

In many ways, “manhood,” like “womanhood,” comes with many expectations in the United States. As a society, we value kindness, compassion, and care in women more than we do in men. We also positively associate men with being protective and negatively associate men with being emotional, according to the Pew Research Center.

This does not mean that men aren’t caring, compassionate, or emotional, but we, as a society, don’t value these traits in men and that can lead men to believe these traits aren’t valuable.

Ron Blake, Social Justice Activist, Public Speaker

Men tend to keep so much bottled up inside. This includes all the traumas and heart-breaking moments. Eventually there has to be a release. And too often that is in an explosive way.

“Fragile masculinity,” a term referring to the unrealistic cultural standards placed on men, exists because many men feel they have to overcompensate or act in a certain way to meet these traditional standards, but we are all human. As human beings, regardless of gender, we have a combination of masculine and feminine traits. 

While feminism has pushed America to redefine and reconsider the role of girls and women, it has also raised questions about boys and men, and what their role is in society.

Rather than defining boys or men as “good” or “bad,” or “tough” or “weak,” it’s important to recognize that men, like women, have many facets that extend far beyond the traditional roles of their gender.

Traditional societal views of masculinity have a negative impact on every member of society, but studies show they have a greater impact on the self-image, relationships, and overall mental health of gay men.   

What our society needs to remember is that being a man doesn’t mean you have to like sports or women. Being a strong man doesn’t mean you can’t show weakness or cry. Being a successful man doesn’t mean you have to marry or become a c-suite executive. Sexual preferences and gender identities, just like career choices and lifestyle choices, don’t make you any less of a man. 

“The truth is being a man can mean whatever you want it to mean,” says Britt East, author of A Gay Man's Guide to Life . “You get to decide.”

When men actively avoid vulnerability, act on homophobic beliefs, ignore personal traumas, or exhibit prejudice behaviors against women , this contributes to many larger societal problems. Effects of toxic masculinity:

  • Domestic abuse
  • Gender-based violence
  • Gun violence
  • Rape culture
  • Sexual assault

Violence and Aggression

“Masculinity becomes fragile through its rigidity. When it cannot afford to hold the panoply of gender expressions, sexual cultural orientations, or feminine strength intrinsic to any pluralistic society, then it must lash out, or risk crumbling under the weight of its own culturally-constituted expectations,” says East.

“Whatever the cause, the response is [almost] always a form of violence…Sometimes this violence is outwardly expressed through physical dominance or aggression. Other times it is inwardly expressed, through depression, addiction, or suicide,” East writes.

Men are perceived as more violent than women and as evidenced by the crime rates, they are. Most criminal offenses are committed by men, and most crimes (with the exception of sexual assault) are committed against men.

Sexual Assault and Sexual Violence

Though men are often the perpetrators of sexual assault, we often forget that millions of men in this country have also been victims of sexual assault. Male violence is a problem, but so is male victimization. Statistically, 5-10% of girls are subjected to penetrative sexual abuse, but 5% of boys are also subjected to penetrative sexual abuse and this is rarely discussed. 

When men and women are accused of similar crimes, men are more likely to receive longer sentences than women, with women being twice as likely to avoid incarceration upon conviction.

“Every behavior is connected to a need,” says Mack Exilus, MA, EDM, MHC-LP, a mental health clinician at Citron Hennessey Therapy. “One thing I’ve seen with men with anger issues and violent paths is that these are behaviors that are learned. A lot of times that violence or that anger is a way to protect vulnerability.”

Inability to Express Vulnerability

Unfortunately, many men aren’t taught how to be vulnerable, how to overcome trauma, or how to embrace every aspect of themselves. Take Aaron Hernandez, for instance, who battled numerous traumas in his childhood, and ultimately grew up to become a professional football player and larger-than-life man. He ended up in prison, was convicted of murder, and ultimately committed suicide. 

“He had been asking for help for so long on so many occasions,” says Blake. “I feel like part of my role in life is to help the world know Aaron was a good guy. We all failed him in life.”

