college essays mistakes

Top 20 Errors in Undergraduate Writing

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The Top Twenty: A Quick Guide to Troubleshooting Your Writing

Readers judge your writing by your control of certain conventions, which may change depending on your audience, purpose, and writing situation.  For example, your instructor may or may not mark errors in your paper if he’s more concerned with its argument or structure than he is with sentence-level correctness; he could also decide an error is not serious.  Some instructors may even see the errors listed below as stylistic options. However, a large-scale study by Andrea Lunsford and Karen Lunsford (2008) found that these errors are the most likely to attract readers’ negative attention.  Before handing in your papers, proofread them carefully for these errors, which are illustrated below in the sentences in italics.  

THE TOP TWENTY

1. wrong word.

Wrong word errors take a number of forms. They may convey a slightly different meaning than you intend ( compose instead of comprise ) or a completely wrong meaning ( prevaricate  instead of procrastinate ). They may also be as simple as a wrong preposition or other type of wrong word in an idiom.

Use your thesaurus and spell checker with care. If you select a word from a thesaurus without knowing its precise meaning or allow a spell checker to correct spelling automatically, you may make wrong-word errors. If prepositions and idioms are tricky for you, look up the standard usage.

Here are a couple of wrong word examples:

Did you catch my illusion to the Bible?

Illusion means “an erroneous perception of reality.” In the context of this sentence,  allusion was needed because it means "reference.”

Edmund Spenser’s The Faerie Queene is a magnificent sixteenth-century allergy.

A spell checker replaced allegory with allergy.

2. Missing Comma after an Introductory Element

Use a comma after every introductory element—whether word, phrase or clause—to clarify where it ends and the rest of the sentence begins. When the introductory element is very short, you can skip the comma, but including it is never wrong.

Without a comma after the introductory element, it’s hard to see the location of the subject (“they”) in this sentence:

Determined to make their flight on time they rose at dawn.

3. Incomplete or Missing Documentation

Documentation practices vary from discipline to discipline.  But in academic and research writing, it’s a good idea to always cite your sources: omitting documentation can result in charges of plagiarism.

The examples below follow MLA style.  In this example, the page number of the print source for this quotation must be included.

The Social Media Bible defines social media as the “activities, practices, and behaviors among communities of people who gather online to share information, knowledge, and opinions using conversational media.”

And here, the source mentioned should be identified because it makes a specific, arguable claim:

According to one source, it costs almost twice an employee’s salary to recruit and train a replacement. 

Cite each source you refer to in the text, following the guidelines of the documentation style you are using. 

4. Vague Pronoun Reference

A pronoun (e.g., he, this, it) should refer clearly to the noun it replaces (called the antecedent).  If more than one word could be the antecedent, or if no specific antecedent is present, edit to make the meaning clear.

In this sentence, it possibly refers to more than one word:

If you put this handout in your binder, it may remind you of important tutoring strategies .

In some pronoun usage, the reference is implied but not stated.  Here, for example, you might wonder what which refers to:

The authoritarian school changed its cell phone policy, which many students resisted.

To improve this sentence, the writer needs to make explicit what students resisted.

5. Spelling

Even though technology now reviews much of our spelling for us, one of the top 20 most common errors is a spelling error.  That’s because spell checkers cannot identify many misspellings, and are most likely to miss homonyms (e.g., presence/presents), compound words incorrectly spelled as separate words, and proper nouns, particularly names. After you run the spell checker, proofread carefully for errors such as these:

Vladmir Putin is the controversial leader of Russia.

Every where she walked, she was reminded of him.

6. Mechanical Error with a Quotation

When we quote other writers, we bring their voices into our arguments.  Quotation marks crucially show where their words end and our own begin. 

Quotation marks come in pairs; don’t forget to open and close your quotations.  In most documentation styles (e.g., MLA Style), block quotations do not need quotations marks.  Consult your professor’s preferred style manual to learn how to present block quotations. 

Follow conventions when using quotation marks with other punctuation. Here, the comma should be placed inside the quotation marks:

"A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction", Virginia Woolf argues.

7. Unnecessary Comma

We often have a choice about whether or not to use a comma.  But if we add them to our sentences when and where they are not needed, then we may obscure rather than clarify our meaning.

Do not use commas to set off restrictive elements that are necessary to the meaning of the words they modify.  Here, for example, no comma is needed to set off the restrictive phrase  of working parents , which is necessary to indicate which parents the sentence is talking about.

Many children, of working parents, walk home from school by themselves.

Do not use a comma before a coordinating conjunction (and, but, for, nor, or, so, yet) when the conjunction does not join parts of a compound sentence.  In this example, no comma is needed before the word  and  because it joins two phrases that modify the same verb, applies.

  This social scourge can be seen in urban centers, and in rural outposts.

Do not use a comma before the first or after the last item in a series.

The students asked their TAs to review, the assignment rubric, a sample paper and their comments, before the end of the quarter.

Do not use a comma between a subject and verb.

Happily, the waiters, sat down during a break.

Do not use a comma between a verb and its object or complement.

On her way home from work, she bought, a book at the bookstore.

Do not use a comma between a preposition and its object.

On her way home from work, she bought a book at, the bookstore.

8. Unnecessary or Missing Capitalization

Capitalize proper nouns and proper adjectives, the first words of sentences, and important words in titles, along with certain words indicating directions and family relationships. Do not capitalize most other words. When in doubt, check a dictionary.

Financial Aid is a pressing concern for many University Students.

9. Missing Word

If you read your work outloud before submittingit, you are more likely to notice omitted words.  Be particularly careful not to omit words from quotations.

Soccer fans the globe rejoiced when the striker scored the second goal.

10. Faulty Sentence Structure

If a sentence starts out with one kind of structure and then changes to another kind, it will confuse readers.

The information that families have access to is what financial aid is available and thinking about the classes available, and how to register.

Maintain the grammatical pattern within a sentence.  Each sentence must have a subject and a verb, and the subjects and predicates must make sense together.  In the example above, thinking about the classes available does not help the reader understand the information families have access to.  Parallel structures can help your reader see the relationships among your ideas.  Here’s the sentence revised:

Families have access to information about financial aid, class availability, and registration.

11. Missing Comma with a Nonrestrictive Element

A nonrestrictive phrase or clause provides additional information that is not essential to the basic meaning of the sentence.  Use commas to set off a nonrestrictive element.

David who loved to read history was the first to head to the British Library.

The clause  who loved to read history does not affect the basic meaning of the sentence.  The clause could be taken out and the reader would still understand that David was the first to head to the British Library.  

12. Unnecessary Shift in Verb Tense

Verbs that shift from one tense to another with no clear reason can confuse readers.

Martin searched for a great horned owl.  He takes photographs of all the birds he sights.

13. Missing Comma in a Compound Sentence

A compound sentence consists of two or more independent clauses.  When the clauses are joined by a coordinating conjunction (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so), use a comma before the conjunction to indicate a pause between the two thoughts.

Miranda drove her brother and her mother waited at home.

Without the comma, a reader may think at first that Miranda drove both her brother and her mother.

14. Unnecessary or Missing Apostrophe (including its/it's)

To make a noun possessive, add either an apostrophe and an s (Ed's phone) or an apostrophe alone (the girls’ bathroom). Do not use an apostrophe in the possessive pronouns ours, yours, and hers. Use its to mean belong to it; use it's only when you mean it is or it has.

Repeated viral infections compromise doctors immune systems.

The chef lifted the skillet off it’s hook.  Its a fourteen-inch, copper skillet.

15. Fused (run-on) Sentence

A fused sentence (also called a run-on) joins clauses that could each stand alone as a sentence with no punctuation or words to link them. Fused sentences must be either divided into separate sentences or joined by adding words or punctuation.

The house was flooded with light, the moon rose above the horizon.

He wondered what the decision meant he thought about it all night.

16. Comma Splice

A comma splice occurs when only a comma separates clauses that could each stand alone as a sentence. To correct a comma splice, you can insert a semicolon or period, connect the clauses with a word such as and/or/because, or restructure the sentence.

The students rushed the field, they tore down the goalposts. 

17. Lack of pronoun/antecedent agreement

Pronouns typically must agree with their antecedents in gender (male or female, if appropriate) and in number (singular or plural). Many indefinite pronouns, such as everyone and each, are always singular.  However,  they can be used to agree with a singular antecedent in order to use inclusive or gender-neutral language.  When antecedents are joined by or or nor, the pronoun must agree with the closer antecedent. A collection noun such as team can be either singular or plural, depending on whether the members are seen as a group or individuals.

Every guest left their shoes at the door.

18. Poorly Integrated Quotation

Quotations should be logically and smoothly integrated with the writing around them, the grammar of the quotation complementing the grammar of the neighboring prose.  They usually need to be introduced (with a signal phrase) rather than dropped abruptly into the writing.

An award-winning 2009 study of friendship "understanding social networks allows us to understand how indeed, in the case of humans, the whole comes to be greater than the sum of its parts" (Christakis and Fowler 26).

"Social networks are intricate things of beauty" (Christakis and Fowler xiii). Maintaining close friendships is good for your health.

19. Missing or Unnecessary Hyphen

A compound adjective requires a hyphen when it modifies a noun that follows it.

This article describes eighteenth century theater.

A two-word verb should not be hyphenated. 

The dealers want to buy-back the computers and refurbish them.

20. Sentence Fragment

A sentence fragment is part of a sentence that is presented as if it were a complete sentence.  The following illustrate the ways sentence fragments can be created:

Without a subject

The American colonists resisted British taxation.  And started the American Revolution.

No complete verb

The pink geranium blooming in its pot.

Beginning with a subordinating word

We visited the park. Where we threw the Frisbee.

These 20 most common errors can be avoided in your writing if you reserve time to proofread your final draft before submission.

Works Cited

Lunsford, Andrea A. and Karen J. Lunsford.  “Mistakes are a Fact of Life: A National Comparative Study.”   CCC 59 (2008) 781-806.

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3 College Essay Examples that Need Improvement

What’s Covered:

Common college essay mistakes, how to strengthen your college essay.

• College Essay Examples and How They Could Be Improved

Where to Get Your Essay Edited for Free

If you’re preparing to apply to college, you already know how important your essay is as a part of your complete application. The college application essay demonstrates your strengths , and allows you the opportunity to explain to admissions committees why you are the perfect fit for a school. 

With the increasing popularity of test-optional and test-blind admissions, essays are becoming even more important. The last thing you want is to make simple mistakes that detract from your story. In this post, we’ll are three essay examples that didn’t quite make the mark and explain where they fell short and how they could be improved to make sure you don’t fall into the same traps.

Picking the Wrong Topic 

Admissions counselors are looking for topics that stand out. They seek originality when reviewing college applications, so it’s best to avoid any topics that could be considered cliche or overdone , like a sports injury or personal tragedy. Focus on what makes you stand out as a student, and as a person. Think about what makes you different from your peers, and center your topic around this. 

Writing About Too Much

Avoid repeating what you’ve said in other areas of your application. Write about one area of your life that’s interesting. The college essay isn’t a place for a chronological narrative of your life. You’ll want to focus on one moment, one anecdote that you can build on. The moment can be small, such as a bird you saw on a ledge when you woke up one morning. It can be as simple as a conversation with a friend in a car, or that time you went skydiving. In your college essay, think about how you will use a moment or metaphor as a vehicle for your story. 