Society often puts pressure on men to “be men” in the traditional sense, rather than simply be human. For men, vulnerability is often neglected, dismissed, or combated. When men push down emotions, ignore feelings, or dismiss their feminine traits, their mental health will suffer.

The mental health effects of toxic masculinity can include: 

  • Higher risk for suicide
  • Increase loneliness
  • Increased risky behavior
  • Increased substance and alcohol use

As of 2018, significantly more men than women died from an opioid overdose. Men are far more likely to die by suicide than women. 

Men, like women, experience anxiety, depression, and mental illness. However, men are more likely than women to underutilize mental health services and are more reluctant to seek help, especially regarding mental health.

As a country, we often fail to address the many traumas faced by boys and men and we often punish behaviors without addressing the underlying issues that lead to those behaviors.

We need to eliminate the stigma around mental illness and remind men that asking for help, expressing emotions, and seeking therapy isn’t just beneficial, it’s necessary for the betterment of our society.

“Most men are simply in survival mode,” says Dan Doty, co-founder of EVRYMAN.

When Michael Kimmel, the founder and director of the Center for the Study of Men and Masculinities at Stony Brook University, asked his students what it means to be a “real man,” he received answers like “authoritative,” and “suppressing any kind of weakness.”

BIPOC Boys and Men

Traditionally, boys are taught to “act like men,” and in many cases, treated like men, which can greatly impact their understanding of themselves and their place in the world.

For Black boys, in particular, the expectations and misconceptions can be dangerous. Studies have shown that Black children are seen as less “childlike” than white children and are often perceived as being older than they are.  

Exilus points out that minority men, in particular, have to do a lot more work every day. They need space, time to rest, and the opportunity to share and/or express their anger. Whether you join group therapy, or individual therapy, or visit an organization like Black Men Heal , the goal is to better understand yourself and your emotions and prioritize your mental well-being. 

Press Play for Advice on Undefining Masculinity

This episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares the value of undefining what it means to be a man, featuring author and actor Justin Baldoni. Click below to listen now.

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Boys Should Learn That Emotions Are Healthy

When we treat boys as men and teach them to be emotionless, tough, and secure, we strip them of their innocence and we place unrealistic and unhealthy expectations on them. 

“We need to teach young men from an early age that it’s good to express emotions,” says Exilus. In both our education system and at home, we need to help boys and men label their feelings and understand them. By approaching this in a non-judgmental, curious way, we can eliminate the fears surrounding therapy and mental health.

“Boys and young men are, by nature, in great need of guidance,” says Doty.

“We need men to be role models for the new generation. It all starts with teaching boys to not be men, but to be humans,” says Blake. “This should not be a gender issue. Once we make this a human issue, toxic masculinity will fade.”

Boys Must Be Taught How to Deal With Negative Feelings

“Anger is judged upon. Bottling it up doesn’t do anything,” says Exilus. We need to offer men ways to deal with that anger.

Exilus recommends focusing on five sensations and counting down if you’re feeling angry or frustrated. Focus on five things you can hear, four things you can see, three things you can smell, two things you can touch, one thing you can taste. 

Mack Exilus, MA, EDM, MHC-LP

This gets you out of your head, into your body, and tuned into your environment. Sit with the breath and be wherever you are without having to drain yourself of energy. You can also take a nap, go for a run, drink some tea, or splash cold water on your face.

A Word From Verywell

Toxic masculinity is something that still needs to be addressed and the only way to help men learn that emotions don't devalue them or make them weak is by instilling that mindset within them from a young age. The dangers of toxic masculinity are clear and, as a society, it's important to remember that everyone is human and finding healthy ways to process emotions is important for all us, especially men.

Also, if you're struggling with the mental health effects of toxic masculinity or you need someone to express your emotions to, there is no shame in reaching out for help from a mental health professional.

Walker K, Bialik K, van Kessel P. Strong men, caring women: How Americans describe what society values (and doesn’t) in each gender . Pew Research Center.

Sánchez FJ, Greenberg ST, Liu WM, Vilain E. Reported Effects of Masculine Ideals on Gay Men .  Psychol Men Masc . 2009;10(1):73-87. doi:10.1037/a0013513

East B.  A Gay Man’s Guide to Life: Get Real, Stand Tall, and Take Your Place . Houndstooth Press; 2020.

U.S Department of Justice. Criminal Victimization, 2018 . 

Starr SB. Law & Economics Working Papers. Estimating Gender Disparities in Federal Criminal Cases .

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. About Multiple Cause of Death, 1999-2018 . 2018.

Ogrodniczuk J, Oliffe J, Kuhl D, Gross PA. Men's mental health: Spaces and places that work for men .  Can Fam Physician . 2016;62(6):463-464.

Bennett J. A Master's Degree in ... Masculinity? . The New York Times ..

Goff PA, Jackson MC, Di Leone BAL, Culotta CM, DiTomasso NA. The essence of innocence: Consequences of dehumanizing Black children .  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 2014;106(4), 526-545.

By Sarah Sheppard Sarah Sheppard is a writer, editor, ghostwriter, writing instructor, and advocate for mental health, women's issues, and more.

The Problem With a Fight Against Toxic Masculinity

The popular term points toward very real problems of male violence and sexism. But it risks misrepresenting what actually causes them.

A man's arm holding a dumbbell

Over the past several years, toxic masculinity has become a catchall explanation for male violence and sexism. The appeal of the term, which distinguishes “toxic” traits such as aggression and self-entitlement from “healthy” masculinity, has grown to the point where Gillette invoked it last month in a viral advertisement against bullying and sexual harassment. Around the same time, the American Psychological Association introduced new guidelines for therapists working with boys and men, warning that extreme forms of certain “traditional” masculine traits are linked to aggression, misogyny, and negative health outcomes.

A predictable conflict has accompanied the term’s rise. Many conservatives allege that charges of toxic masculinity are an attack on manhood itself, at a time when men already face challenges such as higher rates of drug overdose and suicide . Many progressives, meanwhile, contend that the detoxification of masculinity is an essential pathway to gender equality. Amid this heated discourse, newspaper and magazine articles have blamed toxic masculinity for rape , murder , mass shootings , gang violence , online trolling , climate change , Brexit , and the election of Donald Trump .

Masculinity can indeed be destructive. But both conservative and liberal stances on this issue commonly misunderstand how the term toxic masculinity functions. When people use it, they tend to diagnose the problem of masculine aggression and entitlement as a cultural or spiritual illness—something that has infected today’s men and leads them to reproachable acts. But toxic masculinity itself is not a cause. Over the past 30 years, as the concept has morphed and changed, it has served more as a barometer for the gender politics of its day—and as an arrow toward the subtler, shifting causes of violence and sexism.

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Despite the term’s recent popularity among feminists, toxic masculinity did not originate with the women’s movement. It was coined in the mythopoetic men’s movement of the 1980s and ’90s, motivated in part as a reaction to second-wave feminism. Through male-only workshops, wilderness retreats, and drumming circles, this movement promoted a masculine spirituality to rescue what it referred to as the “deep masculine”— a protective, “warrior” masculinity—from toxic masculinity. Men’s aggression and frustration was, according to the movement, the result of a society that feminized boys by denying them the necessary rites and rituals to realize their true selves as men.

This claim of a singular, real masculinity has been roundly rejected since the late 1980s by a new sociology of masculinity. Led by the sociologist Raewyn Connell, this school of thought presents gender as the product of relations and behaviors, rather than as a fixed set of identities and attributes. Connell’s work describes multiple masculinities shaped by class, race, culture, sexuality, and other factors, often in competition with one another as to which can claim to be more authentic. In this view, which is now the prevailing social-scientific understanding of masculinity, the standards by which a “real man” is defined can vary dramatically across time and place.