Writing Too Formally

Write in your natural voice. Avoid academic jargon and use active voice rather than passive voice. You want to produce an essay that reads as natural as possible, so the meaning of your writing is clear to the admissions committee. Forget about impressing anyone with your top-tier vocabulary. Write how you speak, without any grammatical or spelling errors.

Not Showing Personality

The essay is an opportunity to show the admissions committee what makes you stand out. It’s a reflection of who you are. In the process of trying to build a complete application, don’t treat the essay as a formula to complete. This is your time to shine. Have fun with it, and show your readers what makes you unique. 

Telling Instead of Showing

Rather than giving a summary of your accomplishments, you’ll want to show the reader who you are by building a narrative. This means using sensory details to help your reader experience the story. When you move into telling moments, this pulls your reader away from the narrative. 

For example, if you want to describe a storm, instead of saying that you heard thunder and saw lightning in the sky (telling), say that there was a rumble in the ground and the sky lit up with a fluorescent haze (showing). 

So, now that you know what to avoid when it comes to writing your college essay, what should you do to strengthen your essay? 

1. Strong Topic 

Choosing a good topic is essential to a strong college essay. The topic you choose should allow you to answer the essay prompt, while also showcasing who you are.

Keep in mind that your topic should not be a list of your best qualities. Instead, think about an experience or series of experiences that can be expanded upon to provide insight into your character. Pick a memorable experience or exciting revelations, and then use literary devices, like metaphors, to create connections to your personality, identity, and values. The most seemingly simple topics, like walking your dog or participating in a summer program, can be exciting and insightful as long as you share your personality and reflections throughout your essay.

2. Personal Quotient 

Essays are the place to add your personal flair to your application. A great college essay should answer these questions:

• “Who Am I?”
• “Why Am I Here?”
• “What is Unique About Me?”
• “What Matters to Me?”

Essays are one of the only places on your application where admissions officers can actually hear your voice. While the rest of your application allows the admissions committee to understand you as a student through a collection of scores, grades, and activities, your essays can reveal who you are as a person. Make sure you write in your natural voice so that admissions officers can put a personality to the rest of your application data.

3. Quality Writing and Storytelling 

It’s important to show your writing skills in an essay, and keep your audience engaged. Don’t forget, the essay is different from other parts of your application: it’s a story . That means you need dialogue, action, sensory details, and a strong hook. 

Think about your favorite writers and how they tell a story in a captivating way. Rather than blatantly stating a character’s thoughts or feelings, authors often show these plot points using sensory descriptions or exciting action. You should do the same in your essays! This will allow admissions officers to feel more invested in your story and your application.

College Essay Examples and How They Could Be Improved 

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Essay Example #1

Prompt: You may wish to include an additional essay if you feel that the college application forms do not provide sufficient opportunity to convey important information about yourself or your accomplishments. You may write on a topic of your choice, or you may choose from one of the following topics: 

Travel, living, or working experiences in your own or other communities.

It was a raw day of what seemed as autumn but suggested winter. The red in every thermometer started to fall alongside the first few snowflakes. The green of the streets started to hide as the frost took control of the landscape. The colors of nature were an odd sight, as though it could not decide what dress it should wear. A cutting, ominous wind blew across the land.

That raw day was my first encounter with real personal crisis. My mind was blank. My head burned intensely. I couldn’t decide if this was a nightmare or a real tragedy. My mom had urged me to do a video call. I didn’t imagine she was the herald of dismal news: my parents were going to split up. Bitterness and sorrow accompanied every tear that my mother shed. She ended the call and l burst into tears. The unexpected news rammed my heart and injured it severely.

My parent’s separation created turmoil inside of me. I wasn’t the first kid whose parents separated, but I felt distant and powerless. I was living abroad for a year. I was thousands of miles from my beloved family. After this event, the chasm between me and my family seemed gargantuan. I lived in a land where I could barely speak the language. The language barrier didn’t allow me to explain how I felt and tears weren’t enough to describe what I was suffering. Even though I was surrounded by my host family and new friends, I felt alone without the ability to communicate. I stopped attending chess school. I rejected offers from my basketball teammates to train. I declined my music teacher’s offer to learn to play a new instrument. I was slowly succumbing to the pain caused by a problem that I couldn’t solve.

My emotional imbalance forced me to ponder about my decisions. Ron wouldn’t have rejected an opportunity to try his new chess tactics. Ron wouldn’t have rejected an opportunity to better his basketball personal high score. Ron wouldn’t have rejected an opportunity to challenge his musical abilities by learning a new instrument. I was ceasing to be myself. I realized I stopped doing what I loved, and instead lamented about the unchanging state of my parent’s ruined marriage. I realized I was throwing away the opportunity of a lifetime by staying home crying for something I couldn’t repair. I suddenly opened my eyes to my reality. I was living in Russia. I was living in the land of ballet, the land of scientific discovery, the land of music. I made the resolute decision to take advantage of the place I lived in, and fight through my pain whilst doing it. I kept myself busy with activities, as to not leave time for my mind to wander. I spent my afternoons in chess practices, basketball training, and music rehearsals. I started to play in chess tournaments, basketball matches and even had my first musical recital. I had filled my heart with joy from nourishing activities and had forgotten my internal grief.

Social, emotional, physical or even religious crises may bring personal instability into one’s life. The fact that I lived far away from my loved ones brought a more severe emotional instability. Nonetheless, this instability gave me the opportunity to mature and grow both emotionally and intellectually. Commitment to my daily activities not only helped me grow as a musician, as a chess player, as a basketball player, and as a person, but it also helped me encounter myself after being lost in grief. By finding a safe haven in my activities, I discovered a way to soothe the pain I felt. Through this state of entropy, I discovered that “times of personal crisis and inner turmoil” is just a euphemism for “opportunities and chances to thrive”. 

Why This Essay Isn’t Strong

Although this essay has a nice story at its core, there are multiple weak points that ultimately overwhelm the essay and confuse the reader.

Creative language: While this student was hoping to convey a sophisticated writing style, the inundation of metaphors, lofty diction, and irrelevant imagery severely distracts from the story and gives the impression this student used a thesaurus for every other word. The entire introductory paragraph has nothing to do with the essay except to demonstrate this student can describe the weather. Phrases like “ herald of dismal news ” and “ rammed my heart and injured it severely ” feel overly dramatic and out of place in a 17 year old’s conversational vocabulary. Yes, you want to put your best foot forward in your writing, but it has to be your words and not a thesaurus.

Grammar:  Something as simple as grammar can make or break your essay. Unfortunately, this student had multiple grammar mistakes that are hard to ignore. “ It was a raw day of what seemed as autumn but suggested winter, ” “ I didn’t imagine she was the herald of dismal news, ” and “ My emotional imbalance forced me to ponder about my decisions, ” are just a few examples.

Too much  repetition: Repetition can be a great tool in writing to create flow or emphasize certain points, but in this essay the combination of repeating sentence structure and ideas makes the essay feel unvaried and a bit monotonous. This student starts sentence after sentence with “ I ” and repeats the phrases “ I lived ” and “ I realized. ” On top of that, the pattern of chess, basketball, and music is repeated—in that same order—four times throughout the essay. It’s okay to focus on these three interests, but bringing them up in the same order multiple times makes the essay predictable.

Assuming the reader knows too   much:  You don’t want your college essay to spell everything out for the reader, but at the same time you don’t want each new piece of information to come out of left field and shock them. This student casually brings up that they were abroad in the third paragraph without any explanation as to why. They also refer to themselves in the third person (“ Ron wouldn’t… “), but at first glance it might not be evident that they are talking about themselves and the reader might wonder who Ron is.

How It Could Be Improved

So, how could this essay address each of the pain points addressed above?

Trust in your voice:  Rather than feeling the need to inject creative language and sophisticated diction into every sentence, rely on your natural writing style to truly convey to admissions officers who you are. A good practice is to write your first draft completely in your own voice and then when your editing you can change a few words or phrases, but make sure the majority of your writing sounds more like a conversation you would have with a friend or teacher rather than a formal essay.

Proofread. Proofread. Proofread : The best way to catch grammar mistakes is to read over your essay multiple times. With each reread you will catch a sentence that sounds clunky or a typo that doesn’t belong. However, you shouldn’t be the only one proofreading your essay. Give it to a friend, parent, or teacher so a fresh pair of eyes can help you perfect your grammar. Or, you can get an expert at CollegeVine to look over your essay!

Vary sentence structure:  To combat the over-repetitiveness in this essay this student needs to employ more creative sentences that play with the subject and predicate. These sentences, “ I stopped attending chess school. I rejected offers from my basketball teammates to train. I declined my music teacher’s offer to learn to play a new instrument”  could become: “ From ditching chess practice to skipping training sessions to abandoning my potential to learn the oboe, everything became meaningless.”

Clear organization:  The reader can easily get confused when new details are randomly introduced because of this essay’s lack of organization, so mapping out a clear flow of the story from beginning to middle to end would be beneficial. This essay should have begun with a depiction of this student’s life abroad in Russia, joyfully participating in the activities they abandon later. Then it would present the conflict of the divorce and the emotional turmoil the student experienced. Finally, they would demonstrate how their mindset shifted and what they learned. Presenting information in an organized, chronological way would greatly increase the reader’s ability to follow along.

Essay Example #2

Prompt: At MIT, we bring people together to better the lives of others. MIT students work to improve their communities in different ways, from tackling the world’s biggest challenges to being a good friend. Describe one way in which you have contributed to your community, whether in your family, the classroom, your neighborhood, etc. (200-250 words)

“Big Boy is back!” a child exclaimed excitedly, brandishing a marker and running towards me.

Having just walked into the room of the local nursery program at my church where I often volunteered, I couldn’t help but be amused. No matter how many times I told the kids my real name, I would always be known as “Big Boy.”

“Hey Sam! What are we doing today?” I asked enthusiastically, eyeing the chaotically moving marker that was inches away from my face. 

“We’re coloring angels, let me show you!” he responded. Looking at his multi-colored hands, I could only imagine the masterpieces he and the other kids had created.

When I tell people I’m interested in pursuing engineering, the last place they expect me to be spending my Sunday mornings is at a church hanging out with a bunch of little kids. Yet, that’s exactly where I’ll be. After they get over their disbelief, they often ask why, of all places, I would want to spend my time at such a chaotic place. The answer is simple: kids are fun! They do the most adorable things, and they surprise you in the best ways. But beyond that, I do it because I feel I can make a difference. I’ve watched many of these kids grow up since I started in 7th grade, and they always tell me that I’m their role model. If I can have such an impact on the life of a child, then why shouldn’t I continue?

At first glance you might think this essay is good—it has a surprising hook, it engages the reader with dialogue, and it includes the student’s playful voice. The big issue with this essay is it barely addresses the prompt and and the conversation with the kid has very little to do with the reflection the student provides at the end.

The purpose of this essay is to demonstrate your role within a given community. We want to see what your role is, what it entails, how the community has been affected, and hopefully how you have been affected or changed because of your involvement. We know that this student’s role is volunteering at a church nursery program, but that’s about it. 

While the final paragraph mentions “ I do it because I feel I can make a difference “, the rest of the essay doesn’t address this at all. The student refers to themself as “ their role model ” and yet the dialogue that encompasses half the essay doesn’t show us how this student is a role model nor how they’ve watched kids grow up and witnessed their impact. 

What Could Be Improved

This essay could easily be improved by tweaking the conversation with the little kid. Rather than making it about the student’s nickname and coloring, they could have discussed a conversation they had about teaching kids to work through a disagreement or how they inspired a group to start a hobby this student loves themself. The actual topic could vary but the important idea is conveying that this student is a role model and is making a difference in the lives of these children. 

It could also be nice to include details about older kids that they started working with a few years ago so the reader can actually see the impact of this student in the community. For example, maybe they use to kick a soccer ball around with a kid when they were in the program and now that kid is eight and they joined a local soccer team because they want to play varsity in high school like the student. An anecdote like that demonstrates a tangible impact this student had and makes it very easy to see how they are a role model.

Essay Example #3

Prompt: How did you discover your intellectual and academic interests, and how will you explore them at the University of Pennsylvania? Please respond considering the specific undergraduate school you have selected. (For students applying to the coordinated dual-degree and specialized programs, please answer these questions in regard to your single-degree school choice; your interest in the coordinated dual-degree or specialized program may be addressed through the program-specific essay.) (350-400 words)

My second grade accomplishment of being designated “Star of the Week” came with the  requirement of filling out a poster about myself. Besides telling the world my favorite snack, I had to write down my favorite subject and why—a box I ended up cramming, in the smallest handwriting possible, full of every single subject we’d explored at age seven. 

I have always been drawn to areas that allow me to combine my interdisciplinary passions. When I had the chance to promote school events as part of my school’s Leadership program, I realized that Marketing is one such subject. So I started seeking more venues to learn about the field. 

One of these opportunities came in the form of Wharton’s own Leadership in the Business World program. The RTAs-residential teaching assistants-helped me focus on the arena of  marketing as I conducted research on target markets and branding strategies to apply to our team’s startup. By the end of the program, I’d gotten a taste of the resources Penn has to offer to its undergraduate business students. 

At Wharton, I look forward to a varied curriculum that will enable me to pursue an interdisciplinary education which is strong in business and also offers a well-rounded General Education. Classes like “Creativity” and “Strategic Brand Management” will challenge me to learn and apply the diversity of technical and interpersonal skills required in the professional  world. 

I also look forward to the chances outside the classroom where I will be able to pursue my  interest in Marketing. I can join the MUSE organization (maybe under the Creative agency),  where upperclassmen and working professionals will mentor me in my education and career. I can look for opportunities to do research with professors like Dr. Kahn about brand loyalty or  visual design. At the Wharton School, the resources-faculty, curriculum, network-are abundant and diverse, making it the perfect place for me to pursue my interest in Marketing.

This essay makes a good effort, but ultimately feels flat and generic. To begin with, the story at the beginning was a nice attempt to establish pathos with a callback to their student’s childhood, but it doesn’t serve the essay at all. The whole essay is about pursuing marketing, therefore an anecdote about them discovering marketing would have been a much stronger opening. Instead of casually mentioning the “ chance to promote school events as part of my school’s Leadership program “, they could have shown the reader what that program looked like and why it piqued their interest.

In the body of the essay, there are many places where the author falls short in making connections between their own interests and UPenn’s unique resources. Highlighting Penn’s “ interdisciplinary education which is strong in business ” is by no means a unique school-specific offering, and the classes this student chose are pretty generic business classes. This student tells us what they will get out of these classes, but not why they want to take them. What prior experiences drew them to a class about creativity?

The student also mentions a club they want to join and a professor who’s research interests them, but again these aren’t Penn specific and there is a lack of personal connection. Why is learning about brand loyalty and visual design so important to this student? The reader gets no insight to the deeper emotional connection this student has to marketing. This essay is a prime example of how name dropping school resources isn’t enough.

The biggest change this essay could make would be to elaborate on their personal connection and fascination with marketing and UPenn. What would that look like?

To start, they would place us in the action at their school’s leadership program: describing the project they were working on, the creative ideas running through their head, and the adrenaline coursing through their body as they watched their marketing campaign get launched. 

The paragraph about Wharton’s Business program would be reworked to put the emphasis on the student’s startup and the process they went through to develop a marketing strategy, rather than what the program provided generally to all students.

When they discuss classes, clubs, and professors at Penn, the student would go into detail about why they are choosing this specific opportunity over anything else. How does it relate to their previous experiences? What skills are they hoping to develop and why? How will their future be impacted by participating in this particular opportunity? Each resource at Penn they mention has to drive home two points: the student will benefit from this opportunity and they could only have this at UPenn.

Writing college essays is hard; you need to show your personality, engage the reader, and answer the prompt fully. It’s important to get a second set of eyes on your essay so you can avoid these common college essay mistakes.  That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

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By submitting my email address. i certify that i am 13 years of age or older, agree to recieve marketing email messages from the princeton review, and agree to terms of use., admissions officers reveal the worst college essay grammar mistakes.

We asked admissions officers at 18 colleges for their grammatical pet peeves. Make sure your college essay is free of these errors by sharing this list with your proofreader. We also offer proofreading help through our awesome online tutors!

• Confusing its & it's; your & you're; or there, their & they're
• Run on sentences & fragments
• Verb/noun agreement and verb tense
• Singular articles before plural nouns like “an alumni”
• Misusing “me” and “I”
• Split infinitives
• Ending a sentence with a preposition
• Missing apostrophes
• Incorrect use of semicolons (Tip: If you’re not sure about semicolons, avoid them all together.)
• Overuse of contractions
• Poor use of the word “got” or “get” (Tip: Don’t write “get” when you mean “understand”.)
• Too many exclamation points

Read More: 6 Handy Grammar Rules for Your College Application

Check out our video on how to perfect your college essay:

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Your chance of acceptance, your chancing factors, extracurriculars, what are the biggest mistakes made on college essays.

Hey everyone! I'm starting to write my college essays, and I want to avoid any common mistakes. What do you think are the biggest no-no's when it comes to writing college application essays?

Hello! It's great that you're thinking about mistakes to avoid in your college essays. One of the most common errors with college essays is choosing a cliche topic. While you don't need to find a topic admissions officers have never seen before, as they read so many thousands of applications each year that that would be practically impossible, there are some tropes that are so common they're unlikely to do much of anything to help you stand out from the crowd. You can read about some of those topics to avoid on CollegeVine's blog: https://blog.collegevine.com/cliche-college-essay-topics

Additionally, many students forget to proofread their college essays for grammar and spelling errors. To make the best impression, ensure your essay is polished and revised multiple times. You can also check out CollegeVine's peer review essay service, which is free and allows other students to read over your essay, or submit your essay for a paid, expert review from one of our many excellent advisors.

Finally, not showcasing your authentic self is another significant mistake. While being honest about who you are with a bunch of strangers can be intimidating, trying to appear perfect or say "what they want to hear" will backfire on you, as you'll end up just blending into the background with all the other students who are catering their response around what they think admissions officers want rather than who they actually are.

Good luck with your essays, and don't hesitate to reach out for further advice!

About CollegeVine’s Expert FAQ

CollegeVine’s Q&A seeks to offer informed perspectives on commonly asked admissions questions. Every answer is refined and validated by our team of admissions experts to ensure it resonates with trusted knowledge in the field.

I help high-school seniors write their college-admission essays. Here are the 4 most common mistakes to avoid.

• For eight years, I've worked with high-school students to perfect their college-admission essays.
• I often see students think their ideas are completely original; the ideas have been done before.
• Students should also avoid writing about their academic achievements in the essays.

For high-school seniors, one of the toughest parts of the college-application process is writing the dreaded personal essay.

For eight years, I've been helping students shape their college-entrance essays. I help them home in on ideas that work, and I edit the essays to make sure their stories make sense. Lastly, I work with students themselves to buff and polish the essays until they shine. 

Through my years working with students, I've noticed several common mistakes. Here are the four pitfalls any prospective college student should avoid when writing a personal essay.

Think your idea or topic is original, but everyone is actually writing the same thing

Your personal experience may be unique to you, but it may not make a unique college essay. 

For example, in my area, there is a huge South Asian immigrant population. These kids are first-generation Americans and were brought here as small children or were born right after their parents arrived. These first-generation Americans want to share their stories because these are important, meaningful stories. Unfortunately, though, the idea isn't original. On average, approximately 70% of my students are trying to write on the same topic. 

Related stories

Similarly, students often think writing about someone else — a role model, for example — will be original. I assure you, it will not. Yes, you have deep respect for your grandmother who raised five children as a single mom, but that's her story , not yours . 

You're writing about an experience that happened when you were in elementary school

I've seen high-school students write about how they learned to be part of a group when they joined a robotics club in third grade. Unfortunately, the admissions counselors don't really care about third grade. They're interested in your current life — as a high schooler. 

You want to write about things that have happened to you recently. Did you just have a big blowout with your friend group that redefined your meaning of friendship? Did you find out that your best friend cheated on a recent chemistry exam? What did you do about it? 

Tell us who you are today — not who you were in elementary or middle school.

You want to focus on your achievements, your SAT scores, or your grades

Showcasing your academic triumphs is what the rest of the application is for. From transcripts to letters of recommendation to a list of your activities, admissions officers will see your accomplishments throughout your application. 

But if you rewrite them in your personal essay, you'll just be repeating yourself, which colleges don't like. Plus, you won't be showing who you really are.

You're not thoroughly proofreading your essay

Reading the essay back to yourself under your breath isn't enough. I want you to first read the essay out loud — one word at a time and slowly. I want you to then read it out loud to yourself again, but this time, read it backward so that you see each word as a separate entity. Finally, I want you to use free spell-check programs, like Grammarly. And then reread it again before hitting the upload button.

With all that said, make sure you're showing who you are in your college essay. Bring yourself to life . Use the power of storytelling; it will get you everywhere.

Do you have a powerful or unique college life story to share with Insider? Please send details to [email protected].

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How to End a College Admissions Essay | 4 Winning Strategies

Published on October 16, 2021 by Meredith Testa . Revised on May 31, 2023.

The ending of your college essay should leave your reader with a sense of closure and a strong final impression.

Table of contents

Endings to avoid, option 1: return to the beginning, option 2: look forward, option 3: reveal your main point, option 4: end on an action, other interesting articles, frequently asked questions about college application essays.

A bad conclusion can bring your whole essay down, so make sure to avoid these common mistakes.

Summarizing

Unlike an academic essay, an admissions essay shouldn’t restate your points. Avoid ending with a summary; there’s no need to repeat what you’ve already written.

Phrases like “in conclusion,” “overall,” or “to sum it up” signal that you have nothing to add to what you’ve already written, so an admissions officer may stop reading.

Stating the obvious

Instead of stating the obvious, let your work speak for itself and allow readers to draw their own conclusions. If your essay details various times that you worked tirelessly to go above and beyond, don’t finish it by stating “I’m hardworking.” Admissions officers are smart enough to figure that out on their own.

You should also avoid talking about how you hope to be accepted. Admissions officers know you want to be accepted—that’s why you applied! It’s okay to connect what you discuss in the essay to your potential future career or college experience, but don’t beg for admission. Stay focused on your essay’s core topic.

Prevent plagiarism. Run a free check.