Connell and others theorized that common masculine ideals such as social respect, physical strength, and sexual potency become problematic when they set unattainable standards. Falling short can make boys and men insecure and anxious, which might prompt them to use force in order to feel, and be seen as, dominant and in control. Male violence in this scenario doesn’t emanate from something bad or toxic that has crept into the nature of masculinity itself. Rather, it comes from these men’s social and political settings, the particularities of which set them up for inner conflicts over social expectations and male entitlement.

“The popular discussion of masculinity has often presumed there are fixed character types among men,” Connell told me. “I’m skeptical of the idea of character types. I think it’s more important to understand the situations in which groups of men act, the patterns in their actions, and the consequences of what they do.”

As this research was popularized, however, it was increasingly mischaracterized. By the mid-2000s, despite Connell’s objections , her complex theories were being portrayed in ways that echoed mythopoetic archetypes of healthy and destructive masculinity. In a 2005 study of men in prison, the psychiatrist Terry Kupers defined toxic masculinity as “the constellation of socially regressive male traits that serve to foster domination, the devaluation of women, homophobia, and wanton violence.” Referencing Connell’s work, Kupers argued that prison brings out the “toxic” aspects of masculinity in prisoners, but that this toxicity is already present in the wider cultural context. (Kupers told me that he believes critics of his study incorrectly assumed that he claimed masculinity itself is toxic, though he acknowledged that the article could have explained his position in greater detail.)

Since then, the return to toxic masculinity has leaked from academic literature to wide cultural circulation. Today the concept offers an appealingly simple diagnosis for gendered violence and masculine failure: Those are the “toxic” parts of masculinity, distinct from the “good” parts. New proponents of the concept, sometimes unaware of its origins, tend to agree that men and boys are affected by a social “sickness” and that the cure is cultural renewal—that is, men and boys need to change their values and attitudes. Former President Barack Obama is championing mentoring programs as the solution to a “self-defeating model for being a man” in which respect is gained through violence. A range of classes and programs encourage boys and men to get in touch with their feelings and to develop a healthy, “progressive” masculinity. In some educational settings , these programs are becoming mandatory.

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Certainly, these programs can have a positive impact. Research consistently shows that boys and men who hold sexist attitudes are more likely to perpetrate gendered violence. Connell herself notes that “when the term toxic masculinity refers to the assertion of masculine privilege or men’s power, it is making a worthwhile point. There are well-known gender patterns in violent and abusive behavior.”

The question is: Where do these sexist attitudes come from? Are men and boys just the victims of cultural brainwashing into misogyny and aggression, requiring reeducation into the “right” beliefs? Or are these problems more deep-seated, and created by the myriad insecurities and contradictions of men’s lives under gender inequality? The problem with a crusade against toxic masculinity is that in targeting culture as the enemy, it risks overlooking the real-life conditions and forces that sustain culture.

There’s genuine danger in this misperception. By focusing on culture, people who oppose toxic masculinity can inadvertently collude with institutions that perpetuate it. For example, the alcohol industry has funded research to deny the relationship between alcohol and violence, instead blaming “masculinity” and “cultures of drinking.” In this regard, the industry is repeating liberal feminist arguments about toxic masculinity. However, there is strong evidence that the density of liquor shops in a given geographic area increases the local rate of domestic violence. Any serious framework for preventing violence against women will address alcohol availability as well as masculine norms and sexism.

The concept of toxic masculinity encourages an assumption that the causes of male violence and other social problems are the same everywhere, and therefore, that the solutions are the same as well. But as Connell and her cohort have spent years demonstrating, material realities matter. While themes of violence, entitlement, and sexism recur across communities, they show up differently in different places. In one Australian Aboriginal violence-prevention program that I evaluated with colleagues, Aboriginal educators worked in partnership with men and boys to identify the key drivers of gendered violence and inequality. Solutions were rooted in cultural pride, tailored to local contexts, and underpinned by recognition of the intergenerational impacts of racism and trauma. The program understood that masculinity itself isn’t toxic, and instead sought to understand and change the roots of toxic gendered behavior.