Many successful essays follow a “sandwich,” or full-circle, structure , meaning that they start with some image or idea, veer away from it in the middle, and then return to it at the end.

This structure is clean, self-contained, and satisfying for readers, so it’s a great choice if it works with the topic you’ve chosen.

In the “sandwich” essay outlined below, a student discusses his passion for musical theater. Instead of simply stating that interest, his essay starts with a funny anecdote about a minor fire that erupted on set. At the end, it returns to this anecdote, creating a sense of closure.

• Intro: I may be the world’s worst firefighter.
• Flashback to working on the school musical
• Demonstrate my passion for theatre
• Detail the story of the theater set catching fire
• Show how I made the most of the situation
• Conclusion: I proved my value as a director, an actor, and a writer that week一even if I was a terrible firefighter.

Many successful essays end by looking forward to the future. These endings are generally hopeful and positive—always great qualities in an admissions essay—and often connect the student to the college or their academic goals.

Although these endings can be highly effective, it can be challenging to keep them from sounding cliché. Keep your ending specific to you, and don’t default to generalities, which can make your essay seem bland and unoriginal.

Below are a good and a bad example of how you could write a “looking forward” ending for the musical theater “firefighter” essay.

Sometimes, holding back your main point can be a good strategy. If your essay recounts several experiences, you could save your main message for the conclusion, only explaining what ties all the stories together at the very end.

When done well, this ending leaves the reader thinking about the main point you want them to take from your essay. It’s also a memorable structure that can stand out.

However, if you choose this approach, it can be challenging to keep the essay interesting enough that the reader pays attention throughout.

In the essay outlined below, a student gives us snapshots of her experience of gymnastics at different stages in her life. In the conclusion, she ties the stories together and shares the insight that they taught her about different aspects of her character and values.

• Passionate, excited
• Sister born that day—began to consider people beyond myself
• Realizing that no matter how much I love gymnastics, there are more important things
• I’d been working especially hard to qualify for that level
• It came after many setbacks and failures
• I had to give up time with friends, first homecoming dance of high school, and other activities, and I considered quitting
• Conclusion: I’m still all of those selves: the passionate 7-year-old, the caring 11-year-old, and the determined 15-year-old. Gymnastics has been a constant throughout my life, but beyond the balance beam, it has also shown me how to change and grow.

Ending on an action can be a strong way to wrap up your essay. That might mean including a literal action, dialogue, or continuation of the story.

These endings leave the reader wanting more rather than wishing the essay had ended sooner. They’re interesting and can help you avoid boring your reader.

Here’s an example of how this ending could work for the gymnastics essay.

If you want to know more about academic writing , effective communication , or parts of speech , make sure to check out some of our other articles with explanations and examples.

Academic writing

• Writing process
• Transition words
• Passive voice
• Paraphrasing

 Communication

• How to end an email
• Ms, mrs, miss
• How to start an email
• I hope this email finds you well
• Hope you are doing well

 Parts of speech

• Personal pronouns
• Conjunctions

There are a few strategies you can use for a memorable ending to your college essay :

• Return to the beginning with a “full circle” structure
• Reveal the main point or insight in your story
• Look to the future
• End on an action

The best technique will depend on your topic choice, essay outline, and writing style. You can write several endings using different techniques to see which works best.

Unlike a five-paragraph essay, your admissions essay should not end by summarizing the points you’ve already made. It’s better to be creative and aim for a strong final impression.

You should also avoid stating the obvious (for example, saying that you hope to be accepted).

There are no set rules for how to structure a college application essay , but these are two common structures that work:

• A montage structure, a series of vignettes with a common theme.
• A narrative structure, a single story that shows your personal growth or how you overcame a challenge.

Avoid the five-paragraph essay structure that you learned in high school.

When revising your college essay , first check for big-picture issues regarding message, flow, tone, style , and clarity. Then, focus on eliminating grammar and punctuation errors.

Cite this Scribbr article

If you want to cite this source, you can copy and paste the citation or click the “Cite this Scribbr article” button to automatically add the citation to our free Citation Generator.

Testa, M. (2023, May 31). How to End a College Admissions Essay | 4 Winning Strategies. Scribbr. Retrieved April 9, 2024, from https://www.scribbr.com/college-essay/conclusion-college-essay/

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College Admissions , College Essays

The personal statement might just be the hardest part of your college application. Mostly this is because it has the least guidance and is the most open-ended. One way to understand what colleges are looking for when they ask you to write an essay is to check out the essays of students who already got in—college essays that actually worked. After all, they must be among the most successful of this weird literary genre.

In this article, I'll go through general guidelines for what makes great college essays great. I've also compiled an enormous list of 100+ actual sample college essays from 11 different schools. Finally, I'll break down two of these published college essay examples and explain why and how they work. With links to 177 full essays and essay excerpts , this article is a great resource for learning how to craft your own personal college admissions essay!

What Excellent College Essays Have in Common

Even though in many ways these sample college essays are very different from one other, they do share some traits you should try to emulate as you write your own essay.

Visible Signs of Planning

Building out from a narrow, concrete focus. You'll see a similar structure in many of the essays. The author starts with a very detailed story of an event or description of a person or place. After this sense-heavy imagery, the essay expands out to make a broader point about the author, and connects this very memorable experience to the author's present situation, state of mind, newfound understanding, or maturity level.

Knowing how to tell a story. Some of the experiences in these essays are one-of-a-kind. But most deal with the stuff of everyday life. What sets them apart is the way the author approaches the topic: analyzing it for drama and humor, for its moving qualities, for what it says about the author's world, and for how it connects to the author's emotional life.

Stellar Execution

A killer first sentence. You've heard it before, and you'll hear it again: you have to suck the reader in, and the best place to do that is the first sentence. Great first sentences are punchy. They are like cliffhangers, setting up an exciting scene or an unusual situation with an unclear conclusion, in order to make the reader want to know more. Don't take my word for it—check out these 22 first sentences from Stanford applicants and tell me you don't want to read the rest of those essays to find out what happens!

A lively, individual voice. Writing is for readers. In this case, your reader is an admissions officer who has read thousands of essays before yours and will read thousands after. Your goal? Don't bore your reader. Use interesting descriptions, stay away from clichés, include your own offbeat observations—anything that makes this essay sounds like you and not like anyone else.

Technical correctness. No spelling mistakes, no grammar weirdness, no syntax issues, no punctuation snafus—each of these sample college essays has been formatted and proofread perfectly. If this kind of exactness is not your strong suit, you're in luck! All colleges advise applicants to have their essays looked over several times by parents, teachers, mentors, and anyone else who can spot a comma splice. Your essay must be your own work, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting help polishing it.

And if you need more guidance, connect with PrepScholar's expert admissions consultants . These expert writers know exactly what college admissions committees look for in an admissions essay and chan help you craft an essay that boosts your chances of getting into your dream school.

Check out PrepScholar's Essay Editing and Coaching progra m for more details!

Links to Full College Essay Examples

Some colleges publish a selection of their favorite accepted college essays that worked, and I've put together a selection of over 100 of these.

Common App Essay Samples

Please note that some of these college essay examples may be responding to prompts that are no longer in use. The current Common App prompts are as follows:

1. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. 2. The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? 3. Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome? 4. Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you? 5. Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. 6. Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

7. Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

Now, let's get to the good stuff: the list of 177 college essay examples responding to current and past Common App essay prompts. 

Connecticut college.

• 12 Common Application essays from the classes of 2022-2025

Hamilton College

• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2026
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2022
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2018
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2012
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2007

Johns Hopkins

These essays are answers to past prompts from either the Common Application or the Coalition Application (which Johns Hopkins used to accept).

• 1 Common Application or Coalition Application essay from the class of 2026
• 6 Common Application or Coalition Application essays from the class of 2025
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2024
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2023
• 7 Common Application of Universal Application essays from the class of 2022
• 5 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2021
• 7 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2020

Essay Examples Published by Other Websites

• 2 Common Application essays ( 1st essay , 2nd essay ) from applicants admitted to Columbia

Other Sample College Essays

Here is a collection of essays that are college-specific.

Babson College

• 4 essays (and 1 video response) on "Why Babson" from the class of 2020

Emory University

• 5 essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) from the class of 2020 along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on why the essays were exceptional
• 5 more recent essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on what made these essays stand out

University of Georgia

• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2019
• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2018
• 10 Harvard essays from 2023
• 10 Harvard essays from 2022
• 10 Harvard essays from 2021
• 10 Harvard essays from 2020
• 10 Harvard essays from 2019
• 10 Harvard essays from 2018
• 6 essays from admitted MIT students

Smith College

• 6 "best gift" essays from the class of 2018

Books of College Essays

If you're looking for even more sample college essays, consider purchasing a college essay book. The best of these include dozens of essays that worked and feedback from real admissions officers.

College Essays That Made a Difference —This detailed guide from Princeton Review includes not only successful essays, but also interviews with admissions officers and full student profiles.

50 Successful Harvard Application Essays by the Staff of the Harvard Crimson—A must for anyone aspiring to Harvard .

50 Successful Ivy League Application Essays and 50 Successful Stanford Application Essays by Gen and Kelly Tanabe—For essays from other top schools, check out this venerated series, which is regularly updated with new essays.

Heavenly Essays by Janine W. Robinson—This collection from the popular blogger behind Essay Hell includes a wider range of schools, as well as helpful tips on honing your own essay.

Analyzing Great Common App Essays That Worked

I've picked two essays from the examples collected above to examine in more depth so that you can see exactly what makes a successful college essay work. Full credit for these essays goes to the original authors and the schools that published them.

Example 1: "Breaking Into Cars," by Stephen, Johns Hopkins Class of '19 (Common App Essay, 636 words long)

I had never broken into a car before.

We were in Laredo, having just finished our first day at a Habitat for Humanity work site. The Hotchkiss volunteers had already left, off to enjoy some Texas BBQ, leaving me behind with the college kids to clean up. Not until we were stranded did we realize we were locked out of the van.

Someone picked a coat hanger out of the dumpster, handed it to me, and took a few steps back.

"Can you do that thing with a coat hanger to unlock it?"

"Why me?" I thought.

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame. Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally. My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed. "The water's on fire! Clear a hole!" he shouted, tossing me in the lake without warning. While I'm still unconvinced about that particular lesson's practicality, my Dad's overarching message is unequivocally true: much of life is unexpected, and you have to deal with the twists and turns.

Living in my family, days rarely unfolded as planned. A bit overlooked, a little pushed around, I learned to roll with reality, negotiate a quick deal, and give the improbable a try. I don't sweat the small stuff, and I definitely don't expect perfect fairness. So what if our dining room table only has six chairs for seven people? Someone learns the importance of punctuality every night.

But more than punctuality and a special affinity for musical chairs, my family life has taught me to thrive in situations over which I have no power. Growing up, I never controlled my older siblings, but I learned how to thwart their attempts to control me. I forged alliances, and realigned them as necessary. Sometimes, I was the poor, defenseless little brother; sometimes I was the omniscient elder. Different things to different people, as the situation demanded. I learned to adapt.

Back then, these techniques were merely reactions undertaken to ensure my survival. But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The question caught me off guard, much like the question posed to me in Laredo. Then, I realized I knew the answer. I knew why the coat hanger had been handed to me.

Growing up as the middle child in my family, I was a vital participant in a thing I did not govern, in the company of people I did not choose. It's family. It's society. And often, it's chaos. You participate by letting go of the small stuff, not expecting order and perfection, and facing the unexpected with confidence, optimism, and preparedness. My family experience taught me to face a serendipitous world with confidence.

What Makes This Essay Tick?

It's very helpful to take writing apart in order to see just how it accomplishes its objectives. Stephen's essay is very effective. Let's find out why!

An Opening Line That Draws You In

In just eight words, we get: scene-setting (he is standing next to a car about to break in), the idea of crossing a boundary (he is maybe about to do an illegal thing for the first time), and a cliffhanger (we are thinking: is he going to get caught? Is he headed for a life of crime? Is he about to be scared straight?).

Great, Detailed Opening Story

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame.

It's the details that really make this small experience come alive. Notice how whenever he can, Stephen uses a more specific, descriptive word in place of a more generic one. The volunteers aren't going to get food or dinner; they're going for "Texas BBQ." The coat hanger comes from "a dumpster." Stephen doesn't just move the coat hanger—he "jiggles" it.

Details also help us visualize the emotions of the people in the scene. The person who hands Stephen the coat hanger isn't just uncomfortable or nervous; he "takes a few steps back"—a description of movement that conveys feelings. Finally, the detail of actual speech makes the scene pop. Instead of writing that the other guy asked him to unlock the van, Stephen has the guy actually say his own words in a way that sounds like a teenager talking.

Turning a Specific Incident Into a Deeper Insight

Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

Stephen makes the locked car experience a meaningful illustration of how he has learned to be resourceful and ready for anything, and he also makes this turn from the specific to the broad through an elegant play on the two meanings of the word "click."

Using Concrete Examples When Making Abstract Claims

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally.

"Unpredictability and chaos" are very abstract, not easily visualized concepts. They could also mean any number of things—violence, abandonment, poverty, mental instability. By instantly following up with highly finite and unambiguous illustrations like "family of seven" and "siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing," Stephen grounds the abstraction in something that is easy to picture: a large, noisy family.

Using Small Bits of Humor and Casual Word Choice

My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed.

Obviously, knowing how to clean burning oil is not high on the list of things every 9-year-old needs to know. To emphasize this, Stephen uses sarcasm by bringing up a situation that is clearly over-the-top: "in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed."

The humor also feels relaxed. Part of this is because he introduces it with the colloquial phrase "you know," so it sounds like he is talking to us in person. This approach also diffuses the potential discomfort of the reader with his father's strictness—since he is making jokes about it, clearly he is OK. Notice, though, that this doesn't occur very much in the essay. This helps keep the tone meaningful and serious rather than flippant.

An Ending That Stretches the Insight Into the Future

But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The ending of the essay reveals that Stephen's life has been one long preparation for the future. He has emerged from chaos and his dad's approach to parenting as a person who can thrive in a world that he can't control.

This connection of past experience to current maturity and self-knowledge is a key element in all successful personal essays. Colleges are very much looking for mature, self-aware applicants. These are the qualities of successful college students, who will be able to navigate the independence college classes require and the responsibility and quasi-adulthood of college life.

What Could This Essay Do Even Better?

Even the best essays aren't perfect, and even the world's greatest writers will tell you that writing is never "finished"—just "due." So what would we tweak in this essay if we could?

Replace some of the clichéd language. Stephen uses handy phrases like "twists and turns" and "don't sweat the small stuff" as a kind of shorthand for explaining his relationship to chaos and unpredictability. But using too many of these ready-made expressions runs the risk of clouding out your own voice and replacing it with something expected and boring.

Use another example from recent life. Stephen's first example (breaking into the van in Laredo) is a great illustration of being resourceful in an unexpected situation. But his essay also emphasizes that he "learned to adapt" by being "different things to different people." It would be great to see how this plays out outside his family, either in the situation in Laredo or another context.

Example 2: By Renner Kwittken, Tufts Class of '23 (Common App Essay, 645 words long)

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver. I saw it in my favorite book, Richard Scarry's "Cars and Trucks and Things That Go," and for some reason, I was absolutely obsessed with the idea of driving a giant pickle. Much to the discontent of my younger sister, I insisted that my parents read us that book as many nights as possible so we could find goldbug, a small little golden bug, on every page. I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Then I discovered a real goldbug: gold nanoparticles that can reprogram macrophages to assist in killing tumors, produce clear images of them without sacrificing the subject, and heat them to obliteration.

Suddenly the destination of my pickle was clear.

I quickly became enveloped by the world of nanomedicine; I scoured articles about liposomes, polymeric micelles, dendrimers, targeting ligands, and self-assembling nanoparticles, all conquering cancer in some exotic way. Completely absorbed, I set out to find a mentor to dive even deeper into these topics. After several rejections, I was immensely grateful to receive an invitation to work alongside Dr. Sangeeta Ray at Johns Hopkins.

In the lab, Dr. Ray encouraged a great amount of autonomy to design and implement my own procedures. I chose to attack a problem that affects the entire field of nanomedicine: nanoparticles consistently fail to translate from animal studies into clinical trials. Jumping off recent literature, I set out to see if a pre-dose of a common chemotherapeutic could enhance nanoparticle delivery in aggressive prostate cancer, creating three novel constructs based on three different linear polymers, each using fluorescent dye (although no gold, sorry goldbug!). Though using radioactive isotopes like Gallium and Yttrium would have been incredible, as a 17-year-old, I unfortunately wasn't allowed in the same room as these radioactive materials (even though I took a Geiger counter to a pair of shoes and found them to be slightly dangerous).

I hadn't expected my hypothesis to work, as the research project would have ideally been led across two full years. Yet while there are still many optimizations and revisions to be done, I was thrilled to find -- with completely new nanoparticles that may one day mean future trials will use particles with the initials "RK-1" -- thatcyclophosphamide did indeed increase nanoparticle delivery to the tumor in a statistically significant way.

A secondary, unexpected research project was living alone in Baltimore, a new city to me, surrounded by people much older than I. Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research. Whether in a presentation or in a casual conversation, making others interested in science is perhaps more exciting to me than the research itself. This solidified a new pursuit to angle my love for writing towards illuminating science in ways people can understand, adding value to a society that can certainly benefit from more scientific literacy.

It seems fitting that my goals are still transforming: in Scarry's book, there is not just one goldbug, there is one on every page. With each new experience, I'm learning that it isn't the goldbug itself, but rather the act of searching for the goldbugs that will encourage, shape, and refine my ever-evolving passions. Regardless of the goldbug I seek -- I know my pickle truck has just begun its journey.

Renner takes a somewhat different approach than Stephen, but their essay is just as detailed and engaging. Let's go through some of the strengths of this essay.

One Clear Governing Metaphor

This essay is ultimately about two things: Renner’s dreams and future career goals, and Renner’s philosophy on goal-setting and achieving one’s dreams.

But instead of listing off all the amazing things they’ve done to pursue their dream of working in nanomedicine, Renner tells a powerful, unique story instead. To set up the narrative, Renner opens the essay by connecting their experiences with goal-setting and dream-chasing all the way back to a memorable childhood experience:

This lighthearted–but relevant!--story about the moment when Renner first developed a passion for a specific career (“finding the goldbug”) provides an anchor point for the rest of the essay. As Renner pivots to describing their current dreams and goals–working in nanomedicine–the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” is reflected in Renner’s experiments, rejections, and new discoveries.

Though Renner tells multiple stories about their quest to “find the goldbug,” or, in other words, pursue their passion, each story is connected by a unifying theme; namely, that as we search and grow over time, our goals will transform…and that’s okay! By the end of the essay, Renner uses the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” to reiterate the relevance of the opening story:

While the earlier parts of the essay convey Renner’s core message by showing, the final, concluding paragraph sums up Renner’s insights by telling. By briefly and clearly stating the relevance of the goldbug metaphor to their own philosophy on goals and dreams, Renner demonstrates their creativity, insight, and eagerness to grow and evolve as the journey continues into college.

An Engaging, Individual Voice

This essay uses many techniques that make Renner sound genuine and make the reader feel like we already know them.

Technique #1: humor. Notice Renner's gentle and relaxed humor that lightly mocks their younger self's grand ambitions (this is different from the more sarcastic kind of humor used by Stephen in the first essay—you could never mistake one writer for the other).

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver.

I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Renner gives a great example of how to use humor to your advantage in college essays. You don’t want to come off as too self-deprecating or sarcastic, but telling a lightheartedly humorous story about your younger self that also showcases how you’ve grown and changed over time can set the right tone for your entire essay.

Technique #2: intentional, eye-catching structure. The second technique is the way Renner uses a unique structure to bolster the tone and themes of their essay . The structure of your essay can have a major impact on how your ideas come across…so it’s important to give it just as much thought as the content of your essay!

For instance, Renner does a great job of using one-line paragraphs to create dramatic emphasis and to make clear transitions from one phase of the story to the next:

Suddenly the destination of my pickle car was clear.

Not only does the one-liner above signal that Renner is moving into a new phase of the narrative (their nanoparticle research experiences), it also tells the reader that this is a big moment in Renner’s story. It’s clear that Renner made a major discovery that changed the course of their goal pursuit and dream-chasing. Through structure, Renner conveys excitement and entices the reader to keep pushing forward to the next part of the story.

Technique #3: playing with syntax. The third technique is to use sentences of varying length, syntax, and structure. Most of the essay's written in standard English and uses grammatically correct sentences. However, at key moments, Renner emphasizes that the reader needs to sit up and pay attention by switching to short, colloquial, differently punctuated, and sometimes fragmented sentences.

Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research.

In the examples above, Renner switches adeptly between long, flowing sentences and quippy, telegraphic ones. At the same time, Renner uses these different sentence lengths intentionally. As they describe their experiences in new places, they use longer sentences to immerse the reader in the sights, smells, and sounds of those experiences. And when it’s time to get a big, key idea across, Renner switches to a short, punchy sentence to stop the reader in their tracks.

The varying syntax and sentence lengths pull the reader into the narrative and set up crucial “aha” moments when it’s most important…which is a surefire way to make any college essay stand out.

Renner's essay is very strong, but there are still a few little things that could be improved.

Connecting the research experiences to the theme of “finding the goldbug.”  The essay begins and ends with Renner’s connection to the idea of “finding the goldbug.” And while this metaphor is deftly tied into the essay’s intro and conclusion, it isn’t entirely clear what Renner’s big findings were during the research experiences that are described in the middle of the essay. It would be great to add a sentence or two stating what Renner’s big takeaways (or “goldbugs”) were from these experiences, which add more cohesion to the essay as a whole.

Give more details about discovering the world of nanomedicine. It makes sense that Renner wants to get into the details of their big research experiences as quickly as possible. After all, these are the details that show Renner’s dedication to nanomedicine! But a smoother transition from the opening pickle car/goldbug story to Renner’s “real goldbug” of nanoparticles would help the reader understand why nanoparticles became Renner’s goldbug. Finding out why Renner is so motivated to study nanomedicine–and perhaps what put them on to this field of study–would help readers fully understand why Renner chose this path in the first place.

4 Essential Tips for Writing Your Own Essay

How can you use this discussion to better your own college essay? Here are some suggestions for ways to use this resource effectively.