Those roots are quite different than, for example, the roots evident in majority white, wealthy communities, where male violence and sexism are commonplace. Responses to gender inequality in professional workplaces, such as programs to stamp out sexism in employment culture and practices , have particular purchase in middle-class communities. They’re not universal solutions—and they don’t have to be. Recognizing differences in the lives of men and boys is crucial to the effectiveness of efforts to resolve gender violence and inequality.

The real problem with toxic masculinity is that it assumes there is only one way of being a man

toxic masculinity persuasive essay

Researcher and Senior Lecturer, Cardiff Metropolitan University

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Ashley Morgan does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.

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toxic masculinity persuasive essay

For centuries, male violence and acts of aggression were often the way that power was understood and patriarchy upheld. In contemporary times, in more moderate societies, this has become somewhat tempered, yet it still exists in different forms and has now been given the name “toxic masculinity”.

This phrase has long been used by academics to define regular acts of aggression used by men in positions of power to dominate people around them. In the late 1980s, Australian sociologist Raewyn Connell described the ways that white middle-class men used their power and positions to suppress traditionally socially marginalised groups such as women, gay men and working-class men. This idea has since been extended to include other behaviours, such as aggressive competitiveness and intolerance of others.

Now, in the wake of recent movements supported by celebrities and public figures , and the alleged sexually abusive behaviours of some prominent men coming to light, the idea of toxic masculinity has started to gain more currency in wider society.

One of latest talking points has been the release of a short film by Pixar which addresses the issue. The animation focuses on a pink ball of wool named Purl and how “she” tries to fit in at as a new employee at B.R.O Capital. Surrounded by suited white men, Purl struggles to fit in – even being told: “You’re being too soft. We gotta be aggressive.”

The Pixar film comes just weeks after an advertisement for Gillette razors . But while Pixar has been praised for telling a “ powerful story ” in a “ strikingly direct ” manner, the Gillette advert has faced criticism. Gillette’s advert appears to suggest that behaviours that some men regularly engage in, either in public or the workplace – including bullying, unwanted touching and catcalling – is inappropriate. What is more, the message seems to be that these behaviours should be explained as being inappropriate to boys in childhood.

Gillette’s apparent criticism of a domineering and aggressive form of masculinity has angered some, who consider it “ anti-men ”. Journalist Piers Morgan , for example, fumed: “What Gillette is now saying, everything we told you to be, men, for the last 30 years is evil. I think it’s repulsive … the implication we all have something to apologise for? Shut up, Gillette.” Others have also suggested that this is just another example of “traditional” forms of masculinity being threatened in general.

Threads of toxicity

But what is this “traditional” masculinity that might be under threat? Acts of aggression and a need to dominate others might often be considered as natural behaviour for men – especially for, but not limited to, those in power – and might even be considered a desirable attribute in some situations . But this idea, which is based on the assumption that more aggressive men have higher testosterone levels, has been widely refuted scientifically .

The recent increase in concern about toxic masculinity has come from several quarters. As the celebrity-backed Time’s Up movement continues to call for an end to sexual harassment and inequality in the workplace, the Everyday Sexism project collates day-to-day experiences of those who have suffered the consequences of toxic actions.

Meanwhile incidents of violence and aggression from high school shootings to road rage have been characterised as examples of toxic masculinity – but there are more common acts of male aggression that might better illustrate the extent of the problem. These include women being made to feel unsafe in public, due to unwanted attention from men . It can also be more subtle than that, presenting as men making public comments to women which are often sexual and derogatory .

Men victimised

But women are not the sole victims of toxic masculinity, men can be affected just as deeply by these acts. Even if men are not directly targeted by an act of toxic masculinity, the culture of it can force them to suppress their own feelings , in order to fit in with narrow expectations of masculinity that suggest emotions are weak. Under this idea, men are naturally physically strong and those who are “weak” are “snowflakes”.

Warnings that a backlash against male behaviours that are considered to be “toxic” will result in a society where “boys will not be able to be boys” misses the point and suggests that to be a man necessarily means to be aggressive and domineering.