#1: Get Help From the Experts

Getting your college applications together takes a lot of work and can be pretty intimidatin g. Essays are even more important than ever now that admissions processes are changing and schools are going test-optional and removing diversity standards thanks to new Supreme Court rulings .  If you want certified expert help that really makes a difference, get started with  PrepScholar’s Essay Editing and Coaching program. Our program can help you put together an incredible essay from idea to completion so that your application stands out from the crowd. We've helped students get into the best colleges in the United States, including Harvard, Stanford, and Yale.  If you're ready to take the next step and boost your odds of getting into your dream school, connect with our experts today .

#2: Read Other Essays to Get Ideas for Your Own

As you go through the essays we've compiled for you above, ask yourself the following questions:

• Can you explain to yourself (or someone else!) why the opening sentence works well?
• Look for the essay's detailed personal anecdote. What senses is the author describing? Can you easily picture the scene in your mind's eye?
• Find the place where this anecdote bridges into a larger insight about the author. How does the essay connect the two? How does the anecdote work as an example of the author's characteristic, trait, or skill?
• Check out the essay's tone. If it's funny, can you find the places where the humor comes from? If it's sad and moving, can you find the imagery and description of feelings that make you moved? If it's serious, can you see how word choice adds to this tone?

Make a note whenever you find an essay or part of an essay that you think was particularly well-written, and think about what you like about it . Is it funny? Does it help you really get to know the writer? Does it show what makes the writer unique? Once you have your list, keep it next to you while writing your essay to remind yourself to try and use those same techniques in your own essay.

#3: Find Your "A-Ha!" Moment

All of these essays rely on connecting with the reader through a heartfelt, highly descriptive scene from the author's life. It can either be very dramatic (did you survive a plane crash?) or it can be completely mundane (did you finally beat your dad at Scrabble?). Either way, it should be personal and revealing about you, your personality, and the way you are now that you are entering the adult world.

Check out essays by authors like John Jeremiah Sullivan , Leslie Jamison , Hanif Abdurraqib , and Esmé Weijun Wang to get more examples of how to craft a compelling personal narrative.

#4: Start Early, Revise Often

Let me level with you: the best writing isn't writing at all. It's rewriting. And in order to have time to rewrite, you have to start way before the application deadline. My advice is to write your first draft at least two months before your applications are due.

Let it sit for a few days untouched. Then come back to it with fresh eyes and think critically about what you've written. What's extra? What's missing? What is in the wrong place? What doesn't make sense? Don't be afraid to take it apart and rearrange sections. Do this several times over, and your essay will be much better for it!

For more editing tips, check out a style guide like Dreyer's English or Eats, Shoots & Leaves .

What's Next?

Still not sure which colleges you want to apply to? Our experts will show you how to make a college list that will help you choose a college that's right for you.

Interested in learning more about college essays? Check out our detailed breakdown of exactly how personal statements work in an application , some suggestions on what to avoid when writing your essay , and our guide to writing about your extracurricular activities .

Working on the rest of your application? Read what admissions officers wish applicants knew before applying .

The recommendations in this post are based solely on our knowledge and experience. If you purchase an item through one of our links PrepScholar may receive a commission.

Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.

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9 College Essay Mistakes & How to Avoid Them

College essays are hard to write. We hear you! Collegebasics offers several articles to help you get off to a good start—at least a start–, but, here are some things you need to do to avoid common college essay mistakes.

Read the whole application.

You may ask why. The answer is some colleges require you to write multiple essays, beyond the Common Application’s personal essay, and if you miss that, your application will be incomplete. It’s good to know how many you should plan to write and what you are expected to write about. You will want to think about areas you want to write about and spread them over the essays rather than repeat yourself.

Read the essay prompts carefully.

Look at what the prompt(s) is asking you. Especially note the two-part prompt. Some ask you to relate an important experience or talk about your past, but often they also ask you what you learned or how something impacted you. The second part may be the most important part.

Look at word limits.

Be careful to write only as much as they ask for. Be concise. Write enough but not too much.

Research the college.

Most college websites indicate a slogan or a mission that helps define the college. Know what that is and include it in your essay where you might. For example, leaders of education  Cognita  have the slogan “achieve more than you believe possible”. You can implement this slogan into your essay as an indicator that you have done your research and  agree with their values .

Consider your essay’s tone.

Check your ego; humility over brag wins. Be positive. Yes, you may have weaknesses, but it’s best to indicate how you’ve overcome them or learned from them. Humor is fine (if you’re humorous), but comedy is out. Don’t be materialistic. Think how you might contribute to the college, not about what the college can do for you.

Think about the content of your essay.

The essay should not rehash your resume. That information is already in your application; the essay should go beyond. Avoid writing about your volunteer trip; it’s old! Don’t be general. Be specific and give personal details. The everyday often tells more about you than the unusual. Think about your daily routine or the things you watch on TV or what makes you laugh. These things show the real you.

Consider the structure of your essay.

This essay does not have to have a thesis statement, paragraphs of support, and a conclusion; but each paragraph should follow logically from the other. Also you need a very strong, even unusual, start to your essay to catch the reader’s attention. Don’t use academic words. This is a personal essay.

And, proofread.

‘nough said.

Start early.

Essays are hard, and you may have to write several. They take thought and pre-planning. You also want enough time left for input and reviews.

College essays are a challenge, but a challenge you must meet for college admission. Take your time and consider the above carefully.

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Bad College Essay Examples: 5 Essay Mistakes To Avoid

Grades, GPA, and transcripts are important components when applying to college. But numbers only tell part of the story. The  college admissions essay  plays a much more powerful role in telling your personal story to college admissions officers. So while university admissions departments may set initial cut-offs based on numbers, they make their final decision based on your college personal statement essay.

At Wordvice, we know college admissions essays. Every year, we receive tens of millions of words to edit from students applying to college. Therefore, we know what good college essays, bad college essays, and great college essays look like–and what students should do in their essays to get the attention of admissions officers.

Here we will cover  how to write a good college personal statement  by looking at some  common college admission essay mistakes to avoid  and discuss ways to improve your college application essays.

What does a good college application essay look like?

Before looking at some essay mistakes to avoid (or “bad college essays” to be a bit more blunt), let’s discuss what a good admissions essay does. Effective college personal statements give broad, comprehensive insights into your personal and academic background, provide college admissions counselors with an overview of your goals, and answer the college prompt directly and clearly. 

One of the best ways to learn how to write a good college application essay is to look at what successful students wrote.  

Check out a few powerful  examples of successful personal statements  so you can recognize what a great college application essay looks like. Reading examples of college essays can help you to understand exactly what college admissions officers are looking for.

Useful Tips on How to Write a College Admissions Essay

Once you take a look at what some successful college essay examples look like, the second step should be looking at some useful tips and checklists. This will help organize your college essay writing process, so look at these tips  before  you start writing and check them off as you go. 

• Quick Tips to Conquer the College Application Essay
• Six Tips for Proofreading your College Admissions Essay

Why it’s Important to Avoid Mistakes in Your College Essay

Even if you include all of the above positive tips in your college application essay, you still need to be aware of and avoid common college application essay mistakes. The importance of this cannot be understated. 

Negativity bias  is the concept in psychology that people will remember, dwell on, and act upon unpleasant thoughts and emotions as compared to positive or correct ones. Therefore, applicants should focus on the positive and productive elements of their personal narrative in the essay, even if this story includes some negative events or circumstances.

What does this mean for your college application essay?

Your personal statement is not only scanned by AI-powered grammar and spell checker apps to weed out simple mistakes outright, they are also read, interpreted, and graded by real human college admissions officers. These are seasoned professionals who will reject your college essay for any reason they deem fit. 

Randi Heathman, an independent education consultant, gives a clear summary of  why application essays are rejected :

Weak essays get skimmed. If a student’s essay isn’t great OR good, the admission officer will probably just skim past the essay and move right on to your transcript and your test scores to evaluate your candidacy for admission. Bad essays don’t get read. Period. A bad essay will prompt an admission officer to assume one of two things: 1) either you don’t care enough about your future at their school to take the time to write a good essay or 2) you aren’t academically up to attending their college or university. Neither of those assumptions will help you get admitted.

Do you see a theme here? Your college admissions essay needs to not only engage in and answer the prompt but also not give admissions officers any reasons to discard it. 

For this reason, students must actively  avoid the following college admissions essay mistakes.

Common College Essay Mistakes To Avoid

Below is a list and analysis of the types of mistakes to avoid on your college personal statement and avoid writing a bad college essay that will likely NOT get you into your program of choice.

Your Application Essay Repeats the Essay Prompt

Many universities have strict word counts that are designed to make the admissions process more efficient but also force you to write concisely. 

For example,  Villanova University has two application essays . The free choice essay is limited to 250 words while its “Why Nova?” essay is limited to just 100 words! 

So if you really want to ruin your chances of admission, repeat the essay prompt. Veteran college admissions officers will instantly trash your essay. It shows laziness and is interpreted as you not respecting their time. You need every opportunity to show who you are, your goals, and how you align with your target university. The best students have plenty to write about, and so should you.

Your Application Essay Uses Cliches

One of the biggest mistakes to avoid in your college admissions essay would be including tired clichés that don’t add interesting points or content. Don’t try to sound profound, exclusive, or postmodern in your writing. This will be obvious to the reader, and you probably will also not be the best writer or candidate on paper they have seen. What’s actually important is to demonstrate your self-awareness, your self-confidence, and your priorities and goals. 

Trying desperately to sound special will make you end up sounding like every other applicant, and admissions officers are experts at spotting fakes. You have plenty of resources to work with. Make sure your ideas are your own.

Example of clichés in an essay

When explaining a personal setback or a difficult decision, instead of writing, “This event was a disparate result antithetical to my character,” show some personal ownership and be straightforward. Here is a better way to phrase this sentiment:  “This is a decision I am not proud of, but it helped me learn a valuable lesson and put me in a better place today. Without this formative experience, I wouldn’t be the kind of person who applies myself in every challenging circumstance.”  

Need extra help improving your essay writing? Check out these  14 tricks to make your writing clearer and more engaging :

Your Admissions Essay Shares Too Much Personal Information

You have probably read everywhere that your personal statement should be, well, personal. Colleges want to get to know not just your academic background but also your personal worldview and interactions with successful people. 

This doesn’t mean you should discuss deeply personal issues at length or in too great of detail. Even controversial topics such as religion and politics are often welcomed if your perspective is well reasoned and fair. However, you must be able to demonstrate you can respect, recognize, and maintain personal boundaries. That is a key life skill that college admissions committees are looking for. 

Examples of sharing too much personal information

• Don’t discuss your sexual experiences.  Your sexual orientation may be a key part of your overall identity. However, limit this by keeping out details of personal activities. Use common sense and understand that most admissions officers are members of the general public who might not respond favorably to explicit details of your personal life. 
• Don’t confess to strange, illegal, or immoral behaviors or beliefs.  If you have a strange obsession, keep it to yourself. Only include unique aspects about your character or preferences if are key parts of how you view the world or your success as a student.
• Don’t insult subgroups of people . You never know who your college admissions officer will be. You want to show you know how to interface with the world, and your college application is a big first step to showing your maturity and inclusive views.