Just as not all men perpetrate acts of toxic masculinity, not all fit a standard mould of manhood. Many men might be struggling with their sexual identity, or have never had opportunities afforded to others because of their social class. They might not be working, or are parenting their children full time. They might also be men who at some point, have been subject to toxic comments or violence from other men .

There needs to be far greater recognition that the way that some men – especially powerful and privileged men – express their masculinity is not the only way . As well as greater recognition that the term “masculinity” itself is dynamic, not fixed. Arguably, there is no “right” way to be a man.

Rather than engaging in toxic practices, men who are in privileged positions should be able to recognise that they can be agents for change, to the benefit of all. This is a message for everyone – there is no new “war” on men, and there is no need for anyone to “prove” their masculinity through aggression, and its time to put an end to toxic masculinity.

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Toxic Masculinity

  • Category Sociology
  • Subcategory Gender Diversity
  • Topic Masculinity

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Aggression. Guilt. Fear. These are only a few feelings that are left as a result of the wave of toxic masculinity. The patriarchy has confined gender to only one mode of expression, which is defined by the stereotypes we hold about men and women. These feelings felt by so many women refer to the socially-constructed attitudes that define the masculine gender role in a negative light, describing it as violent, unemotional, sexually aggressive and so forth. We as a society need women to have the right to feel safe. We as a society need to teach males that toxic masculinity is damaging their own well-being.

Toxic masculinity kills women. All around the world women are fighting for the right to live in a safe and welcoming world where they can walk down the street without fear of being harassed or assaulted. Women are also in fear within the confines of their own personal space, as women are more likely to die at the hand of their partner. In 2018, a United Nations global study on the topic of homicide, findings showed that intimate partner violence against woman and girls was at men’s use of violence to employ control over females, a problem derived from widely-accepted gender norms about men’s authority. Research shows that men and boys who adhere to these social ideas of gender roles and masculinity are highly prone to use violence against their partner (Mahdawi, 2019). The Australian Psychological Society, says that the ‘masculine ideology’ is socio-cultural, not medical, and is useful for examining this poisonous behavior. But how is this a socio-cultural idea? Why do men have the right to act this way? Through early childhood, aggression and violence are used in situations to express emotions and distress, over time, this aggression in males shift to asserting power over another, often when masculinity is threatened (Pellegrini & Bartini, 2001). Female empowerment and the feminist movement has threatened male’s masculinity, thus leading to controversial debates over equal rights, generally regarding the man’s position in power. Though when roles are reversed the female threatens the male’s position, the masculine ideals—such as; the restriction of emotional expression and pressure to follow the expectations of dominance and aggression, heighten the potential for men to engage in violent acts against women (Feder, Levant & Dean, 2010). This is why women do not feel safe within this social climate—in public or domestic situations—as they are often subject to bullying, assault, and/or physical and verbal abuse, at the hands of toxic masculinity. How are we supposed to feel safe in a world like that? It comes down to creating conversation within the media, and raising the issue at hand to create a change, and confronting men their corrupt behavior and their outdated idea of masculinity.

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Toxic masculinity kills men. It is not only women who suffer at the hands to toxic masculinity, but it is also men are often damaged by this social ideal. The social context of the masculine ideology, begins from a young age, defining the ideal masculinity relating to; toughness, stoicism, heterosexism, self-sufficient attitudes and suppression of emotional sensitivity (Wall & Kristjanson, 2005). This is not an idea that is learned, this is an idea that is taught. Boys are taught to be men from the men in their lives, then from their own experiences navigating the social norm, and usually from what is expected from a social and cultural context. If these social ideals are not met, these young boys are questioned of their character, many go as far as to label and instinctively assume their sexuality. That, from a young age continues to place pressure to become ‘masculine.’ Harmful masculinity occurs when negative masculine ideals are projected, leading to negative effects on their personality (Levant et al., 2003). The Man Box report, launched by Promundo and Axe showed a recent survey of over 1,000 men aged 18-30 in the US, UK, and Mexico, found that young men who embraced the outdated clichés of how ‘real men’ should act, were more likely to suffer depression, engage in self-harm and partake in lethal recreational activities. So how can be let go of this social context hindering boys in their youth? The topic of toxic masculinity has only been an issue as of recently, since 2017. In light of Hollywood producer, Harvey Weinstein’s systematic sexual harassment of multiple women in the film industry led to great social shift and in today’s media age, and victims across the globe came forward to share stories of assault and abuse. This raised the global conversation about how toxic masculine ideals are instilled in men, but it also raised the important questions of the kind of masculinity we should celebrate, about what it means to be a good man, and how we should go about raising young boys to be good (Saunders, 2017). This led to the #MeToo movement. Nowadays a men’s behavior change program is offered to address domestic violence and allows men to express their feelings and develop into the man they want to become, unchained from the masculine ideal, helping these men understand the impact of their behavior. A study from Monash University found that most men who attended became violence-free or almost violence-free after two years (Om, 2019). With today’s growing media and the controversial social issues and global conversations—an on-going process—it is time that men let go of the masculine ideal, a solution often by seeking help.

It is important to help men realize their actions and allowing them to understand and take responsibility, showing them that it is okay to stand up to defend what is right, as an act of strength, not an expression of weakness. Women have the right to feel safe in any environment, and toxic masculinity is putting them in a position that could potentially be fatal. By speaking out about the issue and standing up for their right to feel safe, allows men to realize their behavior towards women. So rather than engaging in the outdated toxic ideals, that ultimately affect their mental well-being, creating conversation about toxic masculinity allows men to break away from the social norm and allow them to become the man they want to be without social pressures. There is no need for any more to prove their masculinity through aggression, guilt, and fear, it is time to end toxic masculinity.

Reference List:

  • Feder, J., Levant, R.F., & Dean, J. (2010). Boys and violence: A gender-informed analysis. Psychology of Violence. Retrieved from http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/2152-0828.1.S.3.
  • Levant, R., Richmond, K., Majors, R., Inclan, J., Rossello, J., et al. (2003). A multicultural investigation of masculinity ideology and alexithymia. Psychology of Men and Masculinity. Retrieved from dx.doi.org.ezproxy.rit.edu/10.1037/1524-9220.4.2.91.
  • Mahdawi, A. (2019). Seriously, Meryl Streep? ‘Toxic masculinity’ doesn’t hurt men – it kills them. Retrieved from https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/jun/01/seriously-meryl-streep-toxic-masculinity-doesnt-hurt-men-it-kills-them
  • Om, J. (2019). Toxic masculinity: Helping men understand the impact of their behavior. Retrieved from https://www.abc.net.au/life/toxic-masculinity-men-understanding-their-behaviour/9998310
  • Saunders, D. (2017). Why good men need to reclaim masculinity from the toxic cliche of power and aggression. Retrieved from https://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-10-29/what-makes-a-good-man/9091960
  • Wall, D., & Kristjanson. L. (2005). Men, culture, and hegemonic masculinity: understanding the experience of prostate cancer. Nursing Inquiry. Retrieved from doi-org.ezproxy.rit.edu/10.1111.j.1440-1800.2005.00258.x.

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120 Masculinity Essay Topic Ideas & Examples