Your Admissions Essay is a Sympathy Essay

This essay mistake is very similar to oversharing personal information. These types of essays are usually a long list of all the terrible things that have happened to you with the hope that the admissions committee will take pity because they feel bad for you. 

Newsflash: the “sympathy approach” likely is not going to work. A lot of prospective students have gone through the divorce of their parents, the death of a friend or family member, medical issues, disabilities, mental health issues, accidents, etc. 

If you do want to include these life-changing or identity-forming events, they must be used to explain how they shaped you as a person, what you learned, and how you handled adversity. Show how you grew as a person or how your worldview and character were altered to make you into the excellent college candidate you are today.

Examples of “sympathy essays”

• “Everyone around me kept me from succeeding.”  Like the lyrics of an early-2000’s rock song, some application essays foreground their experiences on a canvas of pain and oppression by all the people around them. This is just self-defeating. Even if something happened that changed your plans, upset you, or harmed you in some way, reframe your story to show how you were able to shift your priorities and succeed after you learned what you were unable to do.
• “Becoming injured my senior year ruined my plans.”  If you are an athlete and suffered a career or scholarship-ending injury, that is a big deal. But your potential doesn’t just disappear because of a setback. Whatever events and influences made you who you were before are still more important than a single unfortunate occurrence in your past. 

Your Application Essay Gives You All the Credit

While you may have top SAT scores, a high GPA, and lots of awards, don’t forget this one simple truth: there are always bigger fish in the sea. No matter how good of an applicant you are, there will be someone better based on whatever metric you are proud of. 

So what should you write about in your college application essay to stand out from the many overachievers?

Try humility and perspective. Don’t forget to give credit where credit is due. No person is an island, so in your essay you can give recognition to those who helped you along the way. Try not to belittle or minimize the contribution of your high school teachers or mentors. Admissions counselors, as educational professionals, will be looking to see if you are ready to interact with the next level of academic educators. So including friends, family members, and mentors who helped you grow and develop could be a good topic for your college personal statement.

Examples of “giving yourself all the credit” in an essay

• “I was valedictorian and did it all by myself.”  You should be proud of your academic achievements, as they are important for your college application among other goals. However, give credit to someone who helped you learn. You didn’t teach yourself!
• “In the end, I found the only person I could rely on was myself.”  Some students come from very tough backgrounds, and so it can be tempting for these students to stress this in their essay. But remember that college admissions offices want you to add value to the university community as a college student at their school. Even the smartest students cannot do this if they fail to acknowledge the contributions of others. 

Your Personal Statement Has Not Received Proofreading or Editing

A sure way to get your college essay thrown aside is to have it full of grammar and spelling mistakes. The college admissions process is very competitive, and you need every edge you can get. You should spend a substantial portion of your essay preparation editing and proofreading after writing your personal statement.

Start by reviewing and revising the essay yourself. Read it aloud. Run it through a couple of online spelling and grammar checkers. And start early on each college application–at least two weeks before the application deadline. You should also consider giving your admissions essay to a friend, parent, or teacher to review. This can help you improve your essay in many ways because other people can give quite different perspectives. 

Check out the  Benefits of Peer Review vs Self-Editing .

Finally, you should look into using an application essay proofreading and editing service to revise and improve your application essay. Just as peer review is superior to self-editing alone, professional proofreading services and application essay editing services are superior to peer review. The hard truth is that too many other students (your competition) are going above and beyond in preparing these important essays. Being short on time and expertise makes using an editing and proofreading service a good solution.

How Does Wordvice Improve Your College Application Essay?

Wordvice editors  are required to have graduate or postgraduate degrees. This means you are getting guaranteed expertise compared to other services, which typically only require editors to hold a bachelor’s degree. Wordvice is also among the top-rated  essay editing services  and personal statement editing services by Wired.com. We achieved this recognition by following the  Wordvice Customer Promise . That means providing value to every student and every personal statement we edit. 

Additional Admissions Essay Steps to Take

We hope you learned a lot from these examples of successful college personal statements. So what’s next?

I want to learn more about the college admissions process

Interested in learning more tips from experts about the college admissions process, personal statements, or letters of recommendation? Check out the  Wordvice Admissions Resource blog .

I am interested in professional editing for my personal statement

We also got you covered! Check out our  English editing services to get started on improving your college essays. Or jump straight in and use our  editing price calculator to get an editing price quote and start the ordering process.

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Eight Common College Essay Mistakes

How to avoid the common mistakes.

Staring at a blank screen wondering what the heck to say in your college essay? We feel you. Personal essays can be among the most challenging communications to craft. Sometimes it’s almost easier to start with what not to write, so we’ve put together some of the most common mistakes we see students make when drafting college essays. Use this list as a starting point (and head in the opposite direction!).

College Essay Don’ts:

• Don’t: Use overly formal language and structure.  College essays are more informal in tone and style than what you’d write for school, and voice is a critical component of the essay: this essay should sound like you! Not your mom, your English teacher, or your family friend who is a professional writer. (Trust us, admissions officers can tell.)
• Don’t: List everything you’ve ever done. There’s no need to cram your life into one 650-word essay. Save all those extracurriculars for the application’s Activities section.
• Don’t: Be vague. Specific details help your essay pop and take it from good to great.
• Don’t: Tell instead of show. If you find yourself listing your positive attributes instead of sharing a story that illustrates those qualities, it’s time to reevaluate.
• Don’t: Write about overcoming an obstacle if you haven’t overcome one. Some students think they have to write about failures, challenges, or difficulties they’ve faced.  Not everyone has experienced life-altering obstacles yet – and that’s okay! You have other stories to tell.
• Don’t: Focus on someone else. There may be a really influential person in your life, and you may be able to write a great essay about that relationship, but don’t spend 650 words talking about how awesome that person is. You’re the one applying to college!
• Don’t: Share your essay with too many people. If you ask for feedback from 47 people, you will get 47 different responses, which can get confusing. Pick just a couple people you really trust to read your essay when you’re ready for feedback.
• Don’t: Wait until the last minute. The essay process can be exciting, empowering, and, dare we say it, fun – but not if you’re rushed. Get started early and you’ll stress less while giving that essay room to grow and breathe! After all, writing is a process, and it requires time and attention.

For more college essay guidance, check out these recordings of our recent college essay webinars. If you need more tips or support on structuring your college essay, contact us today.

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College admissions

Course: college admissions   >   unit 4.

• Writing a strong college admissions essay
• Avoiding common admissions essay mistakes
• Brainstorming tips for your college essay
• How formal should the tone of your college essay be?
• Taking your college essay to the next level
• Sample essay 1 with admissions feedback
• Sample essay 2 with admissions feedback
• Student story: Admissions essay about a formative experience
• Student story: Admissions essay about personal identity
• Student story: Admissions essay about community impact

Student story: Admissions essay about a past mistake

• Student story: Admissions essay about a meaningful poem
• Writing tips and techniques for your college essay

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Video transcript

Don’t Make These Mistakes in Your College Essay

We have been reading admissions essays for over thirteen years now, and we have identified the three most common mistakes students make while writing their college essays. So don’t:

Repeat the prompt in your essay

You only have so many words, sometimes as many as 1,000 in the case of Villanova , and sometimes as few as 150 in the case of Harvard . Don’t waste words regurgitating the same prompt admissions officers have already read a thousand times. They know the prompts by heart, trust us. Also, it’s plain boring! Start your essay off with something that hooks the reader, not puts them to sleep. 

Try to sound like an academic

You’re a teenager with a soon-to-be High School diploma, admissions officers aren’t expecting you to sound like the most well-read PhD student on the planet! Word choice is important to convey meaning and capture the moment, but there’s no need for you to be using words you wouldn’t use in everyday life. It will come off as phony and manufactured.

Use cliches

We know you know cliches are on the outs, but it bears repeating, don’t use cliches! Your grandma might think you’re the diamond in the rough, one in a million, and a needle in a haystack (and you may very well be!), but find another way to describe yourself that doesn’t include phrases old ladies use over bridge. There are other ways to emphasize your uniqueness. 

Do you prefer getting your information in video format? Check out our video on this topic below!

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Category: Admissions , advice , College Admissions , Essay Tips , Essay Writing , Supplemental Essays , Tips , Uncategorized

Tags: 2017-18 college admissions , 2017-18 college applications , 2017-18 common application , Admissions , admissions essay , College , college admissions , college admissions essay , college application help , college applications , college essay , college essay advice , college essay advising , college essay advisors , college essay help , essay help , essay mistakes , essay prompts , essay tips , essay writing , essay writing help , personal statement , writing mistakes

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September 26, 2017

10 Pet Peeves in College Admissions Essays

There are a number of mistakes students make in their college admissions essays, mistakes that significantly hurt their cases for admission. But there are certain mistakes that so many students make each and every year that we figured we’d highlight for the loyal readers of our college admissions blog in the hope that maybe, just maybe it’ll dissuade students from writing these sorts of things in their admissions essays in future years. These sorts of mistakes, mistakes committed not only within the Common Application Personal Statement but also within supplemental essays are, in our view, egregious blunders.

1. Dialogue. While there can be exceptions, when college applicants start off their essays with dialogue, it typically reads as juvenile.

2. Webster’s Dictionary definitions. Thanks for letting us know how Webster’s Dictionary defines a word. An admissions officer is hoping to gain insight into you. If they wanted to study the dictionary, certainly they could find a Webster’s Dictionary somewhere.

3. Life lessons. That time you fell down in a track meet but got back up and realized the importance of perseverance — you bet it rings as cliché. Big time.

4. Starting too many sentences with ‘I’. Mix it up. “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.” It’s not all about you. And if you’ve never seen “The Brady Bunch,” you surely won’t understand our reference but we’re ok with that.

5. Spelling and grammatical errors. Yes, it’s obvious. But sometimes we feel the need to state the obvious. Proofread every word of every sentence of every essay. It’s rare when we read an essay that we didn’t work on with a student that doesn’t have spelling and / or grammatical errors.

6. Subtle or not-so-subtle brags . Don’t try to impress. You’re going to turn admissions officers off. Don’t write about winning some competition. That’s an award to list under Honors. It’s not something you should be writing about in essays.

7. Generic sentences in Why College essays. “I want to go to UPenn because the school offers a great liberal arts education.” Fantastic. So does every other highly selective school. You’re fooling nobody that you wrote that sentence specifically for UPenn.

8. Windows into your youth. College admissions officers want to read about you in the present day. They don’t want to read about what you were like as an eight year-old. Bring your story into the present — from the beginning.

9. Disparaging others. Don’t put down classmates or others to try to make yourself look better. It’ll have the opposite impact.

10. Summaries. Admissions officers didn’t forget what you wrote earlier on in the essay. They aren’t goldfish. There’s no need to repeat things. Use all of the real estate you have to offer new insights.

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Does the US college essay still have value?

Now that it has moved so far from its original purpose – and is often written by AI or a ghostwriter – what purpose does the US college application essay actually serve?

Warren Emanuel

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AI will change the world. Already, we can see ways in which widely available AI tools are shaping education , from enhanced curricular design to renewed focus on academic integrity in schools and universities.

So it stands to reason that the link between these institutions – the college application – would be similarly affected. And yet AI is hardly the only force acting upon the college application. The United States Supreme Court’s decision to ban the use of race in admissions decisions too will reshape what information universities request from applicants and how students choose to provide it.