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  • American Playwrights Presentation of Masculinity
  • Feminism and Masculinity as a Result of a Society Crisis
  • Advertising and the Construction of Violent White Masculinity: Gender Differences in Advertising
  • Americans and Mexicans Perceive Masculinity and Feminism Differently
  • Masculinity and Femininity: Do Sex, Race, and Social Class Matter
  • Femininity, Masculinity and Physical Activity
  • Masculinity and Its Affect Society
  • Attributes Traditionally Associated With Masculinity and Femininity and Their Contrasts in Medea and Pygmalion
  • Representations of Masculinity: Associating Violence With Masculinity
  • Economic Inequality and Masculinity–Femininity
  • Fragile Masculinity: Social Inequalities in the Narrative Frame and Discursive Construction of a Mass Shooter’s Autobiography
  • Femininity and Masculinity as Single Identities
  • Social Structure of Gender – Masculinity, and Violence
  • Gender Differences Between Masculinity and Femininity
  • Hegemonic Masculinity, Gender, and Post-colonialism
  • Feminism and Masculinity Defined Who People Are Today
  • How the So-Called Crisis in Masculinity Paradoxically Furthers Forms of Hegemonic Masculinity
  • Correlation Between Masculinity and Empathy
  • The Repression of Masculinity and Its Effects on Society
  • What Role Does International Relations Play in the Shaping, Defining, or Legitimating Masculinity or Masculinities?
  • How Has White Patriarchy Affected Black Masculinity?
  • What Are the Characteristics of Masculinity?
  • How Was Masculinity Constructed in Post-revolutionary French Art?
  • How Do Palahniuk and Ellis Present Modern Masculinity?
  • What Are the Norms and Ideals of Masculinity in Today’s Society?
  • How Are Masculinity and Femininity Represented in Car Advertisements?
  • What Are the Four Types of Masculinity?
  • How Have Gender Roles in Japanese Theatre Influenced and Affected Societal Views on Homosexuality and Masculinity?
  • How the Words Masculinity and Femininity Are Misused Nowadays?
  • Who and What Defines Masculinity?
  • How Does Masculinity Affect Women ‘s Choices?
  • What Are Examples of Masculinity?
  • How Does Media Effects the Subconscious Ideal of Masculinity?
  • What Is Masculinity in Today’s Society?
  • Does Feminism and Masculinity Define Who People Are Today?
  • How Boys Develop Masculinity Through Sports?
  • How Does David Fincher Project Masculinity and Gender Identity in His Films?
  • How Has Hegemonic Masculinity Set Ideas of Gender Roles?
  • Is Masculinity a Gender Role?
  • How Manhood and Masculinity Have Been Shaped by Stereotypical Representation in Advertising?
  • Does Masculinity Affect Our Society?
  • What Is the Main Idea of Masculinity?
  • How Does Advertising Dictate Femininity and Masculinity Perceptions?
  • How Female Masculinity Empowers Women in Society?
  • How and Why Is Masculinity in Crisis?
  • How Does Arthur Miller Explore the Theme of Masculinity?
  • What Are the Qualities of Masculinity?
  • Does Masculinity Matter for Female Leaders?
  • What Is Positive Masculinity?
  • Chicago (A-D)
  • Chicago (N-B)

IvyPanda. (2024, February 29). 120 Masculinity Essay Topic Ideas & Examples. https://ivypanda.com/essays/topic/masculinity-essay-topics/

"120 Masculinity Essay Topic Ideas & Examples." IvyPanda , 29 Feb. 2024, ivypanda.com/essays/topic/masculinity-essay-topics/.

IvyPanda . (2024) '120 Masculinity Essay Topic Ideas & Examples'. 29 February.

IvyPanda . 2024. "120 Masculinity Essay Topic Ideas & Examples." February 29, 2024. https://ivypanda.com/essays/topic/masculinity-essay-topics/.

1. IvyPanda . "120 Masculinity Essay Topic Ideas & Examples." February 29, 2024. https://ivypanda.com/essays/topic/masculinity-essay-topics/.

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IvyPanda . "120 Masculinity Essay Topic Ideas & Examples." February 29, 2024. https://ivypanda.com/essays/topic/masculinity-essay-topics/.

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Home — Essay Samples — Literature — Feminist Literary Criticism — The Drowning Effect of Masculine Ideology in Junot Diaz’s Drown

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The Drowning Effect of Masculine Ideology in Junot Diaz's Drown

  • Categories: Feminist Literary Criticism

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Published: Mar 8, 2024

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The drowning effect of toxic masculinity

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Home / Essay Samples / Social Issues / Sexism / The Culture Of Toxic Masculinity

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