Given the dynamics at play, it seems an appropriate time to re-evaluate the college essay and its intended purpose. 

The US college essay: a brief history

For the purposes of this exercise, let’s consider the college essay as the primary essay or personal statement required by the Common Application or by individual universities as part of the university application in the US.

It is important to note, however, that the term “college essay” is an oversimplification. In the US alone, there are myriad forms that the college essay or personal statement can take, including the Common Application essay. Yet not every applicant will use the Common Application to apply to university, or there might be university-specific supplemental essays required along with a personal statement.

Furthermore, there are key differences between the US college essay and the UK personal statement. 

An inauspicious beginning

The origin of the application essay is not one that reflects well on US universities. The application essay traces its roots to early 20th-century antisemitism, with the “character-based application” used predominantly as a tool to keep unwanted minority groups out of prestigious institutions. Those curious to learn more might read The Chosen ,  by sociology professor Jerome Karabel.

The college application essay, of course, evolved. And so for several decades, along with a combination of academic transcript, standardised testing and letter of recommendation, it remained a tool by which admissions offices throughout the US could assess an applicant’s preparedness to succeed at that particular institution.

Embracing the mass

Marketing guru and social thinker Seth Godin frequently writes about our historical movement towards the mass: mass production, mass communication, mass marketing. Perhaps curiously, the college essay was included in this shift.

The Common Application, a convenient and free application form accepted by more than 1,000 schools globally, requires one primary college essay. It offers students a choice of six essay prompts, and a seventh, “topic of your choice”, each with a word limit of 650 words.

Until somewhat recently, there were only five prompts, and a limit of merely 500 words. Applicants thus had to embrace the mass, to find a way to stand out slightly within a rather rigid mass-market application structure.

For decades it worked. It was imperfect, but it worked. The college essay retained a dual purpose of articulating academic and intellectual preparedness through the use of grammar, syntax, styles and mechanics, along with values and interests (drivers of fit) through content.

Tipping point

Like so many practices and processes before it, the college-admissions process reached a tipping point fuelled by the confluence of globalisation, ranking systems, cost, prestige and shifting cultural values.

Colleges and universities no longer had to sort through applicants to assess who was qualified to attend. Instead, they had to sort through the qualified applicants to determine which of them fit the institutional values and needs in that particular year, all while shaping (somewhat) diverse communities.

Preparedness remained an integral purpose of the college essay. Yet more than ever, an applicant’s voice, interests and values needed to shine through, so that admissions offices could assess the nebulous concept of fit.

Increasingly, applicants were instructed to “be unique” – which, while well intentioned, is not particularly helpful advice. The college essay peaked in importance, required to convey so much more than perhaps originally intended.

The college essay, disrupted

The US Merriam-Webster dictionary should consider “disrupt” the word of the year, to reflect the current infatuation with disrupting absolutely everything. Of course, sometimes we need a little disruptive behaviour. Other times, disruption occurs before we fully consider the implications.

It was fascinating to read that Duke  University – and likely other institutions – no longer assumes that applicants write their own college essays . This invites many questions:

• Is it OK if applicants are not writing their own essays?
• Who (ghostwriters) or what (AI) is writing them?
• How does an admissions committee assess preparedness if essays are inauthentic and testing is optional?
• What is the new purpose of the essay?

Contrary to any inclination towards fear or scepticism, there is ample reason to believe that the college essay, which has undergone multiple evolutions already, can still be beneficial to both applicant and admissions office. Consider the following questions:

• Is the applicant able to use modern tools, including AI, with integrity?
• Does the applicant share meaningful lived experience in a thoughtful and reflective way?
• Can the applicant convey authentic personal values and interests?

Within these rhetorical questions, the current purpose of the college essay is found. Certainly many applicants will continue to pen their own essays without AI assistance for years to come.

But even for those who use AI or rely on a ghostwriter, it is worth remembering that the shift away from preparedness as the primary purpose of the college essay began long ago, and that values, interests and voice still have merit. 

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David French

Israel Is Making the Same Mistake America Made in Iraq

By David French

Opinion Columnist

As the war in Gaza reaches its six-month mark, I’m getting a disturbing sense of déjà vu. Israel is facing many of the same challenges that America faced in Iraq, and it is making many of the same mistakes.

When I read my colleagues Aaron Boxerman and Iyad Abuheweila’s outstanding report last week about Israel’s recent fight to take Al Shifa hospital after raiding it last year , this sentence caught my attention: “But as the war ground on, Israeli forces closed in on the hospital again in mid-March in an attempt to root out what they said was a renewed insurgency by Palestinian armed groups in northern Gaza.”

Think of those words: “renewed insurgency.” That means Israel was doing exactly what we did for much of the Iraq war — fighting again over ground we had presumably already seized. And the sad reality of those terrible battles reminded me of a seemingly counterintuitive truth: In the fight against terrorists, providing humanitarian aid isn’t just a moral imperative; it’s a military necessity.

The terrible civilian toll and looming famine in Gaza are a human tragedy that should grieve us all; they are also directly relevant to the outcome of the war. A modern army like Israel’s can absolutely defeat Hamas in a direct confrontation, regardless of whether it provides aid to civilians. But as we’ve learned in our own wars abroad, it cannot preserve its victory unless it meets Gazans’ most basic needs.

So far most international attention has focused on Israel’s conduct at the tip of the spear. The question that dominates the discourse is whether Israel’s behavior as it battles Hamas complies with the laws of war and Israel’s own moral standards. That is a vital question — one worth answering in full when the fog of war clears — but the war may well be decided after the first phase of combat, when Israel faces a different set of legal and moral obligations, the obligations of an occupying power.

I want to be very precise and clear here. By “occupying power,” I do not mean that Israel should permanently conquer (much less settle) Gazan territory. I’m referring to the technical legal status of an invading army once it attains control of an invaded region. Think of the laws of war as operating in phases, with Phase 1 regulating the combat operations of the initial attack and Phase 2 regulating the way in which an attacking force governs the territory it controls — before the transition to permanent civilian control.

Decisive and effective military action can inflict immense losses on your enemies, but the initial strikes and even the initial invasion don’t just inflict losses; they create a vacuum. Hamas wasn’t just the dominant military force in Gaza; it was also the government. Removing Hamas from power can mean something very much like de-Baathification in Iraq. It destroys the civil service and removes the means of maintaining civil order.

Unless the same military that creates the vacuum fills that vacuum, either with its own effective administration or an allied administration, then the enemy maintains an opening. It has hope. That’s why words like “renewed insurgency” or “infiltrated back to the north” are so ominous. They’re a sign that the vacuum has not been filled and there is room for Hamas to revive.

But that vacuum has to be filled in a very specific way — with an eye toward the safety and security of the civilian population. It’s not simply a matter of control. It’s also a matter of justice and sustenance. The U.S. military’s Commander’s Handbook on the Law of Land Warfare, for example, is very clear: If the United States is the occupying power, it must provide food and clean water. It must provide law and order. It cannot leave the civilian population to fend for itself.

In fact, that was the central failure of the first phase of the Iraq war. Our forces — much like the Israeli military — proved remarkably lethal and effective in urban combat. But we were ineffective in maintaining civil society or the rule of law. Iraqis’ hunger and thirst didn’t make the news as much as the Gazan plight does today. They did experience anarchy, though, and that anarchy almost cost America the war. We went for the quick win, and we ended up embroiled in one of our longest conflicts.

Even worse, that anarchy might well have represented our most consequential violation of the laws of war during the entire conflict. While mistaken strikes, tragic accidents and scandals like the prisoner abuse at Abu Ghraib marred the American military effort, our combat operations as a whole were precise and targeted and often exceeded the requirements of the law of armed conflict.

Our initial occupation, however, was a disaster, and that disaster didn’t just lay the groundwork for the years of war that followed; it also represented a failure to uphold our legal obligations to the people who were temporarily under our jurisdiction and control.

The American military turned the tide during the surge by adopting a fundamentally different approach. Our mantra was “protect the population.” When we engaged in offensive operations, we didn’t strike and immediately move; we struck and stayed . We made sure that families were safe, that food supplies were secure and that markets could reopen. We put ourselves in the middle of cities and towns and rural communities until we were certain there was no power vacuum left to be filled. It was hard, dangerous and slow, but it worked.

To discuss the obligations of an occupying power, however, is to bring up an aspect of the Gaza war that no one wants to embrace. On the American right, too many people labor under the delusion that the war can and should be deadly, decisive and fast. Speaking to Hugh Hewitt on Thursday, Donald Trump complained that Israel is “losing the P.R. war.” And what was his solution? Israel has “got to finish what they started, and they’ve got to finish it fast, and we have to get on with life.”

The Republicans cheering this kind of talk are signaling that they’ve learned nothing. “Finish this fast,” and you don’t finish it at all. You leave behind bodies, you create mountains of rubble, and your enemy rejoices. All you’ve done with this “quick” victory is demonstrate to the local population both a lack of regard for their lives and a lack of will to truly defeat your foe. Hamas will crawl out of its tunnels and rule Gaza yet again.

To even begin to discuss the obligations of occupation is to raise an entirely different set of objections. Isn’t occupation the source of the conflict? Won’t direct Israeli control only serve to inflame the wounds that caused the conflict in the first place? But there is a difference between a power that complies with the law of war through temporary provision of humanitarian assistance and civil authority and a power that defies the law of war through conquest and settlement.

That’s why the Biden administration’s approach thus far is far superior to Trump’s. The latter approach, which emphasizes a fast fight and quick conclusion, is actually deeply harmful. It’s a formula for immense human suffering and eventual military defeat. Though I have some qualms with the details of the Biden administration’s approach, its directional thrust — providing military aid while exerting relentless pressure for increased humanitarian efforts — is superior. It’s much closer to matching the military, legal and moral needs of the moment.

In fact, Biden’s approach is getting results. After he reportedly threatened to condition future military aid on concrete Israeli steps to aid Palestinian civilians, Israel reopened a vital border crossing . That’s the path forward. Aid civilians as much as possible while giving Israel the weapons it needs to prevail against Hamas and deter a full-scale shooting war with Hezbollah and Iran.

Six months into the war, we cannot forget its immediate cause. Hamas’s massacre of Israeli civilians means that Israel possesses both the legal right and moral obligation to its people to end Hamas’s rule and destroy its effectiveness as a fighting force. Hamas continues to hold Israeli hostages and reportedly rejected a proposal as far back as February for a second cease-fire and release of hostages.

The moral urgency of destroying Hamas remains, but it is a profound mistake to think that defeating it in battle is at odds with the legal and moral obligation of a large-scale humanitarian effort to feed and protect the civilians of Gaza. In fact, the two goals are inextricably linked. Fail at either one, and Israel may ultimately face its most consequential defeat.

The Times is committed to publishing a diversity of letters to the editor. We’d like to hear what you think about this or any of our articles. Here are some tips . And here’s our email: [email protected] .

Follow the New York Times Opinion section on Facebook , Instagram , TikTok , WhatsApp , X and Threads .

David French is an Opinion columnist, writing about law, culture, religion and armed conflict. He is a veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom and a former constitutional litigator. His most recent book is “Divided We Fall: America’s Secession Threat and How to Restore Our Nation .” You can follow him on Threads ( @davidfrenchjag ).